Page 39 of The Liar I Married

THIRTY-FIVE

NOW

I’m screaming. Is it in my head? I’m opening my mouth but no sound is coming out.

I can hear just fine, although I’m drifting into oblivion.

I can’t move my arms or legs—am I paralyzed?

Have I suffered a stroke? I recall Michael’s face as he talked about my girls.

Why did he say things like that? My memories of them are clear.

I think back to the day they were born and remember everyone who was in the room.

Seeing John with one in each arm, dressed in hospital scrubs and grinning like a baboon.

I recall laughing at the nurse who said John was the only father she’d met in the delivery suite who looked immaculate in hospital scrubs.

So many memories: the day they first walked—they did that a few minutes apart.

Their first words, and taking them to school.

Has my mind created a fantasy? It all feels so real.

Was I pregnant in the car wreck? No, that’s not possible.

I’m in my thirties. I know this and I had the girls in my twenties.

It has to be a lie but why would my brother, who I love and trust, be lying to me?

It makes no sense. Unless I overheard I’d killed my babies before I fell into the coma, and during the last year under sedation I created a life that never existed?

The voices grow louder. I can hear John speaking to Dolly.

“Why is she restrained?” John is close by and he grips my hand. “She’s sedated. I want those removed at once.”

“She attacked her brother and was uncontrollable.” Dolly’s voice comes from the other side of my bed.

“I needed to sedate her to get her back to bed. Her brother carried her in here. You don’t understand when they get violent, they need to be restrained.

” She sighs. “Maybe you need to place her in a psychiatric hospital, although I’d hate to think what would happen to your reputation if the media got hold of the story. ”

“No, that’s out of the question.” John squeezes my hand and I tap his hand with my finger. “I’ll sit with her for a time.”

Footsteps disappear and John leaves me for a few seconds.

The door closes and he is back, his cologne washing over me as he brushes a kiss over my lips.

I want to open my eyes and tell him what happened, but the lids are so heavy and my body feels as if it’s sinking into the bed.

His warm hand closes around mine again. I move my fingers.

“I don’t know if you can hear me, Jessie, but everything is going to be fine.

” John sighs. “From what Michael told us, and after the doctor examined you, we believe you’re having flashbacks.

It’s a type of PTSD. When you’ve been in a coma it can tip you over the edge.

When this happens you can’t tell the difference between the flashback and reality. ”

I never saw a doctor and I tap my finger fast; it’s the only thing I can move. It gets an immediate reaction.

“Are you trying to talk to me, Jessie?” John holds my hand gently.

I tap again. willing him to take notice of me.

“Okay, tap once for yes and two for no.” John pulls up a chair and sits beside me.

I tap once.

“Do you know what happened to you?”

I tap once.

“Was it a flashback?”

I tap twice.

“Was it something I did?”

I tap twice.

“Do you know where you are?” John clears his throat when I tap once. “Do you know who I am?”

I tap once.

“Do you know who caused this to happen?”

I tap once and try very hard to write the initial M on his palm.

“Something Michael said to you made you attack him?” John sighs when I tap once. “He said you went ballistic and threw things at him. I spoke to Maria and she said you were screaming. Do you remember attacking him?”

I tap twice.

“Okay. I know you’re in there and we’ve having a conversation. I know I caused all this to happen and I’ve been a jerk but you need to trust me. Can you do that, Jessie?” John sounds so sad.

I want to open my eyes and tell him everything is okay but whatever drug they’ve given me is making me like a zombie.

I tap once. Right now he is the only lifeline I have.

I need to face the fact that Michael has betrayed me.

He tried to push me over the line and into insanity.

There can be only one reason—money—but how did he find out about the conditions of the will?

It was kept a secret to protect me—not that I should need protection from my own brother.

Tears wet my cheeks in an uncontrollable stream.

“Oh, don’t cry, sweetheart. I won’t allow them to hurt you.

” John unfastens the restraints and tears them from the bed.

“They won’t be able to tie you down again.

