Page 21

TWENTY-ONE

“How long have I been sleeping through this?”

My sister’s tigers, two little girls, a husky, two cats, and a white turkey with silver barring waged war on my bed. I had no idea what the rules were, but I was the grand prize in the brawl, which took place beside me. For the most part, the cats won. Madelyn’s beloved pets took over my head and pillow, with her long-haired void beast occupying the most space.

I questioned what Kel was doing in my bedroom, but I could understand why he would shapeshift when fun could be had. Where Kel was, Eva wasn’t far behind, and sure enough, I spotted her with Madelyn, laughing over her husband’s antics.

She had their firstborn child on her shoulders, and the little boy, older than Danielle but younger than May, was hard at work braiding his mother’s hair. Once she spotted me awake, she grinned. “These nutters just let us come wandering in to take over the place. I’m giving New York top points for hospitality.”

I laughed, reached up, and gave Madelyn’s cats their owed pettings. “How long have I been sleeping through this?”

“It’s been about an hour. We had to remind the tigers they could romp next to you and not on you, the children have been sticking with the tigers, and the cats joined in when your aide realized you were not getting up. I’m pretty sure that dog thinks he’s a cat.”

“Angel is definitely something, that’s for certain.” As I couldn’t move without disturbing Bumble, I reached up, caught her, and transferred her to my lap, lurching upright. Bumble accepted the displacement with grace, and I rewarded the animal with more petting. Bumble’s sister, who was five years younger, slept on.

I envied Mirage’s ability to ignore her surroundings and continue to nap.

The romping, which was mostly the girls crawling over the tigers while Angel jabbed his chosen targets with his nose, remained a somewhat quiet and cordial affair, punctuated with giggles, the tigers chuffing, and the husky beating the bed with his tail.

Kel displayed his feathers, hopped off the bed, and angled for my bathroom. Eva laughed and closed the door after him. “I’m not sure why he’s bothering to shift in the bathroom. His clothes go with him unlike most of his family. I swear.”

Madelyn shook her head, sighed, and said, “You did too good of a job tiring yourself out yesterday. Your RPS agents are taking advantage of you sleeping in to work on hammering out the scheduling details for the trip to California. His Royal Highness came over to deliver something to the queen for his father, but he wanted to see the tigers before heading home. The girls had breakfast already, and they’ll likely crash out with the tigers once they finish playing. We can move them after they’re asleep.”

I placed Bumble onto my pillow with Mirage, petted both cats, and slid out of bed, grimacing as my muscles informed me I’d overdone it yesterday. “Thank you for watching them.”

The woman smiled. “This is a pleasant start to my workday, I assure you. You don’t snore, and once we convinced the girls you needed some extra rest, they’ve been happy to play.”

I had no doubt the girls knew I’d woken up, and they continued their games, likely a defensive response.

When uncertain of the situation, as a child, I had held my course while terrified I would earn my parents’ wrath. To make it clear I encouraged the idea of play, even when their play involved my bed, I circled to them, waited for a gap in the romping, and gave every participant a kiss on the brow. “Try not to fall off the bed and be careful not to pull hard on their fur, okay? Amisha, Endah, and Angel won’t want to hurt you, but they will react if something pains them, so you have to be careful, okay?”

Danielle beamed at me, and after a moment, May joined her sister in smiling. I suspected the toddler had an easier time adjusting; she had less experience compared to her sister, and age mattered.

May would battle her memories for years to come, and all I could do was be patient.

I smiled at the lot of them, praised Angel and asked him to guard everybody, and went to my closet to figure out which suit I would be destroying today. I regarded the selection with a scowl. “Eva, if I were to engage in inappropriate suit demolition, which suit would you pick?”

“The most expensive one,” she replied. “You probably spent too much money on it anyway.”

“My parents did,” I replied, plucking the offensive thing off the bar it hung from. “I have decided that I will be destroying every suit that they were involved with purchasing and replacing them with ones I like.”

