Page 10 of Those That Are Lost (Hidden Vampires #2)

AURORA

I ’ve worked a few of the lunch shifts before. They’re quieter which is always harder but I normally throw myself into cleaning or restocking, managing to pass the time.

Not today.

Today the guilt refuses to be quiet. It’s eating at me like a parasite. It’s taking everything I have to move about the bar like I’m a functioning, normal barmaid.

You’ve screwed everything up, yet again.

I slam my eyes closed for a second and take a deep breath as I replace the top shelf brandy with a new bottle. My demons are a little harder to quieten down after I let them breach the surface last night.

Ty’s face appears before my closed eyelids.

He’d had me talking so easily.

It should’ve been a happy night. I should’ve been happy to have him back. But I don’t deserve it, don’t deserve him.

I’d ruined our reunion by not keeping all my shit inside. I’d let him see the darkness, and I’d seen how cut up he’d been. That’s why I know I was right to stop him last night. And he seemed as shocked as I did at the fact he almost bit me right after making me come.

If we had formed that connection would he have felt the entire abyss inside me now?

Mates tended to be gifted with additional powers, some could feel their other halves, others could talk to each other mind to mind.

I couldn’t put that onto him. Not when he’d been through a lot worse than I had and was clearly dealing with it much better than me.

I’ve been the cause of more than enough of his pain.

Just because he’s alive, my guilt over my mistakes wasn’t deleted, wasn’t nullified. No, if anything it’s intensified with the knowledge of what he’s been through.

Everything I said to him was true. I couldn’t live if he became my mate and I lost him, I fear the pain that would put me in. However, I also couldn’t let him tie himself to me when all I do is screw things up. He’d regret it, I’m sure, once he saw how broken I am.

I should send him away. Let him get on with his life. But I know I’m not strong enough to form those words. Having tasted him again I don’t want to let go. Quite the opposite. I want to cling on for dear life. It’s selfish, I know .

Swallowing the thickness rising in my throat and picking up the cloth I was using to clean the bottles I begin polishing the lower shelves.

My emotions continue to swing like a pendulum as the bar fills with the lunch time crowd.

A crochet club meets here once a week and they occupy one of the larger booths.

We’ve got several farmers in as well, with their lead hands and a few of their bookkeepers too, wrapping up their year accounts over lunches and early afternoon pints.

It’s not crammed by any means, the tables about half full but it finally allows me to shove my own problems in a tight box and not think about them for a while.

I’m delivering some food to a table when I hear the doors swing open and see a tall figure enter in my peripheral vision.

I finish putting the plates down and check if they need anything else before heading back to the bar.

On my way I scan the room, looking to see where the newcomer has sat, I’m surprised to notice that it’s Henry.

He’s taken up residence in one of the booths at the back and has already pulled a laptop and a couple of notepads out of his satchel.

I do another scan of the room to check that the third vampire in this town hasn’t snuck into the bar but he’s definitely not here. I silently hope it stays that way until I’ve finished. I’m struggling enough right now, I don’t know if I can cope with seeing him.

Henry doesn’t even look up as I approach, he must sense my presence, however, as he speaks before I can make my voice work.

“If you’re going to ask me where he is, the answer is I don’t know.”

“He’s not at mine?” I reply, my voice barely audible so we won’t be overheard. They were both there when I left for my shift.

“No, he took off after you left, and I’ve just come from there. I’d half assumed he was here.” Henry types a few more words before looking at me. I search his expressionless face, finding him very hard to read.

“He wouldn’t have left, would he?” Not that I could really blame him but panic floods me that he might.

“Aur…” Henry starts to say my actual name but thankfully stops as he sees my eyes widen in warning. “Shit, sorry. Should’ve thought.” He gestures for me to sit as he closes the lid on the laptop. I slide into the bench seat opposite him. “He won’t be far.”

Exhaling the breath I’d been holding, I tell him, “It’s Izzy. My name.”

He gives me a look I can’t decipher but I want to guess it’s amusement. Weird .

“Nice to meet you, Izzy.” He holds out a hand to shake. It feels like a gesture of a clean slate. Our meeting last night was hardly the best first impression. For either of us.

