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I am tapping my fingers on the table as I wait for Bradley to show up. A couple days after the whole playoff party fiasco, he texted asking if I wanted to grab dinner. Apparently, he wanted to see how I am doing.

How am I doing? Oh, since your best friend and former bane of my existence made a damn bet about me and my dating life and made me fall for him in the process? Miserable. Pissed. Confused. Heartbroken. Does all of the above count as an answer? Because I am feeling every possible emotion right now and have been since my brother uttered those fateful words, “Tell her about the bet.” Those words have been haunting me almost as much as Tristan’s perfect face. I can’t get him out of my head, no matter how hard I try.

Bradley is fifteen minutes late and I’m lifting my phone to call him when I hear, “Oh I see her, thank you!” I look up and see my brother make his way to the table from the hostess stand, where the hostess is now looking at him like he is a piece of meat. Ew. I always find it disgusting that anyone would look at my brother like that.

He leans down and kisses my cheek. “Hey B. Sorry I’m late. I had a hard time finding a parking spot. You look good.”

I look like shit. He’s just trying to be a good brother. “You’re a terrible liar. Always have been.”

“I mean, considering everything…”

I glare at him and since he has known me all his life, he knows not to continue with whatever he was going to say.

The waitress comes over. “What can I get you?” she asks Bradley.

“Just some water for right now, thank you. I haven’t really looked at the menu yet.”

“I will get that for you shortly. You still good, hon?”

I nod. She gives me a smile before walking to the beverage station to get a pitcher of water. I think she can read me like a book. Everyone who has caught sight of me can probably tell I am having a rough go of it.

“So, what did you want to talk to me about, Brad? We don’t normally get breakfast together like this.” I don’t want to beat around the bush with this. Truthfully, I am pissed off at him, too.

Our waitress drops off the water glass and says, “I’ll be back in a few to take your order.”

When she is out of earshot, Bradley leans across the table. “Look, before you lay into me, I’m sorry about what happened at the playoff party. I shouldn’t have punched Tristan like that. There was probably a better way to handle that behind closed doors. I didn’t need to make a spectacle.”

I slowly nod. Tears are forming but I fight them back with all my might. I’ve cried enough these past few days. I feel like I’m going to run out of tears and not be able to cry again. I am turning into Cameron Diaz’s character in The Holiday at this point.

“But, you have to understand, B, I was just so pissed off at the whole situation. The fact that he made a bet that included you. The fact that you both were lying to me about dating each other. The fact that you were sleeping with my best friend.”

I cross my arms. “Would you have reacted any differently if I went up to you before the playoff party, and said I was dating your best friend?”

Bradley’s hand tenses up and I can tell he is getting uncomfortable. “Probably not.”

“See, that’s exactly why I didn’t want to say anything until we were ready, Brad. You would have made a spectacle either way. I was also terrified about the mere possibility that Tristan and I being together would alter your friendship with him in any way. I know how much he means to you.”

“B, you’re my sister. You mean more to me than anyone. Well, I guess besides Jen. Yeah, Tristan is my boy, but you’re my OG, sis.”

The waitress appears again. “Are y’all ready to order?”

I shake my head, so Bradley says, “Is it okay if I get your attention when we’re ready? I’m so sorry, we still haven’t even looked at the menu.”

“Sure, take your time.” She graciously leaves us to sit in this super awkward – and in my opinion, unnecessary – conversation.

Then Bradley utters the words that I am dreading:

“I want to talk about Tristan.”

“On that note, I’m leaving.” I start to stand up, but Bradley places his hand on my hand and looks at me, pleading with me to stay. I remember that look all too well. He would do that when we were kids and teenagers, when we wanted something done without saying anything to each other or without our parents knowing.

“Please, Brooke. Sit down.”

I take a seat, sighing. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Brooke, c’mon. You should just forgive him.”

Is he serious? I scoff, “What? Why have you forgiven him? He hurt me, Bradley.”

“I know he did, but he did all that…Ugh it’s going to sound twisted and is probably going to come out wrong…but he did that because I can tell that he fucking loves you, Brooke.”

Those words make the dam break. I can’t hold back my tears. I believed Tristan loved me for the past couple of months. It was my blissful reality, but then a new one set in the moment Bradley exposed Tristan’s dirty little secret. I place my palm to my cheek and wipe away the tears.

Bradley’s eyes are earnest. “He loves you. And I don’t want you to push away someone who loves you the way that Tristan loves you.”

I try to blink away the stubborn tears.

“And Brooke, the whole thing about the captain’s spot, I can tell you right now that I’ve heard some rumors that he doesn’t care about that. Not anymore.”

When I speak, my voice wobbles. “Well he shouldn’t have done that in the first place. It doesn’t change anything at all for me. He toyed with my heart to try and advance in his career. How can you be okay with this?”

“I guess because I know that he really does love you. I know what that is like, Brooke. When you meet someone who completely alters your whole world. Someone that you would do anything for. The fact that he probably did all of it to protect you from Hastings and his bad intentions… that’s the only way that I am okay with it. And I know how much you are missing him because you’ve been kind of a bitch the last few weeks.”

“Way to kick a girl when she is down, Brad.” I unroll the silverware and wipe my face with a cloth napkin.

“I think it’s because you love him, too. You are just too damn stubborn and full of your own pride to take him back. No matter how much you think you hate him or how much you are hurt, Brooke, I think he is the one for you. I think he always has been. He looks at you like I’ve never seen any other man look at you.”

Now I am full-on crying because I don’t want to feel this way about a man. Sitting in these feelings sucks. Having my brother say these things about his best friend brings forth a new reality that even though his initial reaction was not ideal, he is ultimately okay with this whole situation and that all along, my brother has been paying attention.

