Page 20

THE MOONLIGHT GLITTERED on the waters of the reflecting pool and the breeze ruffling the surface seemed to give movement to the statues surrounding it.

“I don’t like those statues,” Selene said.

“They’re too cold.” She stepped forward so that her face was mirrored in the water.

“But I look cold too. Isn’t that strange?”

“Yes. No one is less cold.” His grasp steadied her.

“But that may change if you topple into the water.”

She chuckled.

“Would you jump in and save me?”

“Always.”

“Well, I doubt I’d need rescuing. The pool is scarce five feet deep.”

“Men in armor have been known to drown in a few feet of water.”

“And serves them right for making war.”

“You’re making war on Nasim.”

Her smile faded.

“That’s different.”

“And that’s what every antagonist says about his war.”

She made a face.

“I don’t want to talk about wars tonight.”

“Or Nasim.”

“Or Nasim.” She moved away from him and sat down on the bench beside the pool.

“So talk about something else.”

“You’re being entirely too serene. You’re not planning on going over the wall again?” Kadar asked.

She shook her head. “I don’t think Vaden could be fooled as was that guard at Sienbara, and I’m sure you’ll warn him to watch me.”

He sat down beside her and took her hand.

“Of course. But Layla has already given him ample warning. She’s learned your temperament very well in such a short time.”

“We think a good deal alike. I thought she’d fight harder to keep us from using the grail.”

“It was Tarik’s decision. Since I had a weapon to use, I bent all my efforts on him.”

“What weapon?”

“Guilt.”

She frowned, puzzled.

“It’s Nasim who was guilty, not Tarik. I wouldn’t think Tarik would feel any blame.”

“Tarik evidently is a man with a conscience.”

“That would still not be—” She studied his face.

“You’re not telling me something.”

“Not because I’m trying to keep secrets from you, it’s just not the time. I have to make a decision first.”

“Is it about the grail?”

He nodded.

“You agreed to protect it for Tarik? Is that why he’s letting us use it? You should never have—”

“I promised him only that I’d protect it from Nasim while it was in my possession.” He lifted her hand and kissed the palm.

“Don’t you think it’s time we went inside?”

She stared at him in wonder.

“I think you’re beginning to believe Tarik. How can you? It’s impossible.”

“Sometimes one is forced to consider the possibility of the impossible.” He smiled.

“But that shouldn’t trouble you. You’ve already told me that the goal Tarik and Layla worked so hard to accomplish is of no interest to you.”

She shivered.

“It would be too lonely and strange.”

“Perhaps not so lonely. We could make it—” He drew a deep breath and his hand tightened with bruising force.

“My God, it’s a temptation to try to persuade you. I could do it. I know I could do it.”

“You’re hurting me.” And frightening her.

“Persuade me?”

His eyes glittered as they held her own.

“You say you trust me now. Don’t trust me in this. It’s too important to me.”

“What are you talking about?” Her eyes widened.

“Tarik promised you something. Don’t believe him. It’s madness. This Eshe is a dream.”

“What if it isn’t?”

“Then it could be a nightmare. Promise me you won’t let Tarik talk you into trying to create this Eshe from the directions on the grail.”

He was silent a moment.

“I promise.”

Her relief was tempered by a nagging unease.

She could still sense that tension just below the surface.

“And will you promise me that you’ll try to forget the nightmare and consider the dream? Because it could be such a—” He muttered an oath and jumped to his feet.

“Come, let’s go back to the house. We’ve had enough talk. I can’t seem to stop myself from trying to—”

He was striding through the garden away from her, she realized in bewilderment.

She caught up with him as they reached the house.

“I think I would rather talk of Nasim,” she said breathlessly.

“He doesn’t arouse such a furor in you.”

“We will talk of neither.” In the short time it had taken to reach the house, Kadar had changed again.

His smile was seductive as he took her hand.

“We won’t talk at all. I’ve saved something very special to demonstrate for you from my years in the house of pleasure. I think tonight is just the time to show you.”

“That was very wicked.” Her breath was coming in short pants as she rolled over on her back.

“I’m not sure that you should—”

“Did you enjoy it?” He kissed her shoulder.

