Page 35 of The Reluctant Siren (Texas Sirens: Legacy #2)

Harlow sat in Ruby’s car, staring up at her building.

This was not how she’d expected to end the evening.

“Where did your dads go? How are you not worried about them disappearing?”

Ruby sat in the driver’s seat of her SUV, her hands on the steering wheel.

She’d been a rock this afternoon and long into the evening. Ruby waited at the police station where she’d given her statement.

Then Ruby had taken her to her parents’ place where her mom and Greer and Gigi had been waiting with food and wine and willing ears.

Not that she’d used those. Everyone had tried to get her to talk about her feelings, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t be the dumbass girl who cried over the guy who’d left her twice. The first was reasonable. She hadn’t known what he could do. The second time she’d been very informed and still let the asshole into her bed.

“I suspect they went to tell Jensen and Niall to stay away from me.”

She’d briefly talked to her fathers. Dad had been pissed she hadn’t called him in, and Papa had actually agreed with him but they’d dropped it pretty quickly. They’d hugged her and told her they loved her, and Dad told her how proud he was that she’d followed all her training and dropped the asshole with two to the chest.

“I thought Niall wasn’t the bad guy here,”

Ruby prodded gently.

Her mom had looked worried when she left with Ruby, but Harlow promised to be back for breakfast in the morning and everyone had given her some space. It looked like her bestie was ready to push her.

“I know. He didn’t leave me, but I’m also not sure that it can work. They’ve been friends for a long time. Honestly, they’re practically brothers, and while Niall might be mad at Jensen right now, he will get over it.”

She’d thought about it all afternoon. Ever since the moment she looked down and Niall was on the ground beside Jensen, holding his hand, following his instincts when she couldn’t give in to hers.

Ruby was quiet for a moment.

“You haven’t forgiven him for spying on you for Jensen?”

She should have gotten out of the car faster. Harlow sighed and sat back.

“I think I have. It wasn’t like he stalked me. He moved into my circle and hung out and tried to help me when he could. But that kind of makes my point. He moved his whole life when Jensen asked him to.”

“He seems like he loves it here,”

Ruby replied.

“I would be surprised if he doesn’t try to keep his membership at The Hideout. Are you going to ask the board to expel him?”

“No.”

But how was she going to see him every weekend? She tended to spend most Friday and Saturday nights at The Hideout. Thursday nights, too. Sundays they usually had brunch at someone’s house, and all of the members were invited. Niall usually showed up and wolfed down pancakes and bacon and laughed with everyone.

“I don’t think he should get kicked out. He’s a good Dom, and I think he needs the club.”

Ruby’s eyes narrowed.

“So you’re going to pull away and leave it to him.”

Ruby knew her well.

“I thought I should take some time off.”

It made sense. She needed to focus on herself and why she made terrible choices. She needed to focus on the business and her open cases and building a life without them.

“So you don’t want one without the other?”

Ruby asked the harsh question, though her tone was sympathetic.

“It’s not like that. I do want him, but I don’t think it can work. I did for a second. I even told Niall I loved him. I do. But I saw him with Jensen.”

“You wanted him to pick you? Instead of going with Jensen to the hospital?”

“Of course not. I don’t want him to have to choose. Jensen is the only family he has left, and I can’t take him away. No matter how pissed I am at Jensen.”

“You aren’t pissed at Jensen,”

Ruby argued.

“Look, your mom and sister and cousin are all treating you with kid gloves, but I’m your friend.”

Oh, was this about to go bad? She wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t like Ruby was close to either guy.

“What are you trying to say?”

“I don’t think you’re letting yourself feel what you actually feel. You ran on pure adrenaline this afternoon, and it felt way better than realizing Jensen made the same mistake again. You aren’t angry at Jensen.”

She nodded because this was something she would wholly admit to.

“Jensen is being Jensen. I’m the one who should have known. I should have known when he slept with us last night. I thought he was all in, but he was saying good-bye, and I stupidly didn’t see it.”

Ruby groaned.

“That’s not what I’m talking about either. Look, I know you’re mad. I know you want to blame yourself because you, bestie, are a control freak, and if you are the one at fault then you can make sure it won’t happen again. If it’s all your fault, then there’s no need to talk to either of them. You don’t have to open yourself to them because it was your fault, and you certainly can’t trust yourself to not make poor choices. But Harlow, it’s not a poor choice to love someone. Even if it all goes bad. Do you have any idea what I would give to have the love you’ve been given? And I think that’s part of the problem.”

