Page 32 of Those That Are Lost (Hidden Vampires #2)

Shit. My stomach lurches, suddenly wanting to expel Henry’s blood from my stomach.

Even though I know no bond could’ve been placed between me and Henry in the way that I drank from him, I feel guilty.

Like I’ve risked something precious, something I’ve been yearning for.

The thing that I’ve had locked up in an airtight box, surrounded by several giant impenetrable walls.

I need to find Ty.

Taking off without hearing any more of the conversation around me, I dart for the main house.

As soon as I reach the front doors, my heart rate takes off.

Everything I’ve been trying not to feel escapes.

It floods my system and a desperation takes hold.

Ty needs to know that I wasn’t trying anything with Henry. There was no risk. I wouldn’t risk it.

The voices start multiplying in my head and my lungs start challenging their role to pull oxygen into my body. Ty will calm it, I know it. He always does. I need to find him.

Racing through the empty common room, I use my vampire speed to reach the bedrooms. Bursting into the room I’ve been sharing with Ty with enough force the door bangs loudly, I’m met with nothing but empty space.

“Ty?” I call even though I know he’s not in here. Silence.

Turning on my heels, I’m back in the hall and jogging to the offices where he spends a lot of his time. I get to the one Eetu and Theodora share and knock. Silence.

Where could he have gone?

“I think he might’ve headed up to the cave.”

I spin at the voice. It’s Eetu.

“What?”

“I guess you’re looking for Ty? ”

I nod.

“He asked me where the cave was earlier. The one Joey and his guys were at the night you arrived. I thought it was because he wanted to show you the lights. They really are stunning from up there. Maybe he just needed a night alone.”

No. My chest screams.

“Where is it?” My voice comes out much more growly than I intended.

The male in front of me doesn’t even flinch, but he does give me a stern look.

He doesn’t respond straight away and I can tell he’s weighing up my intentions, whether I’m about to cause more heartache to the male he considers a nephew.

“Please.” I soften my voice, openly pleading a little. “How do I get there?”

Eetu’s eyes soften. “Head out the rear entrance, toward the training ground we’ve been using, but before you exit the trees, take the fork to the left. It's a good hike, about halfway up the mountain but the views are worth it. And the cave is kitted out with the essentials.”

“Thank you,” I’m calling out over my shoulder as I’m already moving.

This trek is no joke. Especially in the dark.

I’ve been running slash climbing as quickly as I can, but with the snow, some parts are too perilous to move at vampire speeds.

I don’t feel worried, however, as shadows dance ahead of me, guiding my way and showing me the best way to navigate the steep path.

I’d left the forest a while ago, the track turning into a narrow pathway which zig-zags up the side of the cold harsh rock face.

It would definitely be easier on four legs .

I’ve spotted multiple sets of prints, going both ways, telling me the wolves do indeed do this in their human forms. It doesn’t help me confirm that Ty has come this way, I’m trusting the shadows for that.

Breaths laboured with the effort, I force myself to jog, the path smoothing out into a straighter section so I can see where I’m going. The drop to my right is sheer and a guaranteed death if I fall—well, it would be to a human or shifter. I don’t wish to find out if a vampire would survive.

The thought strikes me and I wait for the voice in my head to disagree.

It doesn’t come. It doesn’t mean I’m cured, or fixed, or whatever, but I think letting my guard down more with the wolves—and Ty and Henry—is weakening the thoughts in my head.

I still feel like I’m useless and broken half the time but the ones telling me to harm myself have been less frequent for a few weeks now.

I slow down as I reach the next turn. Stepping round the corner, I expect to see another climb but instead I’m greeted with a wide plateau.

It's a gravel shelf carved into the mountainside.

To my left I notice the inky blackness of what looks like a cave entrance.

And ahead of me is a male sitting on the edge of the ledge, legs hanging over the lip and body leaning back on his hands.

Ty stares out at the dark ridge line of neighbouring mountain peaks sitting stoically against the skyline.

The valley below is cloaked in so much darkness, I can’t discern where the valley floor is.

The stars form a glittering canvas above the mountains surrounding us.

If I paused to look, I’m sure I would be mesmerised, but all my focus is on one thing.