Madelyn joined me, and she eyed the suit I held, and then she considered the rest of the offerings. “Save that one for the finale.”

As I appreciated her input, I returned the suit to the collection, and I pointed at a formal monster with a tailcoat. “How about that one? It’s pretty good for a suit, and I will look absolutely marvelous in it when I trash it.”

“Take that to California, and use it as your riding outfit,” she suggested, and she removed it from the rack, went into my sitting room, and waited in the doorway before handing it off to someone and instructing that it be added to my attire for the trip. “You will need at least seven different suits for the trip, and I’m certain the Californians will be delighted to help you send them to the great beyond.”

With Madelyn’s suggestion in mind, I selected eight more suits and ferried them to my sitting room, where Monty, Terry, Barb, and Celeste had a chat with three new agents wearing Hawaiian pins.

Those three agents claimed my burden, and rather curious why my sister’s agent was around, I engaged him in a staring contest. “Is there a problem?”

“There are no problems. We’re just hammering out the final details for the trip to California. Daphne and the cargo plane will be arriving in the next four hours. She’s incoming from Texas, and she’s hauling a set of four ponies and three miniature horses. The miniature horses are from the herd Eddie had given to Their Royal Majesties, and they’re potentially suitable to be service animals, so we’re going to try to have them trained. Olivia pitched that the palace should have service animals available to guests and for emergencies, and I thought it to be wise to take her idea, steal it, and see what I could do with it. I’m also to fetch Angel. Your sister isn’t feeling great today.”

I sighed. “Has anyone thought to check if she’s not feeling great because she’s been wanting to ditch her birth control? When she does not want to take medications, she finds some way to stop taking them, Terry. For all we know, she could have stopped taking her birth control two or three months ago, and we’d never know unless there was a way to test for it.”

All the RPS agents stared at me, and their eyes widened.

I sighed, shook my head, and went over to my sister’s agent, patting his shoulder. Then I hunted for my phone, found it on its charger, and gave my sister a call.

“You’re awake!” she answered in chirp. “How did you enjoy sleeping in?”

“It was quite pleasant, actually. The girls are still playing with Angel and your tigers. Terry says you’re not feeling well?”

“My milkshake betrayed me this morning,” she complained.

“When did you stop taking your birth control?”

Silence.

I waited. When my sister didn’t reply, I cleared my throat.

“I can’t answer that question without incurring the wrath of the physician who is on the other side of the room, glaring at me.”

“Please put the physician on the phone.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Rachel,” I warned.

More silence.

“Dr. Stanton, Ian is being bossy, and it’s kind of scary. Make him stop being scary.”

I grinned; Melody would have hugged Rachel into submission should she be pregnant, the problem was less the reality she’d started skipping her birth control and more the lecture she would surely receive.

Dr. Stanton did not appreciate when patients skipped their medications, and Rachel had refused the injected form of birth control.

I now understood why.

Sneaky little sister.

“Just let me talk to Dr. Stanton, Rachel. You can come to my room and help put the girls back to bed because they will surely run out of energy sooner than later.”

“Here, talk to him!” Rachel blurted.

Judging from the clangs and clatters, her phone went on an adventure, bouncing off several hard objects.

“How are you feeling?” Dr. Stanton asked a few moments later.

“Pretty good. Sleeping in did wonders for me. Have Melody check to see if Rachel is pregnant. Knowing my sister, she’s been off her birth control for a while. What’s an extra pregnant woman in this palace?”

Dr. Stanton made a thoughtful sound, and my sister squealed.

I could only assume the physician had gone in, cornering and capturing my sister.

“Goodness gracious, Rachel. It’s a pregnancy test, not your execution. If you wanted the birth control to work, you would have been taking it. Is your husband aware that you were not taking your medications?”

“He might be an accomplice,” my sister mumbled.

“Go pester His Royal Majesty of Maine, have him check you, and then go see Melody before going back to work. Idiot queens who skip their birth control need to be taking vitamins, and I have not seen a single vitamin consumed.”

After a minute or two of silence, Dr. Stanton heaved a sigh. “Seriously?”

