Page 39 of The Lovely and the Lost

“No,” Cady countered. “I’m supposed to protectyou. You’re supposed to rebel and think I’m a totally lame adult who just doesn’t understand and might also be the densest person on the planet.”

I snorted into my hot chocolate.

Cady measured her next words. “Coming back here hasn’t been easy for me.” She paused. “You and Jude haven’t asked about why I left. About why I don’t speak to my father.”

I’d brought up Ash. I’d made her think she had to do this. “We don’t have to talk about—” I started to say, but Cady spoke over me.

“His name was John Ashby.” She managed a slight smile. “Though I suspect the three of you have probably sorted that out.”

Cady didn’t owe me this. If anyone had a right to ask her about Ash, it was Jude.

“We grew up together. Like you and Jude and Free. We were a team.”

Given what I already knew, I suspected thatteamwasn’t just another word for family.

“Military search and rescue?” I asked.

My knowledge took Cady momentarily off guard. “Small town,” she muttered. Then she corrected me, “Not military. More like military-adjacent.” She pressed her lips together for several seconds. They were chapped, pale. The search had taken a physical toll.

I was the reason she wasn’t resting.

“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to tell me, Cady. I don’t need to know what happened.”

“You wouldn’t have brought it up if you didn’t.” She rubbed the thumb on her left hand over the fingers on her right. “The team was called down to South America.” The story came in pieces and spurts. “The job was in cartel territory. Four of us went into the jungle. Only three of us came out.”

It was difficult to picture Cady—myCady—trekking through the jungle, facing off against a drug cartel. “You must have gone down there to find something,” I said, my mind reeling. “Or someone.”

“The details of the job don’t matter,” Cady said, which was another way of saying that the details of the job were none of my business. “What matters is that things went south, and if we hadn’t pulled out when we did, we’d all be dead.”

“And Ash?” My grip tightened around the mug in my hands.

“He wasn’t dead when we left.” Cady let out a long, uneven breath. “That’s all I know. Mac and I went back for him as soon as we could, but he was…gone.” Cady’s voice was hoarse. “I would have moved hell and high water to bring Ash home, even if there was nothing to find.”

I tried to imagine what it would have been like if the search for Bella had been a search for Free or Jude. I wouldn’t have stopped.

Icouldn’thave stopped.

“My father gave up.” Cady shook, physicallyshookas she spoke. “Mac gave up.”

“You didn’t,” I said, because IknewCady.

“I had to.” I could see the muscles in Cady’s throat tensing. She braced her palms against the bed.Ready position.“I was pregnant, Kira.”

I heard my own sharp intake of breath.

“My father didn’t know,” Cady murmured, the words catching. “Neither did Mac. But every time they hammered me for taking risks with my own life, I knew that I was taking risks with his.” She closed her eyes, just for a moment. “So I stopped.”

Cady had given up looking for Ash—forJude.This was what I’d thrown in her face downstairs.

“I’m sorry,” I said. My voice cracked, and I stalked toward the window. My back to Cady, I stared out into the darkness. “I know that you’re just watching out for me. I know that this situation with Bella—it’s not the same.”

Cady joined me at the window, staring out into the night. We couldn’t see the mountain through the darkness, but I could feel it.

“One to ten?” Cady asked me.

“Eight.” I wouldn’t lie to her, not after the truths she’d just given me. “Girl is back. The flashbacks—I’m handling them.”

“I don’t have to go back out there,” Cady told me. “The search can carry on without me. I can take you home.”