Page 2

AUGUST 4, 1196

MONTDHU, SCOTLAND

“SHE’S BEING VERY FOOLISH.” Thea frowned as she watched Selene across the great hall.

“I don’t like this, Ware.”

“Neither does Kadar,” Ware said cheerfully as he took a sip of his wine.

“I’m rather enjoying it. It’s interesting to see our cool Kadar disconcerted.”

“Will it also be interesting if Kadar decides to slaughter that poor man at whom she’s smiling?” Thea asked tartly.

“Or Lord Kenneth, who she partnered in the last country dance?”

“Yes.” He smiled teasingly at her.

“It’s been far too peaceful here for the last few years. I could use a little diversion.”

“Blood and war are not diversions except to warriors like you.” Her frown deepened.

“And I thought you very happy here at Montdhu. You did not complain.”

He lifted her hand and kissed the palm.

“How would I dare with such a termagant of a wife.”

“Don’t tease. Have you been unhappy?”

“Only when you robbed me of craftsmen for my castle so that you could have them build a ship for your silk trade.”

“I needed that ship. What good is it to produce fine silks if you can’t sell them? It wasn’t sensible to—” She shook her head.

“You know I was right, and you have your castle now. It’s as fine and strong as you could want. Everyone at the feast tonight has told you they have never seen a more secure fortress.”

His smile faded.

“And we might well have need of our fortress soon.”

She frowned.

“Have you heard news from the Holy Land?”

He shook his head.

“But we walk a fine line, Thea. We’ve been lucky to have these years to prepare.”

Ware was still looking over his shoulder, Thea thought sadly.

Well, who could blame him?

They had fled the wrath of the Knights Templar to come to this land, and if the Knights found out that Ware was not dead, as they thought, they would be unrelenting in their persecution.

Ware and Thea had almost been captured before their journey started.

It had been Kadar who had bargained with Sinan, the head of the assassins, to lend them a ship to take them to Scotland.

But that was the past, and Thea would not have Ware moody tonight when he had so much to celebrate.

“We’re not lucky, we’re intelligent. And the Knights Templar are foolish beyond belief if they think you would betray them. It makes me angry every time I think of it. Now drink your wine and enjoy this evening. We’ve made a new life and everything is fine.”

He lifted his cup.

“Then why are you letting the fact that your sister is smiling prettily at Lord Douglas upset you?”

“Because Kadar hasn’t taken his eyes off her all evening.” Her gaze returned to her sister.

Selene’s pale-gold silk gown made her dark-red hair glow with hidden fires, and her green eyes shone with vitality—and recklessness.

The little devil knew exactly what she was doing, Thea thought crossly.

Selene was impulsive at times, but this was not such an occasion.

Her every action tonight was meant to provoke Kadar.

“And I didn’t invite the entire countryside to see your splendid new castle so that she could expose them to mayhem.”

“Tell her. Selene loves you. She won’t want you unhappy.”

“I will.” She rose to her feet and strode down the hall toward the great hearth, before which Selene was holding court.

Ware was right: Selene might be willful, but she had a tender heart.

She would never intentionally hurt anyone she loved.

All Thea had to do was confront her sister, express her distress, and the problem would be solved.

Maybe.

“Don’t stop her, Thea.”

She glanced over her shoulder to see Kadar behind her.

He had been leaning against the far pillar only seconds ago, but she was accustomed to the swift silence of his movements.

“Stop her?” She smiled.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“And don’t lie to me either.” Kadar’s lips tightened.

“I’m a little too bad-tempered tonight to deal in pretense.” He took her arm and led her toward the nearest corner of the hall.

“And you’ve never done it well. You’re burdened with a pure and honest soul.”

“And I suppose you’re the devil himself.”

He smiled.

“Only a disciple.”

“Nonsense.”

“Well, perhaps only half devil. I’ve never been able to convince you of my sinful character. You never wanted to see that side of me.”

“You’re kind and generous and our very dear friend.”

