Page 77 of These Monstrous Ties

“Sid.” That’s Ezra. He steps out of Atlas’s arm and comes to stand directly in front of me. I see Lucifer tense at his back.

Ezra takes another step toward me, and I don’t back down. He pulls me into his arms, and I let him crush me to his chest. He smells like sweat and blood and I don’t hug him back. He holds me out at arm’s length and presses a kiss to my brow. I’m too stunned to react.

Lucifer looks as if he might pounce on him.

But Ezra says, in that deep voice, “Come back, Lilith. We’ve got hell to repay.”

“No,” Mayhem says from behind me. He steps around me, crosses his arms. I see the tattoo of an inverted cross on the side of his face. His baby blue eyes are trained on me. He’s tall and lean like Lucifer, but with blonde hair. He looks angry. And a little scared. “No,” he says again.

Ezra looks to him. “She’ll come back.”

No one says a word. Not even Lucifer.

And after giving the Order of Rain a head start, I leave.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Present

It’s been far too longsince I’ve driven a vehicle. My foster parents hadn’t bought me a car, and I’d never bothered with saving enough money to get one myself. The bus worked fine in Alexandria. I don’t even have a license.

I had, at one time. One of my foster families had at least given me that much, letting me practice with their SUVs. But still, behind the wheel of Lucifer’s BMW, my hands are shaking on the wheel.

Rationally, I know part of that has to do with what just happened.

Irrationally, I don’t want to think about what just happened.

I drive down the lonely road, thankful I see no other cars. I look for them, too. In the bushes. The forest. Down gravel drives. Even at the lone gas station that Nicolas and I had passed before we got to Julie’s.

Julie.

I wonder if she ever woke up, during that entire encounter. I wonder if Nicolas and Jeremiah will go back and finish the job. I wonder if they would hurt the boy, too.

Jeremiah.Jamie.

My brother.

My broken, disgusting, awful brother.

I can’t think of him without my skin crawling. I want to tear it all off. I want to throw up. I’mgoing to throw up.

I swerve onto the side of the road, nothing but grassy hills beneath the stars on either side. I jump out of the BMW, leaving it running, and run around to the ditch, heaving. Everything comes up, which isn’t much to speak of. My stomach had growled at Julie’s house; I can’t remember the last time I’d ate.

But now, I’m grateful for that fact. Even after I’ve puked what was in there up, I still dry heave, and spit hangs from my lips. I’m thankful no one is here. Thankful I’m alone.

Thankful, and scared.

Because who will stop me now? I have no weapons, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Lucifer has something in the car. He’s as dirty as my brother.

But not quite.

My brother…

I heave again, my hands on my knees as I lean over the ditch.

My fucking brother.

He was so blinded by hatred, by whatever ways the Unsaints didn’t make him feel welcome, that he hadn’t spared a thought forwhohe was using to fuck them over. And it wasn’t just that. It wasn’t just the wrongness of what had happened between us. The sin. The disgusting thing we had almost done together.