Page 9

JACKSON

“Stop.” I push at his chest. My hands are small, too small, and panic floods my system. My feet flail, striking a solid wall that descends over me. “Don’t touch me.”

“No one’s here to save you, pretty boy.”

A cruel laugh echoes, bouncing around in my skull until it morphs into a child’s sobs. I press my palms to my ears, but the cries only become louder.

I attempt to scream, to call for help, but it’s trapped in my chest and only emerges as a faint whisper. “It’s not real.”

It’s not real.

It’s not real.

Drenched in sweat and trembling, I gasp for air, my unfocused gaze fixed straight ahead, my mind locked in darkness.

My least favorite demons have come out to play. I must have done a shit ton of coke, drinking, and whatever else, because these withdrawals are kicking my ass— hard .

Detox is the fucking worst.

Cravings, nausea, mood swings, feeling utterly miserable, migraines, and, this time around, terrifying nightmares.

I’ve had them in the past, which contributed to my addiction.

I’d get blackout drunk to avoid them, avoid seeing the monster in my head.

The vivid, warped memories intensify during withdrawals, making the vicious cycle nearly impossible to escape.

The only thing standing between me and a bottle of vodka and oxy is Aurora.

But I can’t go to her. If I do and she refuses me, which she most likely will, it’ll be my undoing.

I’m in a dark place, and she doesn’t deserve to deal with my addiction on top of everything else. I won’t do that to her again.

After days of nonstop vomiting, severe headaches, and nightmares, life feels unbearable. If I don’t reach out for help, I might succumb, and then I’ll have no chance of recovery.

Despite our confrontation, my gut tells me Ethan is the person to call, and I won’t lie: I wish he were here. He’d set me straight, or at least put me out of my misery.

He picks up on the first ring. “Give me a minute.” A rustling of clothes, and then his gruff rumble softens to that gentle tone all men use with their girlfriends. “I’ll be right back.”

They’re together. My stomach knots, and tears sting my eyes.

“Is everything okay?” Aurora .

Her sweet voice steals my breath, and knowing it’s not directed at me is a dagger plunged into my heart.

“I’ll take care of it. Sleep, love. You have an early morning.”

Love? Really? Just fucking kill me now. I suppress a sob and ask, “Can I talk to her?”

His response is quiet but firm. “No.” Two doors shut before he speaks again. “Where are you?”

I don’t answer. My mind is focused on one thing. “You’re in New York.”

If he’s with Aurora, he left the team, and that’s alarming.

“Yes, and it’s three a.m.” His rough tone gives nothing away. He could be jet-lagged, pissed, or his crotchety self.

“Is she alright?”

“No, she’s exhausted and devastated.”

What did I expect? Sunshine and rainbows? No, but I’d prefer anger over pain. Still, I can’t believe he would leave the team unless…

“Is the baby okay?”

With one hundred percent certainty, I’d jump out the window if my fuck-up harmed her pregnancy.

“As far as we know.” There’s a brief pause. “Where are you, Jax?”

“Home.” Humbling myself—which isn’t much—I spell it out. “I need help. I was hoping you—” My voice breaks, and I swallow to wet my dry throat. “Can you send the trainer or doctor? They only listen to you.”

“Detox, or for some STD?”

“Fuck off. I should have known calling you was a mistake.” I’m tempted to hang up, but I have no one left.

“I’m asking as your coach. You think I enjoy being put in this position? Where I have to choose between my captain and…”

He trails off, giving me a glimmer of hope, since he can’t clearly define their relationship.

“… the woman I want to be with? You think I enjoy watching you break her and destroy what little trust she had in either of us? You’ve ruined everything. Grow up and answer the question so I know what I’m dealing with.”

“I. Didn’t. Fuck. Anyone.” Even though the words are uttered through clenched teeth, it’s hard to embody outrage when your heart is shattered and your body is weak.

“So, detox? Withdrawals?”

“Yes, fucking awful. I couldn’t drag myself out of bed if I wanted to. And believe me, I want to.”

“You need to go to rehab.”

People assume rehab is some quick fix. You go, they wave a magic wand, and poof! Addiction disappears. I went. I was agitated and paranoid at being locked up, and when I returned to the real world, my problems had multiplied.