“Oh, yes, which proves what good judgment you have.”

“And arrogant, stubborn, and with no sense of humility.”

He inclined his head.

“But I’ve the virtue of patience, my lady, which should outweigh all my other vices.”

“Stop mocking.” She turned to face him.

“You’re angry with Selene.”

“Am I?”

“You know you are. You’ve been watching her all evening.”

“And you’ve been watching me.” One side of his lips lifted in a half smile.

“I was wondering whether you’d decide to attack me or Selene.”

“I have no intention of attacking anyone.” She stared directly into his eyes.

“Do you?”

“Not at the moment. I’ve just told you how patient I am.”

Relief surged through her.

“She doesn’t mean anything. She’s just amusing herself.”

“She means something.” He glanced back toward the hearth.

“She means to torment and hurt me and drive me to the edge.” His tone was without expression.

“She does it very well, doesn’t she?”

“It’s your fault. Why don’t you offer for her? You know Ware and I have wanted the two of you to wed for this past year. Selene is ten and seven. It’s past time she had a husband.”

“I’m flattered you’d consider a humble bastard like myself worthy of her.”

“You are not flattered. You know your own worth.”

“Of course, but the world would say it was a poor match. Selene is a lady of a fine house now.”

“Only because you helped us escape from the Holy Land and start again. Selene was a slave in the House of Nicholas and only a child when you bought her freedom as a favor to me. She was destined to spend her life embroidering his splendid silks and being given to his customers for their pleasure. You saved her, Kadar. Do you think she would ever look at another man if you let her come close to you?”

“Don’t interfere, Thea.”

“I will interfere. You know better. She’s worshipped you since she was a child of eleven.”

“Worship? She’s never worshipped me. She knows me too well.” He smiled.

“You may not believe in my devilish qualities, but she does. She’s always known what I am. Just as I’ve always known what she is.”

“She’s a hardworking, honest, loving woman who needs a husband.”

“She’s more than that. She’s extraordinary, the light in my darkness. And she’s still not ready for me.”

“Ready? Most women her age have children already.”

“Most women haven’t suffered as she suffered. It scarred her. I can wait until she heals.”

“But can she?” Thea glanced toward the hearth again.

Oh, God, Selene was no longer there.

“It’s all right. She and Lord Douglas just left the hall and went out into the courtyard.”

How had he known that?

Sometimes it seemed Kadar had eyes in the back of his head.

“Kadar, don’t—”

He bowed.

“If you’ll excuse me, I’ll go and bring her back.”

“Kadar, I won’t have violence this night.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t shed blood on the fine new rushes you put down on the floor.” He moved toward the courtyard.

“But the stones of the courtyard wash up quite nicely.”

“Kadar!”

“Don’t follow me, Thea.” His voice was soft but inflexible.

“Stay out of it. This is what she wants, what she’s tried to goad me to all evening. Don’t you realize that?”

______

Where was Kadar?

Selene wondered impatiently.

She had been out here a good five minutes and he still hadn’t appeared.

She didn’t know how long she could keep Lord Douglas from taking her back to the hall.

He was a boring, stodgy young man and had been shocked when she’d suggested going out to the courtyard.

“It’s a fine night. I do feel much better now that I’ve had a breath of air.”

Lord Douglas looked uneasy.

“Then perhaps we should go back inside. Lord Ware would not like us being out here alone. It’s not fitting.”

“In a moment.” Where was he?

She had felt his gaze on her all evening.

He would have seen—

“The Saracen was watching us,” Lord Douglas said.

“I’m sure he will tell Lord Ware.”

“Saracen?” Her gaze flew to his face.

“What Saracen?”

“Kadar Ben Arnaud. Isn’t he a Saracen? That’s what they call him.”

“Who are ‘they’?”

He shrugged.

“Everyone.”

“Kadar’s mother was Armenian, his father a Frank.”

He nodded.

“A Saracen.”

She should be amused that he had put Kadar, who could never be labeled, in a tight little niche.

