Page 95 of The List

“What if I want to make it an issue?”

“You don’t,” he said, and she seemed to understand that the battle lines would then be drawn, his eyes asking,Do you really want that fight?

“It’s over, Paula. It’s been over for some time. Let this end quietly.”

“I’m no fool, Brent. I know she’s a part of this.”

“Then you are a fool, because she’s not a part of anything. Yes, Ashley is someone I care about—you knew that going in—but I’ve never been unfaithful to you. I’ll admit. In my mind. In my heart. I wanted another woman. But I never did anything about that. I’ve tried for three years to make this work—”

“I don’t understand you, Brent.”

“That’s your whole problem. You never have understood me.”

“I understand that she’s the problem and has been since day one.”

“If you recall, I came and told you I didn’t want to get married.”

“But there was the matter of our child.”

“There was always something that seemed to make it easy for us to put off the inevitable. This time there’s nothing.”

“I could hire the meanest divorce lawyer in town and fight you every step of the way.”

“You could. But you won’t.”

Containment was surely her major worry. And she needed time to generate an appropriate cover story to adequately explain the breakup. Pressures from the job. He was always working. No time for her. Maybe, if necessary to extract maximum sympathy, drop the rumor of another woman. But careful there. That might mean she’d been inadequate in some way.

He watched her as the seriousness of the situation seemed to be settling in. For the first time in a long while she actually appeared concerned, perhaps thinking this was real.

“You love her? Don’t you?” Paula asked.

It had been the question he most dreaded, but he decided to be honest.

“I do.”

“You sorry bastard.”

“Ten minutes later she stormed out of the house. An hour later she was dead,” Brent told his mother.

“You didn’t kill her,” his mother said.

“I might as well have.”

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself.”

They were sitting at the kitchen table. He’d come home for lunch, finally deciding it was time his mother knew the truth. Outside, he could hear Grant and James from next door playing. It was only the second time he’d ever told anyone what happened that last day.

“Son, I realize Paula wasn’t the easiest person in the world.”

“I learned to deal with it.”

“What do you mean?”

“There were times when I genuinely cared for her, especially in the beginning. But other times I had to fight hard not to hate her. It seemed the older we got, the worse she became.”

“Paula just wanted to be something she wasn’t.”

“I was never unfaithful to her.” He felt a need to say it again.