“I don’t need rehab. I’ve tried it. I need her … I need you .”

He falls silent. I can picture him clenching his jaw and giving me that death glare. “I’m notifying the doctor. Have you taken a drug test?”

“No, but I’ll enroll in the league’s substance use program and accept whatever suspension they impose.”

Ethan releases a frustrated growl, likely because I’m fucking up his dream season. “Why would you do this, Jackson? You’ve lost everything. You could’ve reached out to anyone on the team for help. Why would you party before a big game? It makes no sense, not even for you.”

Isn’t that the million-dollar question? Could I have handled Kyle without meeting him at the Hard Rock? What made me grab that first drink?

I’m on the brink of lying. It’s much easier to pretend to be rich, spoiled, and not give a fuck than to admit I’m…broken? Lost? Ashamed?

Besides, I learned a long time ago that no one cares.

“What did he do or say to get you there?” Ethan asks.

I’m so shaken by his skill at connecting the dots, the truth tumbles out. “He has pictures of you and Aurora together. He threatened to publicize our relationship, have you fired, and ruin Aurora’s reputation.”

I scoffed when Kyle said he’d expose my character. Never did I think that meant setting me up to lose Aurora. My addiction, the slew of mental health disorders I’ve been diagnosed with, being in a situationship with another man—any of that, I was prepared for and okay with.

If I had known cheating was what he was aiming for, I would’ve never left my hotel room.

“You should have told me. I’m not your fucking rival!” Ethan shouts. “You walked right into his trap, gave him precisely what he wanted. If I hadn’t been ready for the consequences, would I have stood with you and Aurora at the arena?”

I squeeze my eyes shut to ward off the impending migraine.

My voice is hoarse from throwing up, my tone flat from sleep deprivation. “For her, yeah. You’d endure anything for her, but it doesn’t matter. The damage is done, and you two are fine…” My words trail off, this headache slamming into me.

“We are not fine! Aurora is not fine!”

I don’t know why he’s so angry, but he’s not helping this piercing pain.

“Jax!”

I jolt at Ethan calling my name.

“Jax!”

“Hm?”

“I’m texting Doc. Are you at your place downtown?”

“Yup,” I mumble.

“Okay, he’s on his way. Can you let him in?”

“The doorman will. The elevator opens into my penthouse.”

There’s silence, and I concentrate on breathing through the pulsing behind my eyes.

“You know,” he says, releasing a defeated sigh, “part of me wishes I could sit back and smile while you fuck it all up. But this hurts Aurora, and I can’t do that.

She extended her contract in New York and started looking at apartments.

If she stays here, I swear, I’ll kill you myself.

You need to get your shit together and fix this. ”

I rise too fast, and the glaring headache pummels me, knocking me down. “Don’t fuck with me. What are you implying?”

He can’t want me with her. Not with my problems. Not with a baby.

“She’ll forgive you for relapsing if you stay sober. If you can do that, I’ll support you. I’ll talk to her.”

“Are you serious?” My heart races, tears threaten my eyes, and my throat constricts with emotion.

“I was sober for months. I can’t explain why I picked up that first drink, but I’ll never do it again.

I’ll never put myself in that situation.

I’ll do anything.” Those last three words are strained, the biggest plea of my life.

“I know you will. Be honest with her. She believes you rushed out to get laid as soon as she left. She thinks she’s not good enough. It’s messing with her head.”

That uncomfortable lump in my throat throbs painfully. “I wouldn’t sleep with anyone else. I can’t sleep with anyone else. I didn’t.”

“You embarrassed her. Emily was the one who told her. I eased that sting a bit. You can thank me later.”

Smug bastard.

And Emily? Does the universe hate me?

“Are you always an asshole? What did you do?”

“Surprised her in Central Park. Made out like two teenagers.”

Given Ethan’s paranoia toward anything public, that’s a massive step, but there’s no way in hell I’m wasting this opportunity to bust his balls.

“Funny, old man, considering she’s not much older than a teenager. Did you buy her cotton candy and take her on the Ferris wheel too?” Despite my cracked lips, I can’t help but grin.

“Wow.” He drags out the word. “Thanks for reminding me why I hate you.”

“Don’t worry, the feeling is mutual.”