I pause as Ty turns to look over his shoulder at me. A thousand words pass between us and yet not a single one is spoken. I feel the pull of invisible strings tugging me to take the remaining steps between us. I swallow and give in, moving one stride closer .

“Red.” His voice, filled with pain, cracks my soul. “Please, don’t come closer. Not tonight.” He turns back to the scenery.

I move anyway. I can’t not.

“Red,” Ty warns, voice quivering with thick emotion. I want to remove this pain, which I think I may have caused.

“Ty.” I take another step before I’m at the ledge beside him. Slowly, I lower myself so that I match his position. Dangling off the edge isn’t nearly as terrifying as the way he sounds right now.

“Ty,” I repeat. “Please, talk to me. Why did you leave?” I don’t want any assumptions. The only indication that he even heard me is a locking of his jaw. “Ty, what’s going on?”

That makes his head swing to me. His eyes ablaze with longing, shining bright against his tanned skin.

“If you make me answer that, I might break whatever fragile thing we seem to have here. Don’t make me do that.

” It's a plea, and it makes my heart beat with such a pained thump my breath stutters. I turn so I’m facing him more, bending my left leg up under me and leaving the right hanging over the edge of the cliff.

I slowly reach forward and place my right hand to his thigh.

He flinches like I’ve burned him. I quickly retract my fingers.

“I want to know. I can see you’re hurting. You won’t break anything.” I try to reassure him.

“Really?” he asks on a wet laugh, like he’s holding back tears.

“So, it wouldn’t change anything if I told you that I’m so consumed by how much I love you that I contemplated killing Henry tonight?

Would you not pull away if you knew that seeing you drink from him split me into shreds because of the tiny fragment of a chance that it could bond you to him in some way?

How about the thought of you being with anyone makes me want to claw my own skin off and rip my heart out of my chest because you’re mine and I feel like I don’t know how to make you see that I’m yours too? ”

Every word hits me like a rock. Blunt. Hard. Bruising.

I close my eyes against the onslaught. That feeling I had earlier. It’s back tenfold. It’s crushing, making my breaths shallow and rapid. I force my lungs to take a long inhale as I allow myself to feel, really feel.

I’d squashed it, buried it, locked it away tight. It had never disappeared, I was aware of that, but I have been keeping the depth of my feelings for this male in front of me at arm's length. Even through all our nights of talking, our relationship was the one topic we both avoided.

“Ty,” I whisper. I pray.

“I’m sorry, okay?” Ty says, facing the view once more. “I’ve managed to keep it in check most of the time. I know you’re not ready. And if you’re never ready I’ll try to understand. But tonight was just too much. Seeing you drink from him was too much.”

I try to wrap my head around his words but I can’t comprehend them.

“If you want to be with someone else…” He trails off before swallowing. “I think I need you to tell me now so I can leave.”

Leave?

“I’m sure Henry will protect you until you decide where you want to go.”

Henry?

“Ty.” I put my hand back on his thigh. This time not removing it when he tenses.

“Red, I’m begging you here. I’m barely in control and having you touch me right now is testing me to my limits.” His own fingers dig into the rock under his hands. I can’t stand to see him in this much agony over me. What have I been doing to him whilst I’ve been shutting him out ?

I’ve been protecting myself but shredding him.

No more.

“I’m sorry,” I choke out, throat clogged with devastating realisation. “I didn’t know. I didn’t want to make you feel like this.”

He shakes his head. “No, it’s not on you.”

“Yes. It is. And I’m so, so sorry. I’ve been keeping you close but not letting you in. I thought I had been communicating but I wasn’t. Telling you I wasn’t ready wasn’t fair.”

“Wasn’t it the truth?”

“Yes. But I should’ve told you the other truth too.”

“Other truth?” Ty turns to me once more and I see the hope in his features. I also see the steely shield braced for rejection.

“I never stopped loving you. With every single cell of my body, it never went away, I wouldn’t know how.” The words unlock the last recesses of my mind. It all comes crashing out, and I know what I need to do. What I should’ve done when he first found me.

Ty’s face shifts to wary. The hope grows but he doesn’t trust my words.

“Did you know that I got the nose piercing because the stone reminded me of your eyes?” I tell him, building up to what I really want to show him.

“No, you didn’t tell me.”