She was not amused. She fiercely resented the faint patronizing note in his voice.

“Why not call him a Frank like his father? Why a Saracen?”

“He just seems . . . He’s not like us.”

No more than a panther was like a sheep or a glittering diamond like a moss-covered rock, she thought furiously.

“Kadar belongs here. My sister and her husband regard him as a brother.”

“Surely not.” He looked faintly shocked.

“Though I’m sure he’s good at what he does. These Saracens are supposed to be fine seamen, and he does your silk trading, doesn’t he?”

She wanted to slap him.

“Kadar does more than captain our ship. He’s a part of Montdhu. We’re proud and fortunate to have him here.”

“I didn’t mean to make you—”

She lost track of what he was saying.

Kadar was coming.

She had known he would follow her, but Selene still smothered a leap of excitement as she caught sight of him in the doorway.

He was moving slowly, deliberately, almost leisurely down the stairs.

This was not good. That wasn’t the response she wanted from him.

She took a step closer to Lord Douglas and swayed.

“I believe I still feel a little faint.”

He instinctively put a hand on her shoulder to steady her.

“Perhaps I should call the lady Thea.”

“No, just stay—”

“Good evening, Lord Douglas.” Kadar was coming toward them.

“I believe it’s a little cool out here for Selene. Why don’t you go fetch her cloak?”

“We were just going in,” Lord Douglas said quickly.

“Lady Selene felt a little faint and we—”

“Faint?” Kadar’s brows lifted as he paused beside them.

“She appears quite robust to me.”

He’s not like us, Douglas had said.

No, he wasn’t like any of these men who had come to honor Ware tonight.

He was like no one Selene had ever met.

Now, standing next to heavyset, red-faced Lord Douglas, the differences were glaringly apparent.

Kadar’s dark eyes dominated a bronze, comely face that could reflect both humor and intelligence.

He was tall, his powerful body deceptively lean, with a grace and confidence the other man lacked.

But the differences were not only on the surface.

Kadar was as deep and unfathomable as the night sky, and it was no wonder these simple fools could not understand how exceptional he was.

“She was ill,” Lord Douglas repeated.

“But I’m sure she feels better now.” Kadar paused.

“So you may remove your hand from her shoulder.”

Selene felt a surge of fierce satisfaction.

This was better. Kadar’s tone was soft, but so was the growl of a tiger before it pounced.

Evidently Lord Douglas didn’t miss the threat.

He snatched his hand away as if burned.

“She was afraid she would—”

“Selene is afraid of nothing.” He smiled at Selene.

“Though she should be.”

Oh, yes, this was the Kadar she wanted to rouse.

But he was wrong: She was afraid of him in this moment.

She hid it as she smiled back at him.

“I see nothing to fear. Lord Douglas can protect me.”

“Oh, I don’t think so. Because he’s going to go and fetch your cloak, aren’t you, Lord Douglas?”

Lord Douglas was nervously glancing from one to the other.

“Perhaps we should all return—”

“I need a word with the lady Selene. I’m sure you’ll understand.”

Douglas drew a deep breath and then straightened his shoulders.

“I feel it my duty to stay until she feels well enough to go back to the hall.”

She hadn’t counted on this.

She had thought he would scurry away when Kadar showed his claws.

Was he a fool that he couldn’t see the danger Kadar represented?

She shivered. “I do feel chilled. Would you please fetch my cloak, Douglas?”

He hesitated and then, to her immense relief, took the out she’d given him.

He bowed. “As you wish.”

She watched him hurry across the courtyard.

“You’re usually better at reading people.” Kadar’s gaze was also on Lord Douglas.

“He was braver than you thought.”

“Yes.” She didn’t try subterfuge.

It never worked with Kadar.

He knew her too well.

“Brave or blind. He may be the one lacking in judgment.” She turned to face him, the excitement building.

“What would you have done if I hadn’t sent him away?”

“What do you think?”

“I’m asking you.”

