Page 49

‘Have you read it yet?’

Aiden came striding into the living room, eyes glued to his phone as he interrupted Blake’s date with the TV and New York’s finest cheesecake.

‘Read what?’

Blake forked up a mouthful and went back to his movie.

‘Astrid’s article, she sent it over this morning for us to review.’

‘Oh yeah, that.’ He forced the wedge of cheesecake down. ‘No.’

‘Why not?’

‘Been busy.’

‘Busy eating contraband and watching… what in the hell is this?’

He shrugged. ‘A movie.’

Aiden clicked on the remote and choked out a laugh. ‘I’ve seen it all now.’

‘I haven’t so if you don’t mind…’ He snatched the remote back and turned it up.

Kate Hudson was doing a splendid job of lying through her teeth…

though in all fairness, the lead guy was giving as good as he got.

It was funny too. Much easier to laugh when it wasn’t real, and it wasn’t yours truly getting played.

‘This has to stop.’

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

Aiden strode up to the TV and turned it off at the wall. The sudden silence was deafening. Silence meant thinking. Silence meant remembering. Silence meant reliving and his gut rolled with a pained honey gaze that looked all too genuine. Too crushed. Too…

‘It’s our bye week, Blake.’

He slid the half-eaten cheesecake onto the coffee table and hunched forward. ‘Tell me something I don’t know.’

‘Usually you’re lining up a party, kicking back with the team and the beers. Instead, you’re in here, watching a sappy movie , and eating cheesecake. It’s fucked up, man.’

It was. He was. And all because of a pretty little journo and her pretty little lies. He didn’t want to read her article because he didn’t want to read any more of that .

‘Something’s been off with you ever since Massachusetts and?—’

‘I saw Dad.’

‘You what ?’ His brother stiffened. ‘ When ?’

‘When Astrid snuck off to see him.’

‘She never…’ He sunk into the sofa beside him. ‘ Fuck .’

‘It’s where I was when I missed dinner the night before the game.’

‘In Ashbury Falls?’

He nodded.

‘Why didn’t you say anything?’

‘Because I handled it.’

‘Bloody hell.’ His brother shook his head. ‘What was he like? Dad?’

‘Oh, you know…’ Blake took a slug of his water, trying to wash down the distaste. ‘The same class act, bottle in one hand, fist in the other…’

‘He didn’t …?’

‘He wouldn’t dare.’

‘And you?’

‘Give me some credit, bro.’ Though he’d come close.

But he hadn’t. Because of her. She’d handled him.

Made him believe he was better than his father, better than how the entire world saw him, too.

And he’d lapped it up. Desperate to be better.

Desperate to be the kind of man that could deserve someone like her.

And it had all been an act, a ploy… ‘I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. ’

‘I did wonder whether she’d got to him somehow.’

He glanced at his brother. ‘Dad? Why?’

‘The way she talks about him in the article, the way she phrases it. Much better than anything I could have said.’

He swallowed. ‘How so?’

‘You need to read it for yourself.’

He went back to the TV, the black screen as haunting as the noise within him. ‘No.’

He sensed his brother’s frown, his growing confusion. ‘You have to read it. She wants our sign off.’

‘I trust your judgement. You sign it off.’

‘Blake—’

‘I’m not going to read it, okay! I don’t want to read what she has to say about us, about me…’

It was hard enough reliving what she’d said aloud.

‘I still fell in love with you.’

His stomach twisted, the cheesecake threatening to make a return over her biggest lie. What had she been hoping for? Some kind of absolution so she could move on guilt-free? Did she honestly think he’d believe her?

‘She told me she loves me.’

It came out choked and for a second, he wondered whether he’d admitted it at all and then his brother spoke. ‘Astrid?’

‘Who else?’ he threw at him, pained, frustrated, angry, but Aiden didn’t even flinch.

‘Well, that explains the rest.’

‘The rest of what?’

‘Your mood, the article, the last couple of months.’

‘It explains nothing because it’s all a lie.’ Not that his brother would understand. For that he’d have to tell him the full truth. Though there was only one truth that mattered in that moment. ‘She can’t love me.’

‘Why in the hell not?’

‘Because I’m a fucking mess.’

‘No, you were a mess. Then she came along and untangled all the messy parts to you, helped you understand them, to face them, and you changed. Granted you were asking for it with the Penguins, with Zorro, but seeing Dad would have done that to the both of us.’

