Page 32 of The Reluctant Siren (Texas Sirens: Legacy #2)

Jensen slid out of the SUV and looked at the craptastic apartment building he’d lived in for the last couple of months.

It was a dump.

It was more motel than upscale downtown condo. Located on the edge of an industrial district, it was somewhat quiet and cheap, and he was pretty sure most of the people who lived here were involved in some kind of crime.

It wasn’t a place for Harlow.

“So the hard drive is in your apartment?”

Jack asked, glancing at his watch. He’d spent a lot of the drive on the phone talking to his boss, and it looked like he didn’t want to be late for the meeting they set up.

“I have it in a hidden compartment,”

he replied.

“I can go up and get it if you want to stay here.”

Jack’s cell trilled again, and he sighed.

“Ruby. I think they know you’re gone.”

It was morning, and they would be awake by now. No question. She would have rolled over and sighed and rubbed up against Niall, who would kiss her and call her princess. She wasn’t. Harlow wasn’t a royal princess with high-maintenance needs. She was a warrior princess.

Did she reach for him and think he’d gone for a walk or to make coffee? How long was it before she realized he was gone?

“I think it’s best we don’t talk to them until the deal is done,”

Jensen said. If he heard her voice, he might not be able to do it. If Niall tried to talk him out of it, he might listen because this was the last thing he wanted.

Jack refused the call.

“She’s going to kick my ass. She’s sent about a hundred texts, but I’m sure it’s all crap about how I’m ruining everything. I cannot win with that woman.”

“Do you want to win with her?”

Jensen was curious how much he’d fucked up Jack’s life.

Jack’s expression shuttered. Like he’d shown too much. He slid his cell in his pants pocket and then the smooth cowboy lawman was back.

“She’s a friend of my cousin’s. I assure you Harlow is going to be pissed at me, so why don’t we go and make sure this whole thing is worth it. I don’t want to have blown apart my family life for nothing. What floor are you on?”

“The third. I’m the last unit on the left.”

It wasn’t like there was a doorman or anything. There wasn’t a lobby, either. It was all apartments with stairs and open walkways.

Jack’s cell trilled again, and he groaned. He brought it out with a long sigh.

“It’s the office. I need to take it. I’ll be here. Hurry. We need to be downtown in twenty minutes.”

He put the phone to his ear.

“Hey, Lori. Yeah, we’re back in Dallas. You got any updates on the Dark Web search? Nothing?”

He nodded to Jensen.

“Hurry. I want to get you somewhere safe, but it seems we’re okay for now. I’ve got someone tracking Hamilton. He’s not scheduled to fly into Dallas until tonight.”

He would be long gone by then. He’d gotten so close. He knew the Jensen he’d been months back would mourn the loss of his revenge. Now, as he walked around to the back of the building, all he could feel was the pain of losing her. Of Niall never trusting him again. He would be alone for the rest of his life, and it was his own fault.

He should have left with her in LA. He should have made the choice to have a future rather than trying to avenge the past. They could be married by now.

Instead, she would marry Niall, and they would have a beautiful life and he would pay for his sins.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw a car darting into the parking lot. Someone was in a hurry, but that wasn’t unusual. They were probably trying to hit their dealer’s house before heading to work. Traffic was usually terrible this time of day.

He jogged up the stairs and pulled out his key. Where would they live? He hadn’t been to Niall’s place and had only heard that Harlow had a pretty condo in a nice part of town.

He’d missed so much. He wished he hadn’t, wished he’d been part of their daily lives so he would have more memories.

This was stupid. He was being stupid.

Jensen stopped two doors from his apartment as the truth hit him.

And there’s the beautiful, damaged one who needs a shit ton of therapy because of all the damage. That one is the dangerous one because she’ll make split-second decisions based on the trauma she survived and not what’s best for the three of them. She’ll martyr herself because that’s all she knows to do. Because she thinks maybe she doesn’t deserve good things like love and protection, like no one should risk for her.

Niall had been right. Chase hadn’t been talking about Harlow. He’d been comparing Jensen to his wife. Natalie Dawson had been the one to make bad choices based on trauma. Her trauma had been… He couldn’t even imagine it, and yet she was whole and happy and a good mom and a great partner to her husbands.

Could he do that? Could he learn to shove down what the world had tried to teach him and believe that he was worthy of love?

A little panic threatened. It seemed so simple. He was doing this to save her. He was making this decision because he was absolutely certain she wouldn’t allow him to leave without her, and neither would Niall.