“Killed him,” he said casually.

“I was very irritated with our young lord. I was considering a knife to the belly. He would have died slowly and painfully.”

“Why were you irritated?”

He smiled.

“You know why.”

“Tell me.”

“He touched you. I’m sure it was by your design, but he still touched you. How did it feel to have his hand on you?”

She had barely been aware of that touch.

She had been too focused on its effect on Kadar.

“Exciting.”

He chuckled.

“You lie.”

“Well, it could have been—under other circumstances. I’m weary of living life like one of the nuns at the abbey. You have no right to complain. Do you think I don’t hear of the women you bed? You’ve not left a willing wench in the Highlands untouched, and heaven knows what you do on your journeys to Spain and Italy.”

“Heaven knows.”

“It’s not funny. And it’s not fair.”

“Life is unfair.”

“Well, I won’t have it. I’m weary of being the only woman in Scotland you won’t bed.”

“So you tried to stir me to action with the sword of jealousy. As I remember, you threatened some such ploy before. Very clever.” He tilted his head.

“But dangerous.”

“That was years ago. I was still a child.”

“You’re still a child in some ways.”

“I’m not. Though you treat me as one.” She drew a deep breath and attacked.

“I want you to wed me.”

His smile faded.

“I know you do.”

“I . . . care about you.”

“I know.”

“And you feel something for me. I also know that, Kadar.”

“Oh, yes.”

“Then wed me.” She tried to smile.

“You could hardly do better. Thea and I share the profits from the silk trade we started here at Montdhu. I’m a fine match.”

“For any man.” He shook his head.

“Not now, Selene.”

“Why not? I told you, I’m not a child any longer. I don’t remember ever feeling like a child.”

“That’s part of our problem.”

Disappointment surged through her.

But it was what she had expected.

She launched her second foray.

“Then bed me. Now. Tonight.”

He went still.

She could see the tightening of his lips, the slight flare of his nostrils.

She took a step closer.

She had struck home.

“I want you to do it.”

“Do you?”

“I won’t go on this way.” She drew a deep breath.

“Touch me.”

He didn’t move, but she could feel the tension of his body.

“You never touch me.”

“There’s good reason,” he said thickly.

She moved closer, took his hand, and put it on her shoulder.

It was heavy and warm through the silk of her gown.

She felt a thrill of fear mixed with an odd, hot tingle.

“I watched men and women couple in the House of Nicholas when I was a child. A moment of pleasure and then it was over. I know it will mean nothing to you.”

“Then why do you want it?”

Because she wanted to be close to him.

She had wanted that closeness since she had met him all those years ago, and now she saw a way to gain it.

“Why do any of your lemans wish it?”

“But you’re not like anyone else.”

“Ware and Thea need not know. I could meet you in the hills and—”

“You think I wouldn’t bed you because of my friendship with Ware and Thea?” He shook his head.

“You don’t know me as well as I thought. If I decided it was right for us, nothing in this world would stop me.”

Hope leaped high within her.

“It is right. You’ll see.”

“Ah, how I wish it was.”

“Then stop wishing and do something.” She took his other hand and plopped it on her shoulder.

“Now.”

He chuckled.

“You lack a certain subtlety. Should I drag you down on these stones?”

“If you like.” She was losing him, she realized in despair.

Lust was fading, and amusement and tenderness were taking its place.

She was probably doing this all wrong.

She slid one of his hands down to cover her breast. “Anything you like.”

His smile disappeared.

“Selene . . .” His hand tightened on her breast and he squeezed gently, sensuously.

She lost her breath and felt a twisting in the pit of her stomach.

Her eyes widened in shock.

“You didn’t expect that?” He squeezed again, watching her expression.

“What a delight it will be to teach you pleasure.”

She swayed toward him.

“Then stop talking and do it. . . .”

He bent and brushed his lips in the hollow of her throat.

She shuddered as a wave of heat went through her.

“But not now,” he whispered.

“You’re not ready. Go back to the hall, Selene.”

