Page 20 of This Vicious Dream (Kingdom of Death #1)

Madinia

We leave the dock, traveling in silence as we make our way to the city gates. Calysian sends me the occasional concerned look, but seems content to leave me to my thoughts.

I glance over my shoulder one last time, watching as the city begins to shrink behind us. Twice I’ve passed through this place—once while on my way to the Blightmere Swamp—the grimoire tucked away in my cloak—and now again, my chest still aching faintly from the arrow that nearly killed me.

One day, I’ll return. I’ll take the time to lose myself in the maze of tangled streets, to wander through the vibrant markets. Perhaps I’ll even paddle my feet in the sea, just as I saw a group of young women doing earlier, their laughing shrieks piercing the salt-soaked air.

The city gates loom ahead, the shadowy expanse of towering oaks and tangled underbrush waiting beyond them. We pass through, the noise of the city fading. Almost immediately, Calysian’s shoulders relax. I bite down on the impulse to ask him about Eamonn. He’s been very careful not to mention his friend, and I haven’t caught sight of Eamonn in any of his forms since I woke to their argument.

We stop after just a few hours. My time searching the dock cost us, but Calysian insists on an early night, seeing to the horses while I set up camp.

He doesn’t say a word when I place our blankets several footspans apart, but I feel him watching me as I close my eyes, and again when I open them the next morning.

The moment I’m awake, Calysian gets to his feet, and I can almost feel his desperation to reach the grimoire. The forest thickens as we travel south, trees pressing in closer, while a thick mist clings to the ground until the sun finally rises above the highest branches.

By the third night, the chill has deepened. And it takes all of my self-control to ignore the hot invitation in Calysian’s eyes and curl up on my own sleeping mat on the other side of the fire.

I want him. I can admit that much. I’m torn between accepting the inevitability of his naked body pressed against mine and denying that such a thing can ever happen.

On the fourth morning, I wake to find Calysian watching me with a predatory gleam in his eyes. My thighs clench, my toes curl, and I let out a long, shuddering breath, avoiding his gaze until we mount our horses.

Information is currency between us, and we trade memories. I tell him of my time at court, and the women who were once my rivals, enemies, and companions.

He tells me of his time exploring the fae kingdom, describing breathtaking sunrises and fields of wildflowers.

When he turns Fox west at the crossroads—in the direction of Elunthar—warmth spreads through my stomach.

It’s unlikely I’ll find any information about the pirates in Elunthar. It was the first place we docked so long ago. But still…

“Thank you.” My voice is rough, and Calysian’s gaze drifts over my face. I’ve felt him watching me constantly. For a man committed to his grimoires, he still insists we make camp each day hours before the sun goes down, demanding that I rest.

And, when I’m sure Calysian isn’t paying attention, I watch him too.

Everywhere we travel, women caress him with their eyes, likely picturing him naked. They watch as he radiates his casual confidence, and it’s easy to see why they’re so attracted. Calysian has the air of a man who knows what he wants and has no doubt he will get it.

“What are you thinking?”

I clear my throat. “Nothing.”

Calysian gives me that indulgent look he so enjoys—the one that tells me he knows I’m lying, and he’s choosing to allow it.

I give him the haughty look I’ve perfected—the one I know irritates him to his core.

He merely grins at me.

I roll my eyes. “Are you going to tell me where we’re going yet?”

“South.”

“That’s all you’re telling me?”

He angles his head, as if waiting for me to snarl at him, but I know what he’s doing. I did, after all, refuse to tell him anything that would allow him to get to the grimoire before me.

It’s a strange feeling—knowing we can trust each other with our lives, but not with information.

I clear my throat. “Are you still…weakened?”

I’ve seen little of Calysian’s power. When I asked him about it yesterday, he admitted he channeled that power into the horses to ensure we would get to the healer in time.

His eyes jump to mine. “Yes. You were worth it.” The words are stark, his eyes strangely clear. I suck in a breath, and he gives me a strange smile. It’s almost…gentle.

My heart thunders in my chest, and he returns his attention to the town in the distance. Elunthar is only a tenth of the size of Nyrridor, but that should make my questioning easier.

The sun is high in the sky by the time we make it through the town to the dock. And everywhere I look, I see Daharak.

On one corner, we’d sat outside with drinks in our hands as we took in the oddly slanted roofs patched with mismatched shingles, the buildings painted in bright teals and sunburnt yellows. I’d laughed as I’d watched seagulls swooping low, stealing bites of fried fish from those who grew distracted, failing to guard their plates.

