Page 53 of Tortured Souls
“I love you.” There’s no pause, no hesitation, no time to think, because I already know.I’m about to say it back when she speaks again.
“Please forgive me.” Her voice is a whisper.
What did she just say?
A sharp sting pinches the back of my neck. I jolt, my hand flying to where the pain is at, but my arms are rapidly becoming dead weight. Sky stands up quickly, her arms cradling my shoulders as I fall back onto her bed.
“I’m so sorry, Saxon. I have to do this myself.” A tear slides down her cheek as she kisses my lips. My vision blurs, but I try my hardest to fight whatever the fuck this is.
Why can’t I move?
With the last bit of energy I can muster, I choke out, “Sky, don’t fucking do this. Don’t do this without me.” My voice doesn’t sound like my own. Everything is so heavy, my vision spinning like I’m falling into a vortex of another realm.
“I need to do this for me. Please understand that. I love you. I love you so much. I’ll be back soon.”
“Don’t do this, Sky. Fuck, don’t go!” These are the last words I’m able to get out before I lose consciousness. I wasn’t even able to tell her I love her back.
SKYLAR
I hate myself. I’ve gone through phases in my life where I’ve hated the person I’ve become, but nothing compares to the guilt I have right now, watching the man I love lie unconscious on my bed.
I did that.
I drugged him and caused him to slip into the depths of darkness all by himself. I’ve taken it all away from him. No more strength, no more protectiveness, no more anything, at least for a little while. This was the only way. He wouldn’t have let me leave by myself willingly.
No.
That’s not the kind of man he is. I love this man, I really do. I think I’ve known this for a long while now, but saying those three words out loud is a warm summer breeze to my soul. A heated blanket draped over the once cold and iced-over heart. I love him even more at this moment because I know he loves me back. Even when he told me to leave those two months ago. Deep down, I knew I would have done the same thing if I were in his position. Even in that moment, I felt the warmth of love.
Love is by far the most confusing emotion. Try explaining it to someone. It’s not a thing or a what, per se, where you can hold it or smell it or taste it. But youcanfeel it, see it, touch it, and depending who you are, I guess you really can smell it and taste it. Love is a master at metamorphosing into whatever we make it. It can be a puppy playing with a child in the park; it can be two separate people on opposite sides of the world, speaking through a mobile device without ever having met in person. So, what the hell even is love exactly?
Love, to me, is an unconscious man on my bed. Didn’t see that coming for my future, but here we are. Why is this love? Is it because I don’t want him getting hurt by the hands of my own family? Is it to keep him away from danger? Is it knowing that he would go to extensive lengths to stop me from doing what I need to do just so he can keep me safe?
I think so.
This is my flavor of love.
Our love. The crazy, unhinged, and downright deranged and slightly disturbing when you look at it from the outside. I’m not sure anyone else would say that what I just did was for love, but what the hell was I supposed to do? Fuck, my brain hurts. I can’t allow my guilt to take over now. The deed is already done.
Taking a deep breath, I get dressed in black jeans and a black long-sleeve top. Quickly, I grab the bag I need full of my toys—a.k.a. weapons—and start for the door. I’ve had this bag hidden beneath the floorboards of my closet since the moment I started living here. I forgot about it in the heat of the moment when I was told to leave, so I never grabbed it. Thankfully, I don’t have to go to Mack’s cabin now and get anything else. I have all I need in here.
With my hand on the doorknob, I freeze. What if he’s right, and this is a suicide mission? Will this be the last time I see him? Looking over my shoulder, I stare at this beautiful man who’s unthawed the once frozen organ inside my chest. I can’t just leave without a word.
Dropping my bag, I grab a pen and a piece of paper and write. With a shaky hand, I place the note on Saxon’s chest and race for the door. If I stay any longer, I’ll change my mind. I can’t stop now. It’s time to end this.
It’s finally time to close the door on my past.
One more kill.Or rather, two. I’m coming, Mom and Dad.
I feel like I’ve been driving for forever. The sky is dark and cloudless. The stars speckling across the dark emptiness and reflecting their brightness off the moon. It’s breathtaking, really. I shut off my phone the moment I got into my car. With Mack already trying to call me, and the inevitable calls and texts I know Saxon will send me, I figured it would be best to shut it off entirely.
My mind has been in shambles since leaving Golden Heights. Endless questions swarm in my mind with no answers to settle my nerves. What will Saxon do when he wakes up? Will he see my note? Will he come for me? Will he ever forgive me for this?
My hands are sweating against the leather of my steering wheel, my nerves reaching a height I’ve never experienced. Even when I was taking the lives of so many of my victims, nothing compares to this uncertainty that’s starting to strangle me.
I can do this.
You can do this.You’re almost there,I keep repeating over and over in my head in hopes it will calm me even just a fraction. However, my stomach is still churning, my temples are still sweating, and my breathing has started shaking. I fear I might make myself pass out.