Page 17 of The Truth about the Marquess (Whispers of the Ton #3)

Chapter Sixteen

J ane tried not to look at Lady Guilford as they meandered back to their carriage. All the same, she could feel the intensity of her friend’s gaze, knowing exactly what was on the lady’s mind, but having no real desire to speak of it, not when her thoughts were already as tormented as they were.

“Jane. Please.”

With a sigh, Jane finally turned her gaze to Lady Guilford.

“I know what you want to ask me.”

“You do?”

“Of course I do.”

Lady Guilford frowned.

“But you will not speak of it, then? Is it because you have no wish to?”

“It is because I do not know what I feel!” Jane threw up her hands, letting out an exasperated breath which, in turn, brought Lady Guilford to a complete stop, her eyes a little wider now. “The feelings which swept through me when I heard that he had been about to ask to court Lady Henrietta were so strong, I have still not quite settled even now! An hour after hearing those words on his lips, I cannot find a single moment of calmness.”

Lady Guilford smiled gently, her eyes holding fast to Jane’s.

“But do you not feel glad, at least, that he did not do such a thing? That he did not suggest courtship?”

Jane nodded but closed her eyes, aware of the heat there.

“It is foolishness, Louisa. I have already determined that I will not seek out another husband, I have already told myself that I am quite contented just as I am.” Her eyes opened but a single tear fell to her cheek, though Jane quickly dashed it away. “You have told me that Lord Edenbridge is the exact opposite of my late husband in terms of his character, and I believe you, I do, but there is a part of me that is still very afraid.”

“And so, you think it best to set aside your feelings and encourage Lord Edenbridge in the direction of another?” It was a question that Jane could not answer. Part of her wanted to say yes, to agree that it would be better for him to marry someone else, while the other part of her heart cried out in dismay, begging her to tell him all in the hope that she might find a new happiness with him. “Jane.” Lady Guilford put a hand to Jane’s arm as fresh tears began to push themselves forward. “You must be honest with him, as I have told you already. Tell him everything.”

“I have.” Jane squeezed her eyes closed, then shook her head. “I do not mean that. That is to say, I have said a little about Lord Harsham to him.”

“And was he understanding?”

Nodding, Jane’s heart squeezed all over again.

“Yes, he was. More than understanding, if I am to be honest. He told me that he felt honored by my willingness to be so honest with him about something so personal and, in that regard, I felt my heart fill all the more with joy and happiness about his friendship.”

“Tell him everything,” Lady Guilford said, with a firm yet gentle tone. “You know that I care about you, my dear friend, and I can see that this chance for happiness is one that you will forever regret the loss of, if you do not pursue it. Trust your heart, in a way that you have not done before.”

Jane sniffed.

“I have never had a chance to trust my heart before, I suppose,” she said quietly, the idea beginning to soften in her mind, no longer as brash a thought as before. “But then, if I do so, I will have to tell him about The London Chronicle also.”

“And that will make him think all the more highly of you!” Lady Guilford beamed at Jane, though doubt still swarmed in her mind. “He will not turn from you because of that!”

“There is a chance that he might.”

Lady Guilford shook her head.

“No. He has spoken of just how much he values the advice he has been given, has he not? I cannot imagine that he would think ill of you for keeping that from him. Rather, he will be all the more grateful for your willingness to assist him, both anonymously and also as a friend.”

Another clutch of fear tugged at Jane’s heart, rather than bringing her any sort of comfort.

“He might think that I have deceived him!”

Lady Guilford grasped Jane’s hand, hard, startling her out of the fear which threatened to overwhelm her.

“Do not let the whispers of dread and doubt succeed in their attempts to steal this potential happiness from you.” Jane blinked rapidly, her tears still very present. “I know Lord Edenbridge a little, but I have seen how close you have become to him and how much he admires you!” her friend continued, no sense of irritation present but a steadiness all the same; a steadiness which demanded Jane’s full attention. “I can see how he smiles when you come to join him, how light leaps into his eyes at the sight of you. Did you not see how he spoke of Lady Henrietta?”

A little confused, Jane frowned.

“I heard his explanation of why he had not done what he had first thought to do, that is all.”

“But he did not seem upset by it, did he?” Lady Guilford’s eyes searched Jane’s face, as though she was silently praying that she would understand. “Lord Edenbridge was relieved that he had said nothing! He did not seem upset that he had missed his opportunity, nor sorrowful that he had decided against it. There was no sense of frustration or the like, and nor did he seem in the least bit concerned about Lord Dunstable and Lady Henrietta walking together.”

“Lord Dunstable?”

