Page 81 of Things I Read About

I roll a grape in my fingers, staring.

I should let this go.

Nothing has worked, the song, the bikini, even explaining about the flight that day. Nate is done with me—the kid. But when I get fixed on something, it’s almost impossible for me to redirect. I need to close open loops. I need to have clean, balanced order.

This thing with him is open-ended and messy. I can feel it, the need. But this time it’s not something, it’s someone.

I’m fixating on Nate Brenner.

He better brace himself.

20

I sigh as I watch Nate’s back disappear into the house. I guess it was me who needed to brace.

He literally hasn’t said more than six words to me in two days. He’s had earbuds in his ears and a frown so deep on his face I am sure something is wrong. He won’t confirm or deny my suspicions.

I’ve texted with my sisters and everyone seems fine. I ask but he just says, “It’s under control,” or, “Don’t worry about it,” or, “I’m good at my job.” The six-word spree was, “You forgot to feed the goats.”

Ugh.

It really is hopeless. And scary.

All the more reason to cancel tonight, but Joe has been texting me non-stop, excited about this event. It’s a charity dinner for the Children’s Medical Center, which, of course, I love.

But it’s another date with Joe and Nate.

Joe has me twisting my earrings again and again.

I just keep feeling as if I’m letting him down and I hate that sensation. I need to try with him, give him a fair shot. I need to let him be affectionate tonight. I don’t want him to get upset with me, so I’ll handle a little kissing and caressing. It’s fine.

I chose a simple dress from Sadie’s collection of gowns. It’s shiny, teal and the fabric is stretchy, which is the only reason it actually fits me. It’s tight on my figure but not super short or low cut. Seems right for a children’s charity.

Nate is in his usual uniform. I thought he might put on a suit, but I like him this way. And with how tense he’s been, I like that it’ll be obvious I have a bodyguard. His huge frame behind me clearly saysback off, psychos.Very comforting.

What’s not comforting is his ongoing silence. He’s not scowling tonight, just blank. He opens doors for me and tunes the car radio to the classical station, but when I try to talk he just says, “I need to drive.”

Whatever. I’m fairly certain he can talk and drive and probably shoot a gun and disassemble a bomb all at the same time. Which I find very hot.

Focus, Sally. Joe. Joe is your man, not Nate.

“There she is,” my man says, coming in for a bear hug as we arrive. He lifts me off the ground and I let out a sound that I hope passes for a happy little laugh.

“I missed you.” Kiss. Ass grab. Kiss again.

I look over my shoulder to see if Nate is watching but he’s already dissolved into the crowd. As Joe links our fingers and leads me into the hotel ballroom, I know Nate is nearby. I can sense him. Which is a weird feeling to feel as Joe shifts his hand to my waist and pulls me into his side.

The auction is nice enough as far as these events go. I’ve been to so many in my life, they all run together. At least there are amazing appetizers at this one. Sushi bites, cheese puffs, crab cakes, veggies. I was starving when we arrived but I’m feeling better now. Maybe a little tipsy, too.

Joe keeps my wine glass full.

After a couple hours, during which I feel Nate around us and spot him a few times, Joe pulls me toward the back of the room.

“Joe?”

“Come with me,” he whispers, smiling.

I smile back, but I’m unsure. Why is he so excited?