Page 57 of The Lovely and the Lost
“Someone has to tell Bella’s mother,” I said hoarsely. “The police will identify the bodies, and then someone has to tell Bella’s mother. It’s not over.”
It wouldn’t be over until Bella—like Mac’slost ones—got to go home.
“There’s nothing more I can do, Kira,” Cady told me, her voice tight. “And what I’ve already done—it’s cost you and Jude enough.”
“Jude and I are fine,” I insisted.
Cady gave me a look. “Jude is the world’s leading expert at pretending to be fine, atwillinghimself to be fine, but even he has his limits. And don’t tell me that this search hasn’t taken a toll on you. I saw you back at the clearing. Ifeltyou remembering things that no child should ever have to experience.” Cady’s voice was shot through with emotion. “I won’t stand by and watch you go through it all a second time.”
“What if I want to remember?” I’d spent a lifetime walking in minefields. IfIwas the one who blew them up, at least I’d have a choice about it.
At least I’d see it coming.
Cady pressed her eyes closed—just for a second—before she responded. “If that’s what you want, then I can set up an appointment with Dr. Wilder. But not yet—not until you’re sure, not here, not because I dragged you into this mess.”
This mess. As in the search she’d kicked me off of? The child we couldn’t save? Or the entire life she’d hidden from us, like we didn’t—likeJudedidn’t—have a right to know?
“Mac is Jude’s father.” I tried out the words. It felt like ripping off a bandage, though whether the wound in question was mine or Jude’s or Cady’s, I wasn’t sure.
Opposite me, Cady fell silent.
“Does Mac know?” I asked, taking a step forward. “Does Jude?”
“I can’t do this with you, Kira.”
“We could stay,” I told Cady, reaching out to lay a hand on her arm. “Just for a few days. Just until they catch the person who took Bella.”
“They mightnevercatch the person who took Bella.” Cady took a step back, away from my touch. “Get packed. I want to be on the road at first light.”
Cady knew that I didn’t do physical contact easily. I couldn’t ever remember her shrugging me off. It made me want to fold in on myself, retreat.
“So that’s the plan, is it? You’re just going to run away again?”
I turned to see Ness standing in the doorway between the entry and the kitchen. The older woman coughed, and I remembered Free mentioning that she was down with the flu. Dark smudges circled her eyes, but her posture more closely resembled a general on the verge of leading his troops into battle.
“I’m not running away,” Cady said carefully.
Ness gave Cady a look that reminded me of every warning look Cady had ever given Free, Jude, and me. “Little girl, you’ve been running for years.” The old woman let those words
sink in, then turned on her heel. I could hear her slamming her way through the kitchen, banging open a cabinet.
“Ness.” Cady followed her. I followed Cady, then pulled back when Ness turned from filling a teapot with water to whomping it down onto the stove.
“You need to forgive your father, Cadence.” Ness didn’t pull her punches.
“That’s between him and me.”
Ness turned on the stove, then pivoted to face Cady. “I love you. I raised you as much as Bales did, and Ash wasmyson. I’d say that gives me a stake in this.”
“My kids come first,” Cady said, her voice steely. “And I—”
Ness didn’t let her finish. “Your father’s dying.”
Cady stepped back, her right hand gripping the kitchen sink so hard that even from my spot in the doorway, I could see her knuckles turning white. Silence reigned between the two of them until the teapot began to whistle. Ness grabbed a faded kitchen towel, moved the pot off the stove, then grabbed a mug from the still-open cabinet overhead.
“The stubborn old coot won’t tell you that he’s sick. He’s too proud to ask you to stay.” Ness poured hot water into a mug. Her hands shook slightly as she fetched a tea bag. “So I will.”
“That’s why Bales asked Cady to come back forthissearch.” I wasn’t usually a person who thought out loud, but Cady was still standing there, white-knuckled and frozen, and all I could think about was what Bales had said about regret. “He wanted another chance.”