Would he be okay with her doing the same? If she was in trouble and she decided it was too dangerous for him, would he nod and accept it and move on with his life? Fuck no. He wouldn’t because he loved her and he owed her everything he had, his love, his protection, his advice, his time, his effort. He owed it to both of them to be part of the team, and yet he’d made a unilateral decision that affected them all with zero input from them.

No, his internal voice argued. They had made themselves clear. Just because he wanted to pretend they hadn’t had this discussion didn’t mean Harlow and Niall hadn’t put their beliefs out there. They thought they should stay together because they were in love. Harlow had assets that could help them stay safe, and yet he hadn’t even taken the time to explore the options that might keep them together. He’d simply jumped headlong into… Yep, he’d jumped headlong into martyrdom, like her father had said. And for the reasons her father said. It was easier to let her go than to become the man she needed, to face all the things he needed to in order to be her husband and Niall’s true partner.

His chest felt too tight and he could hear a helicopter in the distance, but that wasn’t unusual. What was unusual was the emotion he felt welling up and threatening to drown him.

He’d made a mistake. Such a big mistake, and he’d brought Jack into it.

Jensen forced himself to stop and take a long breath. He still had a shot. He could grab the drive and tell Jack he wanted to change the meeting place from the FBI building to the McKay-Taggart building. He could walk in, explain what he was doing, and that his girlfriend would pay for an attorney.

Wow, that hurt, but he was going to have to suck it up and find a way to pay her back in sexual favors or carrying heavy stuff for her. Maybe if he married her and treated her like a queen for forty or fifty years, she would consider the debt paid.

He wasn’t even sure how he could repay Niall. He’d done this to him twice now. His best friend was used to getting left behind because Jensen couldn’t handle his damn feelings.

He had to find a way to control this…grief? Was it grief? Was it guilt? Was it a childhood spent worrying that everything would fall apart, so he huffed and puffed until it did and he could stop worrying because the worst had already happened?

It was a pattern from childhood and one he had to break. Now that he was standing here looking at the life revenge had built, he knew he was making the worst mistake of his life and he couldn’t even call them.

Could he find a ride back to Bonnet and pretend like he’d gone into town? The thought drifted through his brain, but they were up by now and they would know. Harlow would figure it out quickly.

He had to talk to her.

Ruby. Ruby had given her a phone. Ruby would kick his ass but would likely let him call her and start the groveling process.

He would grovel. He would kiss her toes and carry her handbag and be her lapdog everywhere but the dungeon floor.

It was like a weight got lifted off his chest. Like he could suddenly breathe freely, and he hadn’t realized how bad it had been before.

He didn’t have to live this way. He didn’t have to make this decision on his own. He would be upset, feel so small, if either of them had done this to him and he couldn’t… He couldn’t do this to them. Jack would be pissed, but he was going to talk to them. He would still take down Hamilton, and maybe the best way was for him to go alone into witness protection. But maybe they could find another way. Maybe they could get out of this together.

Maybe she would spit in his face, kick him in the balls, and send him away.

What mattered was that he tried his damnedest to keep them all together.

With new purpose he started walking toward the apartment he’d survived in for the last several months. He wouldn’t call it home. Home was where they were.

The helicopter was getting loud, and he wondered if there was some kind of police activity going. He couldn’t worry about that right now. All that mattered was getting inside his apartment and getting what he needed. Even though it sounded like the fucker was about to buzz the building. If that was a news chopper, they were going to get into some serious trouble because he could see the way the trees in the front grounds were whipping from the gusts the blades made. He rushed to get to his door to avoid that wind.

He had his hand on the knob when he realized it wasn’t locked.

A chill that had not a thing to do with the wind snaked down his spine.

He had a security system but it was attached to his phone, which he’d dumped so they couldn’t track him. It wasn’t an expensive one, just a system that would have alerted him to someone going in. It would be easy to turn it off if one knew what one was doing, and he knew damn well Hamilton would have someone who knew how to shut off a system.

What he wouldn’t have is someone who knew where Jensen hid the data. It wasn’t on his laptop or his gaming system. It was hidden in the wall behind carefully smoothed out wallpaper. No one would be able to see it. So if they came, they might still be here.

He was starting to move back, the wind whipping around him, when the door came open and Phil stood there, a pistol in his hands.

“I think you should come in, Jensen. It’s time we had a talk. Where’s the fed?”

Phil asked.

Jensen put his hands up, letting Phil know he wasn’t holding a weapon. Now he kind of hoped it was some kind of police helo flying over the building. Not that they would be here for him. How did Phil know about Jack? “What are you talking about?”