She felt as if he’d doused her with cold water.

Shock turned to anger.

She shoved him away.

“Ready? I’m tired of that word. If it’s not now, then it will be never. I won’t wait on your convenience. I’ll go away. I’ll marry Lord Douglas or Kenneth or—” She turned on her heel.

“I hate you, Kadar.”

“No, you don’t.”

No, she didn’t.

She wished she could hate him, but the bond of years was too strong.

Her eyes were glittering with tears as she looked at him over her shoulder.

“Wait and see. I’ll learn to hate you.”

He smiled sadly.

“But that would break my heart.”

“Nothing could break your heart.”

“You could. That’s why I have to have patience.”

“May heaven curse your patience.”

“Actually, heaven applauds it. It’s not often a sinner embraces such a virtue.”

“It makes no sense. Why?”

“Trust. You don’t trust me. I find I have a great hunger for your trust.”

“I do trust you.”

He shook his head.

“You don’t trust anyone. Except perhaps Thea. You make a pretense of trust to the rest of us.”

“You’re wrong.”

“I’m right. You learned hard lessons in the House of Nicholas. One of them was lack of trust.” He smiled and said gently, “But I deserve your trust. I’ve devoted a number of agonizing years to earning it. After the life I’ve lived, it stuns me that I would care this much about your complete faith in me. But I want every part of you, Selene. I won’t accept less.”

She glared at him.

“And I’m supposed to wait until you decide I deserve you?”

“You’re supposed to let time teach you what a fine bedrock of a man I am.” His voice lowered to silky menace.

“But I’ll tell you what you’re not to do. You’re not to smile at any of those poor lads inside. It annoys me exceedingly. And if you let one of them touch you again, I won’t be as lenient as I was to Lord Douglas.”

“You’ll not give me orders. I’ll do what I wish.” She whirled and ran up the steps and into the hall.

She stopped behind a pillar as waves of pain washed over her.

Damn him. She had tried so hard and it had all come to nothing.

Why wouldn’t he—

“Selene?” Thea was beside her.

“Are you well?”

No, she wasn’t well.

She was angry and frustrated and felt as if everything inside her was hurting.

She tried to smile. “Of course I’m well. Why would you think otherwise?”

“It could be the tears that are running down your cheeks,” Thea said dryly.

“Nonsense. I never cry.” But she was weeping now, she realized.

That stubborn idiot had done this to her.

“I must have something in my eye.”

Thea nodded.

“Well, come to my chamber and I’ll help you get it out.” She pushed Selene gently toward the stone stairs leading to the bedchambers.

“You can’t go back into the feast like this.”

She didn’t want to face anyone.

She wanted to go to bed and pound her pillow with her fist and forget Kadar and his stupid idiocies.

But that would be a victory for Kadar.

She’d do exactly what he had ordered her not to do.

She’d go with Thea and wash her eyes and pinch her cheeks rosy and then come down and let Kadar know she cared nothing for what he said.

Well, perhaps she would not speak sweetly to any of the men in the hall.

There was no point in it, and it wasn’t fair to them now that Kadar had issued a warning.

But she would dance and laugh and let him see she didn’t care a whit for his—sweet Mary, why couldn’t she stop hurting?

Thea opened her door.

“Sit down on the stool.” She went to the bowl on the washstand and dampened a cloth.

“This shouldn’t take long. Which eye is it?”

Selene dropped down on the stool.

“We both know I have nothing in my eye.”

“I wasn’t sure you were ready to admit it yet.” Thea moved the damp cloth gently over Selene’s cheeks.

“You shouldn’t blame Kadar. You made him very angry.”

“No, I must never blame Kadar,” she said bitterly.

“Kadar is perfect in your eyes. I’m the one who causes you disturbance.”

“Kadar isn’t perfect, but I’d trust him with everything I own.”

Trust again.

“Then you trust a fool. He won’t take what’s offered him and yet he expects me to wait while he samples every wench in Scotland.”

