Page 38 of Tortured Soul (Soulless #1)

Lola

I had technically no idea where Carter’s room was. The only thing I had to find him was the faint memory of the rooms we passed when Arc was carrying me on his shoulders and I could feel Carter as we passed in front of a door.

The door I was now standing in front of, my fist up in the air, ready to knock. To be fair, it’d been ready for a good five minutes, but for some reason, my body was unresponsive.

I knew I should have followed my mind and gone straight to Arc’s room to lock myself in the bathroom and soak in a two hour long bath, ignoring my anxious heart.

Why was Carter still bleeding? He should have been healed by now. Divines were the fastest healing of all Immortals. Our fight wasn’t that violent, the wounds should’ve been fully closed in barely over five minutes.

And yet, when he walked in the kitchen to pick up something, there was something off. The bruises on his jaw and face were gone, but his back was still bleeding. His wings .

And, for some reason, it didn’t sit well with me.

I gritted my teeth, tightening my fist until my nails dug into my palms.

Come on! Knock, you stubborn, useless thing , the voice in my head said.

My knuckles hit the hard wood three consecutive times, and my heart made a strange loop in my chest.

But no one answered.

I groaned, knocking again.

“Come on, I know you’re in there,” I said. “Open up.”

“Get lost. ”

I fought the urge to insult him and burst through the door to punch his face again.

His voice sounded far away, so I tried pushing down on the handle, muffling a gasp as it opened, allowing me to open it further while staying outside.

The room was large and dimly lit. The huge four poster bed on a platform at the center was modern yet a bit whimsical, a white sheer fabric draped over the frame and hanging on the sides.

I stepped inside, looking for Carter, but he was nowhere to be seen.

Walking slowly through the room, I inspected his space. It felt weird invading it, like I was somehow glimpsing through a part of his mind that was a well kept secret.

Unlike him, his room was tidy and warm. Inviting. There was a sitting area next to a few corner bookshelves, the cream couches covered with soft plaid blankets, and the armchair still had an open book on the armrest.

I reached a desk sitting in front of the large window. Outside was probably the back garden of the house, a place I hadn’t even seen yet. This area was the only spot where things didn’t seem meticulously tidy, resembling more of a chaos of papers, notes and… sketches.

Some were pinned to the wall, depicting people or places.

Flowers, landscapes, everyday scenes and objects.

But it was a large leather binder that was tugging at me, calling for me to open it and peek inside.

My fingers grazed the cover, feeling the soft texture reverently, taking their time before opening it.

I gasped, my throat suddenly dry at the picture in front of me.

An angel, wings broken and down behind her, kneeling on the floor, her hands hiding her face as shadows and despair surrounded her.

I turned the page, my heart beating hard in my chest.

Another Divine stood, his wings spread, but his body contorted in pain as he was holding his face and grasping his hair in agony, fingers pointing at him from every direction.

I looked at the next, and again, and again, seeing similar scenes everytime, each of them constricting my heart a little more, pressure building behind my eyes.

As I was about to turn another page, a large golden-stained hand slapped it close.

“Get the fuck out, and don’t fucking touch my stuff. ”

I should’ve snapped back. Should’ve pushed his buttons again. Should’ve twisted the fucking knife .

But I guess the drawings had weakened me. Turned my anger into sadness. Into pity .

“Carter—” I started, turning to face him.

“Out.”

Taking the now-closed binder, he pulled a drawer open and locked it inside, taking the key with him as he limped toward a door on the far back of the room.

His back was still bleeding. Shards of glass stabbed into it and sticking out of his ruffled wings.

I exhaled a shaky breath and only hesitated a second before going after him, joining him in a large bathroom.

He was sitting on the floor, many mirrors placed around him to look at his own back. With long tweezers, he tried to reach a sharp piece digging close to his spine. He winced as it touched it, but struggled and didn’t manage to grab it properly.

Without a word, I went to wash my hands at the sink, ignoring his murderous look as I did.

“I told you to leave.”

My throat bobbed and I carefully dried my clean hands with the little towel hanging on the wall.

“Are you deaf or just playing dumb?”

I kneeled behind him and he tensed, his shoulders rising in apprehension.

“I said—”

“Stop being a baby and get over your repulsion for five minutes, will you?” I snapped, but the words came out softer than I intended them to.

“I can do it myself,” he gritted, but didn’t push me away as I pinched one of the shards to pull on it slightly. “ Fuck —”

“Sorry, there are a lot. It might hurt a bit.”

Carter grunted, not committing to an actual answer. The skin had started closing around the shard, making it hard to pull. As soon as the glass was out, his wound started to close, the skin knitting together, stopping the bleeding.

I removed six pieces from his back alone. His breath was shaky and labored as I wiped a towel with warm water on his skin to clean off the golden blood.

“I’m sorry it escalated,” I said, throwing the stained fabric into the laundry basket behind me.

His head fell forward, burying itself between his knees. He didn’t answer.

It took longer to pluck the ones out of his wings, some of them hitting against the bone structure. I had told him it would take five minutes, but when I extracted the last one, we’d been sitting there in almost complete silence for over an hour.

My hands couldn’t help but graze over the soft feathers, a bright white now stained in gold. In my long life, I’ve never seen angel wings from that close, let alone touched any.

He shuddered as my hand roamed the arch of his wings softly.

“What’re you doing,” he said through clenched teeth.

I gulped. “Checking for any shard that might not be sticking out as much.”

