Page 27 of The Me I Left Behind (Tuckaway Bay #4)

The desk top had long been cleared, since the day after she and Julia had raided the office back in January.

The desk drawers were empty, too. Maggie had already taken all the kids’ pictures down that Max had on the shelves and stored them in an upstairs closet.

Some of his personal items, like a golf trophy and some sales awards and other trinkets he’d gathered over the years, she’d put in a box in the garage.

One day she’d gladly hand it over to him.

Or not.

Julia had taken the totes they’d filled with Max’s stuff home with her after the night he came back. Maybe she should send her a message to bring those with her in the morning—unless, of course, she needed them for her case.

“Here’s Chloe’s box, Mom.” Jason put it on the desk. “Wow. I didn’t realize how big this room was.”

“You were probably very little the last time you were in here.”

Carol popped into the room, too. “This is amazing. Just pulling those drapes down makes all the difference in the world.” She glanced about. “What do you want us to do?”

Maggie stared at the shelves. “We need empty boxes from the garage.”

“I’ll go get them,” Jason said.

“Thanks.” She eyeballed the shelves. “Let’s see if we can clear some low space tonight. Then Chloe can arrange her art supplies on one of those shelves. Tomorrow I can tackle the cabinets underneath. Let’s start there.”

“This might take us a few days.”

Maggie nodded, crossing her arms over her chest. “Yes. But well worth it, don’t you think? We’ll just do a little every day.”

“Oh, by the way, I have more time tonight.” Carol reached for a couple of books. “Logan got called into work, so I’m not going anywhere.”

Turning, Maggie looked at her. “Oh, I’m sorry, honey. Why don’t you go to Sophie’s then?”

Carol took down a few more books and stacked them on the cabinet. “No, that’s okay. I’ll stay here with you.”

Something wasn’t right. Maggie took a couple of steps closer to her daughter. “Sweetheart, this won’t take too long tonight. Go see Sophie.”

“But I enjoy spending time with you, Mom.”

She had to admit, those words warmed her heart. Maggie took a few steps toward her and gave her a hug. “There’s nothing I like more than to be with you and the littles.”

Carol gave her a tentative smile.

She patted her shoulders. “You go see Sophie. It’s fine with me.”

A few seconds ticked by. Carol’s gaze skipped over hers, back and forth. Finally, she said, “No. Logan wants me to stay home. He doesn’t like it when I go somewhere without him.”

Maggie faced her more fully. “Carol, it’s Sophie. You’ve been friends for years. Why wouldn’t he want you to visit her?”

She shrugged and looked away. “He says he likes to keep our circle small.”

“Excuse me?” Maggie wanted to be certain that what she thought she’d heard was actually what Carol had said. “What does that mean?”

Blowing out a breath, Carol’s gaze was steady. “Just that he… Mom, it’s okay. Logan only trusts a few people, so we only see certain friends.”

“But Carol… That’s ridiculous.”

A stabbing pain abruptly hit Maggie in the gut—like someone had punched her in the abdomen with a hammer. Stop, Maggie. Take a pause. Her first instinct was to react, to tell her daughter to quit being a fool—shouting the words until they penetrated her brain.

Are you crazy? Don’t let that boy ruin your life!

Tell the sonofabitch to go fuck himself!

You’re smarter than this, Carol. Don’t let him suck you in.

Oh, God. He’s just like your asshole father.

And you’re acting just like me.

She’d be the first to admit that she had previously ignored niggling things about this Logan situation—things that had made her uneasy—but had yet to bring up with Carol.

Maybe it was time?

She peered deeper into Carol’s questioning eyes. Was she reaching out for help? The last thing she wanted to say was the wrong thing. No way in hell would she say the kinds of things her mother would have said. She wanted no reason for Carol to turn away from her—and run smack into Logan’s arms.

They’d come so far in their relationship—she couldn’t screw it up now.

“I see,” she said. Maggie leaned in for another hug, then whispered, “Let’s talk more later, honey, okay?”

Pulling back slightly, she searched her eyes.

Carol gave her a quick nod. “Sure.”

“Mommy! Let’s paint!”

