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THREE

“You can’t kill what you never had.”

My sister flung herself at me, and I had the choice of catching her or be tormented by her tigers, her husband, and the entirety of New York’s court for as long as I lived. As such, I braced for impact, wrapped my arms around her, and because she loved being flung around, spun her in a circle before setting her on her feet.

Then, because she’d cry, steal my jerky, and otherwise make my life a living hell, I kissed her forehead. “What has you so hyper?”

“Ethan gave me a chocolate milkshake for breakfast.”

“Nice.” I freed an arm and saluted my brother-in-law. “One of us might make it to the end of the course, then. I saw what this thing did to Terry.”

The RPS agent in question chuckled and strolled over. “I’ll be accompanying you on the sidelines, and if you two need help because you’re not physically strong enough to conquer an obstacle, I’ll offer some assistance. It’ll be a good evaluation of your physical condition. If you aren’t exhausted by the end of the run, I’ll be surprised. Mostly, I’m His Majesty’s insurance policy. If I’m right next to you, clearly nothing bad can happen to either one of you.”

“You mean beyond the murder of my pride and self-esteem?”

“You can’t kill what you never had,” my sister informed me.

I scowled. “Who taught you to do that? I need to run them through the mud course.”

Rachel pointed at her husband and grinned.

As I couldn’t get away with pummeling New York’s supporting monarch, I raised my fist and waved it at him. “I see how it is, Ethan. And here I thought you were my friend.”

“I am your friend. Unfortunately for you, I’m also your brother-in-law, and that means you get special treatment.”

“You know what this means, don’t you?” I glared at the monarch, hoping he understood he would be joining me in suffering through the mud run one way or another.

“I’ll even be generous and give you six months to prepare yourself, and when we do our competition, neither one of us will have seen the run. It will be new and far worse than this. When I destroy you, Ian, it will be fairly.”

“We’ll both be wearing suppressors,” I replied.

“All the better to prove my superiority.” Ethan chuckled and looked over the course. “Apparently, I get to go after you two are done. You can sit with Rachel and watch me suffer. Unlike you, I’ve been told I am not getting any help.”

“You need to be reminded that this is actually difficult, Your Majesty.” Terry eyed my brother-in-law, and the RPS agent smirked. “And while you are recovering, regardless of whether or not you finish, your court will split into teams of three to compete to see who gets the best time.”

“I feel like Terry is getting revenge on us,” I whispered to my sister. “What did I do to deserve this?”

“You probably breathed,” she whispered back.

That I could believe.

With wide eyes, she stared at her husband before turning her gaze back to me. “Actually, I think he is more out for Ethan. I’ll miss him if Terry offs him using the mud run. If he wanted to kill you, you’d be trying the run by yourself.”

“Please don’t give Terry any ideas,” I begged.

The RPS agent in question snickered. “You’re safe this time, Prince Ian. When you’re ready, Your Majesty. We’ll be timing your run to get a baseline, and since we’ve gone through the trouble of installing it, we will be using it.”

My sister bowed her head. “I’m sorry, Ian. This is all my fault.”

“Yes, it is. I will find some way to make you pay for this, little sister.”

She giggled. “You might give the agents gray hairs if you do that.”

“They’ll survive. They might not like it, but they’ll survive.” I stared at my shoes, which were older dress shoes destined to die. “Remind me to get shoes suitable for this.”

My sister stared at her feet, which were covered in a new pair of running shoes. “I don’t think mine are going to make it, either.”

“I should have just worn a damned suit, one I don’t like,” I muttered, and I trudged towards the starting line of the course, seizing my sister’s hand and dragging her along. “How do you want to do this?”

“Race until one of us can’t clear an obstacle, and the one who can’t clear it gets to ruthlessly mock the other while in possession of the beef jerky.”

I grinned at my sister’s antics. “You just want to steal my jerky again.”

“Ethan won’t give it to me. If I want jerky, he says I have to pry it out of your hands.”

I admired Ethan’s cunning. By barring my sister from getting her beloved jerky from anyone other than me, he motivated her to chase me around. While I liked making a fuss to yank on her chain, I appreciated when my sister remembered I existed.

The first few weeks after her rise to becoming the Queen of New York, I had worried she would hate me over my role in the changes in her life. Had we lived in a better world, I would have made the sacrifice to be the king to spare her, but the people had spoken. They would accept me, but only if something happened to her.

If something happened to her, the entirety of my world would come crashing down around me.

I doubted I’d be able to make it day to day, let alone rule an entire kingdom.

“If I beat you, instead of jerky, you have to make me a plate of mangos.” Whenever I tried to eat a mango, I inevitably made a mess, incapable of rescuing the delicious flesh from its peel in a dignified fashion. My sister had figured out how to handle mangos with grace.