I could make a few guesses, and it involved my sister having acquired prenatal vitamins on the sly. “This is a woman who hitchhiked across the Royal States before stealing a Californian prince,” I reminded the woman. “Sneaking vitamins and stopping her birth control is child’s play to her. Please tell my sister that I’m going to ruthlessly use her and her unborn child to distract people from my little girls.”

“There is a plague of twins in this palace,” Dr. Stanton muttered.

My eyes widened. “Oh.”

After a few thumps and a squeal, the physician snickered. “We haven’t been checking for any pregnancies because of the birth control, and the birth control is designed to make women appear to be pregnant at a glance. I’ll admit I haven’t been doing the checks because she’s usually reliable, she has not been complaining about any monthly symptoms, and she’s otherwise been quite healthy. The children, judging from feel, are a month and a half to two months post conception. Her days of milkshakes are officially over, though. I suspect she’s going to be throwing them up if she even looks at them.”

“Really? Why?”

“True misfortune.” Dr. Stanton laughed. “She’s running around like she has springs on her feet. And as you’re the next in line, the children are both boys, they’re healthy as far as I can tell, and yes, she has been sneaking vitamins. At least she picked a good brand, although I’ll be changing it to something better. For non-prescription, she got the best on the market, but she has a few extra considerations due to her recovering health, so she’s getting a prescription version. I’ll let it go. What she’s on is good enough, and I want the medical report from Maine before I make any adjustments. In good news, you won’t have to worry about your sister for the rest of the day. Please inform Terry about the pox of twins.”

“He’s right here, so one second.” I lowered the phone, bowed my head, and laughed. “Good luck, Terry. You’re battling pregnancy hormones on two fronts, and both women are having twins.”

When I lifted my head, Terry stared at me with wide eyes and an expression I could only translate as horror. “You’re serious.”

“She tricked her doctor, Terry.”

The poor man looked like he wanted to cry. “Another set of twins?”

“Dr. Stanton says they’re healthy as far as she can tell, and she’s somewhere between a month to two months post conception. Ethan was in on the skipping of birth control, so apparently, the monarchs decided they were moving ahead with their family expansion plans behind their doctor’s back.”

Terry reached into his suit jacket, retrieved Pink Lady, and handed her to me. “Please watch her for about twenty minutes. I have a principal to go scold over skipping medications.”

I accepted his baby girl, cooing at the black squirrel and giving her a kiss on her nose. “Your daddy will be back for you shortly, sweet little girl.”

Terry marched off, and I wondered who would emerge the victor. I put my bets on my sister.

She loved children, and one day at a time, she worked to build her happily ever after.

I turned my attention to Barb. “Please help us with the detail formation. We’re going to have two sets of twins running around this palace at the same time, and we are not prepared.”

The woman smiled. “Easily done. We’ll make certain the new team is prepared to onboard additional agents as needed. Anything else?”

“Do children come with off buttons?”

“Your current batch of children will be in good operating condition for about ten more minutes before they pass out, or so claimed His Royal Majesty of Maine, who peeked in on you earlier. As you were pursuing your personal needs without issue, he went off to handle other matters.”

I laughed at her commentary, and after cuddling with Terry’s tree rat for a few more moments, settled her on my shoulder, careful to keep still in case her current treatments made her unsteady. Pink Lady went about her business, which involved observing the world around her and grooming her face. “Monty, when are we headed to California?”

“His Royal Majesty of Maine cleared us to go as soon as tomorrow, and we feel we can get the preparations made. We’re waiting on the Texan and the ponies, and they’ll be here tonight. Eddie is on board Daphne’s plane. Fortunately for us, the monarchs are staying in Texas where they belong.”

Ah. Right. We needed to give Eddie a taste of freedom and start stressing him so Deidre returned home. With me around, I had no doubt in my mind the Texan princess would be on the move sooner than later.

I had a knack for stressing those around me.

Madelyn would have a rough day, and I wondered how to ease some of her stress. “Madelyn, has anyone gone with you to get an art kit yet?”

