Page 50 of Tortured Souls
“Why are you here? Where’s Mack?”
“He came to me this morning and told me about your little suicide mission.” I close my eyes for a long moment. How dare Mack do this to me after all he knows about Saxon and me?
“Traitor,” I mumble under my breath.
“No, not a traitor. Just a man who loves you as if you were his own daughter and doesn’t want to lose you.” My eyes snap to his, and I instantly wish they hadn’t. Saxon looks different. Not physically, but there’s an aura about him that seems almost like he’s, dare I say, broken. A feeling I know all too well. Quickly, I focus back on his tattoo.
“Sky, look at me.” I don’t. I keep my eyes down in a safe zone, away from his emotions or anything else that could make me falter.
“Look. At. Me.” It’s not demanding, but his tone is strong enough that I cave, and when I do, I lower my gun, letting it hang by my side. I look into Saxon’s dark eyes and want to crumble. His hands are in his jean pockets, and his shoulders are hunched forward, but his head is still raised high.
“I’m sorry.” I shake my head back and forth almost instantly. “I’m sorry I didn’t believe you. I’m sorry I broke your trust and sent you away. I made a mistake, tesoro, and I have to live with that.” He steps forward, but I step back, swallowing the knot in my throat as he continues, “I realize nothing I say will make the pain I’ve caused go away, but I promise you I will show you how well and truly fucking sorry I am.”
Taking another step back, I bump into the wall and notice the bat hanging from the hook beside me. I put my gun back into my waistband, then grab the handle of the bat with both hands.
“Do you want to hit me with that, Sky?” I can’t speak. I don’t trust my own voice to not come out sounding weak and pathetic. I just nod.
“Go ahead. I deserve worse.” Saxon takes a step closer to me until he’s a mere foot in front of me. Closing his eyes, he stands tall, waiting for me to react. I’d love to hit this man. To cause him even a fraction of the pain he caused me. Looking at him now, it feels as though the pain he caused me stirred up his own pain as well. Torturing himself, in a way, by denying himself the ability to trust me. Lifting the bat, I get into my stance and swing.
Glass shattering fills the room as tiny fragments of the mirror spray across the space. I make my way towards a stack of plates and swing the bat with everything I have. When the glass settles, I turn back towards Saxon.
“Leave, Saxon. You have no business being here. Especially if you think coming here would change my mind about doing what I’ve always had planned. You of all people should know that.” Iwait for him to move towards the door, but he doesn’t. He leans his back against the wall and stares at me.
“Mack loves you, you know. Going through with your plan tomorrow will only break that man more than he already is. Are you really wanting to get yourself killed so he has to go through losing a daughter all over again?” The backs of my eyes sting, and before tears can start to form, I swing that bat at another mirror, the noise echoing through the room.
I don’t stop.
I continue with the television that’s leaning against the wall, then the row of mirrors that are lined up at the end of the room. More dishes and knickknacks all end up scattered across the room in millions of tiny pieces. When I stop, I take a deep breath and realize I must have been holding it for a while. I feel as though I can’t get a deep enough breath in.
“No one loves me, Saxon. I’ve known that for a long time. I’ve made peace with that, and you should too.” Standing up straight, I take in a deep breath, my eyes meeting Saxon’s as my vision starts getting blurry. I will not fucking cry in front of this man. I swing the bat again, the small owl ceramic now in broken shards all over the floor.
“Why are you so convinced that no one loves you?” My mouth falls open for just a moment. A sadistic laugh pushes past my lips as I swing the bat some more.
“No one has ever loved me. No one has ever cared about me! The one person who did is dead now, and I hate him for that!” I swing the bat, connecting with something, but I can’t see what since my eyes are rapidly filling with tears, which pisses me off even more. “I hate that he left me here alone to suffer and fight to survive day in and day out! I hate him so much! I hate how much I fucking miss him! Every. Fucking. Day!” I stop swinging, letting the bat fall to my side as I try to catch my breath. “No one loves me or will ever love me for me. Don’t you see that?” Iwhisper the last part, my head dropping towards the floor as the first few tears fall. “Not even you could love me. You showed me that the moment you told me to leave.”
I hear his boots crunching across the floor that’s now littered in glass. I can see the tips of his boots in my peripheral vision, but I don’t acknowledge his closeness.
“You’re wrong, tesoro. You’re so fucking wrong.” His fingers hook under my chin, and he pulls my face towards his. My eyes blur with so many tears, but I can’t stop them.
“Because I do love you.” Shutting my eyes tight, I shake my head back and forth and take a step back from him.
“You say that now, but what happens when you wake up one day and realize the woman lying next to you is nothing more than a broken soul? A woman who’s not even sure if she can love herself.” Finally dropping the bat to the floor, I wipe away the tears that have collected along my chin. “You don’t love me, Saxon. You don’t mean that.”
“Stop fighting me on this!” His voice raises an octave, as if he’s trying to hold himself back. He steps towards me again and cups my face in his hands, peering down at me.
“Stop believing that you’re not worthy of love because of what happened in your past. Or because of who you are. You’re so much more than the trauma you’ve endured. I’m not going away anymore, so this endless battle you’re fighting is only going to leave you exhausted. I’m not abandoning you. I fucked up. I admit that, and I’ll forever fucking hate myself for it. I’ll spend the rest of my days proving to you that you’re worthy of a love so pure, so real, that it feels like the fairytales my sister fucking reads about.” A sob escapes my throat. “My love for you is real. It always has been and always will be. Every fucking ounce.” He rests his forehead against mine, and I inhale his scent. Bergamot and citrus smelling so clean and intoxicating that it makes my knees weak. “Forgive me for my idiocy. I should have believedyou. I do believe you, and I can’t say sorry enough for breaking this trust between us. I’m a fucking idiot, but I’ve never been in love before, and it scares the shit out of me. Even if you don’t accept my apology, you’re going to have to get used to me, because I’m not going anywhere and neither are you.” I hold in my sob. I hold it in with all I have, trying my hardest to stay strong against this man, but it’s becoming unbearable.
“So, tesoro, you can fight me today, you can fight me tomorrow, but my love for you is as real as the moon is round, and I won’t stop showing you just how much you deserve to be loved. Now, stop arguing with me and let me kiss you.”
SKYLAR
Our lips collide in a passionate kiss that’s so warm, so soft and gentle, I can’t help but feel safe. It feels like one of those romantic comedies where the couple finally sees each other for who they are and come together. Except there’s nothing funny about the worlds we’ve molded together.
I don’t want to give in to him so easily. He shattered me two months ago, and I can’t forget that pain. A pain that is so excruciating it reminds me of how I felt when Seven died. The utter loss and emptiness create a void that can never be filled, leaving behind a loneliness that consumes your entire soul andconvinces you that there is nothing worth living for. It sounds dramatic, but I guess when you like—or is it love?—when youcare for someone strongly, having them push you out of their life is devastating. I don’t want to forgive him, but I can’t help the pull he has on me.
My arms wrap around his neck as he pulls me close against his chest. Our bodies meld together as one as if we were created to fit together like puzzle pieces. As much as I’ve wanted to hate this man for breaking my heart that day, I couldn’t. I didn’t want to think he could be like all the other men in my life who’ve shattered me. Instead of acknowledging my true feelings, I’ve mastered shutting them out. Building my walls and protecting myself has been my fight-or-flight response for so long, and I assumed I could do the same to Saxon. Forget about him and everything we’ve been through in such a short amount of time. I thought I was strong enough to do that, like all the other times I’ve had to.
I guess not.