Page 34 of The Summer You Were Mine

“Are they doing that thing where they pretend nothing is different, and it’s awkward—but they still refuse to talk about it, so it’s more awkward? Aka, how they dealt with having a gay child?” Ben said, holding his phone directly over his face as he lay in bed.

“Aka, having two kids that are… shall we say, unique?” Ellie sat at one of the wooden tables on the deck of the Delfino, waiting for the troops to assemble for afternoon aperitivo . She savored the few moments she had with Ben while he was sitting—actually, lying—at home for once.

He’d tweaked his back at SLT, a boutique gym in Tribeca famous for fifty-dollar classes and supermodel sightings.

Ben was bullied into an hour-long class on The Machine, where he stretched his body along a series of pulleys and left behind three vertebrae in the process.

He was livid, of course, since he was still on call for the Janelle Monáe party, but he proclaimed that so help him God, if he had to strap himself to a gurney and roll into the Ziegfeld, he was going to turn that party out.

Ellie had spent most of the morning on her bed with her laptop, checking emails, watching YouTube, and reading through the American Psychological Association’s Emerging Research newsletters.

She had a habit of bookmarking the papers she thought would be helpful in clinical practice, though exactly whose clinical practice she was aggregating information for was not a mental labyrinth she wanted to explore.

By the time she got to the beach, she realized that the only thing she’d missed was Peggy and Gio trying to stay out of each other’s way on a stretch of beach that was about the size of two tennis courts.

Gio had dragged his sand chair so far down the shoreline that the lifeguard told him he was in a high-tide zone and liable to get swept out to Isola d’Elba if he happened to nap too long.

Peggy set into her usual practice of aggressive crochet, only stopping to harrumph at the encroaching sea under Gio’s chair.

Of course neither of them would speak to each other directly and instead relied on Ellie to interpret their intentions to both ignore and infuriate each other at the pace of six passive-aggressions per hour.

There was Tell your father that if he hasn’t forgotten for the seven hundredth time, he is allergic to capers and will likely die if he has the smoked salmon plate for lunch only to be matched by If your mother was paying attention she would find that she left her sunglasses on the shelf in the cabana as she always does when she takes too long to get changed in there .

Once again, Ellie had tried and abandoned any plan to pull one of them aside for a heart-to-heart, and the stress was building.

How could she be helping if she couldn’t even get one of them alone?

“I’m going to have to pull rank on this one. I am still only going on a smile and shoulder squeeze from Dad as acknowledgment that I am out.” Ben chuckled.

“Ah yes, but you do get tubs of frozen cookie dough shipped across the country and no shortage of screen time with their foreheads on FaceTime twice a month.”

“Lucky for them, cookie dough happens to be my love language.”

“See? They do know you!”

“Allegedly,” he said, grinning from his comfortable-looking halo of white pillows.

Ellie enjoyed the laugh with Ben, but she was avoiding the real reason she wanted to talk to him. And the reason was probably about to walk onto the terrace at any moment.

“Hey, so, one more thing.” There was something about the advice she could get from another person who both knew every detail about her and also wasn’t afraid to weaponize all of it if necessary.

A sibling was the best and worst person to have in her corner when she wasn’t sure what was mountain and what was molehill.

“I’ve been spending some time with Cris. ”

“Reeeally.” It was not a question.

“Yes. I think… I think maybe he is not exactly what I thought he was. I can’t believe I am going to say this, but he’s actually very self-aware and smart.” Ellie bit her lip.

“Gee, El. What a generous compliment. Don’t injure yourself with effusiveness, okay?”

“I am not. I am just being truthful.”

“Yes, I can see that you are.” Ben laughed. “Does this mean that you’re getting over whatever kerfuffle you guys had years ago?”

“I am saying maybe I took it so hard because my perspective was off. I’m not saying that he didn’t handle it poorly, but maybe it was easier for me to feel rejected and quickly cut things off with him so I wouldn’t have to think about how much I shouldn’t have feelings for him.

Also, I guess it’s possible that I misinterpreted some things, you know—in light of recent discoveries about myself. ”

“You’ve spent a lot of time trying not to think about things and people that hurt you.