“Not yet,” she admitted.

“Monty, we’re going to the art store after the girls are put down for their nap. I need to get some things for the trip anyway, so if we leave right after they go to sleep, we should be back before they get up. If they aren’t, we’ll sacrifice my sister to them.”

She already had a set the RPS had provided, but I wanted to be involved with the purchase directly, and I was willing to bet Madelyn would enjoy the venture.

Monty grinned, lifted his hand to his ear, and said, “His Royal Highness and his aide will need an entourage to handle some shopping before the trip. Expect a trip to the art store, an office supply store, and please request that the royal tailor have one of his new suits prepared, as it seems he is in process of purging his closet of old apparel. Expect a trip to the toy store for the children as well.”

Right. They’d need toys. “A bookstore is going to be needed, as I’ll want to bring some books just for them to California. We can work on their collection while there, but I want to give them some things that are theirs, from me, before we leave.”

Monty relayed my request. “Anything else?”

“We will be going to an animal shelter. After close examination, I have determined my little girls love cats, so we will be returning with furry companions. Please contact your favorite shelter, find out their hours, and request someone let us in to adopt a few beasties. I’m thinking two cats each should be good, and we’ll see about keeping bonded cats together. I’d normally take ones with behavioral problems, but we’re going to need steady cats that like children. Get recommendations from the shelter. I have a preference for girl cats, but if there are good boys that match requirements, that’s fine.”

“Why no boys?” Monty asked with a furrowed brow.

“I have been sprayed a few too many times by male cats,” I informed him in a solemn tone. “And one of those cats shouldn’t have been spraying. He no longer had his balls, supposedly. Let’s just try to find spayed females for the sake of my sanity.”

Madelyn snickered. “That’s the same reason I picked girls for my kitties. I went to meet the kittens when I got Bumble, and Bumble’s father sprayed me. That ended any desire for me to have male cats. The poor breeder was horrified, as he had never sprayed someone like that before. It’s uncommon, but it can happen.”

“What breed is Bumble, anyway? She’s soft, she’s fluffy, and I must confess, I do love her,” I informed her in a solemn tone.

“Bumble is a ragdoll. Back when I was young and stupid, I accepted a bribe of a purebred cat. Mirage is a shelter cat, a ragdoll mix. We’re going to need to get litter boxes and other things for them.”

Monty grinned. “We already have an order in for robotic litter boxes for all the royal suites, as Terry anticipated there would be cats in most suites, either visiting or living within them. California also has the same style of boxes, and all rooms with cats living in them will have special air purifiers to limit allergies in the palace. The monarchs are allergic to cats and dogs, but they’re learning to deal with their allergy medications. Apparently, after a few weeks, both of them stopped mimicking zombies. We will just need a count of animals when the plane leaves.”

“Yes, Bumble and Mirage are expected to come with us,” I said before Madelyn worried. “The new acquisitions, assuming they pass all their health checks, will also be coming.” Aware that Terry worked on better socializing Pink Lady with others, I took the time to pet and cuddle with the squirrel. “And if Terry accompanies us, Miss Pink Lady will be joining us. Won’t you, you sweet little girl?”

Tone meant a lot to animals, and my sing-song method of cooing to her earned me a rodent kiss and some attention.

“Most people would not be letting a squirrel kiss them,” Madelyn stated.

“Pink Lady has her vaccinations, and she’s just healing from her sickness now. I don’t recommend kissing wild squirrels, but Pink Lady is, as her name suggests, a lady . And kissing lady squirrels is encouraged. You can pet her, just be gentle with her sides. She’s still a bit tender from when she was first adopted.”

Madelyn approached, and within a minute, Pink Lady had her charmed, too. “I had no idea squirrels could be so friendly.”

