Page 16

JACKSON

New York is fucking cold and miserable. I’ve never liked it here.

I pull down my baseball cap to conceal my face and gaze at Aurora through her bedroom window. If anyone notices me, I’m bound to be arrested for being a creepy stalker.

She’s cozy in bed reading, a cute smile on her face, adorable and peaceful, and I’m about to blow it all to hell.

Seeing her has me fucked up, questioning if pursuing her is the right thing.

All the controlling shit I did to keep her—buying the house in Santa Monica, canceling her gigs, pissing off Emily—only hurt her.

And I’d do it again.

I’d spend every dime I had on her. She doesn’t need to work, and she doesn’t need to be around that vile influence. The only thing I did right was hire Ricky, and I regret it simply because I’m jealous.

This is who I am. It’s inside me; it won’t disappear when I walk through that apartment door.

Paralyzed with uncertainty, I stare at the daylight to my darkness, a thousand thoughts racing through my mind. My endgame is her, and I’ll do whatever it takes. If that makes me selfish, so be it, but I only want Aurora.

And maybe Ethan.

For most of my life, I didn’t think I was capable of love, but I undoubtedly love her and the baby.

Still, I’m toxic. Even sober, there’s Kyle. He’s a danger, but I can’t walk away. It’s too late.

When my mother died, I was old enough to understand Kyle’s cruelty but too young to save her. They never married, but he used his position of authority to trap her. He’d threaten to take full custody of me if she ever left—or worse, kill us both.

She tried to protect me to the best of her ability. She put herself in front of me or pushed his buttons to redirect his focus.

Nothing compares to the helplessness of watching my mother get beaten—not even my own abuse. Alone with Kyle or his sick fucking friends, I learned to disassociate, but with her, I never could.

Around twelve, something within me snapped. All that fear and powerlessness turned to rage, and I refused to cower like the little bitch he thought I was.

I couldn’t physically defeat him, but it didn’t prevent me from trying.

When physical force failed, I made his life hell. I became his worst nightmare.

I rebelled at every prestigious private school he sent me to, engaging in drugs and violence.

He received nonstop calls, and I received repeated suspensions and expulsions.

I vandalized property and committed other crimes, getting arrested and making him the laughingstock of the police force.

I stole his alcohol and pills, depleted his stash, got wasted. Eventually, addiction became my escape.

By fourteen, I needed to be locked in some facility, but my actions kept Kyle’s attention on me and my mother relatively safe.

Everything changed one brutal night, when Kyle thought he’d teach me a lesson by sending me to jail, but it backfired. I showed up to juvie with cracked ribs, a split lip, a broken nose, and a gash in my brow, courtesy of my father, and people started asking questions.

A social worker was called to complete an assessment, and, feeling safe, I talked. Whatever transpired after scared Kyle enough to send me to boarding school in Canada.

Far away from my mother.

She ended her life during my first semester, before I could get back to her. Whether it was truly intentional doesn’t matter. I’ll never forgive myself. If I had kept my mouth shut, she might still be alive. I left her helpless against a monster, and I won’t do that a second time.

I stand at Aurora’s door, awash in déjà vu and Kyle’s taunting words.

“I’ll take her away, and you’ll never see her again.”

“I’ll bury her. Is that what you want?”

“I’ll kill her, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

Words once aimed at my mother now threaten the only person besides her to ever love me.

The only other person I’ve ever loved.

With a deep breath, I gather my courage and knock on the plain white door.

No doorbell, no cameras, no security. Only a keypad.

The main entrance wasn’t even locked.

I don’t like it at all. The hallway and stairwell are too dark, the terrace easily accessible, and I could see Aurora’s bedroom from the street, for fuck’s sake.

So, when she opens without hesitation, I ask, “Did you check who it was?”

Her smile falls, and her eyes widen. “I should have.”

She goes to shut the door in my face, but I wedge my boot in the opening and shoulder my way in. I slam it behind me, and she spins around, startled.

In leggings and a hoodie— my hoodie —she takes my breath away.

I urge myself to remain calm, but all rational thought vanishes with her in front of me. The pull to her is unlike anything I’ve ever felt. She’s my other half, ripped from me, and my skin is torn raw without her.

She stands rigid, her eyes filled with fear. “Get out.”

“I have something to tell you.” My voice shakes, and my teeth rattle with nerves.

She crosses her arms over her chest and scoffs. “Spare me the details. I know enough.”

I swallow hard, my throat thick with emotion. “It’s not about the pictures.”

Her expression changes to one of horror, a hand flying to her mouth while the other drops to her stomach. “Oh my God. Please don’t tell me you have some STD.”

I throw my hands in the air. “Jesus fucking Christ! For the millionth time, I did not cheat on you!” My temper skyrockets, and I find myself in her face. “I. Did. Not. Fuck. Anyone!”

Her chin quivers. She stares up at me, tears clinging to her eyelashes, and I see myself in her reflection, furious and towering over her.

A monster.

I drop to my knees and beg. “I’m sorry. I know I fucked up. I won’t scream at you again.”

Her jaw tightens, her words barely above a whisper. “Get out.”

“Please.” My eyes well with tears that blur my vision. “I swear to you, nothing happened.”

“Get out, Jackson.”

I blink the tears away. “Let me explain.”

“GET! OUT!”

She has never yelled at me, and her agonizing cry slices through me, destroying what’s left of my sanity.

“I’m. Not. Leaving.” I rise to my feet but don’t crowd her. “I didn’t do it! Be mad. Yell at me. Hit me. I fucked up! But I did absolutely nothing with those girls.”

“Hmm. Where have I heard that before?” She has lost all trust in me, but I can earn it back. I’ve done it once. I’ll do it again. “Just leave, Jackson.”

But that, I can’t do. “Tell me what to do. I’ll do anything.” I dare to take a step closer. “I love you.”

“You don’t know what love is.” Her voice is strained, and she struggles to speak more than a few words.

“That’s not true.” I place a hand on my aching chest. “I know I love you because it hurts so fucking much. I love you unconditionally?—”

“Stop.”

“You’re taking a job in New York? I guess we’re living in New York. You want to be with Ethan? Fine. I’ll get a bigger house. You’re having a baby? We’re having a baby. You refuse to talk to me? I’ll be here waiting, caring for you. The only thing I won’t do is be without you.”

With each word, I inch closer.

“Last time, you hurt me.” She sucks in a shaky inhale. “But I saw it coming. This time, you blew my whole fucking world apart, ripped my heart right out of my chest. I can’t even look at you without seeing those pictures, seeing what likely happened after.”

Tears stream down her beautiful face, and it hurts to breathe, my heart shattering along with hers.

“Nothing happened. I can prove it to you.” I reach out, in need of our connection.

She pulls away, hugging her arms tight to her body. “Don’t touch me!”

“Let me hold you. Let me make this up to you, please . I’ll do anything to fix this.” I’d take her pain if I wasn’t consumed with it already.

“No,” she grits through her teeth. “You lost the right to touch me when you touched someone else. You’ll never touch me again.”

I shake my head. The idea of never being with her is a death sentence. “Don’t say that.”

“You’ll never touch me again,” she repeats with conviction.

I tug at my hair, my thoughts a jumble of madness. I can’t stand how she glares at me, as if it’s over, as if she’s already made her mind up.

“You’ll kill me, Aurora. Is that what you want? Because that’s exactly what will happen.”