Page 58 of The Pactbound Angel (The Soul Mirror Duet #1)

With Ramiren, it certainly wasn’t to avoid accidental pregnancy.

So, what else was it? Just so that I could say I was a virgin truthfully?

Pbbbt.

I didn’t care anymore.

I was tired of caring.

Tired of dancing around the ache in my chest. The throbbing between my legs. The emptiness I wanted only him to fill. And now, the night before my wedding to someone else, I wanted .

I’d reprimanded Raewyn for her stubbornness, but which of us was the most stubborn?

Had any of it ever mattered? I guarded my virginity like I guarded people, with selfless abandon. Everything about me, my body, my shield, had been saved for others. I never took anything for myself.

But why? Because my father said to? My hypocrite father? Why would he do that? Say that?

Raewyn’s words about him, his past, echoed in my head like a persistent song. It was not like him, a fully-winged former servant of the Tarindar, to try to have it both ways.

I thought back to what my father had said, safeguard your virtue , and realized with startling clarity, like a flash of lightning in my mind, that Raewyn was right.

Virtue could mean many things. Maybe it didn’t mean my virginity.

Perhaps instead he meant my fortitude. My self-sacrifice.

My virtues as a protector, and not as a woman. That’s what was truly important.

My honor, not some vague notion of purity.

Again, instead of anger, I felt disappointment.

My entire life, I might have denied myself on a misunderstanding. I’d never asked my father to specify because of embarrassment. Shame. I assumed. I always assumed and rarely asked. I did it with my father, and I did it with Ramiren.

And if not? If he meant my virginity? Well. Then, my father can go fuck himself.

I’m doing something for myself for a change.

“I would like to dissolve the pact, Ramiren.”

Ramiren’s eyes went wide, and his chest lifted and fell rapidly with his breathing.

The lights in the room, every candle and even the lit fireplace, flared bright purple for a moment then went back to their usual orange glow.

The sadness in his eyes shined like a sea beacon.

His voice was rough and tinged with regret.

“Yes, I think that is wise. Tomorrow, you wed and will no longer have a use for the pact. Tonight’s lesson would have been helpful, but not strictly necessary. ” He swallowed hard.

Was I imagining pain in his eyes? Frustration? Wordlessly, I lifted my hand toward him, palm up, asking for his hand.

Ramiren let out an exhale and reached out to take my hand. He looked down at our entwined fingers. “I’m sorry. It was not my intention in the slightest to cause you pain. Quite the opposite. I am so very sorry, Nathalia.”

Either he refuses and leaves… or he accepts.

And luck favors the brave.

“No, Ramiren. You don’t understand. I would like to make a new pact,” I said calmly.

His eyes shot up, and he blinked a few times in surprise. “You’re right. I don’t understand. The hags are defeated. And after tomorrow, you will have a husband. You will no longer require my instruction.”

It was true. I would have a husband. But that was tomorrow’s problem.

Tonight, I required more. More of him. And we needed a fresh start.

A fresh pact. “Yes, even if the instruction is only for one night, I would like a new pact. And we would lose access to this place if we don’t, I think. Would you like to?”

He stared at me for a long time before answering. “I would, yes,” he said softly. “What are your terms?”

My eyes swept over his face, especially his mouth.

I placed my fingertips there, not quite to silence him or any protest he might have.

Merely to touch. My eyes met his. There was another pause, though there were no feelings of nervousness or hesitation, simply a respect due to the gravity of my words.

You want explicit, Ramiren? Fine.

Finally, I replied, “I want you to fuck me, Ramiren.”

He stood like a pillar. Ramiren's lips parted, his jaw dropping just enough for me to see his canines. His eyes, however, softened with emotions I didn’t recognize on him. He breathed out, “Why? ”

I knew he was asking why now , the night before I was to wed Jaylin. When I was so close to my goal, why do this?

Words began pouring out of me. Words I didn’t realize I’d kept inside until now.

“Because my whole life, I thought I’d been told by my father, ‘Safeguard your virtue, for it is a precious thing.’ I always took that to mean my virginity.

That my entire worth was tied up living for another’s benefit and happiness.

But that idea of worth came from my own expectations for myself, and now I understand what my father meant.

He meant my heart, my oaths, my resolve, and my word.