“Terry’s an animal empath, and he’s always had a thing with squirrels. I remember when he had his previous squirrel. My parents loved that little bastard. The RPS had a special exemption for him because the squirrel would cause a ruckus if denied access to his favorite human. That squirrel actually was useful, too. He learned who was supposed to be where, and when someone attempted to infiltrate the RPS, his squirrel started screaming because there was someone who didn’t belong among the agents.” I grinned at the memory, which had taken place at an airport. I’d gotten to witness the entire fuss, as I’d been given the job of greeting a foreign dignitary who’d opted for public transportation rather than making use of our airstrip.

Montana had needed to deliver some papers to said dignitary, so we’d had a mixed group of agents, and someone had attempted to take advantage of it.

“Hey, Monty? Remind me to ask Terry how You Furry Little Bastard had spotted that agent.”

“Oh, I know the answer to that. The imposter had a poison, one we’d trained the squirrel to alert on if smelled. Apparently, he hated the smell, and while our noses aren’t great at detecting it, he could without fail. He plans on training Pink Lady to do the same, but that won’t be until she settles and gets used to being an RPS agent. Terry is going to go to California initially, as your sister is pushing to come with you for the first week. He’ll stay an additional week to work on your detail, and I’ll hold down the fort here. He wants me to have more practice. Alfred is going to be around, but he’s an invisible observer, as he wants us doing most of the work. He’s just going to be making sure we don’t screw anything up.”

“That should work. Remind me to thank Alfred later. Where is he, anyway? I haven’t seen him in days.”

“He’s been working from the hub for the most part. In his words, if he comes out right now, after hearing what happened to your girls, heads would roll, and he doesn’t want to scare the agents. He just got the teams settling down, and seeing his temper tantrums would not be good for team unity.”

I could believe that. Terry could terrify; Alfred took his rampages to the next level. As my bedroom had gotten quiet, I checked to discover the girls had passed out and were attached to my sister’s tigers. Eva and Kel handled tucking them in. Their boy spotted me, and he barreled my way, arms held up to be picked up.

I placed Pink Lady on Madelyn’s shoulder before obeying the child’s edict. After a few days of practicing with the girls, I got him settled on my hip to keep his weight from breaking my arms or my back. He gave me a hug, and I grinned at the child. “And how is my favorite brat from Illinois doing?”

“I’m okay. Mommy is upset. Daddy is more than upset. Daddy keeps sprouting feathers.” Langley rested his head against me. “They’re going to make me use my words because I’m a big boy now.”

As a general rule, I ignored what royal parents did with their children as long as nothing seemed amiss. Every now and then, someone commented about Langley’s tendency to use short sentences and easy vocabulary. “Why don’t you want to use your words?”

“I’m not as good at them as Mommy or Daddy, and I am not supposed to use any of the fun ones.”

Ah. Enlightenment struck me. Langley was his mother’s son, and he’d picked up her tendencies—and her vocabulary. “I’ll cut you a deal, kiddo. You show your mommy and daddy you can speak like an adult but without the fun words, and I’ll teach you some fun words in several different languages. If you’re really good at it, I’ll teach you some Arabic. Neither of your parents speak any Arabic, so you would be able to pull some fast ones on them.”

As Langley was his father’s son as much as his mother’s son, the boy lit up at the thought of some Royal trickery. “Really?”

“Really. But you’re going to have to demonstrate how smart and educated you are, even if it’s boring and it’s easier to use short, clipped sentences. Also, I’d like you to keep an eye on my little girls, all right? They’re going to need someone nice to show them the ropes.”

Using a child to settle my children might land me in hot water with his parents, but I’d deal with the fallout later.

“Mommy explained that they don’t know how to play very well, and that they never had anyone to play with them before. Mommy cried.”

Uh oh. Eva only cried when pregnancy hormones were involved—or something was that bad. As Eva was crying, there was surely another baby on the way, adding to their flock. And while what happened to my girls counted as that bad, Eva was the kind to ride in, sword out and ready to unleash hell, not cry.

“Again, Eva?” I asked, raising a brow at the woman.

In true Eva fashion, she flipped her middle finger at me.

