Page 69 of The Story of You

“Because it’s get rich or die. When I want something, I go after it.”

“You want out of here. You don’t seem to be doing much about that,” I said. Sometimes I was jealous of his “go get ‘em” attitude. It was something I lacked. Something that’s always had to be coaxed out of me.

“I do but I’m willing to wait for Silas.”

“Why?”

He paused what he was doing and stared like I was the slowest thing he’d ever seen. “Don’t be stupid.You, yah airhead. You need me and so I’m staying. But when Silas comes, he and Oliver will need me, and I’ll be going with them.”

Darius won’t always tell you his designs, especially if he feels you’ll get in the way, but he’ll usually make that clear too. When he does lie, it’s always been for something he feels is a good reason or if he thinks you’re not ready for the truth. It’s never a malicious act.

I didn’t bother asking him how he knew that too. “Your life isn’t about doing stuff for me and doing stuff for, Silas,” I said. But I didn’t need to.

Darius laughed. “I know. I take enough for me, don’t worry.”

Yeah. Guess that was stupid. He did. Darius had some kinda accounting system in his head. He didn’t give a shit if you didn’t agree with it. I didn’t care about how he figured things out. I was just glad he was staying. I knew I’d never bear to see him go.

“My life is about doing what makes me happy, in the way it makes me the happiest. Do you know what makes me fucking happy, Simon?”

“Asher?”

“Ha! No. Not Asher. At least not yet. I’m happy when you smile. Makes me all gooey and shit.”

I rolled my eyes at him, unsure if he meant it or if he was just being a dick. With Darius, anything was possible. “I’m not doing adult stuff with Shane no matter what you say, Darry.”

He laughed. “No, and that’s good. But it’s ‘me’ stuff to say and I need to feel comfortable being me just as you feel comfortable telling me off when you need to. I don’t want you to be anything other than you and I don’t want to be anything other than me.”

I could never keep up with Darius and his philosophical meanderings, but instinctively I appreciated being loved for me and all my foibles. In return, I loved Darius with his.

* * *

Simon

When Sadie Girl went into labor, Terry hollered, “Yell at Lars to call the vet and then go get, Shane.”

I ran to tell Lars and then to Shane who was running the tractor. “Baby. Baby horse …” I bent over, my hands on my thighs, trying to catch my breath. Shane turned off the machine and hopped down, placing a hand on my back. “Terry needs you,” I managed.

He put it together. “Sadie Girl’s foal. C’mon.”

Shane wasn’t leaving me to keel over. He dragged me with him to the stables. Terry’d already wrapped her tail and had a bucket of soapy water ready. He was washing her special horse parts. The whole thing happened fast. In under twenty minutes, we had a foal and I’d helped. It was mostly Terry and Shane. Terry’d helped many a horse and Shane was the most experienced of us boys. Sadie Girl let us sit with her and her foal as I marveled at the little wonder.

Looking after the stables was my and Darius’s job, but Shane would show up to help me when Darius begged off to be with Ash and we’d look after our little foal. Shane called her Moonbeam. I did most of the talking. I knew he was listening even though he didn’t say much. Shane’s presence is tangible. It’s deep. It’s grounding. I told him about my parents. I told him how lonely I felt. I told him I was scared. He listened and while he never told me things would be okay, they seemed okay so long as I had him to lean against.

We didn’t do anything though. Nothing like what Ash and Darius were up to. Except … well except the one thing.

“If you want, I could be that person for you. The one who cares about what you do,” Shane said.

I remembered his hand at breakfast that morning on my thigh, telling menowithout words. The tingles that went through me. “Isn’t that weird?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Older brothers and cousins keep their younger siblings in line all the time.”

I didnotwant Shane to think of me as a younger brother or cousin. “We’re not related.”

“And that’s a good thing. But I don’t see why friends can’t do it for each other. That’s all I meant.”

I was too fascinated and excited about his idea not to try it. We began with simple things. Shane informed me that I get to bed too late. He didn’t feel I ate enough at meals. He said I should say “thank you” more often. I agreed. “What happens if I don’t, um, don’t do these things?”

“Then I’ll punish you.”