Page 45 of Toxic
I grip his forearm to pull him away, unable to take the pleasure/pain any longer, but he simply takes my wrists, holds them against the bed, and slips his hand underneath my waistband to touch me skin against skin. The closeness is what I crave, and one stroke later, I come without warning, all my muscles contracting inconcert.
His muscles quake with restraint as he gathers me close. “That’s it, sweetheart,” he says againstmyhair.
As I lie in his arms a while later, I allow myself to think of the life I lost. What life could have been like if Gracin were normal and I weren’t so weak. The two of us with a little boy or girl. Fantastic sex and dinners with conversations that don’t revolve around murder orrevenge.
“What are you thinking about?” he asks, soundingdrowsy.
“Why good things happen to some people and not toothers.”
I feel his lips on my cheek, and I sigh. This moment with him is just a reprieve. Tomorrow, things will go back to normal, and I’ll be able to despise himagain.
Iwake backin my room, and I don’t know how to feel about it. So, I ignore it completely. I have to get out of here before Gracin Stockholm Syndrome’s me or something. Under the guise of my everyday routine, I put more effort into figuring out how toescape.
Not causing Gracin serious physical harm when I was so close to him was the last straw. He’s magnetic, and if I don’t want to be sucked back into his vortex, I have to do everything I can to run in the oppositedirection.
I dress in a simple yoga outfit from my closet and brush my teeth as I plan. My best bet is going to be one of the less patrolled wings, which eliminates the kitchen and the garages, which are on the south side. I can break a window or pry open a door and then find a way aroundthewall.
Marie greets me in the dining room with a breakfast tray and, thankfully,nolip.
To fly under the radar, I follow my routine. Breakfast, swim, then I go to the library. By the time I get done with everything, it’s already one in the afternoon. The libraries are the only places in the house I haven’t explored as thoroughly as I want to because too much quiet time only leaves medespondent.
I pick the biggest of the three, and if I’d been any other person, in any other situation, I would have declared the room to be beautiful. Both the left and right shelves are full of books of all shapes and sizes. In the middle, a large rug, club chairs, and a deep-set sofa invite guests to sit and relax with a nice read. Along the back wall are floor-to-ceiling windows that look out the side of thegarden.
I ignore the books and head straight for the windows. They’re older than the rest of the ones in the house. Maybe they haven’t been updated with a security system, yet, though the possibility is unlikely. I study the hinges and note some of them are rusting. Maybe I’ll be able to forceoneopen.
“Trying to leavesofast?”
I spin around and find Gracin standing behind me. “What the hell are you doing here?” Istammer.
He lifts a brow. “Ilivehere.”
“I thought you weren’t going to be back untildinner.”
“I had a feeling after yesterday you were going to try toleave.”
I raise my chin, my eyes flashing. “I should be able to go whenIwant.”
“Not when Sal is still looking for you. Lookingforme.”
“Does he not know where you live? What’s stopping him from rolling up right now and gutting us bothlikefish?”
“No one knows about thisplace.”
“Noone?”
“My home isn’t something I advertise,Tessa.”
Feeling vulnerable and sensitive after letting him get so close to me, both emotionally and physically, I say, “Why did you even bring me here? Why not just let him get it over with and kill me? It would have been less of a hassle for you and would have saved him thetrouble.”
He studies me before he says, “What makes you think I wantyoudead?”
My laugh is joyless, hollow. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because I saw you kill a man, you forced me to help you escape from prison, and then had sex with me while my husband’s dead fucking body was in the other room. Not only that,” I continue, working myself into a fine rage, “but now I’m locked in your house, and you won’t letmego.”
I pause, chest heaving and wonder if I should continue, but the words just don’t stop. They spill out of me, inevitable and weighty. “When I found out I was pregnant, I thought it was the best thing to ever happen to me. I figured it was the silver lining in the shitstorm that is my life. I didn’t care that it was yours, that I’d be a single mom raising a kid on the run. For once, I had something perfect and pure, and then it was taken away from me! And I blame you. I wish you’d let me die. I don’t know if I can forgive you for everything that’shappened.”
He shrugs and looks away. “I don’t expectyouto.”
“What do you wantfromme?”