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Harper

“We would like to welcome Nick O’Connor to the lineup. We are so excited to have you at the desk with us!” I stared in disbelief at those blindingly white teeth that I’d come to hate as he was welcomed on to SC News’s daytime show.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” I cursed as I stared at Nick on the screen.

“Please don’t spill coffee all over the counter!” Jamil called from his bedroom. “It’s just an innocent bystander.”

I glanced down at the coffee pot in my hand and gently put it down on the counter.

“What happened?” he asked as he emerged from his bedroom, looking freshly showered.

“Did you go for a run?” I asked.

“I needed it after this last series in Florida. I think my body is hitting that time in the season where I’m starting to feel it.”

“And you didn’t wake me up to go with you?”

Jamil pointed a finger at me. “Don’t try to distract from whatever is happening.” He walked up behind me and looked at the television. “Is that your coworker?”

“Yes, it is,” I sighed, waiting for anger to consume me, but was left feeling rather numb.

Jamil studied me as he weighed his next words. “And he got a host job?”

“It appears that way.”

“And you still haven’t heard anything from your boss?

” He looked at me like he was waiting for me to explode or go on a rant about how unfair it was for Nick to get this opportunity before me after all I’ve done for the company, but I suddenly no longer had it in me to make that argument.

Why waste my breath when it’s never done any good before?

“He and I talked while we were still in Florida about the content he’s expecting from me the remainder of this season.”

“But he hasn’t mentioned anything about next year?”

Jamil’s growing outrage was rather touching.

At least one of us still cared about my aspirations.

Seeing Nick’s face on my television only confirmed for me that the goalposts were constantly moving, adjusting, and forcing me to do more— be more —before I could be rewarded.

I was beginning to wonder if I wanted to unsubscribe from the entire game and go somewhere else where I could achieve my dreams.

“He hasn’t.”

Jamil hung his head, looking crushed enough for the both of us. “What are you going to do?”

The heaviness in his eyes told me he understood how my options were dwindling and soon I’d be forced to choose—stay stagnant and unfulfilled or take a chance on something greater.

“I have no idea. I hadn’t even truly thought it would ever get to this point.

I’ve delivered two great interviews for the network that have brought in viewership and revenue.

Yet that still isn’t enough.” I hated how defeated I sounded.

This job had sucked nearly all the life out of me. “I can’t take another year of this.”

Even the strongest of warriors lost faith after they’d been taken advantage of for too long.

“Maybe it’s time you start to hedge your bets and figure out some backup plans.

” I buried myself into the scent of Jamil’s body.

The only thing I was sure of nowadays was how safe I felt right here—in his arms. When Jamil had first asked me if I wanted to officially date him at the Boys & Girls Club gala, I’d been too afraid to go for it because of my career.

Now, I was beginning to wonder if it was too late, and I’d ruined any chance at something meaningful.

Would I take a job that would send me away from Chicago and officially destroy any last chance I had with him?

“I think I’m going to make some calls today and see if any of my industry connections know of any openings.”

Jamil stepped back, the moment his arms dropped from around me, I wanted nothing more than to bury myself back in them and not leave them for the rest of our day off.

“I’m going to stop by the house to check on the progress before I swing over to Tommy’s to plan your birthday. You’ll have your apartment back while you do your research.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you to your house?

” I asked him. With the away series coming right after the break-in, I’d had very little time to check in on him.

Jamil welcomed the time away from Chicago as a distraction and a decompression.

But now he had no other choice but to face the aftermath head on.

“I’ll be okay.” Jamil reached up to brush his thumb over the corner of my lips. “We both have our own battles to conquer. We can reconvene later to share our accomplishments.”

My eyes scanned Jamil’s face, trying to pick up on any sign that would tell me he wasn’t okay. He’d learned to hide his struggles behind a smile or a joke. But I wanted him to know that he didn’t have to keep that mask up with me.

“I’m fine,” he stressed, his thumb still caressing my cheek. “If I need you, I’ll let you know. I just want to check in with the progress. I’m more excited to plan your birthday so we can celebrate you.”

I leaned into his touch as I rolled my eyes at him. “You really don’t need to throw me a birthday party.”

“Yes, I do!” Jamil looked at me as if I’d personally offended him.

“You deserve to be celebrated for more than just blessing all of us with your presence on this planet. Birthdays are sacred, Moon. I’m sorry that the people in your life so far have made you feel like you don’t deserve a single day to be surrounded by people that love you and want to show you how much they love you. ”

He’d effectively silenced any other argument I had left, leaving me with the stark reality that I’d been forced to make myself smaller my entire life.