He practically had to shout the question. The noise was that loud, and then it began to lessen. The helicopter was moving away. Whatever it needed to do seemed to be finished.

Phil’s head gestured to the apartment.

“Get the fuck inside. This place is a hellhole, but someone might still call the cops. And I’m talking about Special Agent Jack O’Malley. Little fucker tricked me. I never suspected he was a fed.”

His stomach threatened to turn, but he moved into the doorway because it wasn’t like there was anywhere to run. There was one path out, and he didn’t think Phil would miss with those odds. There was nothing to do but hope Jack figured out something was wrong. Hands held high, he moved from the light into the gloom of his apartment. It was cramped and nondescript, with nothing of himself in the crappy furniture or neutral colors.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. The only Jack I know is Jack Cameron, the bartender.”

Phil snorted.

“Sure. Hey, Billy, go check the parking lot. If you see the fed, kill him.”

Jensen turned to try to get to the door. He could shout for Jack to run, anything to warn him.

He heard a cracking sound and then felt the bite of a dart hitting his skin, and then he wasn’t thinking about anything but how his every muscle seemed to seize. He fell to the ground because his legs wouldn’t hold him anymore. His head hit the carpet, and he shook and shook, the pain overwhelming him, and he thought for a moment his heart was going to stop and all he could think of was the last thing he would have done for the woman he loved was leaving her. Harlow might never find out what happened to him. She might never know the truth. That he wanted to change, wanted to be who she needed him to be.

After a moment the fire in his muscles ceased but the shaking didn’t.

“What the hell was that noise above us?”

a deep voice asked.

“It sounded like a helicopter.”

Jensen knew that voice, and if his muscles would move, he would be on his feet ready to attack the bastard.

Cliff Hamilton stood above him.

“I don’t know. The traffic is bad today,”

Phil said with a sneer as he looked down at Jensen. He’d mistaken the gun in his hand. It was a taser, the darts connecting the two of them so Phil could send another shockwave through Jensen at any time.

“It’s probably the local radio station. They’re always reporting on the crappy traffic. They’re gone now and like I told you, I made sure the surrounding units are empty during the day. No one cares what we do here.”

Hamilton stared down at him with deep-set eyes, a frown on his face.

“I want that fed dead. It was part of my deal. I need to present my friends with a body. If I don’t, they can bring hell down on my head.”

Shit. They had someone inside the FBI. It explained how they figured out where he lived and that he was on his way in. Jack had called and talked to several people on his team, getting things ready for the meeting that was supposed to occur this morning. But Hamilton would know all about it and be done with him and on his way out of town before they had a chance to miss Jack.

“So this is the asshole who’s been following me?”

Hamilton was a big guy, at least six foot five, with a dark beard and steely eyes. He might have been handsome if his depravity didn’t show on his face.

“What the hell did I do to him?”

He didn’t even know.

“He probably can’t tell you. This thing is modified somewhat from its original state. It gives it a little kick,”

Phil said with a chuckle.

Hamilton looked his way.

“Then how the fuck is he supposed to tell me where I can find what he was about to hand over to the feds if he can’t talk?”

That seemed to flummox Phil, and Jensen knew he had a shot at buying some time. He had to pretend to not be able to talk.

He wasn’t pretending right now, though. He was still shaking, his gut churning. His knees knocked together, and he couldn’t control the way his hands clenched and unclenched.

“Uhm, I thought… He can be dangerous. Didn’t your contact tell you he used to be a soldier or something?”

Phil asked.

“Yeah, he was an MP. Now that I think about it I believe she said I killed someone close to him.”

Hamilton knelt down.

“Is that what I did, you asshole? I took out your girlfriend or something?”

He didn’t even fucking know. All this time he’d made this man the center of his world, and he didn’t even remember Tommy. He likely hadn’t even done it himself. He’d ordered someone to do it. It was all useless. So fucking useless, and now he was going to die here and it was useless, too.

He was useless.

The only thing he’d ever been halfway good at was being Niall’s friend and Tommy’s brother. He could have been good at loving Harlow if he’d been able to see past his guilt and fear.

It was fear. He was afraid of loving her. Of losing her. Of not being worthy of her.

Hamilton reached out and pulled his head up.

“You and me are going to have a talk and you’re going to tell me where you put that hard drive. Then I’ll kill you. If you think that’s not a good deal for you, well, let me show you what I can do while you’re alive.”

He stood up, a gleam in his eyes, and then he brought his foot back and kicked Jensen squarely in the stomach.

All the air left his lungs and before he could breathe, Hamilton kicked him again. And again.

Jensen groaned and hoped the end came soon.