Page 26 of This Vicious Dream (Kingdom of Death #1)

Madinia

Numbness sweeps through my body.

Time stops.

Confusion reigns.

The world snaps into place once more, and terror slices into me, as sharp and deadly as a blade.

I fight like a wild animal, clawing at the hand on my mouth. But my fear makes me clumsy, slow. I lash out with my fist, but I’m off-balance.

My pulse thunders in my ears. How did he find me? Where is Calysian? Did he give me up? Is this his form of revenge for my own betrayal?

No. He would never.

My mind sharpens, and I reach for my knife, my body acting on instinct as I attempt to twist, thrusting my blade at Kyldare. But the movement is awkward, and he slams his fist into the back of my hand. The knife falls to the ground.

“Madinia.”

My vision turns white. This panic is achingly familiar. And that hateful voice is so close. Too close.

I kick out, bucking, and Kyldare releases my mouth. I suck in one desperate breath, but before I can scream, his arm is around my throat, his lips at my ear.

“I don’t need to hurt you, but I will if you don’t calm down. I’m not here to kill you.”

It takes several long moments for his words to sink in. Moments Kyldare uses to squeeze harder, until my limbs begin to weaken.

He lets out an impatient growl. “Tell me you’ll listen to me, and I’ll release you.”

Listen to him? I’ll murder him.

His arm tightens further, and my vision begins to dim. “We don’t have time for this,” he hisses. “If I wanted to kill you, you’d already be dead.”

There are things worse than death.

He taught me that.

But the thought of Kyldare starving me of air long enough to send me into unconsciousness…

The thought of being entirely unaware and helpless…

Intolerable.

Gritting my teeth, I force my body to go still. Slowly, Kyldare begins to release his arm. “Will you listen?”

I nod. I’ve lost one knife, but I have another dagger at my ankle, my sword strapped to my back. I have no chance of getting the sword free with him this close, but I can get to the dagger.

He chuckles humorlessly. “You still think you’re going to kill me, don’t you?”

“Speak.” My voice is hoarse, my throat aching. Kyldare removes his arm entirely and I whirl, pulling my sword. My breaths come in shallow pants, my lungs burning.

He holds up both hands, as if I’m a wild animal and he’s the one in danger. “I truly mean you no harm.”

I curl my lip at him, my heart still thundering in my chest. “Why didn’t Calysian sense you? Why didn’t I hear you approaching?”

“A temporary gift from my goddess.”

“Your goddess?”

“It’s a long story.”

“Then you better start talking. Because the moment Calysian returns, he’ll kill you.”

Kyldare sneers, but his gaze flickers across the clearing, his eyes intent. When his attention returns to me, I have to fight the urge to swing my sword at his throat.

And yet…I am curious.

Kyldare’s boots are dusty, his cloak torn. He desperately needs a shave, and a purple bruise has bloomed across his jaw, as if he recently took a punch.

I’ve never seen him look so…disheveled.

And the soldier’s words from earlier run on a loop in my mind.

“Kyldare is no longer our problem.”

“You betrayed Vicana,” I breathe, and his expression tightens.

“Yes. And now I’m offering an alliance.”

“An alliance?” My voice carries across the clearing, high and thready. “ You told me you killed my friends!”

I keep my gaze planted on him, my hand tightening around the hilt of my sword. In a fight to the death, Kyldare will likely kill me. But I’ll still make him bleed.

“I could have ended you at any time,” Kyldare says, arching an eyebrow meaningfully. “And I didn’t. Ask yourself why.”

“You needed me to tell you where the grimoire was.”

“And yet I left you alone and safe for months at a time.”

“Trapped inside my own body!”

He idly waves one hand. “Do you truly think I couldn’t have tortured that information out of you? I convinced both the witch and the queen that you were unbreakable. I convinced them that the only way to learn the location was to hold you prisoner until your mind gave out.” He gives me a slow, knowing smile. “But we both know I could have broken you.”

A cold, greasy sweat breaks out on the back of my neck, and I squeeze the hilt of my sword even tighter, my hand beginning to throb.

