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Astrid perched herself on Cynthia’s sofa while the woman herself settled back in the armchair by the fire she had just expertly lit. The room was a reader’s paradise. Shelves stuffed with books, paintings that oozed romance, cushions galore and a window seat to sit and watch the world go by.

Astrid admired it even as her heart went pit-a-pat with the conversation to come. ‘You have a lovely home.’

‘I’m very lucky, I know.’

‘That’s not what I?—’

‘Oh, I know that’s not what you meant, dear, but it’s how I feel. I don’t deserve it. And I wouldn’t have it, if not for them. They’re?—’

The door opened and Blake poked his head in. ‘Everything okay in here?’

They both smiled, though she sensed hers was tighter than his mother’s. ‘Of course, darling. Astrid and I are enjoying a private catch up, woman to woman. Aren’t we?’

Cynthia sent her a conspiratorial wink that instantly calmed her. So, she hadn’t fucked up… not yet anyway.

‘Everything okay with your call?’ Astrid asked.

‘Everything’s great, but I’m going to have to go.’

‘What?’

‘You are?’ Cynthia said, clearly disappointed but nowhere near as disappointed as Astrid felt.

‘Afraid so. I have an appointment.’

‘On a Sunday afternoon?’ his mother asked.

Astrid’s thoughts exactly.

‘A property’s come up that I want to take a look at and I’m away most of this week.’ He looked to Astrid. ‘Aiden’s lined up to run you home.’

‘That’s not necessary.’

‘We insist.’

But a property? Was he moving out? Had she pushed him into that with her whole co-dependency talk? Oh, God, maybe she should have kept her mouth shut. There was change and then there was a complete upheaval!

Could she really be the spark behind something so huge? She’d only been here a few weeks. And hell, she wasn’t even going to be around come next month.

She tried to smile as he strode into the room. He’d swapped the garish sweater for his trademark black and though it fitted his muscular frame to perfection, she found she missed the light-hearted reindeer.

‘I’ll see you soon, Mom. Thanks for a lovely dinner as always.’ He kissed her cheek, straightened back up and then hesitated. She could almost sense his silent ‘fuck it’ as he came up to her.

‘I’ll see you later.’

Her heart leapt and she nodded, accepting his peck to her cheek with all good grace and watching him go like an addict, wondering when her next fix would come and wanting it now.

The door clicked shut and his mother gave a soft laugh. ‘Well, well, well, I never thought I’d see the day.’

Astrid pulsed out a high-pitched, ‘Hmm?’

She wished her coffee was something stronger. Much, much stronger.

‘When Aiden told me you’d been good for Blake, I didn’t believe it. That boy has been the same since he was knee-high to a grasshopper, but his brother is right, you’ve got him growing into the man he was always supposed to be.’

She gripped her coffee cup in both hands to keep it steady. ‘I think only Blake could truly do that for himself.’

Cynthia smiled, her intense blue gaze so like her sons’.

‘Perhaps. Though there’s no denying the shift in his behaviour since you came on the scene. He’s out of the penalty box more and more, he’s calmer, he’s drinking less.’

Astrid smiled. ‘It’s lovely that you think I had a hand in it, but it was all him.’

‘You shouldn’t be so modest, especially when it’s clear that my son likes you. A lot. And I’m hoping the feeling might be mutual?’

Oh hell, what was this? She was supposed to be doing the drilling, not his mother.

‘I’m sorry, darling. I don’t mean to put you on the spot, but those boys, they are my everything and to see them happy and settled, it would mean the world to me. Especially after all that came before.’

Her eyes glistened in the flickering light from the fire and Astrid felt her own eyes well up. She didn’t want to say the wrong thing, give false assurances or say something that she’d promised the twins she wouldn’t say, so she said nothing.

‘I know they’ve told you about their father, and thanks to the press over the years, that stuff is public knowledge anyway. But… living through it. No one can know what that’s like unless they’ve lived it too.’

‘Of course,’ Astrid whispered, wanting her to know that she got it. ‘I’m no hack, Cynthia. I’ll handle the truth with sensitivity and do my best by them. I promise you that.’

‘I believe you. I only wish they believed in themselves more. I know they fear being like their father and no matter what I say, or what they do, they struggle to break free of him.’

The woman really did know her boys…

‘If only I’d been stronger. If only I’d got away when they were young, and innocent, and they hadn’t witnessed all they had. To know that I couldn’t save them, that they had to save me.’ Her voice trailed away as she looked to the fire, shook her head. ‘It’s not right.’

‘But it wasn’t your fault,’ Astrid said, her heart aching in the face of a mother’s guilt. ‘What happened was done to you as much as to them, you were just as innocent in it all.’

She gave a slow nod. ‘Did they tell you what happened the night we left town?’

‘Blake did.’

Cynthia’s throat bobbed, her hand shaking as she stroked it over her hair.

‘If I’d had dinner ready, if I hadn’t gone home at all and kept on driving, if I’d done anything but what I did…

’ She took an unsteady breath. ‘You how many times I’ve replayed it?

Anything to avoid seeing the horror on Blake’s face when he realised what he’d done.

To see Aiden shut down and take control.

They became different overnight. Still my boys, who I adore and love, but something broke inside of them…

I’d like to think that one day they’ll find someone to help them heal.

’ Her tear-filled eyes lifted to Astrid.

‘Someone who’ll make them realise that they’re worth loving and that it’s safe to give it in return. ’

Astrid’s throat closed over, her heart breaking in two. Did she think that was her ?

‘Blake is a good man,’ his mother stressed softly.