These were the first steps I took on this continent. And it had seemed as if my life was finally beginning.

“What are you thinking?” Calysian’s voice is carefully neutral, and I blink away hot moisture.

The lump in my throat aches, but for some reason, I tell him.

I tell him of the night I spent in one of the taverns with the pirates, all of us betting and laughing and eating our way through plates and plates of fresh food. I’d eaten so much fruit I’d felt queasy, but it was worth it when I conquered the craving that had plagued me for weeks on the ship.

Someone had begun playing music, and the whole room had erupted into motion. Tables were shoved aside, old leather boots stomped in rhythm on the polished wooden floor, hands clapped to a tune so lively, it was as if it had been composed by someone who had never known anything but joy.

“You danced in a tavern?” Calysian asks, flashing his dimple.

“I did. If you could call it that.” I was raised in ballrooms, and this wasn’t that kind of dancing. “Mostly, I stumbled around, tripping over my feet while the others laughed at me. But it didn’t matter. I was…free, in a way I had never been before.” I smile, despite the ache in my chest.

“And weeks later, you were taken. Trapped in your body for three years.”

“Yes.”

Calysian’s eyes turn flat. “I’m going to make them pay for every second of life they stole from you.”

My stomach flutters, but he’s already angling Fox toward a hitching post, dismounting as he gives his horse a stern warning.

I follow, my mouth dry. It’s not the first time Calysian has sworn vengeance for me. But it…does something to me to see his rage.

We leave the horses, and I wander the dock, asking the same questions I asked in Nyrridor. I’m about to give up when a strong hand grabs my arm, whirling me around.

I sense Calysian moving before I see him, his stride long, his expression filled with cold fury as he stalks toward us.

“Madinia.” The voice is gruff. My eyes meet pale blue, and the breath rushes from my lungs.

He’s older, his shoulders more rounded. He’s gained some weight in his gut, and his arms have lost some of their definition—likely because he’s no longer hauling ropes and walking back and forth across the deck for hours at a time.

But there’s no doubt this is Haldrik. He still has the same kind smile, that same chip in his front tooth.

His hand shakes as he raises it to my face, his smile wobbly. “It is you.”

Calysian looms at my side, and I grab his hand before he can do anything stupid. “Calysian, this is Haldrik. He was one of Daharak’s pirates.” I stare at him. “I don’t understand. How did you end up here?”

“I wanted a fresh start. After the war…well I don’t need to tell you what that did to me.”

Twice, Haldrik shared a hot drink with me after I screamed myself awake from a nightmare.

He glances around, angling us toward a small tavern close to the dock. Calysian’s brows are low, but he allows it, although he plants himself in the seat next to mine.

“I’m still confused,” I murmur.

“You didn’t notice I was gone,” Haldrik gives me a gentle smile, but his eyes flicker with something I can’t place.

I shift awkwardly in my wooden chair, breathing out a sigh of relief when the barmaid approaches.

No, I hadn’t noticed he was gone. Haldrik was a quiet man, and other than those two nights in the galley, I hadn’t spent much time with him.

“I asked Kavrik to cover for me,” he says. “He agreed to sign in for me before the ship disembarked in Ambrelis. I took some work on a fishing boat and ended up here for a few months. I’m thinking about returning to Eprotha in the spring.”

Ambrelis was the last city we docked at before Kyldare found us that last time.

Daharak would have noticed Haldrik was gone. But she’d never said anything. Her pirates were under contract, and yet she hadn’t dispatched anyone to look for him.

She could be a hard woman, but she was also a fair one. And clearly she’d decided Haldrik deserved his new life.

“Have you heard anything?”

Haldrik frowns. “What do you mean?”

My stomach swims. How do I tell him what happened? How do I explain that they might all be dead because of me?

Beneath the table, Calysian takes my hand, stroking my wrist soothingly with his thumb. “The ship was attacked by the Sylvarin queen’s right hand,” he says. “A man named Kyldare. He boarded with his soldiers and took Madinia. We don’t know where Daharak and her crew are now.”

Haldrik places his elbows on the table, dropping his head into his hand. Silence reigns.

“No one has seen them?” he finally asks, lifting his head.

“I was detained for three years,” I say. “Kyldare—the man who took me—told me they were all dead.”

Haldrik sucks in a shuddering breath, glancing between Calysian and I. “But you don’t believe him.”