She snickered. “I’m sure I can provide my dainty big brother with a plate of mangos so he can eat without making a mess of the entire kitchen and his clothes.”

The last time, I’d done just that. “Should she beat me, I might even teach my little sister where to get the best jerky so she can tease her husband with her illicit jerky acquisitions.”

Leaning close to me, my sister whispered, “Do you think Terry can rescue us both when we refuse to accept help and try to make it all the way to the end of the mud run because we have placed some serious stakes?”

“It’s questionable.”

“Sacrifices have to be made. I might slow down enough to make sure you don’t drown. It would be rude to allow my brother to drown. I can rescue you and still claim my victory.”

I dragged Rachel to the starting line of the course, regarding the series of obstacles, ranging from rope ladders, logs we had to balance on, mud we needed to wade through, and monkey bars. “Terry? Do we have to actually do the obstacles? We can’t just wander through the mud?”

“You have to conquer the obstacles, I’m afraid.”

“You’re a mean man,” I informed my sister’s prized agent. “Are you sure you’re not trying to kill us?”

“I am not trying to kill you.”

While I cast a doubtful look the agent’s way, I decided to accept his words at face value. “When I throw you in the mud so I can try to go over an obstacle first, I’ll be sorry at the end of the course but not a moment sooner.”

“All is fair during the mud course,” my sister replied, cracking her knuckles. “No talent usage.”

I pulled out my suppressor from my pocket and put it on. With a satisfied nod, my sister did the same. “The winner gets to make requests of the kitchen for dinner tomorrow.”

“Not tonight?”

“Are we going to have enough energy to enjoy dinner tonight after this?” I considered the entirety of the course, which covered an absurd amount of space, turned back on itself and resembled a tangled serpent to cram as many obstacles into the field as possible. “Who designed this thing?”

With a rather sheepish expression, my sister raised her hand. “I was watching shows about people running these things for prizes.”

“Terry? How hard is this thing really?”

“All courses can be completed by amateurs, but there are an absurd number of them. The mud makes everything even more exhausting. You should be able to complete it. I attempted to complete it in the quickest time possible. Your job is to make it to the end, even if it takes you all day,” the RPS agent replied. “I wouldn’t have authorized it if I didn’t think you could handle it. But you will both be seen by Dr. Stanton once you’ve finished your run.”

Dr. Stanton would turn New York upside down if we didn’t meet her expectations, and she’d take it out on our physicians. I winced and said, “We better not do our family shame, Rachel.”

“When I win, you will change your last name,” my sister informed me. “Anything that isn’t Ambrose.”

As the rest of our family had abandoned the Ambrose name upon learning about our mother’s infidelity and Rachel had taken her husband’s last name, I was the only Ambrose left. “When I win, you will handle the paperwork for changing my last name and get into an argument with Ethan over what my last name should be while I watch.” Then, knowing it would drive her crazy, I added, “You will make me a chocolate milkshake to enjoy while I watch.”

She scowled. “Can we do that even if I win?”

“Sure. But you have to pretend it is a burden to rile Ethan up.”

Terry snickered. “You two are absolutely terrible at this.”

Rachel sniffed, cracked her knuckles, and eyed the course. “Get ready to be crushed, Ian.”

“On your marks,” the RPS agent stated, and he held up a stopwatch, and without warning, he pressed the button. “And go.”

As it was my sacred duty to be an ass, I picked my sister up by her waist and threw her into the mud.

* * *

Once my sister realized I would toss her in the mud at every opportunity, she decided to be an equal player in the game. While she lacked the physical strength to pick me up and throw me, she launched surprise attacks, slamming her complete weight into me to knock me over. Once she had me down, she splashed water and mud at me.

Most of the time, my laughter made it hard to defend myself, and I accepted my defeat at her hands with good humor. The first obstacle, which consisted of a log set on rollers, took us ten minutes to conquer. Whenever I tried to cross, my sister used her hands to make it spin, dumping me into the watery mud below. When she crossed, I went for her ankles, dragging her off and catching her before dumping her in.

Ultimately, I let her claim the victory, making a grab for her feet while she darted over but missing. Then, under the guise of catching my balance, I held the log steady for her before running back over and giving it another shot.

Without her spinning the damned thing, I made it to the other side on the first try. The next obstacle, which consisted of a net hung on a wooden frame with supports, would test our strength nicely. My sister had already made it halfway up, giggling a storm over having found something she could conquer.

Unable to keep from grinning, I grabbed the ropes beneath her and gave them a shake.

