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Chapter Thirty-Three

BODE

F or once in my life, hockey doesn’t bring the escape from my problems that it normally does.

Growing up, whenever I got angry about my lot in life, about my parents not caring or loving me enough, I could take my aggression out on the ice.

A hard workout?

Line drills?

All of it helped calm the raging thoughts in my brain.

When it’s happening to someone you love?

There’s no stopping the torrent of emotion. She’s been withdrawn lately, retreating into herself.

I know the messages she’s getting. I only hoped they would stop with the team’s statement. It seems she is the scapegoat for everything happening to me.

Even though all the press is fueling my need to play better—I want them to talk about how great I’m playing, and not my personal life—it’s not helping.

It’s not her fault.

I got myself into this mess before she came along.

Except, Caleb isn’t a mess.

Was I expecting a kid to land on my doorstep? No.

But it’s the best damn thing to ever happen to me. I wouldn’t trade him for the world. I always thought the best thing about me would be being remembered as one of the greatest hockey players for the Knights.

Now, all I want to be is the best dad to Caleb. The best partner to Stevie. They’re the most important things in my life.

“You doing okay?” Dax asks me. “You’ve been distracted all day.”

“Sorry. This shit with Stevie is messing with my head.”

“How’s she doing with all of it?” He wipes a towel over his face. The locker room is sweltering after practice.

“Honestly? She’s not handling it well.”

“I’m sorry. That really sucks, man. I wish I could help.”

I clap him on the shoulder. “I appreciate you guys being here for me. That’s about all you can do.”

“We’ve got your back. If you want us to find them and take them out, we can.”

“We can?” Jasper questions, walking up to us. “I don’t think I signed up for that.”

Dax rolls his eyes. “I volunteered you. If you needed to take someone out, we’d do it for you.”

“If I ever find myself in that situation, I sure as shit am not asking you first. You guys are the least subtle people around.”

“As fun as this is,” I say to end this conversation before they really get rolling, “I need to get home. I’ll see you guys later.”

“Remember, we can take them out!” Dax calls out behind me.

I wave behind me and head straight to my truck. By the time I make it home, Stevie’s car is already in the driveway. Not in the garage where she usually parks.

Why does that cause dread to wash over me?

The fact that she’s home in the middle of the day is also worrisome. I was hoping to have a few hours to figure out what I could say or do to make this whole situation better.

“Stevie?” Heading inside, I call out for her. I drop my hockey bag in the laundry room as I walk down the hall.

Two bags are sitting by the front door.

Crap.

“Stevie? Where are you?”

“I’m in here.”

I follow the sound of her voice into the living room. She looks absolutely gutted, sitting there stiff as a board.

“What’s wrong?” I hurry around to her, dropping to my knees.

Red-rimmed eyes greet me. I hate seeing how sad she looks. Those blue eyes should never hold an ounce of pain.

“I got fired.”

“What? How? They can’t do that.”

I brush the fresh tears rolling down her cheeks with my thumb.

“I was costing them too much business. They couldn’t afford to keep me on.”

“Because…because of everything that’s been happening?”

She nods.

“Fuck. Stevie, I am so sorry. Can I call and try and talk to your boss? Figure something out?”

She shakes her head, tucking a loose blonde hair behind her ear. “It hasn’t stopped, Bode. They got my email and I can’t take it anymore.”

“What does that mean?” I swallow the emotion choking my throat. It’s hard to breathe as she stands and starts pacing the living room.

“What if they find out I’m staying here, Bode? What if it escalates? I can’t stomach the idea of something happening to you or Caleb or our grandmas.”

“You realize the two of them are a home security system in themselves, right? They’d take anyone out.” I try to add levity to the situation, but it’s no use.

I’ve never seen Stevie like this.

“But it could happen. Until this thing blows over, I’m going to go and stay with Crestina for a while.”

“Please don’t.”

“I’ll be back when this blows over.”

I stand and take her into my arms. I try to memorize every curve and dip. Because right now, it feels like she’s leaving.

For good.

“It doesn’t feel like that. Please don’t go,” I beg.

“I can’t be here right now, Bode. It hurts too much.”

“Stevie. It’ll blow over.”

It feels like a lie coming from my lips. But what else can I say to get her to stay?

“As long as I’m around, they’re going to keep coming after you.”

“But…” I don’t even know what to say.

Don’t go?

Stay?

I love you?

The bags by the front door tell me Stevie’s mind is made up.

“I love you, Bode. But I just need to clear my head. Try to find stable footing.”

She turns on her heel without looking at me. Desperation claws at my insides. I can’t lose her. “Stevie. Please.”

It’s a plea, nothing short of me begging on my knees for her to stay.

“I’ll be back.”

“Promise?” My voice is soft, emotion strangling me.

She smiles, but says nothing else as she grabs her things and heads out the front door. The sound of her engine rumbles through the house before it disappears altogether.

“Fuck!” I shout. “Fuck!”

I hate this. My heart feels like it’s cracking in my chest.

It doesn’t feel like Stevie is going to be back. It feels like she ripped my heart out and took it with her.

I hate that my playboy past is causing a divide between the two of us. We all have a past and I thought I was finally moving beyond mine. That I could have a future with this woman. A family.

I wanted my private life to stay private.

Turns out, it’s out there for the entire world to see now.