Page 76 of These Monstrous Ties

“You don’t want me. You want to own me,Jamie.”I snarl his real name. The one he’d been born with. “And I’m not yours to own.” I hate that a small piece of my shattered heart wants to go with him. A small piece of me remembers him tending to my foot in the bathroom. Telling me things will be better. That he loves me. I want to fold him into my arms. Because he had fucked me over. But he’d been fucked too. Our pain ran too deep between us, because of our mother. Our absent father.

A father we never knew.

Love we never knew.

His sick, rich foster parents and siblings.

But I can’t go back with him. I can never go back with him. I don’t even know if I’ll ever be able to look at him again after tonight.

I have so many questions. I don’t know what Lucifer does. What the Unsaints do. If they work in the same business as my brother, or something different. I don’t know what I’m choosing by staying here, on their side, but I cannot go with my brother.

And it hurts.

Because I know, too, that when I black out, it’s hard for other people to tell. I act as if I’m awake. As if I’m conscious. Part of me knows Jeremiah is telling the truth when he says I had let him. When I didn’t resist, and I seemed awake. I know that’s true.

But it doesn’t change anything between us. Because whatever stage of consciousness I was in, he knew I was drunk. He wanted to punish the Unsaints. To scare them. To humiliate them by taking me.

I choke back on the bile coming up my throat.

“Sid…”

“If you don’t get up and walk out of here, I’ll shoot you myself.”

Jeremiah shakes his head. “You wouldn’t. Not your own brother.”

I hold out my hand, palm up. Without hesitating, Lucifer reaches around me and places the gun there, wrapping my fingers around the grip. I aim it at Jeremiah. His men tense and point their guns, however reluctantly, at me. He twists his head around to stare at them. They lower their weapons.

He meets my gaze again. “You wouldn’t, Sid. Because you know that I love you. That we’re both dark and broken, and I’m the only thatcanlove you. You’ll always run back to me, because I’m your brother. I’m who you belong to, Sid.”

Lucifer tugs me closer to his body, and his breathing grows faster. Shallower. He’s going to kill Jeremiah if my brother doesn’t get the fuck out of here.

“Get out,” I say again. “If you ever loved me, if you still do, get the fuck out of here.” I gesture with the gun, my eyes narrowed. “Now.”

Jeremiah hangs his head. But slowly, he gets to his feet. Then he looks at Lucifer, at my back.

“I’ll come back for her. And she will come with me. She’ll never choose you over me. I’m her blood. You arenothing.”

With a last glance at me, he turns around. Kristof is the first to follow him. Trey and Nicolas both hold my gaze.

“Come with us,” Nicolas whispers.

I shake my head. “I never want to see either of you again.”

Nicolas bites his tongue. Trey looks like he might try to dash and grab me, haul me out the door. But Nicolas turns first and puts a firm hand on Trey’s shoulder. Together, they leave. I watch them walk down the stairs, and then Mayhem moves first, slamming the door closed and locking it behind them.

I step away from Lucifer, and reluctantly, he lets me go.

I spin to face him, the gun still in my hand. Mayhem is at my back. Ezra is still leaned against Atlas, and Cain is watching me carefully with his arms folded. These are the Unsaints. And I am not one of them.

I don’t know who I am.

But it isn’t this.

“I need to get away from here,” I say quietly.

Lucifer frowns. “What? No. Sid.No.”

I snatch the keys to the BMW from the table. “I need to get out of here, and if you want to see me again, you won’t follow me.”