“I thought you might’ve guessed.” I offer him a small smile, hoping to pull him back to me. “It was the first thing I did to keep you with me when I was missing you so badly I thought my body might give up from the aching.”

Ty brings his left hand up to gently cup my face, fingers under my chin and thumb gently rolling over the stud in my nose. It’s as if he’s seeing it for the first time .

“I hate that you had to leave by yourself. I had no alternative. I had to get you out.”

“I know,” I tell him.

I scoot back out of his touch, which he looks hurt by, but I need the space to do what I’m about to do. And I need to not be dangling off the edge of a five-hundred-foot drop.

“And then I did this,” I say, crossing my legs to give me stability as I unbutton the coat and whip it off my shoulders.

Ty looks at me, head tilted in curiosity. It’s a lot better than the hurt.

I hurriedly remove the over-shirt next. The cold air penetrates my remaining layers, already biting at my skin, but I take no notice. Needing to unveil my truth now that I’ve finally started feeling again.

“What are you doing?” he asks.

“Give me one more second,” I say as I remove the long sleeved thermal and really expose my skin to the freezing temperatures. I’m left in just a beaded white corset that Millie insisted I wear to “keep my curves showing from under the thick clothing.”

“Red, what is that?” Ty’s nostrils flare and his eyes rake over the lingerie.

“It’s not what it looks like,” I blurt.

“So, you’re not wearing a corset?”

“Okay, so I am, but it’s not what I’m trying to show you right now.”

Ty’s face screws up in confusion.

Shucking the thermal off fully and throwing it onto the ledge beside us, I hold out my left arm between us, underside up. The scar I got from Adicious stark pink against my paler skin.

Ty’s features tighten once more, clearly not liking the reminder of the vampire that’s caused us both so much pain .

I let down the tiny bit of my magic I’ve kept in place since the day I got it. Except for a few occasions where I felt desperate, so low I nearly broke my promise to keep myself safe.

I watch Ty’s eyes as they widen in shock, as his shining blue eyes flick between my face and what I’m showing him.

I turn my arm slowly so he can see both sides, and the thick black lines that swirl all the way from my index finger, across my palm, and up my arm until a few inches before my elbow.

I stop, leaving my inner wrist face up again, one particular streak placed with extra care so that it curves with the line of my scar, covering it in deep black ink and making it blend into the line of the tattoo, barely visible.

“Red.” Ty brings his hand up under my own, so he can lift my palm for a closer look. “You got my shadows tattooed? You covered your scar with them.”

“I did.”

“Why?” he asks in disbelief, eyes flicking from my face to my arm.

“Because they are part of you. And I missed them as much as I missed you. It was a way I could keep part of you with me. I hoped my memory of yours was accurate.”

Ty’s turns to me fully, crossing his legs in front of himself so our knees are touching. He keeps inspecting my inked skin. Shadows creep out from behind him as if he’s told them to come and look too. One winds itself around our hands and twirls itself around my inked forearm.

“You realise if anyone recognises this they are going to think you’re a shadow wielder. You’re putting yourself in danger.”

“Like you are with yours?” I rebuff his worry.

“I’ve noticed how you keep long sleeves on whenever there’s a chance you’re going to be seen.

And I have glamour magic. It takes such a small amount to keep them covered, I would have to be dying for it to fall.

Plus, if someone sees these, I will be in trouble anyway.

The whole vampires are meant to be extinct thing, remember? ”

That earns me a head shake and a small tilt of his lips. “Still, why would you risk it?”

“They helped me get through the really dark days. The days where I thought about joining you in the afterlife.”

“Gods…” Ty says on a heavy exhale. He rubs his brow with his free hand. “Red, I will never be able to make it up to you. Everything I’ve put you through.”

“You didn’t put me through anything. You were forced. We were forced.”

“Still, I hate that you felt that close to doing something to yourself.”

“Me too. Something always kept me tethered though, I want to believe it was you.”

Ty closes his eyes like he needs a moment to let that sink in. I can see his trust in my words is fragile. He doesn’t want to risk his heart when I’ve been so distant for months. I understand.

Maybe my next words will convince him I’m done with running scared from my own feelings.

“Ty,” I pause until he reopens his eyes. “Will you be my mate?”