But you know, your diagnosis is not a reason to second-guess every instinct you had about situations in your past. Our family didn’t sit around talking about our feelings.

It makes sense that you and I found other ways to deal with uncomfortable emotions.

I default to making jokes about everything because it feels good to make people laugh when I’m down.

You? Well, you try to help people, but I think that’s because it makes it easier for you to hide from your own stuff. ”

“Damn, Benny. Aren’t I the one with the PhD in psychology?”

“I don’t know, are you?”

Ellie sighed. Ben was right to go there even though it felt terrible.

Sooner or later, she was going to have to deal with the fact that she was hiding from the most important unfinished business in her life—and the reason for her obsessive APA journal reading.

“I don’t know what I am,” she said, suddenly too tired to hold up the mask.

“Maybe it’s a good time to figure it out.” Ben’s words hit hard, stinging her eyes and making her feel hot despite the cool breeze from the sea.

“I will,” she said, not able to look at her brother’s face on the screen.

As predicted, a tall and tanned figure entered from the street side of the terrace.

Cris’s eyes met Ellie’s, and a different kind of heat spread as he grinned.

She straightened in her chair and turned her face into the wind, letting it dry the beginnings of tears.

She smiled brightly. “I just don’t have time right now. It will be okay, I promise. I’m okay.”

Ben cocked his head to the side and squinted at her.

“Yeah, I’m letting this slide right now, but we’re not done here,” he said, swinging his index finger back and forth in front of the camera.

“There’s at least three more avoidance tactics you haven’t tried yet, and I, for one, would like to witness the whole set. ”

“Yeah, yeah, focus on not slipping a disk over there, Elastigirl.”

“If you meant to insult me, you failed.” Ben grinned.

“I’m going! Just hurry up and get here! Love you!

” Ellie smiled and hung up. She leaned over to tuck her phone into her tote since it appeared that the group was about to take their seats.

Ellie always felt weird having a phone out on the table here like she did back in New York.

Graziella and company only had phones so that they could ring unanswered in the bottom of their purses on days like today.

Who would call when almost everyone important was currently within earshot?

“ Ciao, gioia! It’s so beautiful to see you smile,” Graziella said, setting her bag down next to Ellie. “Was that my Beniamino?”

“Yes! He’s busy, busy. You know him! I know he wishes he could be here already.”

“Such a good boy.” Graziella shook her head and placed her hand on Ellie’s. “But he works too much! I told him that he needs time to enjoy himself, too. Maybe find someone special.”

“He will when he’s ready, Grandma. Right now, he’s very driven. He’s very focused.” Ellie’s eyes flicked up to follow Cris’s long legs carrying him over to the cabanas.

“Of course. He’s young. He’s successful. He feels like he has all the time in the world. But at some point he will need a good man to share it with. Otherwise, what’s the point?” Graziella squeezed Ellie’s hand and smiled.

“You are so right, Grandma,” she said.

“And not just him. All of you kids. Work hard, yes. But you have to be ready to enjoy life, too.”

“Well, that’s something that is very hard not to do here.

” Ellie grinned, gesturing around them. A waitress with an apron over her short cutoffs carried a tray loaded with focaccia, olives, giardiniera , and potato chips.

A mix of American and Italian oldies played softly from the speakers set up in the window of the café kiosk.

Diamonds glinted off the sea below as a friendly game of water polo rallied on in the dipping sunlight.

Even she had to admit that the only stressful thing about this environment was—well, it was her.

“ Tesoro mio, it’s easy to enjoy life when you’re on vacation because that’s what you’re supposed to do. But when you go back home? I worry that you’ll do what you’re supposed to do there as well.” Graziella frowned.

Ellie shook her head slowly and then put on a smile she knew would keep her grandmother from worrying too much.

Sometimes, when she thought her expression read neutral, it looked to other people like she was holding in a storm of emotions.

She’d learned that big smiles erased their scrutiny and created a smooth exit from prickly topics.

It wasn’t manipulation. It was that Ellie did not want to be perceived as anything in this moment but what she truly felt she was—a loving and grateful granddaughter. A smile delivered the message.

