Page 16 of The Lady and the Lion (Victorian Outcasts #9)

fourteen

T he next day, Vivienne knocked on Captain Jackson’s door with eagerness.

Guilt buzzed in her ears like an annoying mosquito.

The only reason why she’d left the house today was because the physician had given Mother a strong sleeping potion, and she was now in her bed, drugged and unconscious.

Father had urged Vivienne to go, telling her not to worry and to enjoy herself, and she’d seized the opportunity

The way she’d been allowed to go out left a bitter taste in her mouth, with her mother drugged and in bed. But Samuel was her responsibility. The more time she spent with him, the more she wanted to be with him, especially after what had happened in the park.

She shouldn’t have taken him out. Or maybe she should do it again.

The fear and pain in his eyes had affected her deeply. She’d orchestrated his rescue, and while she didn’t regret anything, she wanted to help him through his recovery.

“Your mother will probably be asleep tomorrow as well,” Dobkins said. “But we have exhausted the excuses.”

“Samuel needs me.” She knocked again.

“Exactly.” Dobkins angled towards her. “You don’t want your mother to forbid you to go out completely. Do as she asks you now and then.”

“I always do as she asks me.”

“This is a particular moment. This is one of her deep crises.”

She was about to say that the particular moment had lasted for years when the door was flung open.

“You’re early.” The captain scowled.

“Would you please greet a lady properly?” Dobkins said.

The captain shot his gaze skywards. “Please do come in.”

The scent of wood polish teased Vivienne’s senses, distracting her from her worries. No more smell of cheroot.

“Samuel?” She rose on her tiptoes to see past the captain.

“He’s getting ready. Getting ready takes a long time because he doesn’t stop hand signing now. Always chatting. I have to tie his fingers to make him stop.” He laughed, hooking his thumbs into his waistcoat.

Vivienne gasped, and Dobkins glared at him.

“It’s a joke,” he said. “I would never do that.”

Samuel came out of the bedroom, dressed in a dark brown suit that made his lion eyes stand out. He beamed when he saw her, and she admitted to a little, fluttery feeling in her chest. He bowed, keeping his stare on her.

“What would you like to study today?” she asked. “History, geography? Or literature?”

“The Regent’s Park.”

The captain paused putting the kettle on. “Are you sure, lad?”

Samuel nodded. “I want to try again.”

“Isn’t it too early?” she asked.

He signed slowly. “I don’t want to let too much time pass.”

Judging by the silence, Dobkins and Captain Jackson shared Vivienne’s worries. But then again, she’d told him she would help him overcome his fears.

“Let’s go.”

As all four of them walked along the pavement, her hand brushed Samuel’s. Every time their fingers touched, he would catch a breath.

Warmth stirred in her as well, but with it came worry. He was a pure soul, and she didn’t want to make a mistake and hurt him.

He signed but stopped. He tried again and stopped.

“What is it?” she asked.

He signed slowly, “May I hold your hand?” He blushed but didn’t gaze away from her face.

She was about to say yes when Dobkins searched over her shoulder.

“Is something the matter?” the captain asked.

“I thought I saw a man following us, and when I stared at him, he quickly turned around that corner.” She pointed at the street.

“I’ll check,” the captain said.

“It might be nothing.” Dobkins didn’t sound convinced.

“Stay here.” The captain strode towards the corner.

Samuel gripped her hand tightly. His chest rose and fell quickly. Tension caused his neck muscles to stand out.

She held his hand in both of hers. “It may be nothing. Don’t worry. And no one would ever recognise you.”

“I’m worried.”

“So am I, but whatever happens, you have us now. We won’t let anyone hurt you. Stay optimistic.”

He shifted his weight as if ready to bolt away.

When the captain walked back to them at a rather slow gait, Samuel released a breath.

“I didn’t see anyone.” Captain Jackson kept searching the street.