“Yes, Lord Dunstable!” A glint came into Lady Guilford’s eyes. “If that gentleman truly cared for Lady Henrietta, even a little, then I know for certain that he would not have been standing conversing with us while the lady he was courting then was on the arm of another! If he had any genuine interest in her, he would have hurried to join them, to stop the intimate conversation as quickly as he could.” It was not something that Jane had considered before. She frowned, then looked away, a flare of hope striking her square in the chest. “You will only be able to understand all that you feel if you accept that there is a possibility of happiness with Lord Edenbridge,” Lady Guilford said, a good deal more gently now. “And thereafter, you must tell him of it all – of your hesitation, your fears, your doubts, and your desires. Then you will be able not only to ascertain his reaction and response to what you say, but also what his own heart feels. You can trust him with this, Jane. I am sure of it.”

Jane closed her eyes, swaying just a little as she took a long breath, attempting to steady herself.

“I – I will think about it, Louisa.”

“That is good. I will not press you any more than I have already done… only to say that you might wish to tell him at the masquerade ball, for there is something a good deal easier about speaking of such things when one is wearing a mask!”

This made Jane laugh, albeit rather ruefully as she understood exactly what her friend meant.

“Mayhap,” was all she would say though, as she made her way home, she could think of nothing else but Lord Edenbridge and the chance she might dare take… were she bold enough.

“Good evening!”

Jane swept into a curtsey, her heart hammering furiously as she looked up at Lord Edenbridge, his eyes hidden behind a small mask – though it was nowhere near large enough to hide his true identity.

“Good evening, Lord Edenbridge. Thank you for your invitation.”

She kept her voice a little higher pitched than usual, an idea having come to her that she might soon follow through with, should she have the strength of mind and heart to do so.

Lord Edenbridge frowned, though his lips still curved.

“A lady I do not recognize,” he said, with a sudden chuckle. “But you must be one of my acquaintances, I am sure!”

“I am indeed.” Jane swallowed tightly, leaning a little closer. “We are acquainted enough to send letters upon occasion, Lord Edenbridge.”

This made his frown deepen, only for his eyebrows to lift high, an expression of understanding suddenly overtaking his face.

“Wait,” he breathed, his hand reaching out to catch hers, “do you mean to say–”

“Good evening, Lord Edenbridge!”

The lady behind Jane, one who was clearly eager to have her presence made known, stepped closer to him, and quickly, the conversation was brought to an end. Lord Edenbridge dropped Jane’s hand and, as propriety demanded of him, bowed low and smiled at his next guest. Jane made her way to the door of the ballroom, glancing behind her only to see Lord Edenbridge looking towards her at the same time – and a flush of heat began to rise up from the tips of her toes. With what she hoped was a smile – though it could have been her nervousness twisting her lips – Jane made her way into the ballroom, hopeful now that Lord Edenbridge would come in search of her soon. She had made sure that the mask she wore was obvious enough, with some small peacock feathers pressing outwards from either side. She had asked her maid to thread pearls through her hair and then to add two larger peacock feathers to the back of her hair, again hoping to make herself memorable to Lord Edenbridge.

I must only hope that, when the time comes, I have the strength to speak.

“Jane! There you are.”

Jane turned her head and then practically fell on the arm of Lady Guilford.

“I have done it.”

“You… you have?” Lady Guilford frowned. “What have you done?”

“I have told him that I write for The London Chronicle,” Jane breathed, pressing one hand hard against her stomach, hoping to calm the nerves that swirled through her. “He does not know that it is me, under this mask, of course, but all the same, I have told him in the hope that he will come and find me. Then, I will be able to tell him.”

Lady Guilford frowned, turned to face Jane, and then spread out her hands.

“I do not understand.”

Jane swallowed tightly.

“I came with my true appearance hidden, as you can see.” She gestured to herself. “You knew the mask I was to wear and the gown and the hairpiece and thus, you recognized me, but Lord Edenbridge did not. I did not tell him who I was, I lifted my voice a little, and I whispered to him that we knew one another through letters.”

“Ah.” Understanding made Lady Guilford’s whole expression lift. “And now you intend to tell him the truth?” When Jane nodded, Lady Guilford leaned forward, one eyebrow lifting. “ All of it?”

“I – I do not know,” Jane stammered, still a little confused. “I confess to you that I have had some time to think but, no matter how much I tell myself that all will be well and that he can be trusted, there is still a vast part of me that is uncertain and afraid.” She swallowed tightly, spreading out her hands. “It may be that when the time comes, I will feel able to say it all but, until that moment, I remain unsure.”

Lady Guilford nodded.

“I understand. Though I am glad to see that you are being bold, my dear friend. I think it will do you very well.”

