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Chapter Thirty-Four

BODE

Marcus

Want to go out tonight? Harper is taking the girls to a movie

Bode

Gran is going out with Deb

Just me and the little guy

Jasper

You need a night out

Nah, I’m good

Not in the mood anyway

Dax

Sitting at home and stewing isn’t good

Who said I’m stewing?

Noah

I can tell you’re stewing from here

Graham

He would know

Graham

He’s an excellent stewer

Noah

Am not!

Marcus

What they mean to say is why don’t we come over and we can hang out?

I promise, I’m fine

Jasper

Fine, be that way

I’m not being any way

Marcus

We’ll deal with you tomorrow at practice

Nothing to deal with

I’m fine

Marcus

When Harper says that, it’s the exact opposite

Then I’m terrible

Jasper

Now that we believe

What’s that, Caleb? You’re hungry?

Gotta go

Marcus

You’re an ass

Love you too

“A re you going to be okay on your own tonight?” Gran asks me.

Caleb is stumbling around on the floor, learning his way. Ever since he took his first steps, I found every single baby-proofing item I didn’t have so I could protect him. When I debated getting a helmet for him, Gran threatened to make me wear my own helmet around.

I backed off immediately.

“We’ll be fine.”

“You sure?” Caleb waddles over to her and she scoops him up, peppering him with kisses.

I sigh, sinking into the couch and wanting it to swallow me whole. “Yes. We’ll be good. I’ve got this whole dad thing down now.”

That earns me a smile from the baby in her arms. I’m choosing to believe he can understand me and likes me being his dad.

Gran pats my cheek. “I never thought I’d see the day when you’d be okay with him on your own.”

I smile down at my son’s happy face. “Yeah, we’re good.”

I never thought I’d want to stay in on a Friday night. But honestly? There’s not many people I want to see right now.

“I’m proud of you, you know that, right?” Gran asks me, walking around the couch and dropping onto the end of the chaise. “Not many people would have stepped up like you did.”

“I honestly didn’t think I had it in me,” I confess. “I worry I’m going to fail Caleb every day.”

Gran laughs and that has my attention swinging to hers.

“Oh, honey. Welcome to parenthood. That will never go away. Just wait until he becomes a teenager.”

“Fuck.” I scrub a hand down my face. The tiny bundle in my arms giggles. “You’re looking forward to that, aren’t you?”

“It’s even harder doing it alone, but you’re not.”

I nod my head. “I know.”

“We’re all here for you. Whatever you need, my sweet boy.”

“Thanks, Gran. I love you.”

“I know. I love you too.” She drops a kiss onto the top of my head. “Deb and I are heading out. Don’t wait up for us.”

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” I yell after her.

She waves her hand in acknowledgment and is out the front door. The minute it closes behind her, it’s quiet.

Too quiet.

Except for the sound of Caleb blabbering. Until he very clearly says, “Dada.”

“Oh my God. Can you say that again? Dada. That’s me.”

“Dadadada.”

I sweep him up into the air, loving the sound of those words coming from him. “Stevie?—”

Fuck. She’s not here. I can’t share in the excitement of this moment with her.

She’s been gone for two weeks and I hate it. I hate how silent the house is without her. I hate not seeing her every morning. Having her smile welcome me home. Playing games with her. Laughing with her.

Fuck. I miss everything about her.

I thought things would settle down once the team issued a statement, but they haven’t. And I’m pissed.

Pissed off to the point where I’m having someone dig into how they got Stevie’s email.

Just thinking about how much pain they’ve caused her makes my own heart ache. Ache at how much I miss her. Miss just spending a night in with her. I never thought I was the settling down type. That I would grow old with one person and want that more than anything else in life.

My life has two eras—before Caleb and Stevie, and after. Looking back, I really don’t like the person that I was. Everything I did was to not feel. Turns out, that was not the way to go through life. Sitting with my thoughts on my own? I hated it.

Stevie made me confront all of that. Made it easier to come to terms with.

Her confidence made me believe in myself. Made me believe I could actually be a good dad to Caleb.

There isn’t one trace of who I was before him in this house. The TV? Playing a kids’ show that I find I don’t hate. Toys of all kinds are spread out on Caleb’s play mat. Baby blankets and wash cloths sit in a neat pile at the end of the couch. Something to put away once he goes to bed. The wet bar? Yeah, all that alcohol has sat untouched for months. It’s now stocked with all of Caleb’s food.

“Would you be okay if it was just the two of us?”

Caleb stares up at me like I’m the best thing in the world. He’s the best thing in mine. I would do anything for him. Hell, if I had to retire tomorrow, I would.

Not that he would ask that of me considering he can only say Dada , but still.

I’d do it.

A knock sounds at the door. Glancing up, the porch light is shining on a group of familiar guys. I stand up and walk over to let them in.

“What are you guys doing here?”

Dax, Graham, and Noah all brush by me and head inside. Dax holds up a six-pack of my favorite beer. “We figured you’d be a bit down after everything that happened.”