“He supports your dreams,” Bradley continues. “He even stood up to Mom and Dad. That’s…that’s huge. I always suspected that he had a thing for you. And it wasn’t fair of me to step in and put up that boundary that he could never be with you. That wasn’t my call to make. I couldn’t imagine if someone told me that I couldn’t be with Jen. And I know Tristan is a loyal enough friend to never cross that line with me, but the universe pushed you two together anyway, even with my boundary. The universe doesn’t give a shit about plans or boundaries. ”

Even though he is saying all of these sweet and validating things, there is one thing that has been bothering me for a while now, and I finally have the courage to speak it out loud. I sniffle and say, “And why didn’t you defend me with Mom and Dad? You were always there when Mom would belittle me and compare me to you. Why didn’t you ever step in and say something to them? Especially to Mom.”

Bradley hangs his head. “I honestly don’t know how to answer that. I’m sorry. I should’ve. I’m your big brother and I should’ve protected you.”

“It’s not just about protection. It’s just being there for me, that’s all. You know I always wanted them to be as proud of me as they are of you. But it was obvious to see that they weren’t. Because you got all the attention. I am not saying they never praised me or said ‘good job’ on my accomplishments. It’s just – I lived in your shadow my whole life, Bradley. You’re my big brother and you are super talented at sports and make tons of money and are crazy successful. You know? And then you have the perfect relationship with Jen –”

“It’s not perfect,” he interjects. “She’s pretty pissed at me right now with this whole situation.”

Jen has my back. “It’s damn near perfect, okay. Meanwhile I am over here single after I let go of a relationship with Nick that wasn’t really fulfilling what I needed to fulfill. Instead of being proud of me for that, Mom is judging me for it. Mom chose Dad and I was maybe going to marry someone like Dad, and I thought he was going to be it for me because that was standard in our household, but I guess I always wanted more and I feel like I am criticized for that and put down for that. You know, I have dreams too and I feel like I am a pretty good baker and just because it wasn’t an innate talent and I actually had to work for it and sharpen my skills, doesn’t mean it’s any less important… and I need Mom and Dad to see that.”

Bradley looks defeated by my words. It’s a look on my brother that I am not familiar with at all. He always stands tall and looks so confident in everything he says or does. Seeing him like this shakes me almost as much as the moment Tristan told me that he has loved me since the first time he saw me.

My brother is really listening to me.

I go on. “Yes, Tristan defended me, but it should’ve been you. And I am not holding it against you because I love you. I just need you to know that you should’ve been there more. You should’ve seen the way they would talk to me. An intricate weaving of little comments that built up. Invalidating everything that I’ve worked for – and did you know I am one of the best kindergarten teachers in the district? I love those kids and I love baking and I am really trying to make it work and it’s not like I need your help with that. I want some acknowledgement that I am doing okay too, you know?”

Bradley lets out a long breath. “Shit Brooke, I don’t know what to say. My whole life is wrapped up in hockey and yeah, I always liked the attention, but I should’ve looked out for you and we should have celebrated your accomplishments and dreams more as a family. I am so damn proud of you, sis. You have no idea how proud. And I know Mom and Dad are proud of you, too. They may not say it all the time, but they care. I am not defending Mom in any way because I know that she has hurt you with her comments and she does unfortunately compare us, but I think she sees a lot of herself in you.”

I dab the napkin against my cheeks. “What do you mean?”

“She had dreams, too, before she had us, B. I think she wants you to have more than she ended up with. Not that she’s not happy. I know she loves us and Dad, but she didn’t get to pursue her dreams and was a stay-at-home mom. She sees so much potential in what you can become. She might be projecting her feelings and fears onto you. Not saying that’s fair, but us Becketts have a way of putting up walls by deflecting or ignoring our emotions. Or like me and you, we like to set rules and follow them to avoid getting hurt. We avoid facing our fears. I’m learning that life doesn’t care about the rules you have for yourself or for others. Things that are inevitable in life are going to happen. It’s out of our control.”

I sniffle again. “I don’t like being out of control.”

I think about what my brother is saying about my mom. Maybe her constant criticism is her twisted way of trying to protect me. Maybe it is her way of projecting her fear of me possibly failing or being judged, or maybe she even wants more for me than what the cards dealt her in life. I think there is a lot for us to talk about, but I want to feel better emotionally before I even think about tackling my relationship with my mother. There’s a whole other relationship that Bradley is asking me to consider right now and I just don’t know if I can ever forgive Tristan or let him into my heart again. He has hurt me twice. And this time was so much worse. He had every chance to tell me about the bet, and he didn’t.

“I know you don’t like feeling out of control, B. Neither do I. But sometimes you have to take a risk and take a chance on things that you are unsure about to find out if they are worth it. That applies to people, too, little sis.”

My lips curl slightly at the ends. My tears are beginning to subside so I finally have the head space to process what is on the menu. “We better decide on what we want to eat, Brad. Our waitress is going to be so annoyed that we haven’t even glanced at the menu.”

Bradley’s hand reaches over the table and pulls down the menu.

“What?”

“You and Tristan are inevitable, Brooke. It’s been that way since day one. It was stupid of me to ever try to come between you two.”

It is like the air got knocked out of me. I didn’t expect my brother to say those words…ever. He never thought much of any of my boyfriends before Tristan, and Tristan has always been off-limits to me as much as I was to him.

Bradley’s words mean so much, and yet this is so painful because my relationship with Tristan is so complicated and he’s hurt me on more than one occasion. I question the whole inevitability of us at all.

When I don’t say anything, Bradley says, “Do me a favor and I promise I won’t ask for any more favors again for a while.”

I snort. “I doubt that.” I make eye contact with our waitress and indicate we are ready. Then I turn back to Bradley. “Okay, what is the favor?”

“Give him a second chance.”