To fit my parents’ perfect family picture.

To fit the role a predominately male-dominated industry asked of me.

To never bring attention to myself and always the person sitting or standing across from me during an interview.

I’d grown so accustomed to letting others shine that I’d forgotten how to allow myself to step into the spotlight for my own moment.

“No comeback? No witty response? Did I short-circuit you?” Jamil turned me around and pretended to look for a panel on my back.

“Oh, stop. Get out of here before I finally figure out a decent response to all of that.”

Jamil was grinning from ear to ear as he leaned in and placed a quick kiss to my cheek. “Call me if you need more time alone in your own apartment.”

“Wait!” I called after him as he had one hand on the doorknob. “You know you’re not a burden or an intrusion by being here, right?”

There was hesitation before he gave me a nod, exposing the limbo we found ourselves in. The laws of attraction constantly pulled us together, only for fear to push us apart again. I’d already given up the one thing that had held me back from him before.

What was holding me back now?

But as I saw the haunted look in his eyes, I told myself it wasn’t the right time to tell him how I felt.

He already had too much on his plate and throwing this on top would only complicate things further.

Not to mention I was beginning to realize my life may very well be pulling me in a different direction—away from him.

Jamil was gone with a quick wave, closing my apartment door behind him.

With nothing left to postpone the inevitable, I pulled out my computer and began sorting through my contacts with the hopes of finding someone who could help me.

After hours of sending messages to different people in my contacts and coming back empty-handed, I stumbled across a job opening for a news network out in California.

It would be based out of Los Angeles and was a chair on a well-known show that was styled as a daytime talk show covering any sporting news we wanted to.

It had a large following and was growing in popularity every day.

This was exactly what I’d been hoping for within SC News, it would just require me to move halfway across the country again and away from people I was beginning to consider my friends.

People I was starting to think of as more of a family than my own was to me.

My finger hesitated over the button that would send my resume off.

I could hear my mother’s voice in my head telling me not to make a decision on my career off of feelings I had for someone else, that I should put myself first always.

But I’d witnessed how that same game plan had turned her own marriage into an amicable partnership with no traces of love.

How is choosing to stay in Chicago not putting yourself first?

My hands itched to call Jamil and get his opinion, but not only did I not want to bother him, I also knew what he would tell me.

Jamil would tell me to apply for the job because I’d worked so hard for this, and I deserved it.

He would believe in me and tell me I would get it with certainty that no one else had ever given me.

“It’s not even a sure thing you’ll get it,” I told myself before I closed my eyes and hit send.

When the notification confirming my resume was sent went off, I hadn’t expected my stomach to feel like a bottomless pit leaving me devoid of any excitement.

Before I could think much further on it, a knock at the door drew my attention.

“Did you forget your keys?” I called out as I crossed to open the door, thinking Jamil was back already.

“Surprise!”

Standing in front of me with their arms full of various shopping bags were Maggie, Olivia, and Lottie.

“What do you mean surprise?” I asked, still staring at them like I was being properly pranked. “What are you doing here?”

“We’re having a girls’ night!” Olivia looked at me like it was the most obvious answer in the world before she shouldered her way into my apartment.

“It’s not even three o’clock in the afternoon,” I told her as I turned to watch her empty her bag full of food across my kitchen island.

“Jamil said to give you a couple hours before coming over.” Maggie gave me one of her signature sweet smiles as she emptied her bag of nail polish on the coffee table in the living room.

I was completely lost at this point. “Jamil said?”

“He called us and said that you were having a bad day.” Olivia turned to look at me, taking in my open laptop and messy bun that I’d thrown on top of my head when I first started my job search.

“To me, it sounded like the kind of situation where I would show up unannounced and take your mind off of whatever is going on.”

“You’re serious?” I asked as Lottie threw herself down on my couch and began flipping through the different streaming services I’d downloaded onto my television.

“That’s what friends do for each other, Harper.” Maggie shrugged her shoulders at me like it was the simplest answer in the world.

Even though I’d begun to think of these women as my friends, the idea that they thought the same of me still caught me off guard. I’d done nothing to earn their friendship, yet here they were because Jamil told them I could use cheering up.

“We were all sitting around at my place watching television,” Olivia told me. “Why not bring the party over here? Now, do you like Cool Ranch Doritos or Nacho Cheese Doritos?”