“Jasper had plans,” Graham tells me. “And everyone in Marcus’s house is sick, so he stayed home to take care of them.”

I smile at that. “Probably a good thing. I don’t want to get Caleb sick.”

Noah cracks open a beer and hands one over to me. “Exactly what we said.”

“Thanks.” I take a long pull before setting it down and shifting Caleb in my arms. “I appreciate you guys coming over.”

“I can safely say having a broken heart is the worst,” Noah tells me.

“Can’t say I like it,” I confirm.

“Is this really the first time you’ve ever had your heart broken?” Dax asks.

I nod. “When you never settle down, it’s hard for it to happen.”

“Damn.”

And this is exactly why. That knife in my heart? I never want to experience this feeling again.

“Are you just going to sit back and let it happen?” Graham asks.

“What can I do? It’s not like she signed up for this life.”

Hell, it’s the least favorite part of the job. Having a camera shoved in my face after every game? Having women come out of the woodwork to say I fathered their kid?

Yeah, it fucking sucks.

“I don’t believe that it’s over for a second,” Noah tells me, settling into one of the barstools. “What are you going to do about it?”

“What do you mean?” I set Caleb in his green foam seat by me and cross my arms. “She doesn’t want any part of this life.”

Graham waves me off. “Noah’s right. This life is hard. I don’t know if I could do it with someone who didn’t understand what we go through.”

“Why would anyone choose this lifestyle?” I say more to myself than anything.

My past coming to meet my future? I don’t know if it will ever stop. It hasn’t since Stevie left. I’m really good at ignoring the noise, but why would she want to?

“What it boils down to is if you love her,” Dax tells me.

I study him. “When did you get so smart?”

He lets out a long-suffering sigh. “My brother is getting married.”

Noah chokes on his beer and Graham nearly spits his out. “Are you shitting me? Who would be dumb enough to marry him?”

I know Noah’s sister used to date Duncan until she caught him cheating on her. He got bounced from the Black Diamonds because of sleeping with an assistant coach’s wife from what I heard.

“Chloe.”

“Wait, why does that name sound familiar?” Noah asks.

“Because it’s Dax’s best friend,” Graham finishes.

“Oh, shit. Are you serious?” I ask.

Dax slams the rest of his beer and nods his head. “I don’t know how it happened, but it did.”

“Wow. I’m sorry.”

He winces. “Yeah. It sucks.”

“Anything we can do to help?” I ask.

Dax smiles over at me. “Yeah, you can fix things with Stevie to distract me from my brother’s upcoming nuptials.”

“How do I even know if she’ll want me back? I can’t keep chasing someone that doesn’t want me. It’s not fair to either of us. Or Caleb.”

Caleb chooses that moment to start screaming, “Dada.”

“Did he really just say that?” Noah asks. “Do you know who Dada is?”

Caleb looks at me like the person talking to him is crazy.

“That’s so cute he said that.” Noah turns to Graham. “Maybe we need one of these.”

I grab Caleb. He looks so proud of himself. His hair is a mess, but he’s wearing the giraffe outfit Stevie got him.

“Find your own kid.”

“Damn,” Graham says. “And here I thought we could just take him home.”

Noah laughs, taking a drink of his beer. “Well, we’ll be here for him if he ever needs anything. The cool uncles.”

My heart blooms. I have more people who love me in my life than I ever thought possible. It doesn’t matter that I had a shitty childhood or parents that ran out.

I had Gran. I didn’t make things easy for her, but she still loved me.

Caleb’s mom is out of the picture. She terminated her rights with a note to not contact her. Considering I was in a trance those first few weeks, trying to figure out her motivations was the furthest thing from my mind.

It was okay though, because we had Stevie.

“Please,” Dax scoffs. “I’m going to be Caleb’s favorite uncle.”

“We’ll give you that. Each of us can be a favorite,” Noah tells him.

I smile at that. “Just like you’re Sam and Sadie’s favorite uncles?”

“Hey.” He points a finger in my face. “I am the favorite uncle.”

“Keep dreaming,” Graham jests.

“At least I get to be Caleb’s,” Dax says.

“What if Jasper is his favorite?” Noah goads him.

Dax rolls his eyes. “Please. Jasper would probably scare him.”

“He’s not here to defend himself,” I tell them. “At least try to pretend he’s in the running.”

“Nah.” Dax wiggles his fingers in front of Caleb. “I’m claiming the title of favorite uncle. You can’t take it back.”

“That’s it.”

“What’s it?” they all ask.

It hits me like a lightning bolt. What I need to do to get Stevie back once and for all.

That one move of his hand.

The hand flex.

What Stevie loves.

I don’t want Stevie to be the one that got away. She’s too important. I love her too much.

I have to show her how much she means to me. That we can weather any storm together . That she doesn’t have to run when things get hard.

I need to channel my inner Darcy and let her know just how much she means to me. And that I’ll never let her get away.