“Then I should have done it. Rest, and then I’ll show you another way.”

She had never dreamed of the intensity and sensual skill Kadar had demonstrated tonight.

He was always a master, but tonight he had been spellbinding, driven.

Her body was tingling, alive, and still wanting more.

“I’m dizzy. I feel as I did in the tower . . . hashish.”

“Pleasure can be as strong as hashish and as addictive.” He kissed her breast. “Your body can become so accustomed to it that you can’t do without it. I can make you want me like that. Your body will crave mine so much that you—”

“What’s wrong?”

He jerkily moved off her.

“Nothing.” He lay down beside her and turned his back.

“Go to sleep.”

Go to sleep when he had turned from sorcery to remoteness in the space of a heartbeat?

“I will not.” Her hand grasped his and she turned him on his back.

“What’s wrong?”

He drew her down and buried her head in his shoulder.

“What’s wrong is that you can’t trust me even in this,” he whispered.

“I didn’t even know I intended to do this to you. I was tempted, I reached out, and—”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I enjoyed it. It was a trifle unusual, but I liked—”

“That’s not what I mean.”

“Oh, you think you can make a slave of me with your wicked ways?” She bit his shoulder.

“You flatter yourself.”

“Do I?”

“And why should you want to? A slave would not suit you at all.”

“You suit me. And I find I’d want you any way I could get you.”

“But you have me already.”

“Do I?”

“If you don’t get yourself killed by Nasim.” She raised her head and smiled teasingly down at him.

“And if you don’t deny me pleasure because you’re so vain as to think you have some sort of magical coupling powers.”

“Not magic, skill.” He smiled.

“And I’m tempted to show you that it’s not vanity. You’ve seriously damaged my self-love.”

That almost desperate intensity was gone, she realized with relief.

She cuddled closer and nestled her head in the hollow of his shoulder.

“Later. I need to gather my strength. Besides, I like this too. Don’t you?”

His hand gently stroked the hair at her temple.

“Oh, yes. I like everything I do with you, my love.”

He was asleep.

She wished she could join him in slumber, Selene thought, as she stared into the darkness.

She didn’t want to lie here, thinking.

If she had imagined she would lie awake this night, she would have thought the cause would lay at Nasim’s feet.

Surely Kadar’s meeting with Nasim should be more worrisome to her than his strange behavior tonight.

Eshe.

Impossible.

Yet Tarik and Layla were intelligent, reasonable people, and they believed it possible.

Kadar was not a man to plunge foolishly to any conclusion, but he was beginning to believe it too.

And she could see how Kadar would be lured by the prospects it presented.

It was his nature to question and explore.

What if he decided that he could not resist that ultimate challenge?

But he had promised her he’d not take that challenge.

But did she have the right to ask that promise?

Of course she did. She loved him.

Dabbling in the unknown could be dangerous.

She had to protect him from that risk.

He was not afraid of risk.

But she was afraid for him.

Or was she afraid for herself?

When Tarik had spoken of her not being ready, he had been talking about Eshe.

He had seen what she knew to be true: She wasn’t ready to face the possibility of losing what she had to gain an uncertain future.

She had grown up with uncertainty.

Now she wanted everything secure and predictable.

Secure? Nothing could be less secure than their immediate future, and that danger was by her will and was her responsibility.

“You’re frowning.” Kadar’s eyes were open, but his voice was thick with drowsiness.

“Stop worrying about Nasim and go to sleep.”

“I will.”

“It will be all right. Nothing will happen to me.”

“I know.” Because she had already made the decision that there was no chance of anything happening to Kadar.

She closed her eyes.

“Go back to sleep. You need to garner your strength. I intend to wake you in a few hours and have you pleasure me.”

“I’m not that sleepy now.”

“But I deserve better.”

He chuckled and brushed his lips across her cheek.

“As you command.”

Not when it came to a choice of her will or protecting her from Nasim.

Well, that was one challenge she was ready to meet.

No mysterious Eshe, no groping into the future, just a duty to be done, a debt to be paid.

A life to be taken.

“Why should I believe you?” Nasim’s gaze narrowed on Kadar’s face.

