Page 59 of The Second Chance Supper Club

The rolling green of the hills, studded with black sturdy cattle and woolly-beige sheep here, crops ripening to gold there, and in a nearby field the hum of a tractor as it turned the rich brown earth, followed by a swathe of silver-tipped swirling white seagulls.

Cath’s Mini wound its way down the steep bank, the last leg of the journey, back home to her Tilldale valley.

Back in the cottage, weariness overcame her, all the emotions of the last few days playing out in her body.

Keep going, overnight bag unpacked, a cuppa on the go, and then, a moment to pause in her sunny-yellow kitchen.

Wow, what an unexpected couple of days it had been.

And, until she heard back from Adam – and there was no way she was going to pressure him on a decision for a while – she resolved that it was time to get on with her life in this village.

The next thing she thought of was Will. The situation between them was such a tricky one, and she still wasn’t sure what might happen next, but however much that hurt, she had to keep putting one step in front of the other and keep building a future for herself.

But hey, no one had said upping sticks and starting a brand-new life for herself was going to be easy.

There were bound to be hiccups along the way, she told herself.

After a quick, reassuring chat with Adam, Cath spent the next couple of hours at her desk in the spare room catching up with her online students.

She’d had to reschedule a couple of tutoring sessions.

It was still so satisfying knowing she was doing her best to give those youngsters the extra help they needed to pass their exams, and to get on and achieve their life goals.

Though she’d given up her secondary school teaching role, thanks to Trevor and their no-go pipe dreams of early retirement, the passionate teacher in her was still very much present, and she was able to carry on doing what she’d always loved.

Finding ways to get her students to click with an equation, understand a logical pattern, and yes, it would then all fall into place. She just wished life was that simple.

Life often felt to her like a game of snakes and ladders; you’d just be climbing up, thinking you were getting somewhere, and then, oops, there you were sliding back down again.

The highs and the lows. The journeys we are all on, sometimes meandering pleasantly, and sometimes a scary rollercoaster ride.

But despite how rocky the journey might be, Cath was determined to keep pushing forward.

Later that afternoon, she poured herself a small glass of Pinot Grigio, took her current read – Lessons in Chemistry by Bonnie Garmus, a fabulous story of female feistiness and determination – and sat in her garden soaking in her country life; sparrows and chaffinches were busy in the shrub borders tweeting away, cumulus clouds meandered high above, with blue sky prevailing for the moment.

This was the life she’d chosen for herself.

Her cottage in the country, her own second chances space, silver-lined with a sense of freedom, of time for herself.

And perhaps, she was about to lose it all …

if Adam wanted her support. If he needed her to be there nearer to him.

However enchanting it seemed here, had she in fact been selfish setting off for this new rural life alone?

Was she about to come sliding back down and land in the confines of Leeds city once again.

What was the right thing to do? For Adam?

For her? But she knew that whatever he wanted, she would do …

she wouldn’t let him down, not this time.

Oh . Her heart gave a little kick. She’d just settled down in the front room to watch some easy-going TV. And here was Will posting on the group chat:

Hi all, must be my turn to host by now. So, if anyone fancies taking their chances with my ‘limited’ cooking skills, can you make the evening of either Fri 20th or Sat 21st September. Let me know.

Crikey, so, he’d taken the plunge and offered to host. That was really quite brave of him in the circumstances, Cath thought, knowing he’d be feeling awkward, for sure. The big question now was … should she go ?

An hour later, and after ruminating her way through her ironing pile – she was never going to settle watching the telly now! – the answer was loud and clear in her head.

Bugger it! Life was too short, and she loved that bloody Supper Club. That friendship group had made her smile again when life had been so very tough, and they’d all helped her to find her feet in the village. If she ducked out now, it would be even harder to go back and join in the future.

She’d have to face Will at some point. They’d managed to get through the funeral, and the terrier search, but this was going to be super close quarters at his home.

They needed to clear the air before this next Supper Club …

and, once they’d faced each other honestly, then she’d decide if it was right to go for Will’s sake.

And, if they could at least manage to stay as friends, she’d settle for that.

To see him again, to get to know him more.

To have their wonderful Supper Club continue.

It wouldn’t be easy, especially at first, but she would learn to cope with it, if that’s what it took to keep the Supper Club going.

The main thing was not to spoil it for all the others.

She so wanted to keep seeing them all. The Supper Club was their hub, their hope.

Before she could change her mind, she threw on her trainers and marched up the village street.

It was time for the truth.

If the two of them were going to be able to move on with their friendship … if the Supper Club had any hope of a future, all hurts and misunderstandings needed to be cleared up. Better now, before they were gathered again next week at Will’s house.