Thea chuckled.

“Perhaps not every wench. He does spend a good deal of time at sea.”

“Probably to get away from me.”

“It’s a possibility. I must ask him if he’s using our silk trade as an excuse. It seems a good deal of trouble for him to undertake to avoid one young girl. Though it’s true you can be a great deal of bother on occasion.”

“You’re laughing at me.”

Thea caressed her cheek.

“Never.”

“It hurts, Thea.” She leaned her head on her sister’s breast. “I never wanted this. I used to think you and Ware were foolish, you know. It seemed very dangerous to care so deeply about someone.

What if they left you or what if they died, like Mama died?”

“It’s always dangerous to care. One must just have faith.”

Faith, trust. Why did everyone throw those words at her?

“Kadar says I have no trust. Isn’t that stupid?”

Thea was silent.

Selene lifted her head.

“Thea?”

“I didn’t realize he could see that. But then, Kadar is more perceptive than most people. I can see how your not trusting him would matter to Kadar. He does not give affection lightly, and his feelings for you are very strong. He would want all and resent you holding anything back.” She stroked Selene’s hair from her face.

“It’s not your fault that you’re so wary. Everyone you’ve ever loved has gone away from you.”

“Not you.”

“Even me. When I ran away from the House of Nicholas and left you there. I knew that would hurt you terribly.”

“But you came back.”

“But you weren’t sure I would, were you?”

“Of course I was.” Then she shook her head.

They had never lied to each other.

“No, but I hoped . . .”

“You see?”

“That was a long time ago. I’m older now.”

“And you love Kadar?”

“I do . . . care about him.”

Thea shook her head.

“You’re too frightened to even say the words. I think Kadar may be a very wise man.”

“What are a few words?” She flared, stung.

“I think you must be as stupid as Kadar.”

“Do you?”

She was instantly remorseful.

Thea was everything that was loyal and loving.

“No, I’m the stupid one. Forgive me. You should slap me.”

Thea smiled.

“Not while you’re feeling this unhappy. Though I admit to wanting to give you a thorough tongue-lashing earlier.”

Selene stared at her in surprise.

“Why?”

“I wanted no bloodshed tonight.”

“I would never have let it come to that.” But she had been too absorbed in her plan to prod Kadar to notice Thea had been worried, she thought guiltily.

“You know I would do nothing to hurt you.”

Thea shrugged.

“I know. Sometimes you don’t think.”

“It’s true. I’m a terrible, terrible person. I was selfish.” She jumped to her feet.

“Come. We’ll go back downstairs and I’ll be very, very good. Kadar will think it’s because of him, but you’ll know. And tomorrow you stay late in bed and then spend the day playing with my godson. I’ll tend the guests and then make the round of the cottages to check the weaving myself.”

“You must be contrite.” Thea smiled in amusement as she moved toward the door.

“We’ll see.”

But she would probably be up at dawn as usual, Selene thought.

Perhaps she would mention to Ware how weary Thea looked.

It would need only a word for him to become passionately concerned.

When Thea had come down with the fever last year after giving birth to Niall, Ware had nearly fallen apart.

Selene had never seen a man so besotted with his wife.

But would he remain enamored when Thea was no longer young and lovely?

Nicholas had often displayed a passion for the youngest and comeliest women slaves, but the older women received little of his attention.

And the men Nicholas allowed to use his women chose only the ones blooming with youth and beauty.

She knew Thea believed that Ware would love her forever, but how could she be so sure that—

Trust. Shock jolted through her.

Ware was her friend, and yet she feared he would destroy her sister with his fickleness.

If she distrusted Ware, was Kadar right about her lack of trust in him?

She had always thought she knew herself, but she had deliberately blinded herself to—

“Selene?” Thea was at the door, gazing at her inquiringly.

“Coming.” She moved quickly across the room.

She would think of this more later.

There was the rest of the evening to get through now, and she must help Thea all she could to make up for her lapse. Trust . . .