Her hand idly traveled from Carol’s shoulder to her hand. Maggie squeezed it once, then swiveled toward Chloe with a smile. “Yes, of course. Let’s get you started. We need the canvas and a pencil first, so you can draw your selfie. Can you find the pencils in the box?”

“Yep.” Chloe happily busied herself with the items, taking out one at a time.

Maggie glanced back at Carol, who had turned away now, and was slowly stacking books.

Jason came in from the garage carrying empty boxes.

Chloe was down for the count after a couple of hours of drawing and erasing and re-drawing and erasing some more, followed by painting and glittering. After which, she claimed she would finish another day…and could she please have some more tuna casserole before her bath?

Maggie supposed it was better than ice cream. Maybe.

She’d be damned if she’d let her girl go to bed hungry. She’d done that enough herself, as a child and as an adult. Besides, Chloe’s weight was just fine. She was a growing child, after all.

Both Jason and Carol had gone to their rooms early, too, but Maggie suspected Carol was still up. She’d heard her showering in the bathroom she shared with Chloe earlier. Softly rapping on her door, she cracked it open slightly and saw the glow of her bedside lamp.

“Still up, honey?”

“Yeah.”

Maggie moved into the room, shutting the door behind her. Carol sat cross-legged in the middle of the bed with a shoe box in her lap and a couple dozen photographs scattered about on the bed in front of her. When Carol lifted her gaze, Maggie saw her tears.

“Oh, sweetheart…” she whispered, sitting beside her. “What’s wrong?”

“This.” She shoved several photographs towards her, sending them flying. “What’s wrong with my asshole father?”

Maggie sifted through the pictures. All of them were photos of Max and Carol.

Many she’d never seen before and wondered who had taken them.

At least she didn’t remember doing it. Carol was very young in most of them, under the age of five or six, Maggie guessed.

There were a few when Carol was older, too—at soccer practice, her piano recital when she was twelve, pictures of her and Max fishing in the mountains.

She studied Carol. “Were these in his office?”

Carol wiped her eyes with the corner of her bedsheet. “In the cabinet below the shelves. There’s one for Jason too. But not Chloe.”

That didn’t surprise her. Max hadn’t doted on Chloe like he did Carol—and even Jason when he was younger. He’d always resented Maggie getting pregnant the last time. He’d insisted she get an abortion, but Maggie had refused.

That wasn’t a pleasant time in their marriage.

“He adored you, sweetheart,” Maggie whispered. “Still does.”

“Funny fucking way of showing it lately.” She scooped up the photos and crammed them into the box. “Here. I don’t want them. Just a stupid reminder of the person I thought he was.”

Maggie wondered if someday she would want them. She took the box and set it aside. “I’ll keep them for you. Just in case.”

Carol plopped back against her pillows. “You know, I can understand him being an asshole. Even when I liked him, he was still an asshole.”

“Sweetheart, you had him wrapped around your little finger. He doted on you.”

Carol stared ahead. “I loved him, Mom. I don’t think I can love him anymore. I’m not sure he ever loved me.”

That cracked Maggie’s heart a bit. “Your dad loves in a strange way, and to be honest, I’m not sure he’s capable of loving the same way that you and I do. Or most people, for that matter. His entire family is not a very loving family. You’ve seen that.”

“Not for a long time. We’ve not been to Grammy and Grandpa Oliver’s since I was little. I don’t think Chloe has ever seen them. Has she?”

“No. That’s because your dad and Grandpa had a falling out—something about a trust fund.”

“They have a lot of money, don’t they?”

Maggie exhaled. “Oh yes. And your dad learned at an early age how to manipulate people with their money. But let’s discuss that another time. You look tired.”

Carol yawned and stretched. “I am a little, but my brain is spinning, so I know I won’t sleep for a while.”

“Can I get you something warm? A cup of tea?”

“No.” She drew her knees up and hugged them.

“Mom, what I don’t understand is how Dad could simply dismiss us.

All of us. Shove us aside like we’re some bad decision he made and now he’s moving on.

” She paused for a moment. “And then he tells you he wants us all? Isn’t that like, illegal or something? ”

“I suppose not, unless he would marry the woman in Australia, and we did not get a divorce. But that will not happen.”

