Page 41 of The Summer You Were Mine

Ellie was glad that she’d accepted Cris’s invitation for a walk.

However, she was irritated with her nervous system for somehow getting the message that this was some kind of date and had taken to dropping firecrackers in her stomach every few minutes.

They wandered down the lungomare, strolling through the typical evening crowds until they reached the wharf where the festival was set up.

Pink, blue, and green lights glimmered from the maze of family-friendly games, a raised stage was set up for performances, and a line of food stands tempted passersby with everything from porchetta to bomboloni .

Of course, in the middle of it all stood the glimmering Ferris wheel.

It was gigantic, carrying a series of covered pods big enough for four adults to sit in comfortably.

As it turned, music played loudly from the speakers along the pods and was currently rolling through a selection of the hits from this year’s Sanremo Music Festival, an annual televised contest of Italian songs.

“Are you absolutely positive we never went on the Ferris wheel together?” she asked, watching the pure-white lights fade to dark blue, then purple, and back again to white against the dark summer sky.

“I would have remembered, trust me. Let’s do it. What do you think?”

Ellie wondered what the view would be like from the top. Normally, she would not be the first person in line for any kind of thrill ride, but the idea of being inside a bubble away from everything was incredibly appealing. Also, it would be fun, and having fun was still one of her goals.

“Okay.” She nodded. “Let’s do it.”

Cris pulled out a twenty-euro note and paid for two tickets. “We have about fifteen minutes until we’re up. Let’s walk around a little.”

“I wonder if fifteen minutes will be long enough for me to win one of those gigantic Minion plushies. I used to be pretty good at Skee-Ball.” She smiled. If she was going to go in on the fun, why not go all in?

“Let’s go see,” said Cris. He reached down for Ellie’s hand without looking as though it were a reflex, and began to navigate through the crowd.

It’s not like they’d never held hands before whenever they were in a crowd and wanted to stay close together.

She looked down at their clasped hands as Cris walked ahead of her and willed herself to stop doing that thinking thing again.

“Hey, look. Your dad is here.” Cris turned back to Ellie and pointed to the right.

She dropped his hand immediately, more from surprise than from a fear of being seen.

What was her father doing here? There he was, wandering the concourse, hands in the pockets of his blue jeans.

He wore the Italian-dad-on-vacation uniform of a polo shirt and boat shoes, but there was something about him that looked far from normal.

It took her a second to realize what it was.

He was alone. Ellie stood still as stone.

Her heart panged, realizing that she was actually trying to decide between letting him walk by, oblivious, or calling out to him.

She shook her head at the intolerable thought.

She’d already flubbed her chance with her mom and couldn’t get her words out; she wasn’t going to let this opportunity pass by with her dad.

“Dad!” she called, cupping her hands around her mouth.

Gio turned his head and grinned. She waved him over.

“What are you doing here? I thought you guys would be on your third round of Burraco by now.” Ellie walked toward him, wondering if she’d have to do a little bit of explaining about her companion as well.

“ Ciao, ragazzi! Nah, I lost interest. You know something? I never liked Burraco.” Gio laughed a bit, like he’d surprised himself even saying the words out loud.

“I didn’t know that.” Apparently, there were a lot of things she didn’t know about her parents.

“I thought I’d come out here and see what was going on. I am tired of the same scenery.”

“I noticed,” she said, feeling her face turning dark. She couldn’t help it; this was so odd.

“Hey, El, I am going to get something to drink. What can I get for you?” Cris asked.

“Whatever you get,” she said. Her brain couldn’t process anything except gratitude toward Cris for intuitively getting thirsty at the right time.

“Okay,” he said, turning. “Gio, do you want anything?”

“No, thanks,” said her father.

“I’ll be back in a bit,” Cris said, touching her shoulder before weaving his way through the crowd.

Ellie took a deep breath and faced her father.

She knew they were going to have to have this talk.

It was so hard to be raised by a man who simultaneously acted like he was the only person in the world and also loved his family to bits.

There were more excuses and disappointments than she could remember and yet no one talked about any of it.

How many times had her mother eaten dinner alone with her and Ben, gone to parent-teacher conferences by herself, or managed whatever crisis was happening all on her own?