You’ve helped to show me what I was missing, Ramiren.

My worth is in my friends, those I love, and the courage I feel when protecting them.

It’s in my songs, my smile.” I smiled in a pause and felt the sting of tears gathering.

“My joy. It’s in the small moments. You’ve made me see I was wrong.

You’ve made me want more. You’ve made me feel like I deserve to be completely happy, for myself and not on another’s behalf.

You’ve shown me how life can be, in such a short amount of time.

How it should be, with difficulties and dirt, yes, but also with laughter and warmth.

You’ve shown what I was missing. In short, I want it to be you not because I think you deserve it, in so much as one can deserve such a thing, or that I feel obligated.

It is my selfish choice, and my choice is you. ”

His eyes bored into mine, as if thinking before he spoke. “The answer is yes.”

I give the monologue of my life, and that’s how he responds?

“Yes, what?”

“Your question last week, after our previous lesson. The one I refused to answer. I did change myself for you. Or, at least, I tried to. It’s a difficult habit to break with what I do, to adjust your behavior based upon what you feel others might need.

I am a chameleon, my color blending into my surroundings.

But more than I’d care to admit slipped through with you.

It was not something I could help, though I damn well tried.

” He smiled ruefully before going on. “What you see now… is me. It’s important to me that you do.

Not the instructor, or the pactmaker. Simply me. ”

I hoped I managed to keep myself from grinning too smugly. “I know. You have more tells than you think, Ramiren.”

He produced an amused smile I’d never seen before. It was open and honest, and so very unburdened. He moved to sit on the side of the bed near me and reached out a hand to graze my jawline with his thumb. His gaze moved to meet mine. “You are sure?”

Appreciating the question, I ran my fingers along his wrist. “I’ve never been so sure of anything in my entire life.” I felt relaxed and at ease. That was when I knew for sure I’d made the right decision.

A warm glow settled in my chest when I looked at him naked and vulnerable before me. I lowered my hand, and he did the same. “For speed and efficiency, let’s just say this new pact can be identical to the old one, with the exception of keeping my virginity intact. Agreed?”

He nodded solemnly, his smile gone. In its place was a set jaw. “I accept those terms.”

My eyes shut firmly. “Oh, shit. Payment. I owe you payment, but you have everything that I once owned now. I have nothing to give.”

He stared at me and narrowed his eyes as though thinking. “A kiss, then. A kiss should suffice for payment.”

With a crooked smile, I rested my forehead on his shoulder. “So little?”

His fingers brushed my hair out of my face. “It’s not little to me, Nathalia.”

My hands went to either side of his face to pull him closer, bringing my lips to his. He inhaled, drawing his tongue across mine slowly. Breaking the kiss, he grinned, “The pact is sealed.”

“The pact is sealed,” I repeated.

Ramiren’s eyes glowed like a campfire, and the candles in the room flickered. “Lie back now. I have plans for you. ”

Excitement thrummed in my blood. I didn’t know what all to expect, but with my creativity restored, I’d at least have a better guess. “I hope those plans involve filling me full with your cock and cum.”

He laughed under his breath. “ Gods above , Nathalia. What have I created?” His sheepish grin married beautifully with the slight color on his cheeks.

No matter what happened in my life, I would always cherish the night I made Ramiren blush.

He gently maneuvered between my knees on the bed, moving legs that were already moving of their own accord.

Lying down himself, he wrapped his hands around my thighs, tugged me closer, and took a long lick through my pussy, from entrance to clit.

The pressure and throbbing resumed in full force, now mixed with the contentment stemming from the warm glow still living in my chest.

I gasped, throwing my head back, and inched a hand to his hairline.

Instead of running my fingers through his hair, I gently touched the pitch-black horn on his left temple.

He gripped my thighs harder and let out a rough moan against me.

I felt trapped, but the inability to move, the necessity of having to take the lashing of his tongue, increased the sensations he was giving me.

My hand moved to his hair, running my fingers through its softness.

I felt him move his right hand and open me with his fingers.

Long, slow motions that heightened the building euphoria.

He continued with his tongue, focusing mostly on my clit, and occasionally licked lower to lap at the arousal that would ease the later event.

The pressure in my belly increased and dipped then began to slowly rise to hit a peak.

“Come here. Please ,” I begged.