After speaking with Maria in the garden of the care home that day, that’s what Cath had intended doing, after all.

But time and circumstances since had made it feel like the moment had passed, or perhaps she’d been subconsciously trying to duck out again.

But it was never too late. Whatever the implications might be thereafter.

Though their weeklong holiday romance was fledgling, it had felt so intense at the time.

Though she knew that it was nothing like what Will had evidently had in his marriage, it was only the start of a relationship really, at least she could be honest and finally tell him what had really gone on.

And then, maybe, they could start patching up their friendship at least, and over time learn to not feel so awkward in each other’s company.

This was a conversation to be had in private. She didn’t like to just turn up out of the blue, but she had a feeling if she asked to call in on her own, the answer might be a resolute no.

No foodie gifts this time, just her. Go on, go now – a voice spoke inside, go while this feels imperative .

And she did. Rushing up the street, passing a friendly neighbour with the briefest of hellos.

Then knocking on his door, with a heart full of anxiety and also hope.

It was time for them both to move on, to shake off the misunderstandings of their past.

The door opened. Will didn’t exactly look pleased to see her, his frown giving that much away. ‘Oh … hi.’

‘Hi, Will, is it all right to come in? Umm, I need to explain something …’

He paused, then merely nodded, as he let her follow him through his kitchen. He didn’t offer her a coffee or anything. This was no cosy chat.

‘Sorry to just turn up like this, but knowing we’d have to meet again soon … with the Supper Club evening coming up, well …’

He was listening, dark eyes intent, but with a coolness.

Would that coolness always be there from now on?

They stood staring at each other. Less than a metre between them, and yet a world apart.

Cath plucked up the courage, she was here now, and this was it.

‘Will, l really need to try to explain … I know I did wrong all those years ago, not answering your letters, ducking out. But I was scared and young, and inexperienced. I know that’s no bloody excuse.

Looking back, it was only decent to have let you know what was going on …

but at the time, I didn’t know how.’ Cath paused; this was harder than she’d thought, here, face to face with Matty as a man.

‘Okay, here goes …’ She took a slow breath. ‘A couple of weeks after I got home, after I’d answered your first letter, I realised my period was late. Really late. And it scared me to death.’

He said nothing, but kept his eyes fixed on her as she explained.

‘I totally panicked … It would have changed everything … having a baby so young. I don’t think I could have gone through with an abortion, but then I was about to start my A Levels, and I was fixed on training to be a teacher.

That’s what I’d wanted to do for years.’ It all began to spill out.

‘All my dreams seemed to be in the balance. Being a mum was never in the equation back then … not at sixteen.’

She paused, noticing his family photos all around.

His wife, his daughters. The real loves of his life, of course they were.

Will was staring at her. His emotions were so hard to read.

Was this confession the right thing? Was it just stirring up old wounds?

Was she still the same daft young girl? A blip in his past.

Will hadn’t yet said a word.

But she’d started, so she may as well finish her story, their youthful story.

‘It was just a scare,’ she continued. ‘I finally got a test, and it was negative, but by then a few more weeks had passed … and I hadn’t been in touch …

and I knew I needed to get my head down and study, concentrate on my school work, get my uni place.

A relationship, long distance, however much I felt for you …

and I did feel so much for you then, Matty, but it wasn’t going to work.

And time had gone on and I didn’t know how to explain all that …

so I didn’t. I just left it. I’m sorry, Will.

’ Cath gave a small relieved sigh that the truth and her apology were out, that the lad she’d hurt all those years ago at least knew why, and that she had very much cared for him.

That he had finally heard the explanation she should have told him thirty-six years ago, back in 1988.

Will looked a bit shell-shocked. ‘Right … well … at least I know now.’ He stood quiet for a few seconds before adding, ‘But I would have been there for you then, whatever, Cath.’

And she hadn’t been there for him.

Was there a way to move forward from this?

Had this revelation helped, or just widened the divide?

Cath was desperate to fix things, but from his reaction the chasm seemed to still be there between them.

But she had to try, to keep trying. ‘If it’s okay …

if we can find some way … can we at least be friends again, Will. Hey?’

She so wanted to keep in touch with this lovely man, and she so wanted the Supper Club to continue in its wonderful all-embracing friendly way.

Will looked at her, the hurt still there in his gorgeous eyes. ‘Oh, Cath, I’m not sure if I can …’

Cath took a big gulp, trying to stem the tears that she knew were swelling in her eyes. There was nothing else to say. Would she even be able to come along to his Supper Club now? She thanked him for his time, and turned to leave. Her bye sounded so lonely as she left.

At least she’d tried. I’ve been brave, Maria , she thought on her way back down the street. But sadly, it hadn’t seemed to be enough.