I take his hand, shaking it firmly.

“It’s good to meet you too. I’m sorry about last night. My track record so far isn’t great when it comes to…” I trail off but lift my top lip, swiping my tongue across my canine so he’ll know I mean vampires.

“Well then, I’ll try my best to change that.” He offers me a small laugh. “We really aren’t all giant cunts.”

I find myself returning the laugh.

“Have you been coping?” The switch to serious kills my moment of light-heartedness. “I know how tough it can be. I pretty much did it alone in the beginning too.” The concern in his eyes isn’t pity but empathy. I think he might be genuinely a good person.

My eyes flick around the tavern, the crochet group are chatting animatedly, and the few other small groups aren’t sitting close by. Still, I keep my voice low so we aren’t overheard. “I’m still alive and I’m not starving, if you call that coping,” I reply honestly.

“I hope our appearance was a welcome one. It’s not really my place, but I’ve never seen Ty so worked up before.

And I’ve been on battlefields with him.” He drops that fact in so casually, like that’s not a revelation.

“He was so desperate to get to you. I get you might need time but please give him a chance, allow him back into your life.”

Henry reaches across the table to where my arms are folded in front of me, resting on the surface. He gives my arm a gentle squeeze in a touch that feels like he’s trying to soften his words. I see them for what they are though; he’s protecting his friend, asking me to not break Ty’s heart .

“I don’t want to hurt him.” A raw feeling follows the words up my throat.

Henry cocks his head slightly, as if assessing me. After a beat, he nods slowly. Hopefully, that means he accepts my answer.

“I can be here for you too, if you want to talk,” he offers. “But I think we’ve done enough talking about the heavy stuff for today. What’s good to drink here? Do you serve real coffee?”

The smile returns to my lips. I realise Henry is very perceptive. Why is it that both of these males can seem to read straight through me? The switch in subject helps me shove the feelings that were threatening to surface back down.

“I can vouch for the coffee, although I’m no expert. It is freshly ground.”

“Excellent, I’m going to need some to finish this.” He taps his fingers on the closed laptop lid.

“What are you working on? If you don’t mind me asking.” I have to admit to being curious.

“I’m trying to finish an article that the West Scotia University wants me to publish. Honestly, I regret saying yes, but they want me to write a counter argument against a load of bollocks that was published in the last issue.”

“You’re a scholar?” My interest is even more piqued now. “What subject?”

“Oh yes, Ty mentioned you were a history student. I fancy myself more of a sociologist but have written quite a bit under the historical branch. You might recognise my pen name, H J Fitzroy.’

My jaw drops.

“You’re H J Fitzroy?” I stutter after blinking several times.

“You have heard of me then.” His eyes crinkle with amusement.

“Heard of you? It was your work that formed the basis of my thesis. You’re brilliant.

” I feel my cheeks heat as I stare at him in wonder.

His works are some of the most progressive in altering the narrative around the Cleansing Wars; the war that sent the vampires into near extinction, the one responsible for the world thinking we no longer existed.

“Thank you, I rarely get to meet those that read my work. Comes with having to keep my identity anonymous. I’d like to read what you investigated sometime.”

“I never properly finished it. I left before handing it in. I don’t even have a way to access it now.

” It's another element in the shitshow of my life this past year. I was so close to graduating and then I’d had to escape.

I don’t know what happened to all my work, or even all my belongings.

I hope my friends are holding on to it, hope they’re thinking of me, but it’s too risky to try contacting them.

“Well, you could have a read of this for me once I’ve finished the draft. I’d be keen to know your thoughts,” Henry offers.

“I’d love that.” Something inside me eases, this conversation feels so normal. It’s not about being on the run or the fact my entire life is a lie.

“Great.” Henry offers me a genuine smile before adding, “And I’d still like that coffee if it’s going?”

“Right, sorry.” I scramble up, needing to get back to working anyway. “How do you take it?”

“Black, one sugar please.”

I head back to the bar to grab his drink.

As I wait for the machine, I look back over to his table, he has the laptop open once more and is staring with brows furrowed, chocolate locks flopping down on his forehead.

Today suddenly doesn’t feel quite as heavy.

I also think I may have found a new friend.