Page 4 of To Wed a Laird (English Brides and Highland Vows #1)

CHAPTER THREE

In his study, Cormac was looking down wearily at a book of accounts.

The numbers were beginning to blur before his eyes, since exhaustion had overtaken him a few hours before.

He passed a hand over his face, then poured himself a glass of whisky, but reprimanded himself for doing so, since it was becoming too much of a refuge for him.

Yet, its solace was so easy and tempting when he began to think about the death of Catherine, Elspeth’s mother and his beloved wife. It eased the torture, but he was becoming too fond of it.

Now, however, he had an additional worry—the arrival of the new governess. The moment he had looked into her large dark eyes he had been almost spellbound, and it had taken all his willpower to keep his expression impassive.

It was too late, however, since her frightened reaction told him that he had gone too far and made himself look cold and fearsome.

Yet ever since his wife had died, he had been obliged to wear that mask more and more often to hide his hurt, fear, and anger.

He had to look strong for his men, who would never follow a weak leader, and for Elspeth, since she needed a protector, although he had utterly failed in that duty up till now.

Cormac’s mind drifted back to the new governess. With her hypnotic eyes and glossy red-brown hair, as well as her seductive figure, she was one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen.

However, now he was overtaken by a feeling of shame and guilt. Catherine had died only a few years previously; surely it was too soon for him to be thinking in these terms about another woman?

But those eyes…

Suddenly, he was jerked out of his reverie by the sound of Elspeth’s distinctive wavering scream, followed by the loud slap of two sets of footsteps.

He was not surprised by the piercing noise, since it was not particularly unusual, but was it a scream of rage or a playful scream of delight? And who was following her?

With a heavy sigh, Cormac tossed back the rest of his whisky and got to his feet, then advanced towards the door, hesitating for a few seconds to compose himself before he opened it.

When he stepped out into the corridor, he found himself standing between Elspeth and the new governess.

A moment later, Nell appeared behind them, but he shot her a warning look to keep quiet.

This was his moment, the moment when he would show his authority not only as master of the castle, but as a father and guardian.

He stood still, cursed inwardly in frustration as he looked for his daughter, finally seeing that she had disappeared behind a thick velvet curtain. Again, he felt angry with himself that he had let matters reach this point of desperation.

He shifted his gaze to the governess, yet the second he looked into Rose’s eyes, he felt himself sinking into their dark depths again. She was frowning, a worried expression that creased her brow and made him, to his astonishment, want to put his arms around her and wipe it away.

He groaned, then quickly looked away, full of guilt at his disloyalty to Catherine.

“What is it this time?” he asked tersely.

It was Nell who spoke up eventually. “She found out that Rose is her new governess,” she told him. “An’ she wasnae very happy about it.”

Cormac looked over at the curtain behind which Elspeth was hiding. He could see her movements, yet she was silent, but he knew that as soon as he approached she would likely try to bolt again. However, he would not let her evade him.

“I will handle this,” Cormac said grimly.

He strode over to the curtain and wrenched it aside, then looked down at his daughter with a furious glare on his face. Elspeth was standing with her arms crossed, looking up at him with a defiant gaze.

“What kind of way is this to greet someone who has only come to teach you and look after you?” he demanded. “Apologize and show some respect, then go back to your room!”

Elspeth stood immobile, glaring up at him. “No,” she said. In the silence, the word sounded like a slap.

At that moment, Cormac’s temper snapped. “Do not dare take that tone with me,” he yelled. “I will not stand for it. Now go to your room!”

Elspeth’s defiance broke down then, and she began to weep, then turned and ran back to her room, her footsteps echoing from the walls.

Cormac’s eyes followed her, and he felt a stab of shame at having taken out his frustration on his beloved daughter.

Yes, she was behaving badly, and as a father, he had to discipline her, but he could have been gentler—much gentler.

His anger faded away, leaving him with other, even less welcome feelings of shame and guilt.

He turned to find Rose watching him, standing still, her hands clenched into fists, watching him closely. She said nothing, she did not have to because the expression on her face said it all for her. If her dark eyes had been daggers, he would be dead by now.

Somehow, the look on her face affected him even more than Elspeth’s behaviour had.

He felt his shame deepen as he wondered if she thought he was a bully; he certainly felt like one.

He knew he had a reputation for being strong and fierce, but he never wanted to be known for mistreating those who were weaker than he was.

Abruptly, Rose turned and followed Elspeth, then Nell came up to Cormac’s side. Her blue-grey eyes were soft with sympathy as she rested her hand on his shoulder.

“This one is different,” she said softly. “I have a good feelin’ about her. She looks as if she understands what Elspeth is goin’ through because I think she might have suffered the same way herself.”

Cormac rubbed a hand across his brow and closed his eyes, feeling as though the weight of the whole world had descended on his shoulders.

Before his wife died, he had had a shoulder to lean on, someone to confide in, someone to whom he could pour out his heart and with whom he could share his joys. He had also had a partner to help him shoulder the responsibility of the estate.

Since Catherine’s death, however, he had no one with whom he could share those experiences.

