Page 35 of The Reclusive Earl’s Scandal (Vows and Vanity #1)

“In all fairness, Lord Thomas, he did have an advantage,” Rebecca said, seamlessly sliding herself into conversation. She could always do that, and Edward found himself less envious and more impressed. “We were friends from childhood.”

“Ah, yes, Lord Billy was saying as much,” Willoughby said. Edward’s stomach clenched. He had been escaping the antagonistic lord well enough. “Well, in any case, you must know if Lady Mary has been approached by anybody serious about her? For I am, and if I have a chance…”

Edward saw the hurt flash across Rebecca’s face.

He realized that, lost in his own grievances with Lady Catherine, he had not considered well enough how she must have felt, losing her close friends.

They had started the rumors, had fractured the friendship, but Edward couldn’t help feeling as though he was partly to blame.

“I believe she has not been propositioned, no,” Rebecca told him softly.

“Excellent, then I shall ask her for a dance. Congratulations again to you both. Thornshire, do not think I have forgotten about the drink I have promised you. Let us turn it into a toast some time!”

And then Willoughby ducked away, in search of Lady Mary, and Edward turned to Rebecca with a quiet laugh.

“I admit that was more painless than I thought it would be,” he said. “Truly, I think having you at my side is a great help.”

“Well, you are now stuck with me,” she jested, and Edward eased, feeling further from that protective vacant space he had boxed himself into.

Around Rebecca, with no talk of pressure or doubt or promises, he felt lighter.

He felt… good . Surprising himself, he realized he actually was already having a good time.

Maybe I just have never lived through life with the right people at my side, except for my father’s support .

As soon as expectation set in, Edward knew he panicked. Gossip of other people, made him feel that he was not good enough, his mother’s stare and sister’s anticipation would also have him escaping. Yet Rebecca simply stood at his side, expecting nothing, even if she hoped for everything.

She kept it unvoiced, and that allowed Edward to meet her halfway.

So, he held out his hand. “Would you care for a dance?”

She turned to him, surprised. Edward’s lips twitched into an almost-smile.

“I promised you I would not keep you confined,” he told her. “If I can help it, I will ensure we dance at every ball for the rest of our lives.”

He waited for the clench of pressure and panic at such a promise, but as he gazed into those gray eyes of hers, he still felt calm.

Rebecca slid her hand into his. “Then let us have the first dance of many.”

He had to remind himself they were not a couple as he led her to the floor, but as Edward slotted his hand against Rebecca’s waist, as he felt the attention slide to them, he wondered what it would have been like for them to have begun as a true, courting match.

The music began for the dance set, and Edward found himself smiling as he waltzed with Rebecca. Their steps were confident, keeping perfect time with one another. When he moved, she did, and when he spun her, she did not falter once, nor hesitate.

“I have a vague recollection,” he spoke, chasing a memory, “of being in Bancroft Hall, in the countryside, and there being a mirrored room. We were young, of course, but we were dancing. I cannot fully remember, but I do recall laughing and stumbling. I like to think we have both come a long way.”

“I wonder if you recall pain as well,” Rebecca jested. “I stood on your feet far too many times for how little you complained. You must have gone home with bruised skin.”

“If I did, I do not remember.” His smile widened.

“Heavens, you make all of this so much more bearable. I have expressed it before, but it still catches me off-guard. You have always made things bearable for me, Rebecca. Not just as a support, but as somebody who understands why it is a burden to do…” He looked around before returning to her.

“All of this. It is nice not to feel so lonely in this sea of people.”

Her eyes caught the light, and the glittering ceiling above reflected in them. For a moment, Edward’s heart raced, and he stumbled, for she was so beautiful it hurt, and he could not express it in a way that would make a difference.

They were already betrothed—was that not enough?

“I feel the same,” she told him quietly, her smile gentle.

“I believe you are the only man in this room I would not pretend to be somebody else for.” Her smile turned mischievous, and he braced himself.

“Although I fear our closeness is garnering some glares from the older dowagers that huddle in the corner like aging geese waiting to be…” She grimaced. “Well.”

Edward stifled a laugh, turning his face away as he grinned. He easily stepped them back into the dance. “Thank you, Rebecca.”

Her face slacked into something like surprise. “Whatever for?”

“Just… simply being you. Being here, with me.”

All remainders of her teasing faded, leaving a surprised, yet clearly complimented lady. His future wife. The mere thought made his stomach jump, but he smiled back at her and guided her through the remainder of their dance.

The night passed in a similarly comfortable way. Even when they left the ballroom and retreated to the refreshments table, he found out that Rebecca favored pink-flavored things. Raspberries, strawberries, and part of him filed that knowledge away.

Perhaps I can take her on a picnic , he thought, watching her pluck a strawberry from a bowl of fruit offered out. After a moment of thought, she dropped it into her wine glass purposefully, and he stifled a laugh. She did the same with another glass and handed it to him.