I laughed. “Just go see Dr. Stanton and Melody before you leave. That way, I earn favor with the physicians despite creating more work for them. I hear they’ll even tell you the gender if you ask.”

“She’s a girl, because I swore I’d geld this asshole if he kept throwing boys.” Eva glared at Kel, who grinned at his wife.

“I really hope that baby is actually a girl this time, Kel.”

“She is. We were looking into some fertility treatments, as it seems I am defective and have ninety-five percent male sperm. Fortunately, it seems our little girl was very determined to enter the world, beating up the male candidates and ejecting them from the competition. If we want more girls, we’ll probably have to do some special treatments or beat the family record for highest number of children produced.”

“Aren’t you surrounded by sisters?” I asked, raising a brow, as their family tended to throw more girls than boys.

“Meredith has been working with Dr. Pemland, as Eva only tolerates Dr. Hampford, Melody, Dr. Stanton, and Dr. Pemland, especially when it comes to her babies. Dr. Pemland is getting ready to retire, which Eva is not handling well.”

Eva shrugged. “It’s true. I’m trying, but I have trauma, and that trauma manifests as a rather strong dislike of doctors. I have an easier time if the nutter here works with them first. We still haven’t found a dentist I won’t try to eviscerate.”

“Why don’t you come when I go for my big appointments, and you can see how mine works?” I offered. “We have slots for the royal family, and you can steal them if you end up able to use our clinic.”

“Your teeth are a spicy disaster,” Kel informed his wife.

“They’re not just a disaster, they’re a spicy disaster?”

“You are one piece of bacon away from a broken tooth!”

Eva scowled.

I sighed, aware if she was at that stage, her mouth bothered her. “Eva, if you have a bad tooth, the bacteria can work into your jaw and make you sick. I just got this lecture, which is why I’m getting a molar yanked and replaced, because I’m not quite one piece of bacon away from a broken tooth, but it’s bad enough I’ve been put on notice. Yes, the dentist trips suck, but if you’re as bad as Rachel, they’ll send you off to take a nap and fix your teeth. And the stuff they use to send her off to nappy land is safe for pregnant women, so you can get your teeth fixed while you’re sleeping. But please get it fixed.”

Eva stomped my way, got in my face, and hissed, “What do you mean I could sleep through dental work?”

Uh oh. “Nobody told you that was an option?”

She shook her head.

I gave Langley a kiss on his cheek, handed him off to his mother, and got my phone out, dialing the royal dentist, hoping he forgave me for the spicy disaster I was about to dump on his lap.

“What’s wrong?” Dr. Percheron asked. “Did the molar break?”

“My molar is fine, but my friend’s wife, according to him, is a piece of bacon away from a broken tooth. He calls her mouth a spicy disaster. She’s pregnant, and she might be as bad as my sister about dentists.”

“How soon can you have her here? I am at the clinic, and I have nothing critical today. My lab crew is here as well, so if she needs any crowns, we can do everything today.”

I grinned at Monty. “Please relocate Her Royal Highness to the dentist. Dr. Percheron is in the office, the lab crew is available, and it can be a one and done should any crowns be required.”

Eva gasped. “You… you…”

I engaged my friend’s wife with a raised brow. “You are going, and I am pleased to assist with the relocation of your person should you put up a fight. Bad teeth might make you sick, which might hurt the baby, so you are going, and you are going now.”

“You fiend,” Eva spluttered, and she pointed at me. “That was New York mean!”

I bowed with a flourish. “At your service, m’lady. Are you going to go or are we going to have some fun while you put up a fight first?”

Langley tugged on his mom’s shirt. “Mommy, if you go to the dentist, you won’t have any more problems with telling us stories if you decide to have something sweet before bed. You know how badly sweet things hurt. If you go, it won’t hurt anymore, and then we won’t feel badly because we wanted story time.”

“Well done, Langley,” I praised, ruffling the boy’s hair. “You relocate your mommy to the dentist, and I’ll make sure that your daddy gets all his important work done, so everyone is ready for story time tonight.”