“He would have said anything if he thought it might break me,” I say, my voice flat. “And Daharak…all of them survived so much. I can’t believe they were slaughtered by Kyldare’s soldiers. I won’t.”

“So you’ve been trying to find them.”

I nod, and Haldrik sighs. “I haven’t seen any sightings of them here, although it’s unlikely they would have revisited this town.”

The barmaid brings over several bowls of stew, and my stomach rumbles. At some point, Calysian must have ordered dinner.

I lift the spoon to my lips, but the stew is tasteless, my mind providing me with images of Daharak and the others being slaughtered over and over again.

My stomach clenches, and I place my spoon down. Calysian squeezes my hand again. “We’ll keep looking.”

I nod, and the two men fall into conversation about the town and our route south.

“I’m coming with you,” Haldrik announces, his shoulders set, chin jutting out.

“We’re traveling inland,” Calysian says.

Haldrik’s mouth firms and he meets my eyes. “And you never expected to find me here did you? Who’s to say where the others might turn up? You know as well as I do that pirates don’t just haunt the coast—they trade, they hide, they follow opportunity. Besides, we might meet someone who’s heard word of them.”

I open my mouth, but he’s already shaking his head. “What if Kyldare did attack, and they were forced to scatter? More people searching means a higher chance we’ll find them.”

He’s got a point. When I don’t reply, Haldrik nods to the stairs on our left. “This inn is probably the best in town. You should both get some rest, and I’ll meet you in the morning.”

Calysian doesn’t argue, but his gaze lingers on my face. And when he leaves the table to speak to the innkeeper, I know we’ll discuss Haldrik further when we’re alone.

And I know he’s asking the innkeeper for one room.

Madinia

The room is surprisingly spacious, steam already rising from a large tub near the window. Calysian steps to the side for me to enter, and I give him a look.. “This was presumptuous of you.”

He drops our bags by the door. “Was it?”

I’m suddenly tired. Tired of depriving myself. “No.”

His eyes burn with hunger when he looks at me. But his hands fist at his sides, and I watch him douse his lust, his eyes turning flat and cool.

“We need to talk about Haldrik.” He grinds the words out and I almost smile. Haldrik is the last thing Calysian wants to talk about, but he’s determined to get this conversation over with.

I lean against the door. “I know you don’t want him to come with us.”

A muscle in his jaw twitches. “I promised you I would help you find your friends. If you think Haldrik can help with that, then he can travel with us.”

Warmth spreads through my chest. I know Calysian, and I know the way he thinks. He never would have abandoned Daharak and the others without warning, and the fact that Haldrik did has shaped the way he sees him.

I don’t blame him. And yet…

“Haldrik deserves to know the truth. I can’t imagine what it’s been like for him to learn they’ve been missing for all this time. We won’t tell him about the grimoire if you don’t want to.”

Calysian narrows his eyes in thought. “We’re traveling toward a city on the coast,” he says, clearly reluctant to tell me even that much. “Haldrik can travel with us that far. If we haven’t heard anything by then, he can head north or south along the coast to search for them on his own.”

“Fine.” My mind races. A city on the coast. If we’re traveling inland first, then it’s most likely we’ll—

Calysian gives me a slow smile and strips off his shirt, revealing smooth skin poured over thick muscle.

My thoughts scatter. All plans and reasoning vanish.

I glower at him, and his smile widens. But his eyes soften. “You should bathe before the water cools.”

I hesitate, and he prowls toward me, the light playing over his bare chest. He didn’t douse his lust at all. He merely hid it.

My mouth turns dry. I’ll ponder Calysian’s travel plans later.

Slowly, gently, he reaches for my tunic, pulling it over my head and immediately removing the band holding my breasts in place. He swallows, looking momentarily stunned before meeting my gaze, his eyes hot. “I’ve missed these.”

My cheeks heat and he gives a low chuckle. “I’ve missed that , too.” He nuzzles at my cheek, and the movement is oddly…sweet. But he’s already steering me backward, toward the bath, and a sudden thrill jolts through me.

Am I…are we really doing this?

“I thought you were waiting for me to come to you.”

His eyes darken. “I’m tired of waiting. You nearly died, Madinia.” And then his mouth is on mine, and I let out a sound that makes him smile against my lips.

“Shh,” he murmurs. “We’ll share the bath.”

I get the strangest sense he’s gentling me—the same way he occasionally croons to my mare when she spooks.

“You have no idea how long I’ve fantasized about this,” Calysian says, already rolling my leggings down. My underwear is gone a moment later, and I blink up at him.