Ellie hated to see her mother with that sad look on her face when she had to tell one of them for the thousandth time that Dad wasn’t going to make it to whatever recital, concert, game, or party was running a distant second to seven guys trying to throw a yellow ball through a net while not drowning.

And just when she and Ben were grown up, Gio finally got the job at USC, and her mother had left her entire family behind to move clear across the country.

It had been hard on her, Ellie knew. Now she needed to talk to her dad, really talk to him, but she didn’t have the slightest idea where to start.

“Dad, I—”

“I think I know what you’re going to say, coccinella. ”

“You do?”

“Yes. And I think you’re right. I don’t know what I am doing. Can you believe that?” He chuckled, but the corners of his mouth didn’t turn up. “At my age? I always thought I would get to this age and know things. Imagine my disappointment.”

“So why are you doing this? Why are you and Mom separating? If neither of you knows what you are doing, why do you want to do it?”

“Because there have been too many years of hurt. I am not the only one who made this decision. Your mother is right to feel the way she does. I made a lot of mistakes, and she is tired of my excuses.”

“But Dad, if you find a way to talk about it, you won’t need ex cuses. You can tell her how you feel and she will understand you. Mom’s not unreasonable.” Mostly, she thought.

“I think we’re beyond talking.” Gio put his face down. “She has heard me say a lot of words, and I think she’s had enough.”

“Were they the right ones, though? Did you tell her how you feel, Dad? Because there’s a big difference between saying something to get yourself out of trouble and saying what’s really, truly in your heart.”

“Your mother knows. I don’t think it’s enough. I just want her to be happy now.”

“You think she’s going to be happier about not being with the man she’s been with since practically forever?

That’s your rationale for breaking up a thirty-four-year-old relationship?

” She heard her own voice going up and was glad to see Cris making his way back to her with two bottles of water in his hands.

She needed the interruption because the blood in her veins was now jet fuel.

“I’m not Superman,” Gio said, shaking his head. “I failed at that a long time ago.”

“You don’t have to be Superman,” Ellie said, stepping closer to him and grabbing his hand.

“You just have to be you. I love you, Papino, despite everything. And I can’t be the only one.

” The lump in her throat stopped her from going on.

Hot tears sprang into her eyes, and she did not care who saw.

Gio looked down again, his nose going red.

“Please Daddy, don’t give up. Please try. ”

Gio only nodded, his eyes wet. He smiled slightly and squeezed her hand. “You kids have a nice time,” he said, watching Cris edge toward them. He gave a little wave and turned to weave back through the crowd.

Ellie was never so grateful to get on an amusement park ride. At least then, latched into their pod on the Ferris wheel, there would be no parents and no divorce, no work and no failure, no questions and no fear. There would be nothing around them but the music, the night sky, and the moonlit sea.

Cris snapped open the cap on the bottle of water and handed it to Ellie, but she didn’t notice. He gently tapped her knee with the bottle.

“Thanks,” she said, taking a sip as the pod began to carry them up.

“You want to talk?”

“Not really,” she said.

“Want to play a game?” It was the first thing that came to mind, though he hadn’t asked her that question in probably fifteen years.

“What kind of game?” she asked. She smiled slightly, though she kept looking out at the water.

“ Venti domande. ” Cris smiled and cocked an eyebrow in challenge.

“I’m not sure that I want to answer twenty questions right now.” Ellie laughed and took another sip of water.

“Okay, how about three?”

“Only if you answer them, too.”

“Fair. Ready for number one?”

“As long as it doesn’t make me think too much,” she said, furrowing her brow in a plea.

“There’s nothing on earth that makes you not think too much.” Cris frowned back.

“Just for once, I’d like to have only my things to think about. Is that too much to ask? I don’t want to be the camp counselor anymore.”

“I’m sorry about your parents.”

“They are honestly acting like children. I can’t believe they can be this stubborn.”

“I don’t know how to tell you this, but at some point we have to let them go out into the world and make mistakes for themselves. They’re not our babies any longer.” Cris smiled. Ellie rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, well, at least your parents had the sense to stay together—” she said, and then she stopped. Her eyes grew wide. “Oh my God. I am so sorry. I—I have to stop talking now.”