“So he throws us away.”

Maggie scooted closer. “Maybe he’s tired of playing the game. He was never cut out to be a husband, a family person, honey. When I got pregnant, that forced him into a situation he never wanted.”

Carol stared at the ceiling. “I don’t understand.”

She took a breath. “Max was a flirt, a player I think they say these days. He traveled and had women all over the world. I suppose I was one of them.” Hearing herself say those words, Maggie felt a little ashamed.

“You were a flight attendant then.”

“Yes.”

“Did you have to quit your job when you got pregnant?”

She shook her head. “Not at first. The company I worked for grounded flight attendants at the start of the second trimester. But after a couple of months, your dad told me we’d get married, so I quit.”

“That’s when dad made you the deal, huh?” She looked at Maggie. “Honestly, why did you take it, Mom? You could have gone off and had me on your own.”

“Yes. But I felt vulnerable and very pregnant. Plus, unemployed. Honestly, I was scared.”

“Women raise children alone all the time.”

Yes, they do. But she hadn’t wanted to. “I wasn’t sure where else to turn. Besides, I loved him and thought he’d change his mind about things. Eventually.”

Carol searched her eyes. “You loved him then?”

Maggie breathed easily and smiled. “I sometimes think I still do.” The last thing she wanted was for Carol to think she was not conceived out of love.

“Oh, Mom….”

She reached for Carol’s hand. “It’s okay. Back then, I felt I had no choice. I’d made my bed, so it was time to lie in it.”

“Nans and Pops would have helped.”

Sure. Right. “Sweetheart, Nans and Pops could not help. Besides, Nans and I never really got along. Me coming home to stay at twenty-four with a baby wouldn’t have been pleasant for anyone—and definitely not a suitable environment for you.”

“Nans can be a little bitchy.”

“Right.” Her parents might live in California now, and Maggie was grateful for that fact, but her mother’s reach was far if she wanted it to be. “But sweetheart, I want to ask you about something else. Can we talk about Logan?”

Carol pushed up, her back straight against the headboard. “Sure. I wondered when that would come up.”

Maggie twisted around to face her. “It’s just that I don’t know him very well. He has spent little time around us, just pops in and out, or you run out to meet him in the driveway. I wish I knew him better. I would feel more comfortable.”

“Why? He’s my boyfriend, Mom. I know him. You don’t have to.”

“I think I do, Carol. I want to know that he’s going to be good to you. Good for you. Treat you right. Keep you safe. Not do stupid, dangerous things in that big, loud truck.” Memories of her own past came flooding back.

Carol huffed and rose off the bed, crossing the room. She grabbed a hoody off her vanity chair and shrugged into it. “You don’t have to worry about any of that, Mom. Logan is older and responsible, plus he’s very protective of me.”

“Possessive, you mean?”

Carol glowered. “Protective, is what I said.”

“He likes to keep your circle small. You said that, too. Honey, that’s exactly what your dad did to me. Kept me home and away from my friends. He wouldn’t let me go back to work after you were born.”

Laughing, Carol sat and pulled on her tennis shoes. “Mom, seriously? Logan works hard and he’s tired when he gets off work. He doesn’t want to hang out with my friends and honestly, I don’t either. All I need is him. I’m past all the high school shit.”

“But what about Sophie…?”

Carol shrugged off that notion. “Sophie is too needy, Mom. She bugs the shit out of me. We’re not really friends anymore.” She headed for the door.

“Where are you going?”

Carol glanced back. “Out. Logan gets off work at ten. I’ll meet him out front.”

Maggie pushed off the bed and followed her. “But it’s a school night, and it’s already late.”

“I’m not going anywhere. We’ll just talk in his truck in the driveway. Besides, I’m not going to school tomorrow. It’s Senior Skip Day. Unofficially.”

“You’re skipping?”

Carol glanced over her shoulder at the top of the stairs. “Maybe.” She bounced down a few steps.

“I thought you were past all that high school shit.”

Pausing, her daughter glanced over her shoulder, then continued down the stairs.