There’s something strangely tantalizing about standing naked in front of him while he’s still half-clothed. I’m vulnerable but in a way that makes me shift restlessly, makes me reach out in an attempt to pull him closer.

He slowly shakes his head, still running his gaze over me. I attempt to cover myself, and he instantly catches my hands.

“No,” he warns. “Don’t ever hide yourself from me.”

There’s a strange note in his voice that sends a prickle of unease up my spine. A sense that this decision will have repercussions I can’t yet imagine.

“You’re tensing up,” he murmurs. “I’ll relax you.”

He drops teasing kisses across my neck, my shoulders, my breasts. His lips linger in the spots that make me moan—the spots he already has memorized, and new ones that he pays special attention to. I yank at his pants, and he finally indulges me, pushing them down his hips.

I watch, unable to look away. He gives me a wink as his pants fall to the ground.

Long. Thick. Hard. His cock is perfect, just like the rest of him. I shouldn’t be surprised. He is, after all, a god. And from the arrogant glint in Calysian’s eyes, he’s practically waiting for me to break into applause.

I hate that I find his arrogance so strangely endearing.

“Why now?” I murmur. “You’ve been…different since the swamp.”

“You were hurt. And then I was waiting for you. But you’re stubborn, and I’m out of patience.” He drops a kiss to my forehead. “Get in the bath.”

I don’t argue, my breath shuddering in a low moan as the warmth sweeps up my legs and through my body as I sink into the tub.

When I glance at Calysian, his eyes are so dark, I suck in a breath.

He catches my hand, pulling me forward so he can sit behind me. “I’m going to ensure you make that sound over and over again tonight.”

“One night,” I say, my voice hoarse as I lean back against him. “This can only ever be one night.”

His huge body tenses, but he doesn’t argue, just takes the soap and begins lathering my back, my arms, my breasts. Those huge, calloused hands are breathtakingly gentle, and by the time he finishes washing me, a ball of warmth is spreading through my core, my nipples tight, my breaths uneven.

When he hands me the soap, I turn to face him, water lapping at my breasts.

Reaching out one hand, I stroke his cheek, and his eyes immediately turn heavy-lidded. How is it possible that he’s this touch-starved after so many centuries walking this world?

Leaning forward, I press a kiss below his ear. It’s a spot that makes me shiver, and Calysian goes tense, his body leaning toward mine.

His breaths are shallow, his eyes strangely vulnerable. He’s barely holding onto control. Because of me .

The thought is heady.

I know what I look like. I have, after all, been weaponizing my face and body since the moment I realized that women must use whatever tools the world begrudgingly grants us.

I’ve endured the leers of men old enough to be my father, their stares like a layer of filth dripping over my skin. And I learned early that the continual pursuit by men my own age had little to do with me, and everything to do with their need to prove themselves. To turn me into a conquest for their friends to admire.

Beautiful woman . Calysian has called me this since we met, and yet he’s never made me feel as if that’s all he can see.

He’s commanding and arrogant and so supremely sure of himself that he makes my teeth clench with fury.

But he’s also kind. When I poke him into caring about something, he commits .

I bite down on my lower lip, and Calysian’s gaze instantly drops to my mouth. When his eyes meet mine once more, they hold a possessive gleam that makes me shiver.

I run the soap over his chest and arms before placing it on the small table next to the tub and using my hands to caress his body. His tense muscles remind me of a huge cat, readying itself to leap at its prey.

I let my fingers wander, allow my palms to stroke. I explore the ridges of his muscles, sweeping my hands over his smooth skin and learning every inch of him.

Finally, he reaches for the jugs of clean water next to the bath, using them to rinse the suds from both of us. When he pulls me to my feet, I’m shivering.

But not from the cold. From anticipation.

“Say the words,” he murmurs, and I don’t need to ask what they are.

I stare up at him, my breath hitching.

I’ve wanted many things over my lifetime. I wanted Regner dead. I wanted my freedom. I want Vicana and Kyldare to pay for what they’ve done.

But my craving for Calysian burns inside me with frightening intensity.

“I want you.”

His eyes blaze, and he leans close, brushing his lips down my throat, his hand curving around my lower back and holding me in place.

I shudder and feel him smile against my skin. “So responsive.”

My teeth clench—as they always do when he speaks with that arrogantly amused tone. Calysian captures my jaw, gently squeezing until my mouth opens. “None of that. You offered yourself to me. And I accept.” His voice is husky, and despite the dark promise in his words, I allow him to tilt my head back.