“It would be no small thing to steal the grail from Tarik. What if it’s a lie? It could be a trap.”

“Why would I want to trap you? I want gold, not blood.” He glanced at Balkir hovering by the tent entrance and smiled maliciously.

“Well, some blood. I want him. That wound in my chest still pains me at times.”

Balkir stiffened, his gaze flying to Nasim’s face.

Nasim didn’t look at him.

“I don’t have to give you anything. If you’ve truly stolen the grail, I could torture you until you tell me what I need to know.”

Kadar chuckled.

“But you won’t. It would take too much time. You’re the one who taught me to withstand torture. Who knows? I might even die before I told you where I hid it. Wouldn’t that be inconvenient?”

Nasim was silent.

“How much gold?”

“I want the golden coffer that holds the grail and enough sacks of gold to fill it.” His glance went to Balkir.

“Perhaps not quite fill it. There should still be room for Balkir’s head.”

Balkir’s face flushed with anger.

“The master would not consent to such a bargain.”

“No?” Kadar’s gaze returned to Nasim and he said softly, “I really do want him, Nasim.”

Nasim made an impatient gesture.

“You know that’s not possible. What else?”

“The Dark Star to take me back to Montdhu and your promise that Montdhu will continue to exist.”

“A high price.”

“Too high for the grail?”

“He thinks to beggar you,” Balkir said.

“Let me have him. I’ll make him give you the grail.”

“You interrupt,” Nasim said icily.

“Leave us.”

Balkir’s eyes widened.

“I did not mean—forgive me. I only wished to—”

“Did I ask for your aid?”

Balkir shook his head and backed quickly out of the tent.

“A fool,” Kadar said.

“I’m surprised you endure him.”

“A loyal fool. Not like you, Kadar. I could always count on your brilliance, never your loyalty.”

“Because I’m not a fool. I’d not throw my loyalty down a bottomless pit.” He smiled.

“Now that he’s gone, we can talk freely. I wasn’t joking. I want him dead.”

Nasim shrugged.

“It’s an unimportant thing. However, the ship . . .”

“Is also an unimportant thing.” He paused.

“When tossed in the balance. Look at me, Nasim: I was a dead man.”

He became still.

“You know it was the grail?”

“What else? You saw the wound.”

Nasim’s gaze hungrily raked Kadar’s face.

“Do you know how fortunate you are? You’re young and frozen in time. Every year that passed, I knew my body was failing me and I couldn’t get my hands on the grail.” He frowned.

“But perhaps if I drink constantly from the grail, I will reverse in aging. Is that possible?”

He shrugged.

“I know little about the grail.”

“Tarik does not seem to be getting younger. He only stays the same.” His lips twisted.

“So I’ll take what I can get.”

“You agree to the bargain?”

“On my terms. I’ll not go unguarded to meet you, and I’ll send you word of the meeting place tomorrow afternoon.”

“Send it to the old cypress near the stream seven miles from here. I think it best that you not know exactly where I am from now on.” He added mockingly, “Not that I don’t trust you. But Balkir might be tempted to attack while I’m unaware and run another sword through me. Send a messenger to the cypress at midday and I’ll be there.”

“You’re never unaware.” Nasim smiled slyly.

“Do you wish me to send Balkir with the message tomorrow?”

“You are annoyed with him. You don’t wish to see him alive again?”

“On second thought, I’ll send someone else. I won’t give you Balkir until I see that golden coffer.”

“As you like, but he’d better not live a minute longer.”

“No longer than you’ll live if you try to betray me.” He paused.

“And I’ll find the woman and kill her too. You cannot hide her forever.”

“I’m not worried. When you have the grail, you’ll lose interest in both of us.”

“That’s true.” Nasim’s eyes glittered in his taut face.

“Nothing is more important. Bring me the grail. I have to have the grail.”

“Tomorrow.” Kadar turned to leave.

“You won’t be disappointed. Just make sure you don’t disappoint me.”

Vaden’s army was camped some fifteen miles east of Nasim’s camp on the southern slope of Mount Vesuvius.

Selene, Tarik, and Layla arrived at the camp in the late afternoon.

Kadar strode out to meet them.

“You brought it?”

