Page 46 of The Night

Yesterday, I swear, I’d thought everything had settled down. I’d arrived home to find Liam, who’d spent the day hiking up near Frank and Myrna Lucano’s place snapping pictures of snow-covered scenery, cooking pasta in the kitchen. Hazel, whose teacher had emailed Liam some homework for her, was sitting at the one square inch of available island space, working on math problems. The cat was curled up on the stool next to hers.

I’d looked around the room with dawning satisfaction because there were no new decorations, and some disappointment because there were no new treats, and I’d opened my mouth to maybe, possibly mention that I’d seen Lisa Dorian in town, but also suggest that Liam and Hazel could stay in O’Leary at least through the Light Parade since they’d waited this long, when I heard a long, lowwhistle.

“What was that?” I’d demanded.

Liam and Hazel had exchanged a look.

“Santa was already here assembling it when I got home,” Liam had said, holding up his hands innocently. “I wasn’t sure who they were, but Sam knew them so…”

“Santa,” I’d repeated, momentarily distracted by Liam using the wordhometo refer to my house. “Wait,whatwas assembled?”

Hazel had blinked innocently and pointed toward the dining room, where a fucking gigantictrainsped silently around a circular track nearly as big as the room itself.

“What in the he—ho ho hoisthatthing?” I’d demanded, watching it chug with my hands on my hips.

Hazel, who’d followed me into the room, had glanced up at me with pitying eyes. “It’s arailroad, Gideon,” she’d said gently.

Liam hadn’t been able to disguise the sound of his laughter from the kitchen, and when I’d stalked back in and given him my most irateglare, he’d only laughed harder, making my stomach clench in a way I’d only felt one time before… Five years ago. In Vegas.

For those keeping score, last night’s Santa drawing had been sitting astride a steam engine like a cowboy on a horse. Liam had jokingly remarked that it looked a lot likeme—at least, I sincerely hoped he’d been joking—and Hazel had hung it on the back of the front door, so no one leaving the house could miss it.

It wasridiculous.

It was… adorable.

And the whole thing—the way my space had been invaded, the way my control over everything in my life had been usurped, the way my town had been taken over by a bunch of Santa pod people—would have been monumentally fucking annoying if it weren’t so fucking comfortable.

I’d come to a decision last Thursday, the first night Liam and Hazel had been in O’Leary, that I was going to stop being an angry asshole. Liam had left me, yeah, but it had happened aftertwo days. And yeah, we’d made promises, but I couldn’t blame him if he’d felt like he’d had other promises—Hazel promises—that outweighed them. Icouldbe mad that he’d left the way he had, but did it really make sense to hold onto my anger longer than our relationship had lasted? Maybe him being here was a chance for closure, to end things in a healthy way.

But… while it had been surprisingly easy to let go of the anger, once it was gone there was nothing to keep me from feeling the full force of all the other emotions Liam, and Hazel too, stirred up in me.

Turned out, I liked coming home after a shift, walking in the door, and feeling the housealivearound me. Turned out, I liked eating dinner while Hazel chattered on about some crazy thing—a documentary on hydraulic engines, a cartoon about fairies, a new person she’d met in town, the way she could justtellmy cat was a Beyoncé fan. Turned out, it was way more fun cooking and watching television and just…existing… when you could look up and see a gorgeous pair of green eyes across the counter, on the other side of the sofa, or in the passenger’s seat beside you.

I had to physically stop myself so many fucking times from leaning over to touch him, to pull him against me, to kiss the shit out of him. I’d promised that anything physical would behiscall, though.

And I hadn’t been lying the other day when I said I really couldn’t stand seeing Liam sad.

But, the lack of sex—the lack of really any fucking physical connection whatsoever—hadn’t mattered. We didn’tneedthe physical because the pull between us had always been there, had never really died at all. Dormant but electric, it was as strong as it had been in Vegas.

Hell, it wasbetterthan it had ever been in Vegas because Liam and I had never hadthisbefore. We’d had heat and passion and connection, but we’d never coexisted in the same space for this length of time, taking care of the mundane tasks that make up the majority of life. Now that we were, it felt… real. I could see how our lives would play out, just like this.

Forever.

AndJesus fuck, who even was I right now? “Real”? “Nice”? “Forever”? I didn’t believe in that shit, and I knew I was prolonging the inevitable by not asking hard questions. Butfuck, for the first time since Vegas, Iwantedto believe. It probably made me the biggest fool in the universe, but I wanted Liam McKnight again… and not just in my bed.

And while I was dreaming of the future, for all I knew Liam still wanted a divorce.

Rick Chang was back in town, as of today. He’d stopped me on the street to say he’d heard I was looking for him and that I could come by his office anytime. Linda Dorian was back at the library, and I’d seen Paul Fine in the window of Goode’s Diner as I’d passed. O’Leary was officially overrun with notaries.

But after making a huge deal of it—to the point ofdriving all the way to O’Leary to get them signed—Liam hadn’t said a single word about the papers since last Friday, like somehow after eating those cinnamon buns and setting up his makeshift photography studio over the drugstore with Everett, he’d stopped being so anxious.

Like maybe Cal’s cinnamon buns were Christmas magic or some shit.

It was enough to give a guyhope, which was, honest to God, more terrifying than the Santa Clauses that were fuckinghaunting me.

And so, tonight I was determined to ask Liam all the shit I’d avoided asking about.

I’d texted him earlier, asking if we could go for a drive later. I was going to ask Sam to stay late with Hazel. And once we had a little calm, a little peace, I was going to ask Liam all the things I was dying to know: about Hazel andScottand what Liam truly wanted… and whether he could see forever with me too.