Page 9 of This Is Law 2

Chapter Four

SORAYA ‘YAYA’ CRAWFORD

Sitting through this funeral was hard as hell for me.

It triggered the fuck out of me, actually.

It made me think about the time when I had to walk to the front of the church, and see my precious baby girl, lying in her casket.

Resting in a casket that shouldn’t even have to be that small.

I remember my screams. I remember having to be held up by Law, my mom, and my sister.

I remember passing out, and when I came to, I was in the lobby of the church, with fans blowing over me, trying to cool me down.

Pretty much every emotion that I felt that day mimicked what Marissa’s mom felt this afternoon.

She’d lost her only child, and she was taking it hard.

Earlier, when the funeral started, we were standing in our row, as the family walked into the church, and Marissa’s mom was the first one to walk out, and she had one of her brothers on either side of her, helping to keep her up on her feet.

The second she made it to the casket, and she saw her daughter, she lost it, and that’s when I started crying soft tears of my own.

A pair of strong arms held onto me the entire time, allowing me to softly cry it out.

Law held onto me the entire time, and he never let me go.

Throughout the service, he’d shed a few tears of his own as well because back when we were kids, Marissa was his girl, and you couldn’t tell either one of them that they weren’t siblings.

I was supposed to go up, and say a few words, but my emotions were all over the place, causing me to not be able to do it.

“You want me to go say something?” Law asked me.

The reflections were currently taking place right now.

So far, about two people had gone up, and there were two more people standing over on the side, waiting for their turn to take the mic.

The funeral wasn’t that packed, but it also wasn’t empty, either.

You could tell that Marissa had love all around her.

I wished that more of that love could have been shown to her when she was alive because I remember one of our last talks, and she told me that she always felt so alone.

I was in this moment right now, living with my regrets as well.

I wished I had come to New York more to see her.

Knowing that I didn’t, that’s another reason why my tears, and my heart was so heavy this afternoon.

What gave me peace was the one time that I did come see her, and we spent the entire day together.

She kept telling me how that day had been the best day of her life.

“I’m going to go say something,” I whispered back, having to be brave. I felt like I had to do this. If it was me in that casket, I knew that Marissa would have gone up there to say something about me, so I had to be strong.

“You sure?” he whispered back.

“Yeah. I’m scared though,” I said.

“I’ll go up there with you. Come on,” he said, tapping me on my thigh.

I stood up, crossed through the pew that we were sitting in, having to cross over a few people.

The whole time, Law had his hand on the small of my back, and we walked to the back of the church, so that we could come up on the side, and wouldn’t have to walk through the front, interrupting the service.

I was third in line to go up, and say something, and with each person that would go before me, I would become more nervous.

It was finally my turn, and I went up to the front, standing where the podium was, and I cleared my throat before walking up to the mic.

As if he was my personal bodyguard, Law was standing behind me.

He wasn’t too close to me, but he wasn’t too far, either.

He was close enough for me to feel him, and know that he was with me, helping to be my strength in this moment.

My eyes landed on Marissa’s mom, Miley, and I hate that I did that because when I saw the tears that were still falling from her eyes, it made me choke up myself, but I fought like hell to keep my game face on, so that I could get through this two minutes that I’m sure were going to be the hardest two minutes of my life.

“Good afternoon, everyone. My name is Soraya. Everyone either calls me by my first name, or Yaya. Marissa didn’t though.

She used to call me spicy stick. That girl gave me that nickname when I was only six years old.

Spicy came from her saying that I was mean, and stick because as a kid, I was nothing but skin, and bones,” I started, and when I opened with that, the congregation laughed.

My eyes were on Miley, and she laughed while wiping her tears away because I’m sure that she remembered the nickname that Marissa had given me.

“Marissa had a nickname for everyone. Out of all the years that I’ve known Marissa, I don’t know her to call anyone by their government name,” I went on, and then I paused.

I wasn’t nervous when it came to public speaking.

This shit was just hard. I felt so many emotions right now.

My mind was on Marissa, then I thought about Sarai, and I was still dealing with this mess with Creed, so this felt harder than what it should have been.

I could feel Law get closer to me. His large hand held me on the small of my back, and for whatever reason, his touch gave me the boost that I needed.

I picked up one hand, and I reached back, grabbing his for a second, and that was just my way of letting him know that I felt him.

“Marissa and I grew up together. Only six years old when we met. I have a twin sister, and growing up, my sister and I used to say that the three of us were triplets because we called Marissa our sister too. We did everything together that kids our age would do. We didn’t attend the same school, but it didn’t matter because she stayed right across the street, so I would still see her every day.

Marissa moved away when we were in middle school, and I just remember that pain being something similar to when I was a little girl, and my dad had gotten in trouble with the law, and he was deported back to the Dominican Republic.

Back then, the power of social media wasn’t around, so once she left, we no longer kept in contact.

It was so long ago that I really don’t even think we exchanged numbers.

After she left, life just happened. We got older.

I got married, had kids, was into my career, and Marissa and I never really spoke again.

A few years ago, she reached out to me on social media.

I remember when I saw the direct message from her.

She gave me her phone number, and I called her instantly.

We spoke for hours. We were no longer kids.

We were full on adults, who were going through different things in life.

I came out here to New York to visit her.

We did so many things together that day.

I had the biggest, greasiest slice of pizza that I’ve ever had in my life.

She took me to walk the Brooklyn bridge, we took so many pictures with each other, and she also took me to different bodegas.

She was no longer a Miami girl. My girl was now a Brooklyn girl, with a whole accent.

I’ll never forget the hug that she gave me at the end of the day, and the amount of times that she kept telling me how that day was the best day of her life,” I paused because I got choked up a little bit, and I used my hands to wipe the tears from my eyes.

My eyes landed on Miley’s again, and she had a tissue in her hand that she was using to wipe tears from her eyes.

“Mama Miley, I know this hurts. Sevyn and I were once in your shoes. Sitting front row, having to watch something that we created no longer being here anymore. I won’t tell you that it gets better because I know that’s not what you want to hear, so I won’t say it.

The pain that you’re going through right now, I don’t really have a name for it because it’s a pain like no other.

If I leave you here with anything though, I just really want you to know that Marissa mattered in this life.

She was loved. Looking around this room, with all these people here, I know that she is still loved.

You’ll probably never feel whole again because Lord knows that I still don’t.

Mama to mama, you aren’t alone in this, and I will continue to pray for you,” my voice cracked at the end.

Miley nodded her head towards my words, and she mouthed to me that she loved me, and I did the same in return. There was more that I wanted to say in my speech, but I couldn’t do it. I was too shaken up to say anymore.

I backed away from the podium, and I thought that we were going to walk away, and go back to our seats, but Law grabbed my hand, stopping me from leaving.

He had me stand by his side, and he went up to the mic, so that he could say a few things as well.

Law was much stronger than I was, so he was able to get through his speech without taking as many pauses as I’d done.

His speech was funny, and it wasn’t so heart-felt as mine was.

He talked about all the good memories that he had with Marissa.

During his speech, he had the whole church cracking up because things that he was saying about Marissa, it’s like everyone could vouch for it.

He eventually finished, and once he was done, we both went over to Miley, and we hugged her tightly.