“Don’t concern yourself with me now, Ms. Bride-to-Be, at least until after the wedding,” she said. “Then I’ll let you resume your usual concern.”

Cris, clad in a faded blue T-shirt, pulled out a chair and sat across from her and Graziella. His grandfather sat down next to him on the opposite side and away from his future wife.

“Are you afraid of me all of a sudden? You should probably think about that before Saturday, you know,” said Graziella, waving her hand at the empty seat next to her.

“I’m saving myself for the wedding night,” said Simone, waggling his eyebrows. The two of them dissolved into giggles while Cris and Ellie exchanged horrified looks.

“I really am going to need a drink for this conversation,” Cris said, laughing. On cue, the waitress set down large, sweating goblets filled with crimson liquid and orange slices in front of him, Graziella, Simone, and Cinzia, who was pulling up a chair to sit.

“ Prosecco per te, vero? ” It was always prosecco for Ellie. Aperol and Campari both gave her a massive headache, so a Spritz was a drink best left for photo ops. It wasn’t a tough compromise considering how delicious the bubbly wine was here.

“ Si, grazie, ” she said to the waitress.

Glasses in hand, the table leaned in for a quick “ Cin! ,” clinking glasses together in a toast. Ellie looked around for her mother and father, but each of them had found spots at different tables with other members of the congregation.

It was understandable that neither one of them wanted to draw attention to their breakup, but did they have to be so weird about it? Ellie took a deep sip of her wine.

“This is so good,” she said with a sigh. The wine, the air, the sea, the company—it was all good. She had to remember how lucky she was.

“Ah! That reminds me!” Graziella turned to Simone. “The wine!”

“Tomorrow,” Simone said, stabbing a piece of giardiniera with a toothpick. It seemed like only the older generation ate the pickled vegetables, but they still made a regular appearance on the snack tray at the Delfino, where ridged potato chips were considered innovative.

“Yes, amore, but you and I have too many things to wrap up tomorrow I think.” She paused and glanced over at Gio, who was contemplating a fat seagull with a cracker in its mouth. She turned her gaze to Ellie and Cris and smiled brightly. “Maybe the kids can go.”

“Go where?” Ellie returned her grandmother’s smile, but she knew there was some mischief under there somewhere.

“To pick up the wine,” said Simone. “We ordered a few cases from an old army friend’s vineyard near Sarzana. It’s about an hour from here if there is no traffic. What do you think?” He turned to his grandson.

“I’m happy to help, Grandpa.” Cris flicked a look at Ellie. “You’ll come, right? I know we have more prep work to do for the interview. We can talk in the car.”

“It really is a two-person job,” said Graziella with a smile. “ Tesoro, if you are busy, I can see if Ugo will go with Cris.”

“No, no,” Ellie said a little bit too quickly. She turned to Cris. “You’re right. I think it makes sense to kill two birds with one stone. Plus, it’s not like we’ll be gone the whole day.”

“Perfect!” Simone smiled and clapped his hands together.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out an ancient-looking key fob, placing it in front of Cris.

“I already put gas in the car, but I would leave early tomorrow morning if you can. The air conditioning is…” Simone trailed off, extending his hand and twisting it left and right in the Italian gesture for “iffy.”

“No worries,” Ellie said. “I’m sure we’ll be fine. I have never been a fan of driving in a refrigerator.”

“Well, then, you should be all set!” said Simone. He turned back to Cris and began reminding him how to get into the underground garage where the car was parked.

“I really would set an alarm to get up before it gets too hot,” said Graziella, leaning over to Ellie. She gave her hand another pat. “And bring water.”

“I’m sure it will be fine.” Ellie smiled.

“Oh, I have no doubt. You two together are Mimì e Cocò ,” said Gra ziella, turning to grin at Cris.

Mimì and Cocò were two fictional characters who couldn’t figure anything out unless they were together.

Mimì was the one who lived on only facts, and Cocò didn’t need certainties.

Was her grandmother saying she was a Mimì?

Or a Cocò? And why was she referring to Ellie and Cris as a “pair” of anything?

“Ha. I don’t know about that. Besides, which one of us is the logical one?” she couldn’t help asking.

“Does it matter?” Graziella said. “Once one has the other, everything else is easy.”