“Ladies, have you heard the news?”

“News?” Lady Guilford frowned as a lady that Jane did not recognize hurried close, her eyes bright in a way that Jane did not much like. “If this is to be gossip, Lady Smithing, then I am not sure that–”

“Miss Leverton has eloped!”

Jane’s mouth fell open in utter astonishment, though she quickly tried to rearrange her expression of surprise into something more akin to displeasure at being told such a thing. She did not want to hear gossip, but at the same time, there was a desire within her to know more about what had happened to Miss Leverton. The last time she had spoken to Lord Edenbridge about the lady, there had been no hint of any other gentleman even showing an interest in her, so to hear now that she had eloped was nothing short of astonishing.

“Eloped?” Lady Guilford, despite her clear dislike of gossip, showed the same amount of surprise in her expression as Jane felt. “When did this happen?”

“Only yesterday! Though we have only just heard of it now. I did not think that Miss Leverton was the sort of young lady to ever be snatched away by such a fellow, but it seems as though she is!”

“And who is the gentleman?” Jane could not help but ask, seeing Lady Smithing’s smile grow just a little. “I do hope that he is worthy of her and not some rogue.”

“He is no rogue!” Lady Smithing answered, laughing, though Jane did not know why. “He is the dullest, most severe gentleman in all of London, I think! A gentleman by the name of Lord Whittington.”

This meant nothing to Jane, though from Lady Guilford, the name brought a gasp of surprise.

“Indeed!” Lady Smithing chuckled, shaking her head. “But despite his disinclination to balls, soirées, and the like, despite his seemingly hard demeanor, he has swept her off to be married in Scotland!”

Jane exchanged a look with Lady Guilford, wondering silently now if Miss Leverton’s quiet manner and continual glances toward her mother had all been a pretense. Had she been pretending to be demure, quiet, and severely under her mother’s rule, so that no one would suspect her interest in this Lord Whittington? Or had it been a single look, a single meeting which had changed her entirely, and practically forced her steps in a direction she would not otherwise have taken?

“I am sure that her mother will be quite upset,” Lady Guilford murmured, as Lady Smithing’s eyes began to search all around the room, perhaps looking for the next group of people she might share this with. “I am sure that–”

“Yes, yes, quite.” With a vague smile, Lady Smithing waved one hand in Lady Guilford’s direction and then took her leave. “Do excuse me now, will you?”

It was not as though Jane had any opportunity to ask her to linger, given just how quickly she took her leave. Certain that there was still a look of surprise etched on her face, she spread out her hands as Lady Guilford shook her head.

“Goodness,” Lady Guilford breathed, as Jane’s hands dropped back to her sides. “What an extraordinary thing to hear!”

“I quite agree. I would never have imagined that Miss Leverton was the type of young lady to do such a thing!”

Lady Guilford looked at her, a slight frown on her forehead.

“Are you going to speak with him?”

Confused, Jane blinked.

“Speak with whom?”

“With Lord Edenbridge,” Lady Guilford said, quickly. “He must be told! You do not want him to hear it from someone else, do you? That would be a little embarrassing for him, I am sure, for whoever tells him might well be seeking his reaction in the hope of spreading that as yet more gossip.”

“I had not thought of that.”

“But you must tell him as yourself, must you not?”

Frowning, Jane tried to understand.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, the lady who writes for The London Chronicle does not know the specific ladies that he was pursuing, does she?”

Understanding what her friend meant, a shuddering breath ran through Jane’s frame as she looked down at her gown, recalling the peacock feathers in her hair and the mask that she had been so sure he would notice and remember.

“And if I go to speak with him about Miss Leverton specifically, he will wonder how I know of it all.”

“It could be that he would simply accept that you know of it because you are a part of the ton and have observed him,” Lady Guilford said, though Jane shook her head at this, quite certain that it would not satisfy him.

“I am going to have to tell him.” Her eyes squeezed closed, a tight fear beginning to crawl over her skin, delving down deep into her soul. “I am going to have to tell him everything.”

“Just as you had planned.”

“But not like this,” Jane answered, a little hoarsely. “I thought I would have time to consider what I was going to say, and would be given the opportunity to build up my courage! Now I am going to have to go to him directly and speak all of my truth all at once!”

Lady Guilford took Jane’s hand and pressed it, leaning a little closer to her.

“You might find that it will be better this way,” she said, encouraging Jane just a little, though her fear still remained strong. “It is clear even in this just how much you have come to care for him, my friend. Let that – your affection – be your guide. The rest will come.”

Jane could only nod and then, before her courage failed her entirely, turned on her heel and went in search of Lord Edenbridge.