“I was mistaken then.” Dobkins gazed around, too. “I’m too jittery.”

“No, you have sharp eyes.” The captain tipped his hat at her, and she smiled.

Vivienne exchanged a glance with Samuel. Captain Jackson paying a compliment to Dobkins? Interesting.

“Perhaps it was a footpad who changed his mind.” The captain clapped Samuel’s shoulder. “I won’t let anyone hurt you. I promise.”

The deep affection the captain showed for Samuel was touching.

As they resumed walking towards the park, Vivienne wrapped her scarf more tightly around her neck. A chilly wind blew from the north, carrying the promise of snow. Dark brown and red leaves littered the path in the park, and the trees swayed their skeletal branches towards the grey sky.

Samuel stopped in the middle of the gravel path and tilted his head towards the golden-brown canopy of an oak tree.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” she said.

He seized a red leaf floating towards the ground. “I feel like I’m inside a painting I’ve looked at for a long time. I have loved autumn when the leaves turned red and float to the ground. I looked outside and wanted to be part of it.”

“Part of it?”

He released the leaf. “Being a beautiful leaf, floating in a golden world. It’s silly, isn’t it?”

“No.” She held his hand again. “I understand you. You were locked in a small world and that leaf was outside your small world, freely flowing.”

She and Samuel sat on a bench in a quiet corner surrounded by evergreen bushes that protected them from the wind. The captain and Dobkins were busy feeding pieces of leftover vegetables to the geese at the Boating Lake.

Not far from them, a woman played with a toddler and a large, colourful ball. The child’s arms weren’t long enough to embrace the ball fully, so he fell and rolled with it, laughing. The mother scooped him up and scattered kisses on his chubby cheeks.

Samuel stared at them with sad eyes.

She touched his hand. His knuckles weren’t as rough and calloused as they’d been weeks ago. His skin wasn’t soft, but not hardened either, and had a healthier, rosier colour.

“Why are you so forlorn? You can talk to me if you want.”

“I don’t remember having ever been kissed.

Maybe my parents kissed me, but I don’t remember them, and when I was with the circus, no one ever got close to me unless it was Murdock or Cade, and that was to punish me.

I don’t remember anyone ever hugging me, either.

” He glanced at her hand. “You’re the first person who has freely touched me for no reason.

The captain is the first one who has hugged me. I wonder how it feels to be kissed.”

He had never received a kiss.

Emotion tightened her throat because Samuel had known nothing but violence and ridicule all his life.

Her mother might be anxious and controlling, but she cared about Vivienne, and Dobkins had always shown care, love, and affection to her.

Father, as busy as he was, had always been wonderful to her.

She’d grown up surrounded by love and comfort.

Instead, Samuel had been lonely and scared for years.

She couldn’t comprehend the extent of his pain but she could feel it.

She inched closer to him, waiting for him to acknowledge her. She signed instead of talking because it was more intimate. “May I give you a kiss?”

Shock flashed across his amber eyes, but then he nodded.

She checked Dobkins wasn’t looking before moving closer. Her lips were an inch from his face. His warmth caressed her.

They both stilled for a moment before she kissed his cheek. She pressed her lips to his skin, finding it surprisingly soft and smooth. She lingered but a moment, catching a whiff of his scent, something fresh and pungent like bergamot.

When she moved back from him, it was as if the air between them had permanently changed, filled with tenderness.

He brought a hand up to cover the spot she’d kissed. His lips parted, and his eyes became larger. A flush coloured his cheeks, and even his lips reddened.

Had she shocked him? Embarrassed him? Maybe she’d been too bold. She ought to remember he lacked her life experiences.

“Are you all right?” she signed.

He nodded but didn’t meet her gaze. Moments passed, and he didn’t say anything.

Staring at the lake, he signed slowly. “It was the most beautiful moment of my life. If I ever start to panic again, it’ll be my happy, precious memory.”

Oddly enough, it would be hers, too.