“What does it do?” He frowned down at the fruit bobbing on the surface.

“I tell myself it adds to the flavor,” Rebecca told him. “In truth, I do not really know.”

Together, they laughed harder, and yet when he sipped the drink he did swear he could taste the hint of strawberry.

Mercifully, Lady Catherine didn’t approach him, but she did look on in scorn.

She stood by Elena, who also fixed Edward with her most scathing glare.

He tried to ignore them both. He was in a bubble, and he was finally relaxed. He couldn’t let anything destroy it.

“Lord Thornshire!”

Edward stiffened immediately. Disappointment sank through him as he felt his comfort slip away just as he had begun to find it. He knew the voice that called out to him, and that sinking feeling turned harder, digging into him.

Finally, he looked up to find Lord Billy ambling over, his grin wide and charming.

To most, he looked pleasant. To Edward, it was a dog that nuzzled a hand before biting it.

He didn’t trust the other lord, and even if enough years had passed since their childhood days, Edward did not think Billy had changed at all.

He had no reason to, for he saw no issue with his behavior.

“Lady Rebecca,” Billy continued, drawling his words. “It is good to see you back on your feet. A week of bed rest was a long time. Surely in one of those endless days you could have answered my letter, or thanked me for my most thoughtful gift.”

Rebecca’s laugh was quick to sound, and Edward stopped himself from curling his lip in disgust. Not at her, but at the fact that Billy was so charming it was easy to paint over his former behavior.

“You jest, Lord Billy, surely,” she answered, keeping her voice friendly. “I could barely lift my own glass of water, let alone have ink, a pen, and paper to formulate a letter.”

Edward’s throat was closing in panic. How easily she spoke with him, how easily she had received a gift and joked about it.

He had not known Billy had gifted her anything.

Was there a reason she had not mentioned it?

His thoughts were foolish and insecure, and he tried to tamper them down, but they only flared brighter when Billy stepped forward.

“You may thank me now, then,” he offered, “with a dance.”

Rebecca paused. She glanced at Edward, her brow pinched.

Was she looking for permission? Please do not put me in charge of saying yes or no, he thought, for he could not control her in such a way.

It was cruel. But it was also cruel to privately hope she would say no while expecting her to say yes .

Clearly, Billy had the same question, and he laughed.

“Oh, forgive me.” He did not sound very apologetic at all. “I forgot you have become betrothed to Lord Ediot here.”

“Lord Billy, please do not speak to Lord Thornshire like that,” Rebecca said, her voice subdued and polite, not at all the firm countering he knew her to have at times.

“We are all grown up. I am certain he can handle some light jesting. So, Ediot , what will it be? Will you let me take your bride for a dance before she is snatched away into your estates, never to see the light of a gathering ever again? Tell me, have you made her a prison room just like your own? An isolated bride for an isolated, lonely earl who does not ever leave...”

Edward didn’t waste another moment listening to the ridicule.

He could hardly hear Rebecca’s scolding over his own pounding heart as he shoved Billy aside, fought his way through the crowd who had gathered to overhear the ridicule.

All he served to be was a spectacle. Everybody loved to point and laugh at the anxious earl who could not leave his house comfortably.

He had grown up, but sometimes he was still that nervous boy his father had found in the garden, trying not to get swallowed up by a storm.

He thought he muttered out an excuse to leave, but he couldn’t remember, and then suddenly Lady Catherine was in his vision.

She appeared so suddenly he almost crashed into her.

He avoided her gaze and tried to veer around to grasp the banister of the stairs, to leave, to be free, to get some air in his lungs.

“Lord Thornshire,” Lady Catherine said, stopping him with a snatch of his coat.

Edward wrenched back. Gasps skittered around him, and he cringed.

“Not—not now, Lady Catherine, I must leave,” he muttered. “ Please , excuse me. Goodnight.” His desperation cracked his voice, and he tried to move past her again, but she was there and insistent, and Heavens , he could not breathe.

His mind swirled with panic and the need to escape. He felt as though he wore ten layers of clothing in the height of summer.

“I only wished to discuss my next plans with you,” she said quickly. “I understand you are betrothed...”

“Thank you, my lady, but I truly must leave. Please let me past, please.”

“Just one moment of your time,” she hissed quietly. “After you did not even have the decency to speak with me after we had several good moments and dances together.”

More expectation, more disappointment that he had caused, more I am doing everything wrong . Heavens, Heavens , he needed to go. He was spiraling, and he had to leave.

“One moment, that is all you owe me.”

She reached for him, but Edward knocked her hand away, a sharp strike in his panic. “I said good night !”

The room fell silent, and he realized how loud he had yelled.

Edward’s heart stopped.

He did not dare look back, nor at Lady Catherine. He only raced up the stairs, wheezing and crumpled to his knees as soon as he was outside and away from the stares .