His tongue thrusts deep, swallowing my moan. Heat curls through me, my heart tripping in my chest. Our kiss goes on and on, tongues tangling, until Calysian raises his head, a dark promise in his eyes.

He lifts me out of the tub, the movement easy, careless, as if such an action didn’t take an incredible amount of strength. It seems unnatural—that such a large man can move with such careless grace. The natural grace of a god.

But he doesn’t seem like a god now. No, he seems like a man who wants to take a woman to bed.

When he presses the towel to every inch of my body, I feel…cherished.

“Now you,” I murmur, and he shakes his head, wiping roughly at his own body before dropping the towel to the floor.

His gaze caresses me, and he steps close, his mouth gentle as he brushes his lips against mine.

If I hadn’t spent so much time with this man, I might be intimidated by the span of his shoulders, the muscles that coil beneath my hand as I stroke his chest and back, learning his body the way he has already learned mine. My hands drift over muscle and sinew, and when I poke a finger into one of his ribs, he…shudders.

“You’re ticklish?”

“Surprised?” Calysian’s lips curve, and he strokes over my own ribs, watching me squirm.

I smirk back. And then I drop my hand, cupping his impressive length.

Hmmm. Perhaps some parts of him are too impressive.

“Do you believe I would hurt you?” Calysian’s words are a low rumble, and I meet his eyes.

“You’re…large.”

The look he gives me is very smug and very male. “You will take me and beg for more.”

I glower at him and he grins, kissing my snarl away. I know how much he enjoys riling me with his arrogance, and yet I still fall for it every time.

His lips soften, turning coaxing. My head spins as he places me gently on the bed, the sheets cool against my skin. I gasp against his mouth, but he doesn’t let up. Calysian kisses me until I’m shifting beneath him, angling my hips to grind against his length. A flush sweeps over my body, my nipples hardening until they ache. He sweeps his thumb over one, swallowing my moan.

Deep, drugging kisses. His fingers plucking and teasing and stroking. Sensation unfurling through my body, until I’m dazed with it, panting and desperate.

I let out a ragged groan, clutching at him in an effort to pull him even closer. When I grind against him again, heat blazes through me, and he hisses out a breath.

“Madinia.”

A thrill shoots through me at his rough tone, the way his hands tighten on me as he lifts his head, his eyes dark pools.

He inches lower, but I sink my nails into his shoulder. “I want you.”

A wicked smirk. “I know.”

“Now.”

He hesitates, sending a longing look between my thighs. One finger trails down, sliding against the wet heat of me, and he lets out a shuddery breath. He brushes his finger against my clit and I gasp. So he does it again, his avid gaze on my face.

I let out a rough groan, and Calysian moves that finger lower, slowly pushing inside me. Widening my thighs, I arch my hips, needing more. Another finger joins the first, until I’m panting, lifting my butt to chase the pleasure he offers.

His thumb finds my clit, and my breath catches. I’m on the edge when he removes his hand.

“You—”

But he’s pushing my legs wider, settling between them, and I hold my breath as he presses himself against me.

Shaking his head, he pokes a finger into my ribs, and the air whooshes from my lungs.

“Relax,” he murmurs. His cheeks are flushed, his eyes glittering with lust and something darker. But he takes his time, slowly entering me. I tense up again—he’s too large for me to take him comfortably—but Calysian slips his hand down to play with my clit once more.

Warmth spreads through my core, and just like that, I’m angling my hips for him. He lets out a breathless laugh and slides deeper, his clever fingers caressing until I’m on the edge again.

His hips roll, and he withdraws, then thrusts deeper. This time, he hits something inside me. Something that makes me break out in a light sweat, my body trembling.

“So fucking perfect.” The words are a low growl, and I open my eyes. I hadn’t realized they’d drifted closed. But Calysian is still watching me, his eyes on my face as he takes in my every reaction.

My smile is fractured by a moan, and Calysian captures the sound with his mouth, driving deeper. Long, deep thrusts, his hips hitting that spot again and again until I’m clawing at his shoulders, panting against his mouth.

“That’s it,” he murmurs. “Unravel for me, sweetheart.”

My thighs tense. My breath catches. Pleasure explodes through my body, my vision blurring, until all I can see is his face as I shudder and moan. It goes on and on, and Calysian continues moving, drawing out my climax until I’m weak, boneless.

With a growl, he presses his lips to my neck and shudders, finding his own pleasure.