Page 126 of Things I Read About

“Hot damn, this is exciting!” Shep slams the table and leans in. “So, did you tell her?”

I sigh.

“That’s a no,” Matt says.

“Well,” I start. “I…”

“You screwed up.”

“So bad,” I say, throwing my head in my hands. “I… She… She put herself out there, said she would move to Chicago for me, would do long distance, wanted it all.” I groan, remembering. “And I rejected her.”

I can hear them all wincing around me.

“Well, brother, you’ve come to the right place,” Shep says, his accent thickening. “We all did that exact same stupid ass thing.”

Matt leans forward. “I didn’t.”

“Can you not?” Shep says to him, then turns back to me. “He’s the perfect one, the know-it-all, very annoying. We barely tolerate him.”

“You texted me, quote,dude I love you so muchjust last week.”

Shep doesn’t look away from me as he talks back to Matt. “Pfft, I was drunk.”

“Except you don’t drink.”

“Matty.” Shep holds up a hand. “The adults are talking, here, do you mind?” Emerson chuckles for the first time and I can’t help almost grinning myself. Shep goes on. “First, you’re an idiot and you’re not good enough for her. Let’s just lay that out there.”

“Shep.” Emerson sighs.

“Seriously, first Adam, now this? Is there a moron convention going on? Adam isn’t here but Hulkis,” Shep gestures at me, angry. “So here we go. You think you can find anyone better than Sally? Are you on drugs? I’ve known Sally since she was four. I’ve loved Sadie that long, and the whole family, too. They’re the best. Like, annoyingly wonderful. Especially if your own family is, uh, severely lacking like ours were.”

Emerson cocks his head, agreeing.

“My family is awesome.”

“Seriously, Matthew, I’m about to have Nate pick you up and throw you outside like a little rag doll.” Shep’s pointing finger goes from Matt back to me. “Point is, you don’t pass on a Canton, dipshit.”

I nod. “But… you passed, too?”

“Circumstances were—”

“He did.” Emerson cuts him off. “I did too. Followed by a significant amount of groveling.”

“Yup. Gotta grovel. Grand romantic gesture. Crying… you already got that part down.” Shep laughs and I flip him the bird.

“I like this guy,” Matt says, pointing to me.

Shep flipshimoff.

“Why?” Emerson asks, serious. We all look at him. “Why did you reject Sally?”

“I… I’m… my brain is busted up. More than just PTSD. And she’s... I mean, you know.”

“A genius,” Matt offers.

Shep eyes me. “Busted up how, are you going to snap on us?”

“Shep, honestly.” Emerson huffs.