No. He doesn’t get to do this.

I force my hand to relax, taking one deep breath. And then another.

I’d already given so much of my mind away in that tower, there was little left for Kyldare to break. And I won’t let him watch me break now.

I force my expression into something grimly neutral. “So why didn’t you?”

“My goddess didn’t want you dead. She wanted you to meet Calpharos.”

“Why?”

“Because years ago, she had a dream. And she knew that together, you and the dark god would find the grimoires.”

“So you thought you’d allow us to get close to the grimoires and then what…take them for yourself?” Understanding flickers within my mind. “You were never planning to give the first grimoire to Vicana. You wanted to give it to your goddess instead.”

“Vicana is arrogant. She used one of her fae underlings to bind me with a blood vow. I vowed to do everything I could to find the grimoires. But I never vowed to give them to her.” He smiles. “A ludicrous oversight. And one that worked out for me since my goddess told me the best way for me to find the grimoire would be to wait until you met the dark god.”

“You kept me trapped and alone in that fucking tower, hoping Calpharos would find me. So you could follow us.”

“I didn’t anticipate you being able to use the grimoire’s power to break free. And I didn’t know that the man who approached that day was the dark god. I can sense the power of the gods, and yet I sensed nothing from him.”

“Because he hadn’t yet found the grimoires.”

Kyldare glances away, his shoulders hunching. “Yes, well that was a mistake, and one I was punished for. I should have known the dark god might appear as a mortal.”

“That’s why you were hunting me? Why you tried to take me back? Because you thought I hadn’t yet met the dark god?”

“Yes. It wasn’t until that day by the lake that I realized the man you were traveling with was the dark god. But Vicana wanted you, and I couldn’t risk Bridin growing suspicious.” He frowns at me. “I really wish you had killed the witch.”

“It’s taking everything in me not to kill you right now.”

A cold, dark presence spills across the clearing and goosebumps form across my skin.

“No need, sweetheart. I’ll do it for you.” Calysian’s voice is low, filled with the promise of endless pain.

“Wait!” Kyldare takes a step back, and the terror in his eyes is delicious. “You don’t want to kill me.”

Calysian rakes his eyes over me, his gaze lingering at my throat. He prowls toward Kyldare. “Oh, yes I do.”

“You’re about to walk into a trap!” Kyldare’s eyes widen as Calysian doesn’t slow his pace.

With a sigh, I step between them. Calysian reaches out, hands clasping my upper arms, and I know he’s about to move me aside. Something inhuman stares out at me from behind his eyes, and my throat tightens.

“Wait.”

His gaze shifts behind me, and I reach out, burying my fingers in his shirt. “Believe me, I don’t want to protect him. But we need to consider all our options.”

“I see two options. Personally, I’d like to beat him to death, but I know you’re partial to fire.” Calysian’s voice is flat, but the strange otherworldly light is draining from his eyes.

Slowly, he releases my arms, taking a step back. But his struggle for self-control is evident, and he keeps his gaze carefully away from Kyldare as he stalks to his saddlebag—as if even looking at Kyldare would be enough to make him rip out his throat.

Kyldare releases a long, shuddering breath behind me. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. Tell us what you know. Now.”

“First, you have to agree not to kill me.”

“We don’t need any information from him,” Calysian says as he approaches, the heavy chains from my tower in his hand. “Now that we know there’s a trap waiting for us, we know to be even more careful. Hold out your arms.”

Kyldare bares his teeth, his ward jumping into place. “You’re not chaining me.”

Calysian shrugs. “I chain you, or you die.”

“You only have one grimoire. I can still kill you.” Kyldare meets my eyes. “And I can kill you .”

Calysian steps in front of me. “Don’t talk to her. Don’t even look at her.”

Perhaps it’s because I’m still rattled from Kyldare’s surprise appearance—and my own vulnerability when he had his arm around my throat—but something about Calysian’s overprotectiveness makes warmth spread through my chest.

Thick, black fog begins to spread through the clearing. My heart races, and Kyldare jolts backward. “What are you doing?”

