Page 122 of Touch the Sky

I’ve got exactly what I wanted: a place for Shel to belong. A home. A life built just for us, where she can thrive and grow and feel confident.

And I’ve put it all at risk just to sleep with somebody.

Shel’s tone shifts from accusations to plaintive begging.

“I can just stay out of your way. You don’t have to drive me places. I don’t even have to go to Ali’s house again.” She glances between the two of us, her shoulders curling inward like she’s trying to make herself smaller. “Just don’t make us move. I don’t want to move.”

If I thought my heart was breaking before, it’s shattering into a million pieces now.

“Shel…”

I try to say more, but the lump in my throat is impossible to swallow.

She looks so tiny. So scared.

I’mscaring her.

A sniffling sound beside me makes me turn my head. Jacinthe is swiping at her eyes.

“I should let you two talk.”

She gets to her feet without meeting my eyes. I’m frozen, pinned under the suffocating weight of just how badly we’ve messed this up.

All I can do is watch as Jacinthe squats down next to Shel so they’re eye to eye.

“Shel,ma belle,écoutez-moi.” Her tone is solemn. She places a hand on Shel’s shoulder to give her a quick squeeze. “You arealwayswelcome here. No one is kicking you out. I promise you that, okay? I don’t know what you and your mom will decide, but you do not ever have to worry that Gabrielle and I do not want you here. We love having you here.”

She glances over at me, the flashlight beam catching in her eyes.

“Both of you,” she adds, “and nothing could change that.”

She’s gone before Shel or I can say anything back. In the silence that follows, I hear her assuring everyone in the yard that we’re fine and that people should start heading home now.

Below my feet, I become aware of the sounds of the horses. I can hear a few of them pacing their stalls and letting out agitated whickers. We must have them on edge with all the shouting and frantic searching tonight.

I stretch my hand out like Shel is another nervous horse I need to win over with patient assurances.

“Would you come sit with me, honey?”

My hand is shaking, and it takes everything in me not to snatch her up and hold her here so she can never run off like that again.

She hesitates for what feels like an age. Then she settles down next to me on the hay bale.

I let out a long, heavy sigh of relief.

“Shel, I am so sorry.”

She’s looking down at her lap instead of at me, but at least she’s listening.

“I’m so sorry you had to see something that upset you tonight, and I’m so sorry you heard that phone call with Claire. I had no idea. I would have explained things to you better a long time ago if I did.”

She tilts her head. “Explained what?”

She’s in desperate need of a tissue. I fish through my pockets, but all I’ve got to offer her is a crumpled receipt. She still takes it.

“I would have explained that absolutely nothing is your fault,” I tell her, “not now or with Claire. We were two grown-ups in a relationship. When we broke up, it was about us, not you.”

She frowns after dabbing under her nose with the crumpled paper.