Ruby was shaking her walls a little. She wasn’t wrong. Her best friend had pretty much summed up her thought process, but she was still confused. She wasn’t mad at Ruby. Ruby loved her and was trying to help her. Harlow just wasn’t sure how.

“What do you mean? Say it because this is starting to feel like a therapy session, and don’t think my mom hasn’t already begged me to let her make an appointment for me.”

Ruby sat back as a light rain started, gently falling on the windshield and making the rest of the world seem gauzy.

“You know about my mom, right?”

Ruby’s mom had been distant, from what she understood. She’d loved her, but after Ruby’s dad had walked, she’d shut down. She gave Ruby the necessities. Roof over her head, food on the table, what she needed for school. But Sonja Lockwood’s real comfort was alcohol, and she got mean when she drank. Which was most of the time.

“Yes. I know you’re still not close.”

Ruby sighed, a weary sound.

“Not close. She moved to Houston, and I only found out when my Christmas card was returned. I don’t know what I would have done without Vanessa Malone. I don’t think I would have gone to college. I often tell the universe thank you for sending me into her sister’s house the night we met. But that’s ancient history. What I’m trying to say is I worry that because you’ve never had a family member flake on you, you’re being harder on yourself and them than you should be.”

“Because my parents love me?”

“Because love feels like something that should be easy.”

She was forgetting a few things.

“I assure you being Chase Dawson’s daughter isn’t easy.”

“So you have to put up with a father who adores you so much he loses his head from time to time. I know it’s annoying. I’m not being sarcastic. It is annoying, but you’ve never questioned if he loved you. If you’re lovable at all. Not really. I mean we all do, but it can be harder when you have evidence to support that you aren’t,”

Ruby explained.

Like a mom who told her she wrecked her life. Like a dad who walked out.

“You’re saying I’m taking the love I’ve been given for granted?”

Ruby’s head shook.

“I’m not saying that. I’m saying Jensen was the first time you truly got your heart broken, and I know how hard it was for you to trust him again. You were willing to risk everything for him.”

Her heart ached. “I was.”

“And the one thing he couldn’t risk was you,”

Ruby pointed out.

“He didn’t ask me.”

“Because from what I can tell Jensen has rarely been in control of his life. Think about it, Harlow. He was parentified. He was poor. He had all of the responsibility and none of the control. Everything was on him, and he was a kid,”

Ruby said.

“I don’t love what he did to you, but I understand some of the forces that led him to make the decisions he did. When everything is on you, you learn to make decisions rapidly and without input. I know I did it until I was a teenager and met Vanessa and Michael and learned that family doesn’t have to share blood. I’m better now. I learned how to trust people. And before you say you can’t love without trust, I assure you I still love my mom and I know I can’t trust her. I know she doesn’t love me, but I…I guess I still hope she’ll show up one day.”

Harlow reached out and put a hand on Ruby’s.

“I hope so, too, but I don’t know that I’m doing what you think I’m doing. Niall can’t be happy without Jensen in his life.”

Ruby flipped her hand over and held it.

“I am going to ask you a couple of questions, and I need you to be honest with me. Do you love Niall? It’s okay if you don’t. It’s okay if this whole thing was fun and sexy and exciting and you really only loved Jensen. But you have to be honest.”

“I love Niall. I love him so much it fucking hurts.”

No hesitation there. She was trying to be honest with herself.

“Okay, and you don’t think you can ever forgive Jensen?”

“I don’t…”

Honesty.

“I’m so mad at him.”

Ruby took a long breath.

“What’s under the anger?”

Tears filled her eyes.

“Sorrow. I’m so sad that he didn’t trust me. Fear. I don’t know I’ll ever love anyone the way I loved them. But it can’t work. I can’t take Niall away from his only family.”

“And how is that any different than what Jensen did to you?”

Fuck. Harlow sat back, breaking the connection because damn it, she was right.

“I didn’t talk to him. I stood there and looked at them and made the decision to spare Niall.”

“Nope. Who were you sparing, sweetie? Who did you want to save from heartache?”

The tears spilled over. “Me.”

She had looked at them together and realized Niall would have to make the choice between them, and she wasn’t sure what he would do. She’d made the decision to spare Niall the problem of choosing. But she was saving herself the heartache of potentially not being chosen. Even when he’d told her he chose her.

“I love him, and I’m scared he’ll regret choosing me. And I worry that it won’t work without Jensen.”

“Does he have to break all contact with Jensen to be welcome in your life?”

