Page 26

26

NERYS

It was the first time since he’d come to the palace I left its grounds without him.

After sending a meal, and message, to his chamber, I began the day training at the alcove that, in the past, had been my safe haven. But now, unless completely engrossed in water-wielding, I looked for him, wishing to find Rowan watching me from behind.

By midday, I decided to give up and return, guilt at leaving him locked away gnawing at me. On the way back, it occurred to me that Rowan did not have to be locked away. I’d never given him the option, and was almost embarrassed to do so now, so many days later. By the time I changed and stood outside his chamber, my cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

If you will be queen of Thalassaria, you’d best find more courage than this.

With a few deep breaths, I touched my fingertips to my face. No longer aflame, I knocked. When he didn’t respond, I knocked again.

Nothing.

Fingers fumbling with the key, I imagined all sort of scenarios, most of which ended with Rowan injured… or worse. What a fool I’d been, to crave his presence more than offer Rowan his freedom.

At the sight of him, a cloth of finely woven seaweed wrapped around his waist, I froze.

Rowan arched his brows, nodding toward the door.

“You may want to close that,” he said.

So much for my cheeks. I spun back around, grateful for the excuse to hide my face, and did just that. Getting myself back under control, I faced him.

Rowan hadn’t moved. His hair was wet, and he’d obviously been washing when I first knocked.

“Late to rise today?” I asked. He could not have possibly just woken.

Rowan gestured toward a chair which previously had four legs. Instead, only three remained. One lay across its seat.

“It has been many years since I practiced my skill with a wooden sword. Or, in this case, a chair leg.”

The admission made me feel even worse.

“Apologies for leaving you this morn. I wanted to train and just…”

“Are upset, still. Because you believe I lied to you?”

“You did lie to me, Rowan.”

“I told you, there were things I cannot share?—”

“You having the Sight being one of them?” His bare chest was beyond distracting.

“I do not have the Sight. Not in the way you are thinking.”

“Semantics,” I accused. “Do you deny knowing Caelum was looking for me? Or that you sensed, or saw, where the spy was hidden?”

“No. I do not deny it.” Rowan looked up, toward the ceiling, expelled a breath, and then re-focused on me. “When I came here, I had no ability beyond that which I told you about. The others… have developed since.”

That made little sense. “You developed the Sight since coming to Thalassaria?”

“What humans define as the Sight is different than what I’ve been experiencing. Having said as much… I am already breaking a sacred vow.”

“A vow to whom?”

“My fam— my people.”

“I’ve not heard of an Elydor-born human developing such an ability.”

Once again, we were at an impasse.

“It occurs to me,” I said finally, “that I should have offered you an opportunity to leave. To not be locked away and to have your sword returned to you.”

“By leaving the palace until the Festival of Tides?” He’d considered as much already. “I’d considered it when Queen Lirael denied, or rather delayed, my answer.”

“So why did you not?”

Crossing his arms, much like Marek might, Rowan waited for me to work out that answer myself. Instead of acknowledging that he chose to remain here, locked away, in order to be with me, I flung an accusation instead.

“You’ve been too often with Marek, I think.”

He laughed and uncrossed his arms. “You may be right. I broke my fast with him.”

“You did?”

Rowan nodded. “He came here, looking for you. I told him you’d sent me a meal and failed to retrieve me this morn. Which pleased me very little, given what occurred last eve.”

Twisting my fingers, I dropped a silencing mist.

“Did you tell Marek?”

Rowan waved a hand through the air, collecting a bit of its moisture. “I did. He left to find Caelum and apprise him of the situation. We also spoke about the possibility of you staying with Aneri until the festival.”

When the topic arose at her house, I had dismissed it, wishing to remain here in order to learn as much as possible of her intentions. “If we both leave now?—”

“You should go. I will remain, to listen and observe.”

I shook my head. “You will be given a new escort.”

“Perhaps one that will reveal something to me. I like it not, you sleeping under the same roof as the queen.”

Caelum and Marek had said the same, and though I didn’t disagree, the thought of being separated from Rowan, even given what he said at The Moonlit Current…

He was beside me before I could respond. Rowan was like that, able to move like a shadow. Sometimes, I swore he must be part Aetherian. One finger lifted up my chin.

“You have a duty to Thalassaria, one I fear may be in jeopardy if you are to remain here. I don’t trust the queen and am not free to help defend you. Take Marek up on his offer and go to Aneri’s with him. It will be safer.”

There was simply no other way to say it.

“I will miss you.”

Rowan leaned in, kissing my lips so very softly. Reverently.

“I will miss you too.”

I thought of another reason to stay. “I don’t know who they will assign to you. It will likely be one of the queen’s spies. Without protection, you?—”

“I will be fine, Nerys. She will not have me murdered, if for no other reason than doing so would start a war with Aetheria.”

“She could claim it an accident.”

“Against which I’ve made safeguards. Ones in place before I stepped foot in the palace.”

“But… you did not know she was a threat then? Even now, I do not believe the queen capable of murder.”

Was Rowan even aware that, as he spoke, he’d taken both my hands in his and was rubbing his thumbs in circles along my palms?

“Nay? It was you who told me of Caelum. Surely, he is not the only one the queen thought to sacrifice for the greater good of Thalassaria.”

He was right, of course. I just refused to believe someone capable of such a thing.

“If she sends a spy, even better.” Rowan’s eyes, now full of mischief, held my own. “I know something of spies and how they operate.”

My mouth fell open. “You do? Who do you spy for?”

“I’ve told you more than I should have, against my best judgment, so that you will be safe. For there is nothing, not even the Tidal Pearl, I care more about than that.”

I searched for the truth of his words in Rowan’s gaze and found it easily.

Gaining the Tidal Pearl meant he could help the king and princess open the Aetherian Gate. It meant reuniting his people with their families. Nothing could be more important to a human spy, his network unknown but Rowan’s purpose one he’d already admitted to.

Except he said that I was more important than all of that, and I believed him.

I wish you had my ability to sense emotion and could feel mine too.

He’d felt my love for him, and in saying as much, wanted me to feel his too. If I wasn’t experiencing as much myself, I’d not believe anything he said to me. How could we have gone so quickly from being strangers to considering risking all for love?

But it was possible. I knew as much, because at this moment, if he asked me, I’d give up everything to be with him. And yet his admission still lay between us. We could not be together, and I did have a destiny to fill.

“I will stay with Aneri.”

“Good,” he said, standing back. “It’s best you go now before I’m tempted to kiss you again. And this time, I won’t stop with just a kiss.”

“You look like this”—I waved my arm up and down, gesturing to his bare arms and chest, Rowan’s tousled, wet hair begging to be touched—“and say as much?”

Rowan’s eyes darkened. In a heartbeat, I would not be leaving. Or going to Aneri’s with Marek. Which would be fine, except… my chest ached already with the memory of one night.

“I’m going,” I said with a step backwards.

He didn’t stop me. But he wanted to.

Another step.

Rowan’s jaw clenched, as if forcing himself not to speak.

I would make it easier for him, and for myself too. Without another word, I turned and hastened from his chamber as if a sea demon were chasing me.

Nay, not a sea demon.

The knowledge that I was walking away from the man I loved.