I shift so I can see Calysian. He’s using the little remaining power he has left after the quake today. And it’s enough to make the blood drain from Kyldare’s face.

“What’s wrong, Kyldare?” I muse. “Not so brave without a regiment standing in front of you?”

Calysian drops the chains at Kyldare’s feet. “Do it. Now.”

Kyldare’s eyes dart between us, and a dark, vicious satisfaction spreads through me. Whatever he was anticipating when he came here, it wasn’t this. He has always pretended to be braver than he is. But right now he’s not standing behind a regiment. He’s not standing next to a powerful witch.

“I do this, and you’ll listen to me?”

“Yes,” I say, mostly because I want to watch Kyldare snap those manacles around his wrists. I want to see the horror in his eyes as he loses even the barest whisper of his power.

He takes a long time to think it through. Calysian merely waits him out. Finally, Kyldare complies, the heavy chain dangling between his hands. His limbs begin to tremble.

“Not particularly enjoyable, is it?” I smirk.

He ignores me, lifting his head. “I did what you want. Will you listen to my proposal now?”

Calysian frowns, taking a step closer to Kyldare. His eyes light with surprise.

My stomach churns. “What is it?”

“He’s god-touched. I should have recognized it sooner. But perhaps I can only see it because I’ve taken the first grimoire.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means he was blessed by his goddess. He’ll live as long as she does. Unless someone kills him.” The smile Calysian gives Kyldare is chilling. “Talk.”

Kyldare swallows. “You’re right. My goddess blessed me. She knew she would need someone in this kingdom when you arrived, and she also knew I would be the one to find her.” He nods at me. “I was ordered to cooperate with Vicana and find the grimoire. Everything was going according to plan until the witch became suspicious.” His mouth tightens. “She slipped one of her putrid tonics into my drink and made me confess my duplicity.”

“And yet you managed to escape and come to us,” Calysian says, planting his hands on his hips.

Kyldare lets out a bitter laugh. “You think I’m setting you up? I wish I was. I barely escaped with my life. My goddess told me to travel in this direction. She said I would know where to find you. When I felt the quake, learned where it was centered, I knew she was giving me a sign.”

“Name your goddess,” Calysian orders.

Kyldare just shakes his head. “I can’t. She has stilled my tongue so that I immediately forget her name if I attempt to say it to someone who does not already know it.”

Realization flickers through Calysian’s eyes. He knows who the goddess is.

“You put a bolt through Madinia’s lung,” he growls. “Did your goddess tell you to do that too?”

Kyldare drops his gaze. “I was…frustrated. I knew my goddess would be angry with me for losing the first grimoire. I wanted to punish Madinia for ruining my plans over and over again. And I knew you would not let her die.”

I shake my head. He’s lying. He wanted me dead in that moment. He may have regretted his actions after, but his words echo in my head even now.

“Think of me as you die choking on your own blood.”

My lungs tighten at the memory of the agony. The terror. Shoving that memory away, I look down my nose at Kyldare. “So what you’re saying is you’re a puppet. And two women are holding your strings.”

Kyldare’s jaw clenches, and humor dances in Calysian’s eyes. “She has a point.” His eyes meet mine, and I jerk my head, gesturing for him to move out of Kyldare’s earshot. Calysian takes a long length of rope, tying Kyldare’s feet and looping the rope through the chains and around a wide tree trunk.

“This is unnecessary,” Kyldare hisses. “I came here with the intention of cooperating.”

Calysian ignores him, taking my hand and leading me away from the clearing. My ankle throbs, but I force myself not to limp.

Calysian’s brows lower as he scans my face.

“Are you…”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re trembling.”

I meet his eyes. “He snuck up on me, Calysian. If he’d wanted to kill me, he could have thrust a blade into my heart at that moment.”

A muscle jumps in Calysian’s jaw. “I should have been here.”

I’m already shaking my head. It’s not his job to protect me. It’s mine. And I failed. It all could have been over, because I let down my guard.

I felt safe, and I shouldn’t have.

“We need to decide what to do with him,” I say. “Can you remove his…god-touch?”

