Page 47 of The Pretender (Mifflin County Mysteries #3)

R OSA HAD BEEN TOSSING AND turning for nearly an hour, but she couldn’t find a comfortable position and had been unable to fall asleep. The baby had been kicking a lot too, and Rosa’s back ached. She’d resigned herself to the fact that she probably wouldn’t get much sleep tonight.

Guess I may as well get used to this , Rosa told herself.

Once my little one is born, I’ll no doubt be up several times during the night, feeding the baby and doing diaper changes.

I hope the baby’s crying won’t keep my parents awake.

With Dad getting up early every morning to do chores and go to the store to work five days a week, not to mention rising early for Sunday church services, he needs to get good-quality sleep.

Rosa sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed. A cramp in her right leg meant the other leg would likely cramp up soon too. Knowing the best way to deal with it was to get up and walk around the room until it subsided, that’s exactly what she did.

It was hard to believe it was the second week of May already, and with Rosa’s due date only a few weeks away, even if the baby came a little early Rosa was sure it would be fine.

Her large belly that had dropped considerably was an indication that the infant was getting ready to meet the world.

Rosa figured the baby might make his or her appearance on or even before her due date.

After walking around the room long enough to release the leg cramp, Rosa ambled over to the window, lifted the shade, and looked out.

The night sky was as black as ink, and a bright, full moon set among twinkly stars gave the appearance of a picture postcard Rosa had bought once on her travels and sent home to her parents.

She’d included a note telling them where she was and assuring Mom and Dad that she was okay and would write or call again soon.

Rosa was still perplexed that no one in the family had acknowledged receiving any written messages or phone calls from her during the two-plus years she’d been gone.

It didn’t add up, and she felt sure that someone had received those messages and had not owned up to it.

Rosa tapped one of her bare feet against the cold hardwood floor. Surely if Mom or Dad had received my messages, they would have admitted to that. And if Mom had known I was doing okay, she wouldn’t have been so worried about me and gotten sick from not knowing what had happened to me.

She touched the cold window glass with the palms of her hands and shivered.

Someone must have discovered my messages and destroyed them.

But who, and more importantly, why? Could it have been Dad?

Would he have been so angry at me for leaving home that he would have kept my whereabouts from Mom and the rest of the family?

Rosa shook her head. I don’t think so. Dad would never be that cruel—especially to Mom. I’m sure Alvin wouldn’t have done it either. He’s just a kid, and when I returned home, he said that he’d missed me. Same thing with Tena. The two of us have always gotten along.

Despite the chilly room, Rosa felt a sheen of sweat erupt on her face. I bet it was Susan. She and I never saw eye to eye on much of anything, and out of everyone in the family, she’s been the coldest toward me since I returned home. Sometimes she seems almost hostile.

Rosa moved away from the window and took a seat on the edge of her bed. I wonder how it would go if I came right out and confronted Susan about it—asked if she hid my letters and postcards and deleted my messages from phone calls. Would she deny it or admit that she was responsible?

Rosa clutched the part of the quilt on her bed that almost hung down to the floor. I’ve put it off long enough. When I feel that the time is right, I’m going to have a serious talk with Susan.

After Rosa climbed back into bed and pulled the covers up to her chin, her thoughts changed direction. Once more, she focused on the future. If she continued to live here with her folks, it would be necessary to join the Amish church. That would probably be the best thing for her and the baby.

What should I name my little one if I end up having a girl?

she wondered. Or what’s a good name if it’s a boy?

Although Mom had brought the topic up a few times, Rosa had no idea what to call the child.

If the baby turned out to be a boy, Rosa would certainly not name him after his biological father.

Even thinking about the relationship she’d had with a married man made Rosa feel sick to her stomach.

She had asked God to forgive her for the sin she had committed, but it had been hard for Rosa to forgive herself.

She knew it did no good to keep beating herself up over her transgression.

It was in the past, and she had turned over a new leaf, committing her life to the Lord.

Rosa thought about Anthony, as she often did.

She hoped things were going well for him.

It was a good thing they hadn’t established a relationship that went deeper than friendship, because it never could have worked out between them.

Rosa would be joining the Amish church, and she felt sure that Anthony could never be one with the Plain people.

He’d been raised differently, with all the modern conveniences, which would be difficult to give up.

“Enough thinking now,” Rosa murmured. “It’s time for me to leave my concerns in God’s hands.”

She closed her eyes and prayed for Anthony, as well as each member of her family, until she finally drifted off to sleep.

New York City

Anthony had gone to bed around eleven o’clock, but unable to fall asleep, he’d gotten up and made his way out to his favorite reclining chair in the living room.

The Bible he’d found in his duffel bag still lay on the small table next to the chair, and he picked it up, certain that there was a lot more to learn inside the pages of this interesting book.

After leafing through several pages in the Old Testament again, Anthony discovered a strip of paper tucked inside the book of Proverbs.

In chapter 3, verses 5 and 6 had been underlined.

He read them out loud. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”

Last night Anthony had read John 3:16–17, and he’d taken those verses to heart.

In verse 16, Anthony had substituted his own name to replace the word whoever , making it read: “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that if Anthony believes in Him, he should not perish but have everlasting life.”

Still holding the Bible in his hands, Anthony bowed his head and closed his eyes. “Dear Lord, I do believe in You. Please help me to trust You in all things. I ask, Lord, that You will guide and direct my path in the days ahead and give me the wisdom to make good decisions.”