Tarik jerked his head to indicate the mule behind him.

“Selene saw that I did. She watched me like a hawk as I loaded it on the mule. She wasn’t about to let you go to Nasim without something to bargain with. Did all go well today?”

“As we expected.” Kadar turned to Selene with a smile.

“You see, all your worry was for nothing.”

“I wasn’t worried.” It was a lie.

The relief that had surged through her when she saw him had almost made her dizzy.

“I wasn’t expecting anything to happen today. I had every confidence you could keep Nasim from killing you as you dangled the prospect of the grail before his nose.” She slipped from the saddle.

“We both know it’s after he gets the grail that you’ll be in danger. Is Vaden ready?”

“Oh, I’m always ready,” Vaden said as he joined them.

“But I’m not sure I’ll be given an opportunity to test that readiness. We’re too far away.”

“Tomorrow after I receive the message about Nasim’s new location, you’ll move closer. If you can do it without Nasim’s guards seeing you.”

“I can do it.” His gaze went to the chest tied to the mule.

“Is that it?”

Layla nodded.

“And you’d better be prepared to protect it.”

“I’ll protect Kadar and do my best to destroy Nasim and his men. That’s my only commitment. I wish nothing to do with your grail. I’ve had my fill of such tripe.” He turned on his heel and walked away.

“Vaden is not enamored with objects of power,” Kadar said.

“You’ll have to rely on me.” He turned to Selene.

“Our tent is over there. Are you ready to eat or would you prefer to refresh yourself?”

“Neither. I’m stiff from the ride.” She set out for the perimeter of the camp.

“I want to walk.”

Kadar caught up with her.

“May I go along?”

“If you like.”

“But I’m not invited?”

“I won’t be good company. I’m in a foul humor.”

“I’d rather be with you in bad humor than anyone else in good.”

She felt that usual melting at his words.

This was not the night to quarrel with him, no matter how tense she felt.

She slowed down and they walked in silence for a while.

“Do you have any idea where he’ll choose to meet you?”

“I have an idea where I’d choose. I’ve explored the area, and there’s a plateau on the western side of the mountain. It’s open enough so that you could see an attacking force on one side, and the cliff drops sheer to the valley on the other. I’d be surprised if Nasim chose any other place.”

“You can’t just ride into his camp with the grail.”

“There’s a cluster of boulders a short ride away. I’ll hide the chest there and try to lure Nasim away from the camp.”

“I’ve been thinking about Balkir. He’s always with Nasim.”

“I believe I’ve found a way to rid myself of him. We’ll see, tomorrow.”

Speculation.

All of it was too frighteningly uncertain.

She could feel the muscles of her stomach tighten at the thought.

Don’t think of it. Not yet.

She stopped as they reached an outcropping of the mountain to look down at the ruins below.

“Tarik says there are people, a whole city buried beneath all that stone.” She shivered.

“One night they were alive and happy and the next they were buried. All their plans, all their worries and joys gone.”

“Stop brooding. Their situation was nothing like ours. Disasters like that happen once in a thousand years. No volcano is going to rush down and destroy us. We’re controlling our fate.”

“I know.” But she still felt a heavy melancholy as she looked down at the ruins.

“But it must have been terrible. Tarik said he heard the sky was black for days.”

“I doubt if he heard it secondhand.”

Her gaze flew to his face.

“Why do you say that?”

He didn’t look at her.

“He was quite probably here or nearby.”

“What?” she whispered.

“But that was centuries ago.”

“Yes.”

“What are you saying?”

“Ask Tarik.” He pulled her close.

“But not now. I want to hold you.”

Centuries, she thought incredulously.

“It’s not possible. I thought a few decades.”

“So did I.”

“And Layla?”

“The same.” He paused.

“I knew it would frighten you, but it was important for you to know. No one should have to make a choice without the full truth.”

“It’s more unbelievable than ever now.”

“Not when you talk to them.”

“I don’t want to talk to them about this.” She stiffened.

“What choice?”

“Not now. You’re feeling a little desperate, and it wouldn’t be fair.”

“I want to know.”

He shook his head.

Her hands tightened on his arms. She had a chilling idea what choice was to be offered.

