Page 57 of The Nanny Outside the Gates

FORTY-SEVEN

HALINA

Gavriel keeps a hand on my back as we continue through the darkness into a circular dirt opening with a church buried in the shadows of the old trees lining the back side of the building.

Behind a set of tall bushes is a concealed narrow door, the main door left unused for years since the church had a congregation.

I thrash my fist against the wooden frame, stern knocks with urgency, not the sound of a bullish Nazi going for intimidation.

I press my ear to the door, listening for a hint of sound from within.

What if the Nazis finally got to the church, raided it and forced everyone out.

We kept waiting for it to happen, but we told ourselves we were too deep in the woods and the building looked to be in too much disrepair for them to want anything to do with the old church.

The inside has been maintained, but we’ve let the outside become part of nature with its tangled vines and overgrown weeds and brush.

“Where are we?” Gavriel asks, still trying to catch his breath.

Flora groans.

I knock once again and listen through the door, this time hearing the floorboards creaking. The clunky locks clatter and the door squeals as it parts from the threshold, just enough for two eyes to peer over the chain-link lock. “It’s me, Halina,” I whisper.

The door is pulled closed, and the chain released before the dark opening invites us in. I take Gavriel’s hand and guide him inside, knowing they won’t light a lamp or a candle until the door is securely closed and locked again.

Once the chain is replaced, a scrape of a lantern from a table and the flickering of the dial echo around us before the entryway is illuminated.

The light glows against Julia’s face, full of shock and terror. “Halina,” she whispers. “It’s really you. You’ve come back. You’re alive and safe?” She throws her arms arm around me, the lamp bouncing off my back.

Then I wrap my arms around her. With every bit of strength left in my body. For every hug I should have given her before. “It’s me. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I love you. I love you so much. It’s all I’ve wanted to tell you since I had to leave. I love you, Julia.”

Julia sniffles against my ear, her fingertips pressing into my shoulder.

“Thank God. Thank you, God. I’ve been praying for you every day.

I was so afraid when I didn’t hear from you.

I’ve been fearing the worst,” she says through a sniffle and choked cry.

“My sweet girl. I know, love. I never questioned it from you. All I cared about was you surviving.”

“I’m alive,” I utter, loosening my hold around her. “And this is Gavriel and Flora.”

“Oh my,” Julia says, holding the lamp toward Gavriel. “You poor dear.” She places her palm on his face. “I’ll heat some soup for you.”

Julia reaches out with a hint of hesitation toward Flora. “Hello, beautiful girl,” she murmurs.

“She was stolen from her mother at Auschwitz,” I tell Julia. “She’s been through too much in her short life.” Flora doesn’t fuss when Julia’s hands wrap around her body, which brings a small smile to my face. Julia has always had an angelic way with children. They flock to her.

“Go find yourself some clean clothes and wash up. I’ll look after this sweet baby girl while you do.”

“Come on,” I say to Gavriel, taking his hand.

“Is this where you?—”

“This is my home,” I say.

Once settled, and washed up, I bring Gavriel downstairs to the kitchen where Julia is using her favorite wooden spoon to stir the contents of a large pot on the wood-burning cast iron stove from the late eighteen hundreds.

Flora is in a highchair that’s been used by hundreds of children over the years, comfortable and content as could be.

“Will you be staying with us?” Julia asks, a plea of hope brightening her tired eyes.

“I don’t think it’s safe for us to stay long. My birth records were uncovered by the Reich,” I say, staring down at my fidgeting fingers as I pull at a hangnail.

“I gathered all the available documents,” Julia says, her expression grief-stricken.

“I’m sure the Reich has access to files I never would have been allowed to see—especially ones kept sealed for the protection of a mother and child.

An SS officer would have the authority to demand access to those. ”

I nod, understanding and believing her words. “I found a note from my mother in the seam of my folktale book too. It turns out I’m Jewish.”

“As am I,” Gavriel adds. “And Flora too.”

“It’s best we aren’t here to cause you or the children any trouble in the future,” I say.

“A note?” Julia asks as if she didn’t hear anything else we said. Her wide-eyed stare screams with worry.

A note I will keep for the rest of my life. I reach into my pocket and pull it out, handing it to her to read. Julia takes a moment to read it, seemingly troubled while absorbing each written word. Her eyes fill with tears as she folds the paper back up.

“Your mother loved you with all her heart, Halina. That much is clear through her words.” But I still don’t know why I was given away.

I may never know. Julia’s breath catches in her throat before pulling out a handkerchief from her pocket.

She dabs her nose. “You know I will still keep you safe here, don’t you? ”

“I can’t keep you or the other children safe if we are here,” I tell her. “It’s my turn to watch over you now.”

Julia nods and turns back for the soup pot, taking the wooden spoon from the side of the stove to mix the broth again.

“Very well,” she says softly. “At first light, I’ll take you to a friend of mine, a priest near the train junction.

He’ll help you get papers. Tickets. A way south,” Julia says while staring through the swirling broth.

“One of the other housemothers can watch over the children while I’m gone. ”

Julia takes in a gasping breath and holds it for a long pause, then she opens her mouth to speak but only the air of a whisper comes out. “We’ll need to be quick. There has been heavy German police activity due to recent partisan displays of resistance near the tracks.”

My stomach knots, a pain followed by a sour spell. “How dangerous is it?” I don’t want to put her in danger. I want her to be safe here, and she’s only safe here if she isn’t hiding undocumented Jews.

“If everything goes according to plan, it won’t be something you have to worry about.”

But I am worried, and terrified for us all, still.