She squealed and, after my third shake, came tumbling down. As I cared about her, I let go of the rope, caught her, and dumped her in the mud before scrambling up.

“You are going to pay for that, Ian!”

On the sidelines, Terry snickered, clasped his hands in front of him, and assumed his professional agent on duty pose, making it clear he wouldn’t be lifting a finger to help either one of us unless absolutely necessary.

“If you can catch me,” I taunted, swinging a leg over the top of the obstacle and eyeing the next challenge, which involved me jumping, grabbing a rope, and swinging across a mud pit. I assumed I’d be swimming if I missed.

My sister flung mud at me, got up, and climbed the net to join me. Rather than try to throw me off, she joined me straddling the pole, staring at the two ropes dangling from the frame installed across the pit.

“Hey, Ian?”

“What?”

“Do you think we’ll die if we fall from here?”

“I think we’ll get very muddy and wet.” I pointed at her agent, who waited with his typical patience for us to muster the courage to try the next obstacle. “He would not let you up here if he feared you might die. That is a smug RPS agent enjoying the suffering of his principal.”

My sister glared at Terry. “You’re right. It really is.” She eyed the rope. “Truce until we are done defying death here?”

“That seems fair.”

“It has been set up so we could both try to jump at the same time, I see.”

I nodded my agreement with her assessment of the situation. “It does, indeed, seem like this torture course was designed for two people to go across together.”

“Any course involving falls over five feet will be done together in solidarity,” my sister declared.

“On the count of three?” I finished climbing over the log, clinging to the net so I wouldn’t fall before making the jump to the rope.

I expected to splash down into the mud and water below.

“I have some regrets about requesting this. Why did I think this would be fun?”

“Television tells many lies, and convincing us this is fun is just one of the lies television has tricked us into believing to be a truth.” Once my sister finished clambering over, I counted to three.

We jumped.

I somehow caught hold of the rope, but rather than swing across to the safety of the padded platform on the other side, I spun around.

My sister splashed into the pool, squealed her dismay, and doggy paddled towards the other side. Heaving a sigh, I dropped into the water, discovered it was deeper than I was tall, and swam across.

Aware Rachel had trouble getting out of pools, I boosted her out before joining her. “If I left you to do that on your own, I’d perish from old age before you got out.”

“I hate how true that is.”

While we caught our breath, we stared at the next obstacle, which involved upended logs within stepping range of each other, requiring us to jump from platform to platform. Glaring at my sister, I shoved her into the obstacle’s mud pit. “You did this to us on purpose!”

Rachel laughed, waded to the first pole, and climbed onto it. “I really did.”

Aware my sister would be out for revenge and not caring, I jumped to a nearby log, sneered at her, and made gestures of pushing her off. With a squeal, she hopped out of my reach. Without her trying to knock me off, I was able to follow her.

I waited until we were near the end to take one step back to get into range and dump her into the mud. With a scream, she splashed into the muck, leaving me free to make the final step to the platform. Grinning down at her, I dipped into an extravagant bow and said, “Your Majesty.”

“You are a fiend, Ian.”

“Catch me if you can,” I taunted before heading off to the next obstacle, aware I lit a fire within my sister. With luck, she’d pull out all the stops and prove she could conquer any challenge.

* * *

In Rachel’s determination to prove she could beat me, she tackled me off one of the platforms into the mud. Unfortunately for both of us, my hard head clipped the edge of the obstacle course. Fortunately for me, someone recognized when she knocked my lights out, putting an end to our competition. In the time it took me to regain consciousness, someone had dragged me to the edge of the course, and Terry checked my pulse.

I scowled at the rather blurry form of my sister. “Your reach is long and your aim is good, little sister. Well played. Revenge comes, and when it comes, we tackle but only when we aren’t near the edge.”

Terry heaved the sort of sigh that indicated we tested the last of his patience. “Well, I suppose that answers the question of if you remember what happened.”

“How long was I out?”

“About two minutes,” the RPS agent informed me. “It was long enough you will be taking a trip to the hospital with Dr. Stanton, who will oversee your care with the help of assistants she will surely kidnap from the palace.”

“I’ve always wanted to figure out what the allure of kidnapping is,” the physician replied, and she crouched beside me. “It was a freak accident, but it was the sort of accident the RPS agents had foreseen as a distant possibility, which was why Terry was on the sidelines ready to intervene. They will be installing padding to most everything to prevent another incident. You’ll get a chance to compete with your sister once you are cleared. You probably have a mild concussion, but I want to run you through the machines to make certain there are no other problems.”

“I’m sorry,” my sister blurted.

I pointed at her. “You’ll be sorry during our rematch, woman. I’m so going to throw you into that pool from hell from the net.”

