Page 163 of The Wedding

“Hey! Hey, you! Get over here and let me rub up against you! I’ve got money!”

Even Luna was not sacred. The one time Jamie got up to go to the bathroom, she found her mother in the middle of a dance sandwich. Or did four men and one random woman make it more than a sandwich? Either way, most of them had lost their thongs and were shaking their bare asses around a woman old enough to be their mother.

At a quarter to ten, Seena finally emerged from her endless make-out sessions and demanded that everyone in “Jamie’s group” meet up in the VIP room. There, two unknown women waited.

Naturally, they were selling them shit.

“This is the Pussy Percolator 2100,” one woman with a huge weave and enough costume jewelry to knock out a car full of clowns said, holding up one of the biggest dildos Jamie had ever seen. “It comes in three colors.”

“I’ll take five,” Gwenyth said, slapping her hand against the table in the center of the room. “One in each color!”

“Now, ladies,” said someone who looked like she should be someone’s good, moral aunt who went to every Sunday service. “When you’re licking the love line, make sure you…”

Jamie couldn’t believe it. She was having sex toys peddled at her and getting a lesson in cunnilingus, of all things.

She downed the last of Natasha’s drink and went for it.

“’Scuse me,” she slurred, snatching a to-scale candy mold of some porn star’s pussy from the instructor’s hand. “This is how you eat some vag.”

Suffice to say, she was a lot more popular than the instructor that night. Her mother didn’t even blush. Instead, she called out, “That’s my baby!”

Jamie tossed the well-used pussy pop into the nearest garbage and wipedtraces of candy from the edges of her mouth. “How do you think I got this ring?” She wavered on her feet as she held up her sapphire and diamond engagement ring, much to the glee of everyone sitting around.

Her mother did have some sense, however, and made sure to cut Jamie off from any more alcohol at eleven. Good thing, too, because Jamie was barely capable of having a real conversation by that point.This is the complete opposite of Monique’s party… and I am… I am drunk.She wobbled in her seat.

“You know what?” she garbled in Adele’s direction when the tipsy woman sat primly in a lounge chair. She motioned for a weary gal to come over and dance for them. So, to the tune of Charity Big Boobs McGee strutting her stuff on the table, Jamie continued, “You’re cool. You got me a wedding dress, and that’s cool.”

Adele was trapped between looking at the escort’s body and at Jamie. “Thanks. It’s not a big deal. Really. Least I could do.”

“That’s right, ‘cause you… you see that… oh, my God, it’s good to explore… things in the world…”

Adele’s smile slowly faded. “Uh-huh.” She sipped her martini and watched someone get wet right in front of her.

“No, no, you see, I’m gonna party tonight.”

“You sure are, Jamie.”

“Then I’m gonna go home… fuck my fiancée.”

Adele looked as if she hadn’t heard that.

“You ever… you ever fuck a girl besides Etta?”

That got her attention. “Excuse me?” she asked, turning pink – and not from the alcohol. “What brought that on?”

Jamie leaned forward, her hair sloping in front of her face. “Italy,” she heaved.

Adele turned, pretending that the woman in front of her was the most interesting chick in the world. “Didn’t know I hadbeen that loud.”

“It’s okay, ‘cause this one time in college…” Jamie lost her thought already. “There are so many lesbos here tonight. Etta and I know so many lesbos. I think she hires them on purpose at this point. You see, she gets hot women, but they want nothing to do with her. All the eye candy but no… but no… ass.”

She couldn’t tell if Adele was laughing or on the verge of throwing up. “You say that?”

“That should be her bachelorette party next weekend. Hire a bunch of hot lesbians to befriend her and dance naked for her. I don’t… I don’t care if she looks… don’t let her touch, okay?” She knew that Adele was involved with Etta’s bachelorette party.

“I would never, and I doubt she would, either.” Adele looked glad to change the subject. “Anyway, I’m putting together her party. I’ll make sure there are no real temptations, unlike here.” Her forced wink would’ve made sober Jamie roll her eyes.

Drunk Jamie, however, flopped onto the other side of her couch and tried to fish some nuts out of a bowl – most unsuccessfully. “Why you?”