Lies . They were all gone. I just couldn’t help myself from studying them up close, and enjoying the rare peace of our moment together.

What was wrong with me? I made a choice earlier as I stayed in the archives to think about all this. Leaving was the best thing for me to do. Arc would be better off, and Carter and I were never going to get along.

And yet, Arc had made my mind take another turn, deciding instead to stay a little more. To follow his lead and go with the flow.

And now, I was helping Carter.

Strange how the wind had shifted in the span of a couple of hours. They either had a strange power they used to make me forget about my concerns, or that stupid mate link was trying to pull a dirty trick on me.

“How did you do that?” Carter asked, his voice raw.

I tilted my head to the side, halting the movement of my hands on his wings. “What do you mean? It wasn’t hard to take the shards off if—”

“No. Not that—your mind trick.”

Oh .

The lapse in judgment where I was so blinded by centuries of rage that I used a power I’ve been forbidden to use on other Immortals for almost my whole demon life.

I guess setting me free had unlocked it, like my ability to turn myself invisible.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I shouldn’t have.”

I sat back on my haunches, ready to get up as he turned around sharply, knocking a few things off with his wings in the process.

“How?” he insisted, grabbing a hold of my wrist.

The touch was firm, but not painful. Softer than he ever handled me before.

“I-I don’t know. It’s something I was able to do from the start, but was bridled pretty quickly so I couldn’t do it anymore. I’m free now, so my limitations are gone. I acted on a whim, and I shouldn’t have.”

He leaned closer, a frown pulling down his face.

“But how ?”

“You’re gonna have to be more specific,” I answered, ignoring the fluttering in my lower stomach. “I don’t know exactly what you saw.”

“Felt,” he corrected. “Heard. It was like I fell, all over again.”

My face fell, heart dropping. Even if Carter and I didn’t get along and probably never would, going through that was something I would never wish on anyone, even upon my worst enemy.

Or maybe just the asshole who took my soul.

“I can make people relive their hardest memories, and twist it to make it worse,” I explained. “I can amplify any feeling, any senses to various levels. I use it a lot on humans when I feed.”

I made him relive his fall and amplified everything to the maximum level. No wonder he looked like a wreck now. Why he wanted me out.

“I’m sorry,” I breathed out, dropping my head to avoid his stare.

“But how did you know that was what was going to hurt the most?”

My throat bobbed and I caught his gaze again.

“I didn’t. My power latches on an existing emotion, I don’t get to choose which one. That’s why it’s useful on humans, but only when they’re already filled with lust.”

He stared straight into my eyes, dark circles under his. I didn’t move. Didn’t try to pull my arm away to stand up and leave, like I would have normally done .

I broke his mind for a short moment, while glass was perforating his skin and wings. And he sat here now, watching me without an ounce of the hatred that had deformed his face since we met.

“How does it feel to not have a soul?” he asked, his thumb rubbing circles on my wrist, eyes searching my face. “Mine hurts constantly. Everyday, I wish for it to be gone.”

My throat bobbed and his gaze dipped to the motion briefly.

“It feels empty,” I answered. “Hollow. Everyday, I wish for it to be back. To never have lost it.”

“Why?” Pain clouded the piercing blue of his eyes, making them duller. “Why do you want it back when it hurts so much?”

“Because it hurts even more not being able to feel . To not have recognized you and Arc as my mates. To not have been able to save Dimitri from his curse.” The muscle in his jaw ticked. “It hurts to only be a shell.”

My voice wavered, and his grip tightened slightly.

“Do you know why I’ve barely fought back since that first day?”

I shook my head. I didn’t know, and I asked myself that same question a lot. The two times we fought after he attacked me on that first day had almost been one sided. He never actually hit back.

“Because when I hit you, the pain made my bones shake,” he said slowly, his tone soft but confused. “Because my soul, no matter how much I didn’t want to, had already recognized its own missing piece in you, and punished me for hurting you like I did.”

I forced a smile.

“Your soul is wiser than you are.”

He didn’t smile back.

“And when you attacked me in the archives, I knew I deserved it. But my soul still hurt, realizing that you didn’t feel the pain I felt.”

I couldn’t stop my hand from reaching for his face, cupping his jaw. He tensed at my touch, his eyes darting between mine.

But he didn’t jerk away.

Slowly, like a phantom tug pulled me toward him, our faces inched closer. Our noses touched and I shuddered. His hand squeezed my wrist tighter before releasing it entirely and his arm snapped around my waist to pull me even closer.

I gasped, my hand grabbing at his shoulder to keep my balance. Our breaths mingled as we both panted softly.

“What’s happening?” I whispered, his lips brushing over mine.

“You still repulse me.”

I didn’t have the time to talk back or argue before his mouth captured my own.

The kiss was assured and clumsy. Soft but hungry. Mentally painful but healing.

I ignored the pang in my heart as his devouring kiss contrasted with his previous words.

His fingers were sliding in my hair, holding my head close, my legs now circling his waist. He kept pulling me closer, even though our bodies were flushed together.

The bulge in his jeans pressed against my core, the feeling amplified by the fact that I had foolishly decided to wear a dress, reducing the number of layers between us.

He groaned against my lips, one of his hands now sliding down my back to squeeze my ass and rock me against him.

I reached out to caress his spread wings and he shuddered before letting out a growl and pushing me back, his wings retracting immediately.

My eyes were wide, lips parted, breath coming out in short pants.

“Get out. Now.”

And I did, my brain foggy and mind still in a haze.

Carter kissed me.

And I didn’t hate it.