‘It had nothing to do with Dad and everything to do with her. I couldn’t get her out of my head.’ He couldn’t get her out of his heart either and that was the problem. Didn’t matter what he knew, he still wanted her. He still… ‘She isn’t all you think she is, you know. She has her secrets.’

‘We all have secrets, Blake.’

‘Hers ain’t pretty.’

Though everything she’d done, she’d done for her friends. For love and for loyalty. And she’d owned her mistakes. Much like she’d helped him to own his. Own them and move on.

‘Neither are ours, but the way she handles our story, the way she handles Dad even… She’s a good person and she’s good for you.

I think you know that deep down and it scares the life out of you.

You’re running the other way because accepting her love will force you to accept your own feelings for her in return. ’

Was his brother right? Was he so determined to paint her in a bad light to protect himself from what he already knew?

‘Read the article, Blake. Read that and tell me she doesn’t mean every word she says.’

‘She’s a journalist, this is what she does.’

‘Just read it.’

* * *

Astrid had lost track of the days. She’d allowed herself a day of wallowing in Massachusetts and then flown home and thrown herself into work. Sissi had messaged for an update, and she’d played it vague, skipping over the emergency trip to the pharmacy and playing down the emotional fallout.

There was so much going on in the world of her friends that she didn’t want to offload her mess on them too and she knew that was her all over.

Never showing people the worst of her for fear of losing them, but it wasn’t so much a fear of losing them as it was feeling guilty for the part she had played in everyone else’s problems.

Bella for Chase.

Sienna for Aiden.

Blake for her betrayal.

And Paige for not sharing her own epic blunders and making her friend feel a little better about her own.

But she couldn’t tell Paige without Bella, and she wasn’t burdening Bella when Bella already had enough going on with Chase.

It was an impossible circle she hoped to break come Friday when all her karma girls would be in the same room again, attending the pre-opening party for Chase’s gallery and showing their support to Bella.

She had her disguise picked out already to avoid catching Chase’s eye and she’d hopefully find the right moment to confess all face to face. Then she could move on from this whole damn mess.

Her heart though, she had a feeling that was going to take so much longer to heal…

As for the hurt she’d inflicted on Blake… she could only hope her article would go some way to helping him heal.

She’d sent it twenty-four hours ago and heard nothing. Not that she’d expected an instant response, but maybe just an acknowledgement of receipt. From Aiden at least.

She refreshed her email again, triple checking she’d sent it. Triple checking the contact details too. Refresh.

No email.

She couldn’t relax until she knew. Couldn’t move on to her next job either. Her life felt like it was stuck in some post-Blake limbo. Is this what Sissi had felt like after Aiden had left?

Lost. Disheartened. Alone.

Christ , she was used to being alone. But it had never felt as vacuous as this. As depressing.

She looked outside at the sleet and shivered. It was definitely time to get out of New York. She’d do the gallery visit and then she’d fly home.

Not that the weather would be much better in the UK… but Blake wouldn’t be around the corner and that had to be better than this – hoping and praying he’d come knocking. He’d made his feelings clear almost a week ago and every day without him since only hammered that message home.

Her phone buzzed in her hand, a bubble with Mum appearing for a video call. She shook off the melancholy and forced a smile.

‘Hey Mum.’ Tears pricked as her mum’s familiar face filled the screen, her eyes so like Astrid’s, sparkling with warmth as she smoothed her dark hair out of her face and peered closer at the screen.

‘Oh my gosh, darling, what’s wrong?’

So much for shaking off the melancholy.

‘I’m okay, just that crappy time of the month.’

Which wasn’t a lie. Though she had a feeling the overwhelming depression had little to do with her PMDD and everything to do with Blake.

‘Oh darling, I wish you were here so I could give you the biggest hug and feed you sticky toffee pud.’

She gave a choked laugh. ‘That does sound great.’

‘Do you think you’ll come home soon? John would love to spend some time with you properly. Christmas was all a bit of a blur and I miss you, love.’

‘I miss you too. Things with John still good?’

‘Better than good. And stop avoiding my question.’

‘I wasn’t, I was just?—’

‘Just marvelling at how long I’ve kept this man for…’

Her mouth twitched. ‘Something like that.’

‘Darling, I’m telling you, this is the one. It may have taken several wrong turns and a good few years to find him, but when you know, you know.’

She smiled. ‘I’ll take your word for it, Mum.’

‘One day you won’t have to take my word for it, you’ll find it too.’

That was just it, Astrid was pretty convinced she already had, and she’d ruined it before it even had a chance.

‘Oh love, I didn’t mean to make you feel worse, I was only trying to say?—’