“Then tell me what choice you’re going to make.”

“I have no choice.”

His words struck her like a blow.

“I don’t understand.”

He put his fingers on her lips.

“Shh, no more. Not tonight. I cursed Tarik for doing the same thing, but he was right to go slowly. I just wanted to prepare you.”

“You’re as bad as they are. I don’t have enough to worry about with you going to Nasim tomorrow. You have to boggle my mind with this.”

He smiled.

“Better to split the worry. You were too somber. You’d have brooded all night about Nasim.”

“And you’d rather I brooded over some idiotic choice. Well, I’ll not do it. I won’t think of you at all.” She whirled and strode away from him.

“Idiot.”

“Does that mean you won’t sleep with me tonight?” he called after her.

“Of course I’ll sleep with you. Do you think I want to live with guilt if you get your stupid head chopped off? Just stay away from me until I can bear to look at you without wanting to slap you.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said meekly.

“Fortunately, Vaden isn’t so disdainful of my company. He wants to go over the plan this evening.”

She didn’t answer as her pace quickened.

A few minutes later she was inside the tent Kadar had indicated.

Imbecile. What made him think introducing a new hazard weakened the impact of the first?

It was just like a man to think that a woman could not hold two thoughts in her head at the same time.

Nasim.

I have no choice.

Panic was rising, and she had to remain calm if she was to get through tomorrow.

How could she be calm when she was whirling in the dark?

She strode out of the tent and went in search of Layla.

“You’re upset,” Layla said warily as Selene strode into her tent.

“Did you argue with Kadar?”

“No, he was too busy mumbling idiocies about choices and Pompeii and Tarik and you living for centuries.”

“Oh.”

“Well, talk to me.” Selene plopped down on the cushions.

“And don’t tell me to go slowly or that I’m not ready or I’ll throw a pitcher at you.”

“I wouldn’t want that.” Layla smiled.

“There’s going to be enough violence tomorrow. What did he tell you?”

“Nothing. He’s being as cautious and annoying as the rest of you.” She bit her lower lip.

“He told me he had no choice. What did he mean?”

“It seems he was very clumsy.”

“What did he mean?”

Layla dropped down on the cushions across from her.

“Shall I start at the beginning?”

“If you don’t, I’ll strangle you.”

“Another threat?” Layla clucked reprovingly.

“Since all this is clearly Kadar’s fault, I really think he should get the brunt of this.” She held up her hand to stem Selene’s words.

“Very well, I’ll tell you all that Kadar knows.”

The tent was silent for a long time before Selene whispered, “A thousand years . . .”

Layla nodded.

“It sounds like a long time, but it passes more quickly than you would think.”

“Why didn’t anyone tell me that Kadar had already taken Eshe?”

“Did you really want to know?” Layla asked.

“Kadar said you could think only of Nasim.”

She supposed that was true.

If she had not been so obsessed, she would have suspected Kadar was keeping something from her.

“And I’m the one who gave Kadar the potion.”

“You didn’t know what it was.”

“Tarik did.”

“And it saved Kadar’s life. Would you have him dead?”

“No.” She remembered saying that she didn’t care if it was sorcery as long as it cured Kadar.

“I’d give it to him again tomorrow if it meant keeping him alive.”

“Well, it will keep him alive for a long, long time.” Layla paused.

“He did not ask you to take it too?”

“No. I don’t think he will. I told him—it frightens me.”

“More than seeing yourself grow weak and old while Kadar remains young and strong? More than leaving him alone when he needs you?”

“You want me to do it?”

“I’m saying it’s a decision with which you have to come to terms. You can’t hide your head in the ground and ignore the facts.”

“I don’t even know if they are facts or if it’s some outrageous myth. I don’t know anything about Eshe.”

“Neither do we. We can’t give it to enough people to gather a full picture.”

“So you pick and choose?”

She nodded.

“What else can we do?”

“On what basis?”

“Do you want me to say we have rules? We don’t. Sometimes it’s someone who is brilliant and has much still to give to the world. Sometimes it’s only someone whom we cannot bear to lose.”

“No rules?”

“Choice. They have to agree.”

“And what of their families?”