As well as that, he had to be both father and mother to Elspeth, and although he had a great capacity for tenderness before, he could never have the same soft and gentle touch as Elspeth’s mother.

Catherine had been one in a million, which was why it was so hard for him to find someone even remotely like her, he could never imagine himself with anyone else.

Cormac sighed heavily and patted Nell’s hand. “Do you think so?” he asked.

“Aye,” Nell replied. “I have faith in her.”

Cormac frowned fiercely. “I hope you are right, Nell. Otherwise, she will not last a week.”

He turned and marched away, leaving Nell to stand watching him until he disappeared from sight. She thought for a moment of the man he had been a few years before, in the days when she would find Catherine and Cormac locked in a passionate embrace when they thought no one was looking.

In those days, Elspeth would ride on her father’s back as though he were a horse, and he would act the part by neighing and stamping his feet. That would reduce Elspeth to helpless giggles, and Nell remembered the dimples in her cheeks and her bright eyes shining with laughter.

Happy days, she thought wistfully. Yet now, for the first time in a long while, she had a feeling of renewed hope because there was something about Rose that made her feel that way.

Of course, she would never be expected to imitate Lady Catherine or take her place, but Nell hoped that Elspeth would respond to her in a way she had not been able to do with the others.

Meanwhile, Rose walked purposefully towards Elspeth’s bedroom, but found the door already closed and locked.

She heard Elspeth sobbing inside, and her heart almost broke for the little girl.

Rose had been in the same state herself when her own mother died, and hearing her weeping brought back her own sorrow in full force.

However, she had two loving sisters, Claire and Amanda, and they were a source of solace for each other, whereas Elspeth had no one except her father, and he was making a very poor show of things as far as she could see.

She knocked on the door, and the weeping stopped. “It’s Rose, Elspeth,” she said. “Please let me talk to you.”

However, the only reply she received was a bang as something hard hit the door.

Rose was not surprised, since she had expected this reaction, but consoled herself with the fact that she had at least tried.

She had no idea what would happen to her now, but she fully expected to be in a carriage on the way home the next day.

At that moment, she heard heavy footsteps behind her and turned to see the Laird approaching. He said nothing, but the look on his face was enough to send Rose walking away swiftly in the other direction.

When Cormac went to bed that night, he knew he would struggle to sleep, but he resisted the impulse to help himself to whisky. He had seen too many men taking that path which led to their ruin, and he would rather not become one of them.

Accordingly, he sighed and laid his head on the pillow then tried to think happy thoughts, but his mind kept going back to Rose and those deep, dark eyes of hers.

He thought that if he stared into them for too long he might drown in them.

With that in mind, he was able to close his eyes and drift off into a fitful doze.

A few moments later he smiled as he saw Catherine and Elspeth coming towards him carrying flowers from the garden. Suddenly Elspeth broke into a run and jumped into his arms, and he scooped her up, laughing, and whirled her around as she threw her head back and screamed with mirth.

Catherine came up to join them, and Cormac put his arms around both of them, thinking what an incredibly fortunate man he was to be surrounded by so much love. The three of them stood joined together for a while, with the fragrance of roses and lavender enveloping them.

It was a fine, clear day and the sun was shining brightly out of a cloudless blue sky. Catherine laughed. “Is this really Scotland?” she asked in disbelief.

Elspeth gave her a playful tap on the shoulder. “Of course it is, silly Mammy!”

Catherine pulled her daughter towards her and kissed her, then turned her face up to Cormac. There was a promise in his wife’s eyes. Promise of years of love and happiness.

He smiled, and they turned to go back to the castle, and Elspeth had seen Nell and was just about to rush in before them, but she never got the chance.

Cormac turned to speak to his wife, but before he could say a word, she screamed and fell down on the stone slabs of the courtyard. For a fleeting second he did not understand what had happened, then he saw an arrow protruding from her back.

Cormac stared at Catherine in disbelief and horror for a moment, then shook her as if he could wake her up, before he realised that she was dead. Stunned, he stared at her, shaking his head.

“No! No! Stand up, Cathy,” he cried.

“Mammy?” Elspeth asked, her face a mask of fear, as blood from Catherine’s wound slowly spread over her back.

That was when the truth finally smote him like a fist to his face.

Cormac suddenly was trapped in the middle, as arrows were shot from both sides. Catherine was motionless on the ground, and he stood there frozen, seeing his wife being lost before his eyes, unable to do anything.

In his dream, he had no idea who his enemy was, but he knew one thing; before the sun set, every single one of them would be nothing but a memory.

He felt as though his fury and hatred had given him the strength of ten men, and he was determined that the flagstones of the courtyard would be stained red with their blood.

Then he screamed as he charged into battle.

The sound woke him from his nightmare, and he jerked upright in his bed, looking around him and half-expecting to be attacked by a swordsman hiding in the shadows.

Slowly, he returned to reality and breathed out a long sigh of relief, then passed a hand over his eyes, only to discover that his face was wet with tears. Catherine had been gone for years, but now it seemed that the pain of loss was as sharp as it had been on the dreadful day when she had died.

Will it ever go away? he thought sadly as he saw Elspeth’s angry little face in his mind’s eye. Will we ever be at peace?