Page 9

Chapter 9

Strategy

With the help of Aradeus’ rodent scouts, we zigged and zagged our way along a maze of narrow passages punctuated by apparently random sets of stairs. Occasionally, we were instructed to just stand still in the middle of a corridor.

‘Does this guy let his rats get into the sauce or something?’ Tenebris asked, miming someone drinking from a very tiny beer stein.

‘They’re not my rats.’ Aradeus corrected him with somewhat less than his usual politeness, making me like him a lot more. ‘These rats are sovereign beings, assisting our escape because theirs is the noblest of species and they recognise the urgency of our mission. Daring adventure is in their nature, as is the raw, unbridled heroic instinct that — ’

Okay, that cured me.

‘Time to go.’ Aradeus resumed our labyrinthine escape.

We were about two turns away from a back exit when two guards caught up with us. From the lack of any Glorian glow about them and the desperate way they were clutching their truncheons I could see they were only recruits.

Sparks of Tempestoral magic were already igniting around Corrigan’s fist and Alice had her whip-sword out when Galass gave me that look meant to arouse feelings of guilt over the possibility of killing our fellow human beings.

‘Let me handle this,’ I told Corrigan and Alice. I think I managed not to sigh. Maybe.

‘Stay where you are,’ one of the guards warned me as I approached. The second one raised his truncheon and reached behind his back to draw a dagger with his other hand.

‘That dagger isn’t regulation, son,’ I informed him. ‘You’ll wind up digging latrine trenches for the next five years if a Glorian Pareval catches you with a contraband weapon.’

‘H-how. . . how would you know?’ he asked.

The first guard was getting the look on his face that suggested he was considering what a smart soldier would do in this situation. He’d soon conclude that would be shouting for other guards or trying to delay the eight of us from escaping.

‘Strategy,’ I said.

‘W-what?’ he asked, then, because young soldiers hate sounding anxious, said it again, only more forcefully. ‘What?’

‘Strategy,’ I repeated. ‘It’s the one skill they deny soldiers. They teach you to think tactically, like, for example, “Let’s delay these dangerous, magic-wielding infiltrators long enough for the rest of our troops to find us and then we can overwhelm them and win commendations and maybe even a promotion from the Glorian commander.” See, that’s a tactic .’

The second guard attempted a smirk, but just looked constipated. ‘Sounds like good advice.’

‘No,’ I corrected him, ‘it’s a good tactic. The problem is, sometimes good tactics make shitty strategy .’ I gestured to the others. ‘Here’s what’s going to happen. Because I’m a nice guy at heart, one of these lunatics is going to blast the two of you into oblivion. That’s nice of me because the alternative is we let the kangaroo have his way with you.’

‘K-kan. . . gooro?’ asked one of the guards.

Temper, helpfully, hopped a little closer, raised his paws like a boxer and showed the guards his fangs.

‘Yeah,’ I said confirming their suspicions, ‘he’s a vampire. Honestly, I didn’t think they existed. I mean, you hear stories, but this guy?’ I patted Temper on the shoulder. ‘He loves blood– I mean, fucking loves the stuff. Gets it all over his fur and won’t even let us clean it off him because he likes to save it for later. You know, as a midnight snack.’

‘Y-you’re trying to scare us,’ the guard on the left said, looking scared.

‘Cade,’ Aradeus murmured, staring down at the living map drawing and redrawing itself on his palm, ‘we have maybe thirty seconds before this path becomes closed to us.’

‘Understood.’ I turned back to the guards. ‘Here are the options, friends. First, you bravely attack us, the kangaroo– not kangoo-ro, by the way– kills you in a way that is gruesome and yet somehow embarrassing when your comrades find your corpses, and we escape anyway.’

The second guard mumbled something about duty.

‘Exactly!’ I said, commending him. ‘It’s all about duty. Now, your duty as a guard is to stand there and die trying to slow us down. But what about your duty to the Auroral cause? Isn’t that the greater duty?’

‘Cade,’ Aradeus repeated.

‘Almost done.’ I continued my explanation. ‘The greater duty isn’t served by unnecessary death but by being able to relay vital military intelligence to your commanders. So, here’s my deal: you let us by and after we’re gone, rough each other up a little– a couple of bruises, maybe. No cuts, mind, they get infected. And in exchange, I’ll give you the name of the crew who came and broke out the spy. That’ll be far more useful to your commanders than your corpses. You’ll be known as the two guys who came face to face with the Malevolent Seven and fought them almost to a standstill, forcing them to flee.’

‘You. . . you aren’t the infamous Apocalypse Eight?’ the first guard asked.

‘No,’ Corrigan corrected angrily, ‘we’re the Malevolent Seven. Seven. Don’t they teach you to count in betray-all-of-humanity-by-siding-with-supernatural-invaders school?’ He spat on the floor. ‘We’re trying to build a legend here and people keep confusing us for a bunch of amateurs with a stupid fucking name. . .’

I gave the two guards my best Glorian stare– one of them, anyway; there are seven. ‘Gentlemen, it’s time to choose: tactics, which leaves you dead, or strategy, which serves not only you but the Auroral cause much better.’

The two guards shared a look, dropped their weapons and stepped aside.

Aradeus was already moving back down the hall we’d come. ‘That route closed off to us,’ he murmured, ‘but another has opened. This way.’

‘Geez,’ Tenebris said, stumbling alongside me. He was looking pretty rough, especially as he’d never struck me as one for resisting torture. ‘When did you get all soft, Cade?’

We rounded a corner to find a long straight hallway.

‘Probably around the same time you stopped dealing in Infernal spells to mercenary wonderists and took up espionage. Never took you for a spy, Tenebris.’

‘Never took you for a pussy.’

‘Hah!’ Corrigan barked triumphantly. ‘That’s what I said.’

‘Do not say it again,’ Alice warned. ‘That word is offensive. You should not be referring to female organs as representations of weakness. My own vagina could crush your pathetic phallus to an oozing paste.’

‘We call people pricks all the time and you never complain,’ Corrigan said. ‘How is “pussy” any more offensive?’

‘It is hurtful.’

‘That makes no sense! How is “prick” acceptable, but “pussy” is — ?’

Without pausing in our quick jog down the passage, Alice swung out her fist and punched Corrigan in the nose. ‘See? It hurts now, doesn’t it?’

The eruption of Tempestoral sparks on his knuckles came and went quickly. I’d been afraid I’d have to hold him back, but Corrigan roared with laughter. ‘Outstanding! I must use that. Cade, quick, call me a pussy!’

Have I mentioned that all forms of wonderism are, to some degree, injurious to the mind? On the crazy scale, Tempestoral magic really does turn you into a nutcase.

‘There!’ Aradeus said, pointing to a door. ‘Our scouts caused a furor among the squad sent to guard this door, which has delayed them just long enough for us to make our escape. From there, we need only flee through the breach in the outer wall and into the forest, where we shall easily elude any pursuers.’

‘And then,’ I said to Tenebris, punctuating the meaningful look I shot him with a squeeze of his bony arm, ‘you’re going to share every piece of intelligence you’ve accumulated from your spying.’

The diabolic looked up at me with a sheepish grin.’ That’s the thing, Cade. I’m not a spy. Those Auroral goons picked me up because they refused to believe me when I told them what I actually do these days.’

‘Which is?’ Galass asked.

Tenebris made a show of straightening the tattered remains of his coat. ‘Lady, you are in the presence of the finest restauranteur in the entire Mortal realm.’

‘What?’ I asked.

His grin widened. ‘Seriously, Cade. You’ve got to try my paella. It’s to die for.’