“We aren’t monsters, but the quantities are scarce. Each person we choose to receive Eshe is allowed five vials of their own. No more.”

“And they have to choose who in their family is to live, who is to die?”

“I never said we were perfect. We do what we can.”

“I couldn’t do it.”

“You could do it. I did.”

“You didn’t do it. You had no children.” She stiffened as the thought sank home.

“Children—is the reason you have no children because of Eshe?”

“At first I thought it was, but there have been other women given Eshe who later conceived and gave birth.” Her lips twisted.

“So I cannot blame it on the potion. I’m just barren.”

“And what of the children? Are they frozen in time like you and Tarik?”

“You mean, do they never grow up? Eshe doesn’t work like that. Growth takes place the way God intended. When the growth ends, the aging stops.”

“But you couldn’t know that. You must have taken horrible chances giving the potion to children.”

“I didn’t give it.” She added deliberately, “But I didn’t stop it being given. The first child to take it was the eight-year-old son of a Greek woman. His name was Niko, and I was very fond of him.”

“Not fond enough to wait until he was grown.”

“Do you know how many children die each year? How few reach their full growth? This was the seventh child born to Ariane. The others had died, and Niko was a terribly delicate child. She desperately wanted to make sure she could keep him alive. Did I have the right to stop her?” She met Selene’s gaze.

“And, yes, I wanted to know if it was safe to give to other children. The only way to find out Eshe’s limits was to probe them. I made myself part of her responsibility. Blame me, if you will. But not until you’re willing to stand in my shoes.”

“I’m not willing. I don’t want—” Her hands clenched.

“I hope this is all a lie.”

“But you’re no longer sure it is.” Layla smiled faintly.

“It’s very sobering, isn’t it? But you’ll become used to the idea.”

“Will I?”

“It’s a great gift.”

“So you say.”

“Because it’s true. Death, not Eshe, is the enemy.”

“Tarik chose Kadar not only to receive Eshe but to protect the grail. I don’t think he meant to give him a choice in the beginning.”

“It was very difficult for Tarik. Eshe has always been an unbearable burden for him. He must have been desperate to relinquish the grail.”

“And you thought he sent me to you because he couldn’t bring himself to give me the potion. Would you have done it?”

“Oh, yes. I was desperate too. I’ve been without Tarik for a long time. I thought he was reaching out to me.” She grimaced.

“I would have done anything, and I’m far more ruthless than Tarik.”

“Yes, you are. For God’s sake, if your story is true, I’d think the years would have made you more civilized.”

“Souls don’t change. I’ve come to believe we’re all born with the soul we take to the grave. We learn, but we cannot change that part of us. If anything, we become more of what we started out to be.”

“Then God help us.”

“Sometimes He does. Sometimes we help ourselves.” Layla paused.

“And sometimes we falter and make mistakes. When that happens, you forgive yourself or let it destroy you. I won’t let either Tarik or myself be destroyed by what happened to his brother. We just have to go on.” She moved her shoulders as if shrugging off a burden.

“Enough. I’ve told you all you asked of me. It’s not easy to sit here and have you stare at me and question things I’ve questioned myself. Now go away and let me have some peace.”

Selene wearily rose to her feet.

Peace. She wouldn’t know peace this night.

Her mind was too full and her emotions too rampant.

“What are you going to do?” Layla asked.

“About Eshe? I don’t know.” She turned to the tent entrance.

“Perhaps there’s nothing to be done. Maybe you and Tarik are mad and there’s no such thing as Eshe. I can’t think any more about it right now. I’m upset enough, and there’s Nasim to deal with.”

She stopped outside the tent and drew a deep breath.

Night had fallen, and the cool air felt good on her hot cheeks.

She was shaking, she realized.

It was all very well to say she couldn’t afford to think of Eshe, but how could she not.

I have no choice.

Five vials .

. . No more.

You can’t hide your head in the ground.

But she must try not to face it tonight.

She had found out what she needed to know.

Now she mustn’t be distracted from the urgency of Nasim.

Her gaze searched the camp, and she saw Vaden and Kadar in conversation by the fire.

Good, she would have time to recover her composure before she set out to do what had to be done.