Page 54 of Toxic
I’m back in the warehouse. My arms burn with phantom pain and vicious needle pricks ignite in my arm. My legs burn, and my stomachcramps.
There are knives, a torch like the one they used on me, rubber mallets, whips, a baseball bat, and even a gun. It’s all laid out in a neat line, waiting for someone to pick theirpoison.
“What is all this?” I ask Gracin, trying to keep myresponsecalm.
Again, with the silence as he takes a seat in the chair off in the corner of the room. I pick up the knife, intending to cut the guy free if only so he’ll shut the fuck up until I can figure out what the hell Gracin’sgameis.
“Please let me go, please. We never intended to hurt you. We were just supposed to rough you up a little until you talked. Just cut me loose, and I won’t say anything to Sal, I promise. Not a fuckin’ word. Just letmego.”
I start in Andrew’s direction, and then the wedding video stops and restarts again, and Vic’s face flashes over the wall. I doubt it’s a coincidence that Vic’s image aligns exactly with the man who beat me bloody. The knife falls to the floor, and my body goes cold. Memories from the night they beat me and ghosts from my life with Vic flood my thoughts so violently that I have to squeeze my eyes shut to keep from crying out in shock from the maelstrom ofemotions.
“Shit, lady. Are you fuckin’ crazy? Please just let me loose. Just kick the knife over here before he does something crazy.Please.”
Over Andrew’s shouts, I hear Vic insidemyhead.
“I don’t want you associating with that inmate again, do you hear me? McNair and Summers couldn’t stop smirking at me when they found me. Youhumiliatedme.”
Tears track down my cheeks, and I clap my hands over my ears for a buffer against the noise, but it doesn’t drown out the whisper of Vic’s voice inside my head. If anything, it makes it loud enough that I want to claw atmyears.
I give a passing thought to Gracin, but I don’t doubt he did this for a reason, however fucked up that reason may be. I’ve stopped trying to understand him. All I need to do is get the guy on the chair out of here, and then I can leave. Isn’t that what Gracin promised, after all? Once everything is over with I canleave.
With that in mind, I reach for the knife and straighten, blocking out the sound of Vic from the projector as best I can. A quick look shows Gracin still lounging in his chaise, watching, waiting. What the hell for? I don’t even know, but I ignore him, too. Knife in hand, I cross to the man in the chair and kneel to undohisfeet.
I’m doing fine, I get both feet undone, and then I get a closer look at his face. That’s when everything goes to hell. I freeze right beside him with the knife in my hand. I remember his face staring down at me while he, Danny, and the othersbrutalizedme.
I must take too long to work through the rush of hate and fury because a second later, he shouts, “Untie me, you fucking slut, or I’m gonna beat you so fucking bloody, I’ll have to wash what’s left down the drain like I did yourfuckingbaby!”
I lose myfuckingmind.
With an inhuman scream, I shove at the plain wooden chair, and it topples over. The guy emits a horse shout and bucks against the concrete as he tries to right himself before I get to him. I stalk back to the table, setting the knife down on the floor out of Andrew’s reach, and take the baseball bat. He releases a choking noise that cuts off in the middle as I use the bat like a golf club and hit him as hard as I can in the stomach. I crouch down as he wheezes to regain hisbreath.
“How do you like that, you fucking slut? Does it feel good? Maybe I should keep you here for a couple of days. Make you piss yourself so you can see what it's like, hmm? Maybe I’ll beat you unconscious and watch what’s left of you go down the drain for achange.”
Mindless, head full of screams and horror, blood and death, I drop the bat on the floor next to the knife and stand. My eyes fall on the rubber mallet. When I return to the man’s side, I swing my hand back and begin pummeling his upper body, completely unaware of his screams and pleads. I go to the place in my head where they beat me, where those memories have been locked since the day Gracin rescued me. I go to the place where Vic brutalized me repeatedly until I can’t differentiate one from theother.
“Why did you hurt me like this, Vic?” I scream. “Why did you take our baby awayfromme?”
When he’s no longer screaming and I’m out of breath, the mallet falls to the side, and I drop to my knees. I sit there for a few seconds, numb and emotionally wrecked, my head bowed as I try to drag my scattered soul back from the brink. I take a deep breath, intending to get to my feet, go to Gracin, and leave the no-name bastard to whatever fate he deserves. The man next to me delivers a swift kick to my side, knocking me over. My head bounces off the concrete floor, and while I’m disoriented, he manages to get the knife and free himself from the remainingrestraints.
I dodge as he swipes it through the air and miss it’s hissing edge by mere centimeters. There’s a swipe of a chair as I hear Gracin get to his feet, but I don’t have time to worry about what he’s doing. My fingers brush against the mallet, and I pick it up, swinging it in front of my face without thought for its destination. It strikes flesh and bone with an echoing crunch, and the man falls to the floor, silent and still and I crumble to the ground in a heap ofdesolation.
I want to cry, but my insides are hollow. I want to scream, but I no longer have a voice. I want to rage and rage against the man who orchestrated my demise, but there is no anger on his behalf. There is only a sense of peace. An exorcism of demons. The projector shuts off, leaving me in darkness, and then Gracin’s arms are around me, soft and hard and warm and cold at the same time. Somehow, he is everything I need, even if it’scontradictory.
“Do you want this?” he asks. When he said he’d handle Desmond, I never thought he meant he’d use him to start tracking down the men who hurt me. At least, not with thisinmind.
A sob bursts from my lips. “What?” Why in God’s name would Iwantthis?
“Tell me. Do you want this?” He brushes the hair away from my face and tucks it behind my ears. “This is what my life is like, Tessa. It’s brutal. It’s bloody. Just like me. I’m a monster in disguise, little mouse. Is that whatyouwant?”
“Gracin, please, Ican’t.”
His lips take mine in a violent kiss, and I lean into him, needing his steadiness to assuage the broken parts of me. My hands go to his shoulders, and I whimper against the brutal thrust of histongue.
“You can. Nowtellme.”
“Yes,” I shout. “Yes, I want you. I hate you, but I love you. I haven’t stopped thinking about you since the day we met. You’re in my dreams. I see you everywhere when you’re not around. Despite everything you’ve done to me, I want you, damn it. Does that make you happy? Why did you make me do this? Why did you bring him here? Did you know I’dhurthim?”
“I brought you here because you can’t be with a man like me and expect to live happily ever after. There isn’t a part of my life that isn’t as dark and brutal as what went on in this room. But the truth is, I didn’t make you do anything. The truth is, you and I aren’t as different as you think.” I start to protest, but he kisses me quiet. “That isn’t a bad thing, no matter what you think. That man? He was a piece of shit. Lower than the worst man you’ve ever met. Lower than Vic. He deserved everythinghegot.”