The corner of Calysian’s eyes crease, and he runs a hand over his mouth. “No, I can’t remove it. Not when another god got there first. Besides, such a thing would require me to have found all three of my grimoires.”

My mind races. Personally, I want Kyldare dead. I don’t trust him, and I don’t even want to breathe the same air as him.

A muscle ticks in Calysian’s jaw, and he turns to pace. A strange sense of unease trickles into my gut.

“I know what I need to do,” he says finally as he turns to face me. His shirt clings to his chest, his muscles rippling as he places his hands on his hips.

He gives me the kind of slow smile that tells me he knows exactly where my attention drifted. But his gaze flicks back towards Kyldare, and his expression hardens. “I need you to trust me.”

The last time he asked me to trust him, he pulled my own power from me, ruthlessly using my link to his grimoire.

And yet, he has also saved my life. Many times.

My stomach tightens. “Calysian. That’s not how this works.”

Both of us know the unspoken rules. We can trust each other with our lives, but no more than that. Not for the first time, I wish things could be different.

“It’s the way it needs to work.”

I study his face. Darkness still lurks within his eyes, but I catch a glimpse of frustrated impatience.

“Are you going to tell me why?” I ask.

“No.”

My nails dig into my palms as I wrestle with my instincts. Calysian steps closer, his eyes glittering with sympathy. It helps, that he knows how difficult this is for me. Because giving anyone any measure of trust is just as difficult for him.

“Fine.”

He gives me an approving look, his hands sweeping over my shoulders. His mouth brushes mine, and I breathe him in.

“We shouldn’t leave him for long,” he says against my lips, and I nod.

Kyldare is lounging against the tree trunk at his back, one leg stretched out in front of him. But he fails to hide the sullen set of his mouth, the rage glittering in his eyes.

Calysian angles his head. “Tell me about the trap.”

“If we’re truly allies, you have to remove these chains.”

“We don’t have to do anything,” I snap.

“Then I won’t tell you anything. Go ahead and kill me,” he says. “It will be a mercy compared to what Vicana would do to me.” For once, his voice rings with honesty.

With a shrug, Calysian pulls his sword. “Fine.”

He strolls toward Kyldare, who jolts, holding up his hands. “Wait!”

“I’m losing patience.” Calysian’s voice is frigid. “Speak.”

Kyldare’s gaze finds mine, and I almost shiver at the hatred within his eyes. He’s a coward who knows he’s a coward. And he hates that the woman he tortured and victimized can see just how much of a coward he is. “Vicana wants you dead,” he tells me.

Calysian’s shoulders tense. “Why?”

“The queen has wanted the grimoires since she learned of them. The moment she heard you knew the location of the first one, she expected to have it in her hands within days. Madinia ensured that didn’t happen.”

“And the trap?” Calysian growls.

“Three regiments,” Kyldare says. “Unchain me. You know I won’t go anywhere. I have nowhere to go.”

Calysian is still for a long moment. I stare at the back of his head, wishing I could see what he’s thinking. Distantly, I wonder where Eamonn is. If he were here, Kyldare wouldn’t have been able to take me by surprise. And Eamonn would be able to tell us where Vicana’s regiments are.

When Calysian leans forward to loosen Kyldare’s chains, every muscle in my body tightens.

“Wait. You seriously want to work with him?” Something in my chest hollows out, and Calysian gives me an impatient look. Kyldare just watches us avidly.

“He’s telling the truth. I can sense it. Allying with him temporarily will allow us to get to the second grimoire.”

The chasm in my chest widens, pushing against my lungs until I can barely breath. Kyldare shoots me a smug look.

The second grimoire. That’s all that matters. That’s why Calysian wants me to trust him. Even if it means traveling with the man who hunted me, whipped me, imprisoned me. The man who tried to kill me.

Calysian keeps his gaze carefully away from mine, but Kyldare gives me a wide grin, his expression victorious.

Something heavy settles in my chest, even as my blood heats with vengeance.

Calysian knows what he needs to do?

Well, so do I.

I sweep one final glance at both the dark god, and the man who stole three years of my life.

And then I turn and walk away.