The threat reduced my sister to flinging herself onto the grass and pretending she might die. Ethan strolled over, crouched at my side, and shook his head. “I’m not sure whether to be proud of my wife for that sneak attack, shocked she actually launched a sneak attack, or amused she actually managed to knock you out. It was an honor witnessing Terry yank you out of that course, though. I had no idea what he was doing or why until he had you out of the course. Had I been doing his job, you would have drowned. You didn’t even submerge before he had a hold on you.”

“Thanks, Terry.”

“You’re welcome. I hadn’t realized she’d actually knocked you out, but a hit to the head usually stuns people, and I didn’t want you inhaling mud. Call it an overabundance of caution. Until we get you into a neck brace, I’m going to have to insist you wait patiently.”

I could handle that. “As I don’t want a broken neck, I will just accept that I have made a mess of the mud run.”

“Actually, I made a mess of the mud run. You were my victim.” My sister sighed and bowed her head. “I got carried away.”

I wondered how to impress upon my sister that her willingness to defeat me even at the risk of cleaning my clock counted as a positive thing. “Until I recover from your vicious assault of my person, you have to feed me chocolate milkshakes and tell your tigers I actually like petting them.”

My sister stared at me, and then she snorted on a laugh. “You want to have chocolate milkshakes and nap with my tigers?”

“I have to see what the appeal is. There has to be an appeal.”

“Sure. I’ll make you some chocolate milkshakes and tell Amisha and Endah you want to relax with them and take a nap. I’m sure they won’t mind. They’re always looking to add new humans to their empire. Is he going to be okay, Dr. Stanton?”

“I’m sure your brother will be fine. We’re just going to take him to the hospital to be certain of that. I recommend that you get showered and change if you wish to tag along. You can even bring your tigers, as you may need them once it sinks in you gave your brother a concussion.”

“We’re even for that drowning attempt,” Rachel informed me.

“That seems fair. We will still face off against this mud run, though. We have unfinished business.”

“Yes, we do.” My sister eyed her prized RPS agent. “Do you want to accompany us to the hospital or get the ball rolling on fixing the mud run?”

“The mud run can wait for tomorrow. I’ll accompany you, and I’ll drag Monty along for the ride. Alfred can hold down the fort while we’re gone. I’m sure your husband will insist on coming as well.”

“I really will,” Ethan said, shaking his head. “We’ll try not to disrupt the hospital too much. I’ll even try to figure out a way to spin this for the media.”

“Her Royal Majesty of New York Launches Successful Sneak Attack on Older Brother,” my sister suggested.

Two could play at that game, and I countered with, “Her Royal Majesty of New York Weaponizes Mud Run.”

My sister giggled. “We’re going to be the reason they have to toddler proof our mud run.”

“We really are like unruly toddlers, aren’t we?” Aware Terry would lose his shit if I moved until the ambulance arrived, I eyed him without moving my head. “Can we try that again but without concussions next time?”

“Assuming we can make some safety corrections to the course, yes. I don’t want to deal with the court crying that the mud run was deemed unsafe.”

“Does that mean I can’t try it after we get back from the hospital?” Ethan asked.

“You are not stepping foot onto that course until the safety enhancements are installed, Your Majesty. If you try, I will recruit the tigers,” Terry warned. “I will tell them both that you are in clear and present danger and that they must protect you.”

Careful to keep from moving my head, I regarded Dr. Stanton with wide eyes. “Can you protect me from Terry, please?”

“I’ll do what I can, but he’s a Niell now, and the Niells call in backup if they are outnumbered or cornered, and I have no doubt he’ll make use of his princess if he must.”

“I’ll behave, Terry,” I promised. “Ethan, just promise you’ll behave. It’s the only way you’ll get out of this alive.”

My sister giggled. “You heard him, Ethan. You need to promise you’ll behave; otherwise, my tigers are going to protect you.”

My friend and brother-in-law rubbed at his temple and likely prayed for patience. “Dr. Stanton, can you run my wife through the machines? I’m concerned.”

“It’s better than panic and self-loathing,” Dr. Stanton replied.

“Forget I said a thing. I’ll behave, Terry, just don’t make the tigers protect me,” His Royal Majesty of New York said in a solemn voice.

“That’s better. Now, do try to behave at the hospital. The more of a fuss any of you make, the longer we’ll be there for. If the entire lot of you can manage this trip without any other incidents, I’ll even see about adding an extension to the course while we’re making the safety improvements.”

“Behave, Ian,” my sister ordered.

Why was she blaming me? Rather than get into an argument with her, thus creating more of a fuss, I promised, “I’ll do my best.”