I’ll insist they stop drugging you too. I’ll ask Maria to keep an eye on you while I’m away.

” He lowers his voice and leans closer. “I’ll find another nurse.

I don’t like the way Dolly treats you.” He takes my hand again.

“I wish I knew what Michael said to you. I don’t believe his story and you’re in no fit state to attack anyone.

Do you want me to stop him from visiting you? ”

I tap once.

John has been by my bedside for hours. Maria comes by to bring him coffee and meals.

He makes phone calls, some to his boss and others to find a nurse from the agency.

As time goes by, the numbness in my limbs decreases and I open my eyes.

For once in his life, my husband is slightly crumpled.

His hair is sticking up from where he must have been raking his hands through it.

His shirt is open, tie hanging to one side, and he looks desperate.

I can’t believe he cares about me and then Alex’s words come into my mind.

When the private detectives were following me, he said John must be jealous.

So maybe he cared enough then but why did he go and spoil everything by bringing Ms. Lawson into our home?

I can’t get my mind around it. Do I trust him or not?

“Do you want a drink?” John uses the control to lift the bedhead and then holds a straw to my lips.

I drink but my head is swimming from just sitting up a little.

I try to speak and my voice sounds foreign to me.

I want to ask him about the girls so bad but what if Michael was telling the truth and I’ve lost my mind?

I can’t risk it, not yet. I’ll start with something easier. “I didn’t try to kill myself, John.”

“I read the note, Jessie, but it doesn’t matter, you’re alive.” He places the water on the bedside table. “I searched everywhere for you the night of the wreck.”

I try to focus on him, my vision blurs and then comes back. “I wasn’t contemplating suicide. I couldn’t live with you and Ms. Lawson and decided to leave. I was coming here.”

“There were no skid marks, Jessie. The cops said you aimed for the tree.” John takes my hand again. “It’s history, don’t worry about it now.”

I shake my head but it makes me dizzy. “I’d never kill myself. The car was out of control. I recall that much. I remember trying to steer it and the steering locked or something.” I look him straight in the eye and tighten my grip on his hand. “Was I pregnant when I wrecked the SUV?”

“No… well, not that I’m aware.” His Adam’s apple bobs up and down. “The doctor at the E.R. never mentioned it. So no, I don’t believe so. Why?”

Exhaustion grips me and I lie back. Asking him about the girls now would make me appear crazy if Michael was telling the truth. I look at him. “Do you believe me about the wreck?”

“Yeah. I couldn’t believe it but Michael said you’d mentioned it before.” He squeezes my hand. “If you ever feel that way again, tell me and I can get help for you.”

My throat is raspy and it’s difficult to talk.

“He’s lying. I’ve never contemplated suicide—leaving you, yes, many times especially in the early years of our marriage.

You weren’t a good husband to me, John, and you know it.

The thing is I loved you and hoped you would change and then you wanted Ms. Lawson to move into the guesthouse and that was the last straw. ”

“I’ve been an ass. I took you for granted and I’m sorry.” He shakes his head. “I’m glad you’re starting to remember what happened. The good and the bad.” He checks his watch. “It’s almost three. I need to go home. I have a meeting first thing that I can’t get out of and believe me I’ve tried.”

Panic grips me. He can’t possibly leave me alone with Dolly. “Stay here. You can drive home in the morning. Dolly might drug me again.”

“She’s asleep and won’t be by to see you. I told her I’d stay.” He pats my hand. “I’ll have a new nurse here as soon as I can. I told Dolly no more drugs or restraints. Maria will tell me if she doesn’t do as I say.”

I don’t want him to leave but whispers of conversations drift around in my head.

I heard Dolly talking to him on the phone and why did Michael leave me the note to warn me not to trust anyone unless he cared?

Was he telling the truth after all? Is this attention just a ploy by John to lure me into a false sense of security—or is he the only person I can trust?

A face drifts into my mind. He’s not the only person.

There is one more who has absolutely no interest in getting their hands on my estate—Alex.