Anthony was beginning to realize why Rosa must have felt it necessary to put a Bible in his duffel bag, and he appreciated it more than she would ever know. Or if it wasn’t Rosa who had done it, then he owed a debt of thanks to whoever had put the one true book there.

Anthony closed the Bible, set it back on the table, and stretched his arms over his head. He felt both rejuvenated and peaceful.

“Think I’m ready now to head on back to bed.” Anthony was fairly certain that he could sleep peacefully, but he also knew that when he woke up in the morning, he’d have some important decisions to make.

Belleville

Sunday morning, as Susan sat beside Tena, it was hard to keep her focus on the song the congregation was singing from the Ausbund.

She tried not to look across at the men’s section of the building, where Noah Esh sat with some other young men his age.

She still couldn’t believe he had come into her father’s store last week and boldly invited her to go to the young people’s singing with him this evening.

What in the world was Noah thinking? Susan wondered, clasping the hymnal tightly in her hands.

Surely it couldn’t be because he is interested in me.

No, that would be ridiculous, especially after I’ve made it abundantly clear to anyone who will listen that I have no interest in getting married or even dating.

I’m sure by now the news has spread from one end of Mifflin County to the other that Susan Petersheim plans to remain single for the rest of her life.

The words blurred on the page before her as Susan toyed with the idea of hiding upstairs in the room she shared with Tena when five o’clock came around.

Susan figured it would be easy enough to fake a headache and ask Tena or Mom to let Noah know that she wasn’t up to going to the singing.

Jah, that would be the best way, all right.

I just hope Mom doesn’t insist that I take an aspirin and go to the event anyway.

Both she and Dad are always after me to take part in some of the young people’s activities.

Tena bumped Susan’s arm and whispered, “We’re done singing now and the first sermon’s about to begin, so you’d better pay attention and quit staring off into space.”

Susan flinched as a warm flush crept across her cheeks. She handed her hymnal to Tena, who passed it to the next person in line, a process that continued until every Ausbund had been picked up and put away.

Henry Graber, a visiting minister, stood up and began to preach. He stated that his sermon was on the subject of lying and that he would share what God’s Word had to say about the issue.

Susan squirmed on the backless wooden bench she sat upon. This was not a topic she wished to hear about. But what choice did she have, unless she got up and went out to use the restroom? If she did that, she would draw attention to herself, and she didn’t relish that idea either.

Susan tried to focus on something else, like the back of the young girl’s head in front of her, but it was no use.

The minister, with his booming voice, quoted scripture after scripture, and each one pierced Susan’s soul like a two-edged sword.

One passage in particular, Proverbs 6:16–19, really spoke to her heart.

“These six things the Lord hates,” Minister Graber quoted.

“Yes, seven are an abomination to Him: a proud look, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that are swift in running to evil, a false witness who speaks lies, and one who sows discord among brethren.”

Henry paused a few seconds, as if to let his words sink in, before continuing.

“Proverbs 25:18 says, ‘A man who bears false witness against his neighbor is like a club, a sword, and a sharp arrow.’ From this we should safely conclude that God hates lying in any form. He hates it because our heavenly Father is the source of all truth.”

Another pause preceded the minister’s next words. “So what do we do when we are guilty of lying? Do we shrug it off and say, ‘It doesn’t matter. The person I lied about had it coming’? I ask you now, is that kind of attitude pleasing to God?”

He looked Susan’s way, as though speaking directly to her, and Susan’s body broke out in a cold sweat.

The word guilty … guilty … guilty … swam in her head.

Replaying some of her lies—especially those involving Rosa, made the minister’s teaching reach deep into Susan’s soul.

For the first time since she’d destroyed her sister’s note and chosen not to tell her parents about it, Susan’s thoughts were filled with self-loathing.

God had known all about her lies. There was no way she could hide them from Him.

It hadn’t taken Mom and Dad long to catch Susan in the lies she’d told regarding Ben either, and because of it, she’d lost their trust. Even when she’d told them things that were true, they didn’t believe her.

Susan felt a burning at the back of her throat, and she tried to squelch it by swallowing several times.

But it was no use. If my parents knew that I’d discovered a few notes from Rosa in our mailbox during her absence and destroyed them, plus deleted all of Rosa’s phone messages, they’d probably never speak to me again.

To make matters worse, after Anthony left Belleville, Susan had also gotten rid of his voicemail messages. She’d even pretended to call Anthony to let him know how Rosa was doing, but she hadn’t, and afterward, she’d confirmed to her mother that she’d made the call, even though she hadn’t.

I’m a terrible person , Susan admitted to herself. I can tell God I’m sorry and really mean it, but if I confess my sins to Mom, Dad, and Rosa, they’ll probably never forgive me.

Tears clouded Susan’s vision, and she looked down at her lap while clenching her fingers. Her shoulders trembled as she tried to gain control, but it was no use. Susan’s guilt felt like a heavy weight pressing down on her body and piercing her broken heart.

Dear Lord , Susan prayed silently, forgive me for the horrible lies I have told, and please show me what I should do to make restitution.

Maybe, just maybe, there was something Susan could do to help make up for her past failures.

If not, she might have no other recourse than to move out of her parents’ home and strike out on her own, someplace where no one knew her and she could begin anew.

Of course, that would mean losing touch with her family, and the thought of that gave Susan a headache that was not made up.

What she needed to do now was figure out when to make her confession and how to bring up the topic without falling apart.

Susan was certain about one thing: She wouldn’t have the desire or strength to go anywhere with Noah Esh this evening. When he arrived, she would need to come up with the right words to convey that fact, without telling another lie.