“Ian, you are the worst, and you will pay for this,” Eva swore.

“But you will get your revenge with teeth that don’t hurt, you’ll be happier, and you won’t have to deal with the procedure, for you get to nap. Me? I have to suffer. He has no mercy.” I returned the phone to my ear. “She will be there in a few minutes. She will be accompanied by her son and a herd of RPS agents. The son would like to learn some big words and could likely use some acclimation to dentists.”

“We can keep an eye on the kid, that won’t be a problem. Which kingdom is my new patient from?”

“Illinois.”

“Ah, she’s related to Nevada. That explains the problem. Yes, I know what’s going on. It’s genetic, and we can address the worst of the problems first and start a proper treatment plan. I’ll have her all day, but she’ll leave feeling like a whole new woman.”

“Excellent. Bill the palace. I’ll worry about insurance and repayment later. Let’s fix the problems and then worry about it. For some reason, I suspect Illinois can handle the bill.”

Dr. Percheron chuckled. “I’ll get to work preparing, and I’ll get the lab workers setting up for what we’ll need to make sure she leaves with minimal work needed later. With luck, we won’t need to do any implants, but we’ll see.”

As I had no doubt Eva would flee if I told her about the possibility of needing an implant, I thanked him, hung up, and said, “Please go without a fuss, Eva. If you go without a fuss, Kel can get his work done, I can take Madelyn out to get stuff for our trip to California, and everyone is happy, including you.”

“I hate the sound of the drills,” she grumbled.

“That’s why you’ll be knocked out. You won’t be awake to hear the drills, so it’ll be fine.” I claimed Pink Lady from Madelyn’s shoulder. “And if you go without a fuss, I’ll introduce you to Thunder tonight, and Terry might even let you play with Pink Lady.”

Eva eyed the squirrel, and then she sighed. “I hate that she’s so cute I’m going to go to the dentist so I can play with her.”

“And you can get revenge on me later all that you want. We can compete on the mud run.”

Eva gasped, handed her son over to Kel, and bolted for the door, snagging Monty in a headlock and dragging him along. “Where the fuck is the dentist? That New Yorker goes down , and he goes down tonight.”

I would never understand women, but if it got her to the dentist without a fight, I would suffer, and I’d even do so with a smile. Barb followed, and she issued orders to the other agents while Celeste stared.

“Just go with it,” I suggested. “She’s a weird one. Adding her to Illinois’s line didn’t make them that much weirder.”

“I feel like I should complain, but it’s the truth.” Kel set his son down and shook his head. “Honestly, I’m amazed she lasted that long without cursing. She was trying so hard to be a good influence on your girls.”

“When she kills me on the mud run, remember me fondly,” I quipped.

“Oh, she won’t kill you. She’ll make you wish she had, though. But if you beat her on the course, I’ll owe you one.”

When Kel said he owed one, he meant it, and I’d have plenty of time to come up with something good. I’d probably ask for him to plan a camping trip for us, including his kids, to get away from life for a little while. “Why do you want me to beat your wife at the mud run?”

“Because I can’t beat her at anything,” he complained. “I’m lucky if I land a single hit on her.”

I laughed at my friend. “Stick to your strengths, Kel. I’ll do my best, but honestly, she’s going to be crushing me because I made her go to the dentist, and I caught her off guard so she couldn’t defend against it. She does not like being backed into a corner, and I did it with such grace she’s not even putting up a fight.”

“I never thought I’d see the day,” he admitted. “Do you think we can do a three way race on the mud run? I’ll lose, but I want to give it a try.”

“There is no reason we can’t all get on it and act like we’re kids. Madelyn, if you want to participate and don’t have clothes suitable, we’ll get some for you while we’re out.”

“I’d like that,” she replied, and she grinned. “It does look like fun.”

“Not only is it fun, if you ever get pissed about something, it’s great for working through it. So, it’s a date. Assuming the dentist and the doctors clear her, Eva will destroy us all at the mud run, and we’ll have a good time destroying our clothes and giving the RPS gray hairs.”