‘I know.’

‘What happened that night, it wasn’t his fault. He was just desperate to make it stop. Desperate to protect me when I should have been protecting him.’

‘I know, Cynthia. I know.’

‘If only I’d never met their father, but then I’d never have them.’ She gave a tremulous laugh. ‘How impossible is that?’

‘But look at all you have now. A decade later and you have an amazing life, an amazing relationship with your boys who clearly adore you.’

She gave stiff nod. ‘I’d like to think the sacrifice was worth it. That in giving up their lives, their friends, their girls, they found so much more.’ She gave a soft huff. ‘Not that Blake ever had a girl that I knew of but…’

‘But Aiden did?’ It was out before Astrid could stop it, her need to find out more for Sissi overriding her promise not to press. But then Blake had already mentioned it and his mother had raised it first. Surely, it didn’t count.

‘Oh yes. Her name was Sienna. Such a pretty name for a pretty girl.’

And there it was, her proof. She didn’t need Aiden to spill his past, his brother and mother had confirmed it. And she trusted them more than Aiden himself. Because they had no reason to quash it, whereas Aiden… his silence had to be because it still hurt.

‘I never saw them together all that much,’ his mother was saying.

‘Aiden rarely brought her to the house, and I couldn’t blame him.

It wasn’t an environment for friends let alone a girlfriend.

But I saw the effect she had on him. He had a glow about him, an extra sparkle that even the game couldn’t bring… to see that in him again.’

‘Do you think he loved her?’

She gave a sad smile. ‘Yes, as much as a boy can. They were young, kids really… but there’s never been anyone since. For either of them. Twenty-eight and no girl let alone a grandbaby on the horizon… until they brought you here today.’

Her eyes shone as she smiled at her and Astrid squirmed.

Oh, to genuinely be Blake’s girl…

But she’d never wanted to be anyone’s girl. She didn’t want to be someone’s girl now. Did she?

‘That makes you special.’

‘I think your sons thought it would be nice that I meet you because I’m writing about their life,’ Astrid softly evaded, ‘and you’re the most important person in it.’

Cynthia’s smile widened. ‘You can tell yourself that, but I see the two of you, so does Aiden, and he knows his brother better than anyone. Better than Blake does himself at times. There’s something special there, you mark my words.

I may not know a lot about healthy love, but I know love, the early flutterings and the joy they bring.

Now I just need to see it with Aiden again. ’

‘See what?’ Aiden said, making a timely return. ‘If you’re talking about my Christmas sweater, it isn’t happening, not now, not ever.’

‘Spoilsport,’ Astrid forced out as Cynthia gave her another one of those winks.

* * *

‘Did you have a good time?’ Aiden asked when he drove her home later that evening.

‘I did, thank you again for inviting me.’

‘You’re welcome. I was also thinking, if you’re free this week, why don’t you come to Massachusetts with us? You’ve seen us with Mom, you should probably see us on our old ice, too. We can show you around.’

‘Really?’

If she went, she’d be close enough to visit Sienna. She could speak to her in person. Tell her what Blake had told her, what his mother had also confirmed. That kind of closure had to be better than any kind of karma any day of the week.

‘Why not? There’s room on the private plane, the GM has already cleared you on the expenses front, and you’re great for the team’s morale.’

The team’s morale or your brother’s ? she wanted to ask but daren’t, not after custard-gate.

‘Seriously, Astrid, the testosterone in the locker room when you walk through it is enough to fuel a shutout.’

‘A shutout?’ She laughed. ‘I’m glad I’m good for something.’

‘You’re good for a lot,’ he said, suddenly serious. ‘My brother especially. So, will you come?’

She gave a shaky breath, surprised by his honesty and the way her heart bloomed out of her control. ‘I’d love to.’

* * *

As she got ready for bed that night, Astrid fired off a message to the girls.

Just Desserts WhatsApp Group. 22.15 EST.

Astrid

Dinner went better than I ever could’ve hoped! Sissi you MUST watch the game tomorrow night! No spoilers!

Paige, I hope you’re doing okay

B, hope things are coming together nicely at your end

She waited to see if anyone picked up and when they didn’t, she fired off a private text to Sissi.

Need to speak you honey! I’m coming to town!! Call me!! Xx

Then she climbed into bed and checked her phone again. No messages.

And she knew she wasn’t checking for the girls this time, she was checking for Blake because… well because … holy fuck, she’d come so hard and so fast. The memory alone was enough to make her blood race, and her clit throb, and Delia’s book wasn’t going to cut it tonight. Tonight, she wanted him.

Wanted him so much that she feared she’d go on wanting Blake long after the article was done. No matter her intentions, her plans to return to the UK, to get her life back on an even keel… post-karma, post-Aiden, post-Blake.

Because life without Blake was unimaginable right now.

She didn’t want to imagine it. And so, she wouldn’t.

Her phone vibrated and she snatched it up.

Blake

You still up?

Her entire body pulsed.

Astrid

Yes

Blake

I can’t get you out of my head

Her heart thudded against her ribs.

Astrid

I can’t get you out of mine

Blake

Want me to swing by?

She shot up in bed.

Astrid

Now?

Blake

I’m right outside… all you need to do is buzz me in…

Ohmigod!

She slammed on her bedside lamp, sending Delia’s book skidding across the floor as she did so. Stared at her stunned reflection in the wall of mirrors. Devoid of makeup, her hair everywhere, and in her Metallica tee and shorts, she wasn’t fit to be seen!

Her phone buzzed again and she buzzed with it.

Blake

Or not. No pressure. I was just passing.