Page 19 of The Truth about the Marquess (Whispers of the Ton #3)
Chapter Eighteen
“ Y ou must tell me why you are so melancholy.” Jane could only smile briefly as she walked, arm in arm, with Lady Guilford. She could not give her any answer, for her heart was too pained and sore for her to speak freely. “You did not tell Lord Edenbridge the truth, then?” her friend pressed, albeit in a gentle manner. “You did not have the opportunity, or you did not have the courage?”
The words smarted a little, but Jane merely accepted the feeling.
“I did not have the opportunity, though I am not certain that I would have had the courage, should it have come to it.”
“Then you must simply tell him now!”
The idea seemed so simple, Jane considered, but it held so much depth, so much pain, that she could not even contemplate it.
“No, Louisa. I cannot.”
“Why?”
The view of Hyde Park blurred as tears rushed into Jane’s vision.
“Please, Louisa.” The words were tight and broken, her emotions growing to such a swell that she could not contain them, not even here in public. “I cannot.”
“Jane!”
Seemingly astonished by Jane’s outward expression of anguish, Lady Guilford stopped walking for a moment, turned to look Jane straight in the eye, and then, after scrutinizing her, led her to a bench nearby. Jane sat obediently, knowing that her friend wanted her to explain, and feeling the desire within her to tell all, in the hope that it might bring her some relief.
“He did not recognize me,” she began before Lady Guilford could begin asking questions. “I was going to tell him, truly, I was, but then we were interrupted by another gentleman.” She dropped her gaze to her hands resting in her lap, squeezing her eyes closed tightly so that the tears in her eyes would fade just a little. All the same, her breath shuddered out of her, her words shaking as she spoke. “I heard him tell this gentleman that he had no thought of any other, that there was no interest for him in any lady in the ton . I hid myself away the moment that this other gentleman arrived, so that he would not see me talking with a gentleman alone, but all the same, I heard everything.”
Lady Guilford’s expression grew into one of sympathy, and she took Jane’s hand, pressing it.
“My dear friend, you cannot be sure that he spoke the truth, can you?”
Jane kept her eyes closed.
“It sounded truthful to me. He said that he would simply enjoy the rest of the Season and then return home to his estate. That does not give me any hope.”
Lady Guilford frowned.
“What was the name of this other gentleman?”
“Lord Tertford, I think. I do not know him.”
Lady Guilford’s expression pulled into a scowl.
“He is not a good fellow, and is known for his inclination to gossip. No doubt he was eager to find Lord Edenbridge and tell him of Miss Leverton, so that he could see his reaction and then gossip about it!” She smiled. “It would be very wise of Lord Edenbridge to remain silent and not to give any truth about himself away to Lord Tertford.” Jane opened her eyes, blinking the moisture away from her lashes. “I would not take anything that Lord Edenbridge said to Lord Tertford to be the truth,” her friend continued, gently. “He would not be speaking honestly, I am sure of it!”
Considering this, Jane’s heart rose just a little, then fell.
“Be that as it may, I am sure that he spoke the truth when it came to his decision just to enjoy the Season and then return home. It seems as though it is not just Miss Leverton who is now unavailable, for Lady Henrietta is now to be wed to Lord Dunstable!” Lady Guilford gasped, her eyes widening. “Lord Dunstable has known the family – and Lady Henrietta – for a long time.” Jane offered her friend a small smile. “I am glad for them, and Lord Edenbridge appeared to be quite happy also. Though he did speak of his upset in knowing that the ton would soon be laughing at him for losing not one lady from his interest, but two, at almost the same time.”
“That is unfortunate, though not for you, I am sure.”
Jane threw her friend a look, but then pulled her gaze away, no sense of hope in her heart any longer.
“You think that he may still be harboring an interest in me, Louisa, but I cannot believe you. Not after what he said, not after the heaviness in his voice and his expression. No, I think it might be best to remain silent on my feelings.”
“But you had decided to be bold!” her friend exclaimed, releasing Jane’s hand. “You had thought to be honest, to see if there might be a chance of happiness for you both!”
Jane’s lips curved into a sad smile.
“I think any hope of that has come to an end, Louisa. All that is left for me now is simply to accept it.”
‘We enclose the letters for the upcoming publication’
Jane picked up the three letters which The London Chronicle had sent to her, trying her utmost to keep her thoughts on the letters themselves, rather than on Lord Edenbridge. After her walk with Lady Guilford in the park the previous day, she had returned home with a new sorrow which, since then, she had been unable to shake off. It was as though, in accepting that she would no longer pursue an attempt to tell Lord Edenbridge the truth, she had also accepted the bleak sorrow that would be her future. How strange it was that the future she had always hoped for, one with employment, security, and no need to marry, now seemed so unappealing!
Giving herself a slight shake, Jane opened the first letter and then read it, before setting it aside. It was a simple enough response, one which would instruct the young lady that it was wise to continue on with her dancing master, no matter how much she disliked him. Breaking the seal of the second without so much as looking at the front, she unfolded it and then began to read.
For a moment, she did not comprehend the words on the page.
Her heart shuddered with a sudden fright as she continued to read. The words were speaking directly to her, she was sure, but how could he know?
‘I write to beg of you to come to speak to me directly. The conversation we began was short and left unfinished, interrupted by a most disagreeable fellow. I said what I had to, to remove him from my company, but then, when I looked for you, you were nowhere to be found. Please, do come to speak with me again. There is much that I want to say, and there is much, I am sure, that you might also wish to share with me. If you do not seek me out, then be assured that I will seek you out instead. I cannot let our connection cease, not when there is so much more to be shared.’
Reading it, Jane trembled violently, then dropped it on the table before she rose to her feet and began to walk back and forth in the room. It was Lord Edenbridge, she knew, but he spoke with such fervency that she could not quite understand it! It was as though he was desperate to see her again, desperate to speak with her and desperate to share more… though what he meant by that, Jane could not imagine.
“Will I go to him?”
The question hung in the air as she paced back and forth, her heart squeezing, her mind spinning with the questions that poured into it. What would she do? If she went, would he be astonished to see that it was her, then refuse to say what it was he had wanted to share? Or would he be glad to know that it was her?
Closing her eyes, Jane grasped the back of a chair and tipped her head forward, her eyes closing for a moment.
If I do not go to him, he has promised that he will seek me out, she told herself. One way or the other, he will discover me.
She swallowed tightly. Might she be bold enough to do as he had asked? Could she find the strength within her to do as he wanted, even though she did not know what might come of it? Closing her eyes, Jane gripped the chair all the harder, lowering her head just a little.
And if I do not, will I regret it, forever?