Put like that it sounded awful.

“Of course not.”

Ruby was relentless.

“Could he still maintain a relationship with Jensen that doesn’t include you?”

She would never dictate her boyfriend’s friendships. “Yes.”

“Then shouldn’t he be the one to decide what he wants? Like you wanted to be the one when Jensen left?”

What had she done? She’d looked down and been jealous that Niall could still feel for Jensen when she was frozen. Jealous he could be the better person. Worried he wouldn’t understand that she couldn’t be. She still loved Jensen and watching him lie there… It damn near broke her, but she was trapped in a place where she couldn’t try again. She wasn’t sure she ever could. But would she demand he leave Niall’s life, too? Did she even want that? Or did she want to put Niall in exactly the place he’d been in before? Watching over someone because the person who asked was too afraid to try?

“Harlow, lay it out to him,”

Ruby advised.

“Tell him what you’re feeling. Please don’t lock all of this up inside. Regret is a toxin in your veins, and I don’t want that for you. If you don’t feel like he’ll hear you out, then he’s not the right man for you.”

Harlow brushed away tears. She knew exactly what Niall would do.

“He’ll listen to everything I want to say, and he’ll hold me and kiss me and tell me he loves me and chooses me. But what if it… What if I need them both?”

“Then you find a way to make it work,”

Ruby said with obvious relief that she was finally talking instead of making sarcastic comments and drinking too much wine.

Harlow suspected that she would have gotten this whole conversation with her mom in the morning if Ruby hadn’t pushed her. Or Greer. Or Gigi. So many people who wouldn’t leave her alone.

“I don’t know if I can trust Jensen.”

“Would you consider it if he worked on himself?”

Ruby asked.

She knew her bestie.

“What do you know?”

“I know your dad isn’t going to tell Jensen to fuck off,”

Ruby revealed.

“I might have listened to your dad and your papa in their office. You know the one without windows, but the lack of windows weirdly makes it easier for sound to bounce around to certain places. Like the air duct in the bathroom next door.”

Ruby would have made an excellent spy.

“And what were they talking about?”

“Your dad called The Club and rented an apartment for Jensen. He and your papa are going to offer him a chance. He works at The Club and he goes to therapy, and they don’t force him to leave the city,”

Ruby replied.

“But why?”

She could believe it of her papa. It sounded like him. Her dad… She kind of thought Chase Dawson would lead the charge to shove Jensen out.

“Because he loves you and if you love Jensen, then your dad is going to try to make sure Jensen has what he needs to be good for you,”

Ruby replied.

“Because I think in some ways your dad sees himself as the you.”

Oh, so many tears now.

“Mom struggled in the beginning. Because she loved them but didn’t think she was worthy. And he was brave when it was hard for him. He was brave because he knew he wouldn’t ever love anyone the way he loved my mom. I’m not being brave.”

“And that’s okay. You need some time, but don’t shut and lock doors you might need to open later,”

Ruby advised.

“Your relationship with Niall started out as friendship. I don’t think that’s how it went with Jensen though, right?”

“We pretty much fell in bed the first night, and it was all passion and fighting and fucking.”

Ruby’s words were forcing her to examine the situation. She was right. Harlow had been running on adrenaline for hours. She needed to sleep and think.

“We didn’t work on a friendship, but that was what was great about the last week. I liked spending time with him. I liked how when I wanted to be alone, they had each other. It felt natural to be with them in a way it didn’t before.”

“So take time before you make decisions. Not with Niall. I think you know what you want with him, and if you only want him if Jensen comes with him, then you need to let him go.”

Harlow shook her head and reached for her cell.

“I want him. I love him. No matter what happens with Jensen, I want to be with him if he wants me. Would you mind taking me to his place if he’s there?”

She dialed his number while Ruby said yes and took the car out of park.

“Hello, Harlow,”

Niall said.

“Are you all right? Are you still at your mom’s?”

Just hearing his voice made the tears fall faster.

“I’m so sorry I was cold to you.”

“Princess, you were processing. It’s all right. I love you. I’m waiting for you,”

he assured her.

“Then I can come over? I want to talk.”

“You could go to my place but I kind of already broke into yours. I wasn’t letting you sleep alone tonight,”

he replied.

She hung up and thanked her friend and ran through the rain for the lobby. Need ran through her. Need to see him, to assure herself he was okay. He would tell her if Jensen was all right.

When the elevator opened on her floor, he was standing there. He opened his arms.

And she was safe again.